


Novocaine

by Kahnah



Series: Project NEON [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Blood, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fake AH Crew, Gen, Guns, Gunslinger Girl!AU, Hurt/Comfort, Seizures, Sequel, Suicide, Torture, Underage Drinking, Violence, the Lads are teens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-05-09 02:28:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 164,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5522090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahnah/pseuds/Kahnah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven years after the events of Lamp Halo, the Fake AH Crew rules Los Santos, only rivaled by the Corpirate. Between plans of going into full war against him and controlling three teens, they face Project NEON’s final and fatal phase of the test-run.</p><p>Sequel to Lamp Halo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, it's finally here!  
> Sorry for the long wait but now I should be able to update weekly again! Besides that - this part will be a bit darker, so please check out the warnings and the tags!  
> Thanks guys!

Prologue

 

The earpiece made a high noise that made all of them jump. It was a wrong sound in the complete silence they had been in, the office building lying dead and quiet in the night before a voice remarked lightly, “Police will be there in around five minutes.”

“What the fuck? That's impos-”

As if on a cue, the sirens roared in the distance and the voice in their ears actually started laughing. “Told you guys. I would start to run right now if I were you.”

“The security system was down! There is no way they know we’re here!” Fixing his mask, he turned to his team. “It's a bluff! It's a big city, the police are probably going for someone else.”

“But if you just stay put like this, the whole thing will be less fun,” the voice said again and now the stranger sounded like he was pouting. “Also I assure you they are heading here. I called them.”

“And who the fuck do you think you are?”

“Doesn't really matter now, does it?” The voice dropped deeper, grew colder and the amusement vanished as quick as the stranger had appeared in their earpiece. “I am just here to remind you bunch to get out of Ramsey's territory.”

The words left them all quiet and for a long moment their breathing was the only noise in the darkness. Besides the nearing sirens of course.

“You are the puppeteer,” one of them whispered.

“I've been known under that name among others, yes,” the voice agreed. “You should really start running.”

They did.

Dashing through the dark rooms and down the stairs they had just headed up a few minutes before. He could see his team starting to panic, he could feel _himself_ panic but most of all he was confused. This voice was _so young._

Sure, they all knew the stories about the puppeteer working under Ramsey, pulling the strings in all of Los Santos for his boss but nobody had really seen him, he was securely hidden away somewhere.

Now he was in their ear, humming in amusement as he watched their retreat over some cameras that they had been sure were dead. And apparently he was still in his teens, probably a young brat who had spent his whole life behind some computer screens instead of living.

One of them reached the fire exit and threw it open. Probably Lois, she was fast on her feet and her mask was quickly illuminated by the dim street lights.

Her head exploded in the next second, spraying them all in a rain of blood and a high pitched scream echoed from Pete behind her.

They all stopped in shock and he lifted his head, looking over the roofs around them but there was nobody. They were empty and dark but in the next second there was the tiniest spark and Pete's head also vanished.

Whoever was sniping on the roof had already disappeared back into darkness, while the voice in their ear laughed happily.

“To the car! To the car, come on guys!” he screamed and jumped over the dead bodies on the street. Fuck it, whoever didn't listen to his command was free to get executed like stupid animals right there and then!

But they all followed, the four that were still left. Running down the alleyway that would hopefully give them some cover from the sniper and there at the end was their car. Way too big for them all, he realized grimly. But if everything had gone according to plan they would've piled in here with more people and at least some loot. Certainly not running like scared children!

Gritting his teeth, he sat behind the wheel, cursing loudly as the doors were shut around him.

“I told you we should stay out of Ramsey's business!” Claire called, nearly hysteric and he was ready to scream right back. Tell her that Ramsey's territory was too big to simply avoid and what wasn't him belonged to the fucking Corpirate.

He was staring at her through the rear view mirror, cursing even more now before falling silent.

There was someone standing in the alleyway they had just come from. A boy, still in his teens and waving at them. Beneath the streetlight his hair was fluffy and the curls jumping a bit as he tilted his head to his side.

“Wha-”

The car exploded in a roaring fireball and the heat that brushed over Michael's face felt familiar. He couldn't help but grin as the flames were reflected in his glasses and illuminating the night around him.

Parts from the car rained down around him and he giggled happily. “We got them.”

“Good work, boi!” Gavin chirped in his ear, the coldness in his voice replaced with excitement.

“Ray?”

“Waiting for my ride,” the other boy said. “Get it going, we still have to do a rematch in Halo.”

“Well, it's rude to leave a girl waiting.”

“Bite me.”

“Who knows, I might just do that,” Michael hummed as he walked past the burning car. The heat made him sweat beneath his leather jacket but his heart was beating violently, the adrenaline making the colors of the city brighter around him.

His motorcycle was parked around the corner, a Thrust that he had spray-painted in neon green. Jack had said it might not be the stealthiest vehicle they owned but Geoff had been all for it.

Also it was their crew color, the same color as their logo that was tattooed on his neck, marking them as one of them. So of course Geoff had given him a high five as he had showed him the motorcycle for the first time.

Now he was nearly flying out of the alleyway and down the street. He actually passed the police who were racing to the office building and he gave them a quick wave.

They probably didn't recognize him underneath his dark helmet but he was sure they would figure it out.

The least he could do was make their work a bit easier, right?

For a moment, he wondered if one of them would follow him, make his night a bit more interesting but apparently not. Slowing down way too soon for his taste, he turned into a back alley before stopping. Pushing his visor up, he watched the legs dangling down the roof.

“My lady,” he called amused and Ray promptly gave him the finger.

The boy jumped on the dumpster below and caught the helmet Michael threw him.

“Saw you only shot two,” Michael teased.

“Just because I wanted you to have something to play with as well,” Ray told him as he pulled the helmet on. The atrocious pink of his sniper rifle clashing with the purple hoodie he was wearing. “Didn't want to listen to your bitching all week.”

“You're just too good to me.” He held his hand out, and amused, Ray took it before jumping to the ground, losing his height over the other.

“That's what makes me your favorite brother after all.”

“Sure.”

They both listened but Gavin didn't protest, so he was already working on something else. Or probably shutting the system down, they were meant to pick him up from the base after they were done.

Ray was pulling his black gloves off, revealing his tattoos. Their logo on the inside of his wrist and the big letters spelling LADS on his knuckles, both things they shared.

Stuffing his gloves in his pocket, he climbed onto the bike behind Michael and wrapped his arms around the other’s middle. They drove off, pulling into traffic with reckless speed even for this late hour. It didn't matter to any of them as the bright lights flew past, colorful billboards, blaring honks and flashing traffic lights.

Letting go of the bike, Michael spread his arms while laughing wildly, letting the world blur around them.

Ray's arms didn't even tighten, his chest pressed against his back so that he could hear him chuckle as well.

“We sure showed them,” he hummed amused as Michael took hold of the bike again.

“Yeah, they won't step into our territory anymore.”

“Probably because they are dead.”

“That too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter goes online tomorrow!


	2. Resume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You ready for our little heist today, Michael?”  
> “You bet I am! Can't wait to see their faces!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we really get started!  
> Here comes chapter 1!

Chapter 1

Resume

 

Michael threw his jacket on, shoved his gun into his waistband and took one last look in the mirror next to the front door. He had some jelly sandwiches for breakfast and just wanted to make sure there wasn’t any food on his face somewhere.

That happened to Gavin last week and it had been hilarious because he had actually walked into the base like that. Only when Jack had come in, he had told him – that had been two hours later.

Smiling fondly at the memory, he figured he looked presentable enough to vanish behind a mask later that day and rob that stupid store. Throwing a quick look through the apartment, he made sure that everything was as it should be before he went out. Just like Jack had told him.

His guardian had driven to the base early in the morning and Michael had instead slept longer. He wasn't needed until the afternoon, so why waste precious sleeping time?

Even though he liked having breakfast with Jack, they would cook together later. Jack had promised him.

Walking down the stairs, he heard a door beneath him getting closed and sure enough there was his ride.

“ Morning, Rye!” he grinned.

“ Morning,” the other replied. He was already in full Vagabond outfit. The leather jacket that wasn't half as cool as Michael's own, those stupid baggy jeans and the old skull mask. He still wondered how anyone could fear this guy.

“ You're doing the heist with Geoff today?” Ryan asked after controlling that the door was locked.

“ Yeah! Geoff wants to fucking prod at the wound again.”

“It's what he does best,” Ryan agreed before throwing a look up the stairs. “You know if Ray is also coming?”

“ Pretty sure he drove with Geoff already. Are you two working together today?”

“ Yeah, Jack has something for us.” Throwing his keys at Michael, he said, “You drive.”

Catching them without any problem, he grinned. “Really? You are the best, Rye!”

“ Just don't crash.”

“ Can I tell Gavin?”

“As if I could stop you.”

 

Thanks to Michael's reckless speed they reached the base in less than ten minutes and he was still grinning while they walked towards the entrance.

Jack didn't like it when he drove – whether car or bike didn't matter – even though he was the best driver out of the three. Only two crashes by now and those had been dumb anyway.

If a certain someone hadn't spilled ice cream over his lap, he surely would've hit the ramp just right. So now he was only allowed to drive during missions.

Ryan gave his usual wave towards the camera over the entrance and he stuck his tongue out for good measure, knowing that Gavin was watching. Stepping inside, he found himself in a big open room with a small kitchen in the back and seats all around.

It was usually only used to occupy the hired guns that were either waiting for instructions or checking in for missions.

Today there was a little group of men sitting in one corner that Michael didn't know and according to the whispers that started when they watched Ryan step in, they weren't here too often.

On the left were stairs that lead upwards which was a restricted area only for regulars. Walking up, he waited while Ryan pressed his hand against the panel and the door opened with a buzz.

Upstairs it was instantly more homely and he gave a quick wave towards Jeremy and Matt who were sitting in their office, apparently fighting over something.

“ I'll catch up to you in a minute,” Ryan told him before heading to the kitchen.

“ Sure.” Taking another flight of stairs, he pushed his hand against yet another panel. The next floor was reserved for only the six of them, so he would probably find the others there as well. It was quiet up here but he could hear distant voices.

Sounded like Geoff and Jack.

Before heading there, he went towards the security office. Another hand scanner there but that was probably only fair. The equipment in this room was worth millions.

Also they had to somehow protect Gavin. If that idiot was in the zone, he wouldn't even notice when someone would enter the room to shoot him.

It had happened before, in the old base.

Michael hadn't been there on that day, out on a heist. Gavin had been alone with Ray who had stayed back because he hadn't felt all too well.

Which was their luck because he had also been the one who had shot the hitman while the man had already been in the office, close enough that the earpiece had picked the noise up.

Gavin's high pitched scream had made them all jump.

Up until then Ramsey's puppeteer had been a popular target. That was until Ryan had headed out and had made an example out of the crew that had hired the hitman. After that it grew relatively quiet.

But yeah, security was important, and this time as the door opened, Gavin was actually looking up.

“ Morning, boi!” He smiled brightly but the stupid sunglasses dimmed it a bit. He looked like a fly with them as they were too big, but Gavin loved them to pieces.

“ Hey, Gav.” Wrapping his arms around the other’s shoulders, he let his head rest on Gavin’s head to watch the screens in front of them. “You checking everything for today's heist?”

“Yeah, just making sure the Corpirate doesn't change his plan in the last second.”

“ That would take the fun out of everything,” he agreed while Gavin tried to shake him off.

“ Michael, you are ruining my hair!”

So he made sure to flatten it even more, smelling the stupid hair gel he always used.

“ Michael, my style! It took me so lon-”

“Ryan let me drive,” he said and heard the other gasp quietly.

“ That's not fair! He never lets me drive!”

“ You crashed one of his cars and two of his bikes.”

“ You also crashed before!”

“ But you destroyed them in one go. Serves you right for driving that fast into the garage.”

“ The brakes didn't work, I told you!”

“ Sure they didn't.” He let Gavin go when he heard the door opening and just in time, because the younger instantly spun around.

“ Ryan!” He beamed up at his guardian, bright like the sun, and Ryan placed the mug of tea on his table like every morning.

“ You are ruining your eyes,” he answered and pulled the sunglasses up until they rested on Gavin's head.

“ But Ryan, they look so cool!”

“I never said they didn't but you shouldn't wear them inside.”

Michael left the room when he saw Gavin pout and knew he would start to argue any moment now. Heading towards the planning room in the back, he gave a soft knock before stepping inside.

As expected, he found both Geoff and Jack inside, both giving him a warm welcome and Jack squeezed his arm a little as he passed by. They were still checking over some maps, so he didn't want to bother and just let himself drop on the couch, listening absentmindedly.

It wasn't about his job, which was to be expected. His little heist was nothing against the big ones but he knew it would be fun nonetheless. As far as he knew, Geoff, Jeremy and himself would do it, Gavin as a backup if anything would go wrong.

But he wasn't worried about it.

Rather did he throw a look to Jack, who would go out alone today. Well, with those hired guns he had seen downstairs probably. Just a small thing, gathering some weapons from a deal or some shit like that.

There was a tug in his stomach, demanding from him to go with his guardian, to protect him in case something would go wrong but it was weak. He knew that Jack could look after himself.

Ray entered the room quietly, feet dragging across the floor as he wordlessly dropped down next to Michael. With a soft sigh, the younger leaned against him, butting his head beneath his chin and that was enough evidence to know he wasn't feeling well.

Throwing an arm around his shoulders, Michael whispered, “You got a headache?”

“ No, just a bit dizzy,” he mumbled. “I didn't sleep all too much last night.”

“ Why's that?”

He shrugged and sighed again, a few minutes later he was asleep. Some things would probably never change. Michael let him, looking through the window for a while.

It was a nice day, like every summer day in Los Santos. Nearly too warm for his taste. He would probably have a mild sunburn by the end of the day, fuck his pale skin.

Jack cleared his throat and Michael snapped back to attention. Both Jack and Geoff were watching him but he didn't miss the worry in Geoff's gaze. It was never far, not when Ray was showing any signs of sickness.

It had gotten a bit better over the past years, not such an overwhelming worry as in the beginning but Michael also knew it would never really go away.

“ He said he was feeling a bit dizzy,” Michael said. “And that he didn't sleep well. It's probably because of that.”

Geoff gave him a single nod before rubbing his face and trying himself on a smile. “You ready for our little heist today, Michael?”

“You bet I am! Can't wait to see their faces!”

“ Good point,” Geoff murmured, suddenly very thoughtful. “I wonder if I can get Gavin to hack into the Corpirate's system again... maybe if he stands in front of a camera when he hears we robbed the place before him. That would make a great new screensaver...”

“ I can try if you want me to,” Gavin told him as he stepped in, Ryan following him and pulling his mask down.

“ Only when you find the time to, you have to check in on all three missions today,” Geoff reminded him.

“ We'll see.” Throwing Michael and Ray a thoughtful look, Gavin flopped down on the table and stealing the spotlight. Michael was glad for that, so he could softly wake up Ray without anyone watching.

“ The Corpirate doesn't seem to have noticed that I changed their time frame,” Gavin explained. “The armored truck will reach the shop at 2pm and we will take whatever they have inside. Meanwhile the Corpirate will think it will get there half an hour later.”

“ So all they will see is us drive away with the money they had hoped for,” Geoff sighed happily. “Beautiful.”

“ Are you really sure they won't just start firing at us?”

“ No way. Firstly, the place is too populated to cause that big of a scene. It would just result in a massive bloodbath with all those innocent people around and therefor a lot of cops. Also I am pretty sure he’s just sending out a small group, probably some noobs who he just hired.” Geoff shrugged. “It's really not that big of a hit. Normally neither of us would even bat an eye on something like that, so he’s probably using it as some kind of test.”

“It's very unlikely that we will make more than thirty thousand dollars on that hit,” Gavin went on. “So it's actually not worth the whole ordeal but yeah... Geoff.”

“ His face, Gavin! Imagine his face!”

“ I know, I know.” Kicking his feet, he grinned up to Ryan. “Ryan and Ray will scare some drug dealer in the meantime!”

“ And I mean  _ scare _ , not  _ kill _ ,” Geoff warned them. “More like _‘_ _ Hey, I'm the Vagabond, where is our money ’ _ and not so much _‘_ _ Hey, meet your intestines.’ _ Got it?”

“ Can we also play ‘ _ Hey, this kid a rocket launcher on his back, how cool!’ _ by any chance?” Ray called before yawning widely. “That could also scare them.”

“ Only if you promise me not to fire it.”

“Deal!” Ray agreed happily. “I told Lee that I got one and he wouldn't believe me! I'm so going to show him!”

“I don't like that you are on first name basis with our drug dealers,” Geoff warned him.

“ He's a cool dude, Geoff. You just have to get to know him better!”

“ No thank you and I swear to god, Ray – no drugs! You are still underage!”

“ You just allowed me to go outside with a rocket launcher!”

“ And I can change that in just a second, young man!”

Rolling his eyes, Ray slumped back against Michael. He didn't even move when Gavin joined them and cuddled into his other side, just continued to pout.

Geoff was far from being impressed by that. All in all Ray tried that once a day and he was also pretty sure that he had once walked in on the three as Gavin taught them how to give the most impressive puppy look. So he rather turned to Ryan. “Keep an eye on the boy's hands while you are out there.”

“ Will do.”

“ Okay, we'll head out in half an hour,” Geoff closed the discussion before leaving to brief Jeremy as well.

“ I'll get on my way already,” Jack told them. “It's a bit of a drive.”

“ Be careful.”

“You as well, pumpkin.” He ruffled Michael's curls affectionately before heading out and leaving them in silence. But it was a comfortable one, so none of them really minded.

Ray had decided that half an hour was more than enough time to go back to sleep and he was leaning his full weight against Michael. They were securely boxing him in with Gavin rested against Ray's other side. Ryan was still sitting on the table, working on something that Michael didn't care about and so he took another look to his side.

As he expected, he found Gavin watching Ray with a worried gaze. Michael nudged him softly and that made the younger at least smile and Gavin turned back to his phone, checking on their mails.

All in all he felt sorry when he had to disturb this peace soon afterwards but he still had to gather some stuff for their little heist. His movements jostled Ray awake, no matter how careful he was being but the other simply grumbled something beneath his breath and curled up again.

Moving his arms out of the way, Gavin allowed him to lay his head in his lap before smiling up to Michael. “You'll hear from me in a few minutes.”

“I know.” Giving Ryan a quick wave, he went and gathered his explosives. If everything went according to plan, he would probably not even need any or just one sticky bomb to blow open the armored truck but if they were wrong and the team of the Corpirate would flip their shit, it was better to be prepared. Also it would be a shame to get into a gunfight and have no grenades with him.

As expected, he found Geoff downstairs with Jeremy and as he entered, he called loudly, “Little J! Joining the big guys today!”

“ Maybe the big guys but it's barely a heist,” Jeremy reminded them but Geoff just clicked his tongue.

“ Don't be stupid. You will learn some really useful things if you keep your eyes on me!”

“ Yeah, just sit back and watch Geoff being the smug fuck he is while I do all the work!” Michael protested with a snort. “I am blowing the shit up and you two literally just have to walk in and collect the money.”

“ I can also use a sticky bomb if you are not happy with it.”

“Please don't take that away from me, Geoff.”

“Figured. Let's get going.”

“ Are we not getting some masks first?”

“Feel free to grab one if you want to.”

“ Only Ryan regularly wears his mask,” Michael explained as they headed all the way down to the huge garage that contained most of their cars and bikes. “Makes him hard to identify and by now it's working. That way we can send him in undercover. Gavin and Ray also wear masks when they are out on the field and are at risk to get in contact with some other crew. If no one knows how they look like, they can't get targeted as easily.”

“ The puppeteer and Ramsey's ghost,” Jeremy said. “They’re called that because nobody knows who they are.”

“Right, and also most people don't expect them to be this young. And if anyone still finds out, Ryan makes sure they forget it really quickly again.” He nodded towards Geoff. “That idiot wants the world to know who shot that gun at them. So no mask for him.”

“Hey, I didn't grow that mustache for nothing!”

Michael snorted. “Sure. Anyway, I just want my victims to see something as pretty as my face before they die. So no mask for me either.”

“ You are such a good human being, Michael.”

“Well thank you, Geoffrey. It is not thanks to you.”

“ I'm glad to hear that.” Geoff turned around to Jeremy. “Seriously, it's your call to make. If you want to wear a mask, go ahead. It's a safety measure.”

“ It's not really my first heist and I didn't wear one before,” he shrugged. “So it might actually be too late for that.”

“Better late than sorry.”

“I still pass.”

“ Fair enough.”

 

Geoff drove through the city with a reasonable speed for once as if he wanted to keep a low profile. His atrocious blue and pink colored low rider wasn't helping the matter but that wasn't Michael's call to make.

He was sitting in the back, listening to his boss whistling joyful to some song on the radio when his earpiece came to live.

“ The armored truck is right on time. You guys should reach the parking lot five minutes before them,” Gavin told them. “So please stay in the car that everyone will stare at until then. Maybe they will be blinded by the bright colors and try to claw their eyes out instead of realizing it's Geoff bloody Ramsey inside.”

“I'm not going to take criticism from someone who bleaches their hair,” Geoff hummed as an answer and Gavin squawked, offended.

“ I do not blea-”

“You totally do, buddy. And it's fine by me.”

“ Geoff, I do no-”

“I just want to know if Ryan helps you with that. Because that would be fucking hilarious to imagine.”

“ I will not bother answering that!” Gavin grumbled. “Now if you would concentrate on the mission.”

“We are still driving there, there is always time for a little small talk, Gavvy.”

“ Yeah, whatever.”

“Is Jack already at the weapons deal?” Michael asked instead, knowing those two would work each other up if he didn't stop it. And usually he was very amused by that, adding some fuel to the fire if he wanted to but they didn't have enough time to really enjoy it. It would happen eventually, he could tell that Geoff was in a mood.

“ No, he will get there in around twenty minutes. So you guys should be done by then. I can switch over to him then.”

“ We should be,” Geoff said as he drove onto the parking lot, obviously amused by the looks they were receiving.

“ Is that why we rarely do stealth things?” Jeremy asked quietly and Michael couldn't help but chuckle.

“ Kinda. Geoff likes to be seen.”

“ I just like them to know who did it,” Geoff assured him as he parked near the entrance. Leaning back in the seat, he watched the parking lot through the rear view mirror. “It's no fun if people are guessing who did this amazing heist. In the end they would even give credit to the wrong person! If we worked for it, we should get a reward of some kind.”

“ Isn't the money the reward?”

“Why just take one when you can get both?”

“ Well... I guess?”

Someone knocked on the window and Geoff quickly pulled it down.

“ Nice car, dude!”

“I know, right?”

Michael listened absentmindedly to those two talking as he continued to watch the parking lot. Sure he liked driving a car or a bike but that was all that was interesting to him and the fine mechanics of tuning was rather Ryan’s and Matt’s thing.

Jeremy threw him a disbelieving look and it amused Michael to know that some people were still weirded out by Geoff's casual attitude before a heist. He had already gotten used to it years ago and he knew it was to some degree an act.

Well, Jack had told him that to be honest. If Geoff would show that he was nervous or even scared, it would make them all nervous. That was some psychology bullshit that Ryan or Jack would gladly explain to him but he understood it well enough by himself.

Gavin was humming in their ear and he could hear the faint typing. “Armored truck is there in thirty seconds.”

“ Well, was a nice talk,” Geoff abruptly cut the stranger off. “Sorry but I kinda have to get going. The job and shit, you understand?”

“ Yeah sure, dude! See you around!”

“Oh, I'll make sure of it.” Closing the window, Geoff huffed irritated. “I can't believe he didn't recognize me!”

“ He only had eyes for the car, boss.”

“ Also I'm pretty sure he was high,” Michael added as he watched the truck pull up in front of the store.

“ What an asshole, really.” Drawing his gun, Geoff also turned around to see better.

“ There will be two people in the truck,” Gavin interrupted them. “One will stay seated in the car, one goes in and collects the money.”

“We move when the second one comes outside again,” Geoff said. “I'll take the driver, Jeremy, you make sure the other one gives us the money and his gun. They will both carry one which will be the most dangerous aspect of the whole deal. Michael, you blow the back open. Check if there is something else inside.”

“ Got it.”

Geoff opened his door and got out and both of them followed quickly. The oldest walked across the parking lot with wide steps, only slowing down a little so that they wouldn't get there too quickly.

But there was the guy, coming out of the store and Jeremy already had his gun trained at him.

“ Weapon down,” he called loudly, making the customers around them look up. There was a shocked gasp from someone but Michael didn't really care. He kept a look on the crowd, making sure that they could see his crew tattoo on his neck just well enough. That way they would know not to mess with them and it should also stop anyone who thought about playing a hero.

Throwing a quick look to Jeremy, just to make sure he had it under control, he saw him kicking the man’s gun away and so Michael moved towards the back doors.

While applying the bomb, he listened to Geoff who had just knocked on the window of the truck.

“ Listen, you fuck. You got two options; get out and surrender and join your buddy on the sideline or you stay in there and face the consequences.”

“Fuck you!” the man hissed and Geoff rolled his eyes.

He stepped a little away when the guy simply tried to drive off and Michael waited a moment until they were in a safe distance before letting the sticky bomb explode.

The truck swirled, hit a car and stopped dead.

Moving towards the open back, the Gunslinger waved the smoke away and didn't even listen to the alarm blasting from somewhere. He just saw that the man was actually still conscious, raising his gun at him and so he shot him right between the eyes.

“ Your own fault,” he mumbled before grabbing the suitcase in the back and heading back to the other two. By now Jeremy had knocked down the second guy and as Michael held up the suitcase, Geoff gave him a pat on the back.

“ Corpirate's team will arrive any second now,” Gavin told them and Geoff's grin only stretched wider.

“ Perfect.” Facing the terrified people around them, he gave a quick bow. “Sorry to disturb. Please continue your daily work.”

Michael gave a wave as they passed the crowd and dropped down into the backseat, throwing the money beside him.

Nobody asked how much they got but it couldn't be all too much. Still, the adrenaline of a heist going by flawlessly left a nice hum in his blood.

Geoff reversed out of the parking space at a leisurely pace and made sure to drive extra slowly by the slim black car towards the entrance, leaving him enough time to give the people inside the finger.

Jeremy started to laugh and Michael joined in, even though it was bitter. There was a little girl inside the other car, watching them with big eyes.

So the Corpirate got himself another Gunslinger and obviously a newer model. He wondered what wave this girl was but it had to be one of the newer ones, certainly not one of the test-waves like him.

She didn't look older than seven and he felt strangely melancholic. Probably her first mission, and then already a failure before she could even begin. She had to feel horrible, like a failure, and he didn't know the Corpirate but he hoped he would assure her that it wasn't really her fault.

Lindsay wasn't in the car. Now that they were clashing so often with the Corpirate, he met her more and more on mission and was sure she was working for them. Usually he saw her from very far away, still protecting the younger man who had to be someone close to the Corpirate.

He hadn't been able to talk to her after that night in the Maze Bank Tower but he wouldn't know what to say anyway. Maybe ask how she had managed to get into the Tower or something like that.

They passed the car and he held the gaze of the girl for as long as possible. Such dull eyes.

How much was she worth? The newer models were probably a lot more expensive than he had been seven years ago, perfected with the data they had provided and with all their mistakes trained away.

She surely wouldn't suffer from seizures.

He despised her already. It was a strange feeling, so mixed with pity that it tasted bitter.

Turning away from the window, he rather started to pick the lock on the suitcase to occupy his thoughts. It wasn't anything special but he didn't have the right tools with him. Normally he would get annoyed quickly by it but now it was kinda nice, working on that while the voices of the other two washed over him.

He had broken it open by the time they reached the base again but hadn't yet bothered to look inside. This strange nostalgia was still nesting inside of him but it got easier when Geoff pulled him close, squishing him against his side while laughing loudly as he told the story. And how could you not join this laughter?

So he smiled brightly, let the familiar touch settle something inside of him again before heading to the security office to count the money while chatting with Gavin. It was actually nearly fifty thousand and way more than they had expected, so this had been pretty successful, considering they hadn't been out more than half an hour.

Geoff got them some take-out food and they ate together while watching Jack over the screens. Gavin smacked loudly while talking into the headset and Michael could see that Jack tried hard not to laugh while making the deal.

But everything went alright and Michael laid his feet in Gavin's lap as he finished his lunch. The other didn't even falter, the movement too familiar, and he just moved his legs a bit to get more comfortable before switching over to Ryan and Ray.

“ Ray looks better now,” Michael said quietly enough so that the earpiece wouldn't pick him up. “Maybe the nap helped.”

Gavin simply nodded, while giving the other two instructions to find the drug dealers. It was fun watching them cower in front of Ryan and also Ray who tapped oh so casually on his pink rocket launcher.

When they were safely on their way back, Gavin pulled his headset off and turned towards him. Eyes and smile bright. “Michael, my boi!”

“What is it?”

“ Nothing, just happy that you are here!”

“ You’re weird,” he told him with affection in his voice.

Gavin hummed in agreement as he pushed the others feet off of him, so that he could stand up and stretch. His joints cracked loudly at the motion before he let himself fall back down in his chair. “Are you done for today, boi?”

“I think so. I'm heading home with Jack later and then we wanted to cook together.”

“Oh, can I also get something?”

“We are doing the work, so we will eat it.”

“ You are being mean.”

“ I'm being fair.”

Gavin pouted for a while but it stopped just as quickly as it had started. When Geoff walked in soon after, they were back to chatting about the new Halo.

“ We are going to celebrate the Corpirate's face after the stunt of today,” he told them.

“ You didn't even see his face.”

“But I can imagine it, so shut up! Are you guys joining or not?”

“Will there be bevs?” Gavin asked excited.

“ Of course there will be! Doesn't mean that you get one.”

“ But Geoff!”

“ Hey, I don't decide that! What about you, Michael?”

“ I wanted to do something with Jack later. Do you wanna go right now?”

“No, this evening.”

“Maybe I can make it.”

 

He was in his own little lab, putting the explosives away he hadn't needed when the door behind him opened. Seeing that this door was only able to be opened by six people, he was pretty sure that it was Jack. It turned out to be right when a kiss was dropped on his hair. “Hey, pumpkin.”

“Hey, Jack.”

“ You smell like gunpowder.”

He hummed in agreement, locking the sticky bombs in before turning around. “Looks like your deal went over just fine.”

“Heard the same about your little heist,” he chuckled. “Geoff was pretty happy about it.”

“Damn right he was!”

“ He also said you guys wanted to celebrate a bit.”

“I already told hi-”

“Go with them. We can do something together another time.”

Hesitating, Michael looked up to him. “Are you sure?”

“Well, the alternative would be to head home right now and we could cook before you go out with the others.”

“ Let's do that, then!”

 

“ Are you sure you don't want to come along?” Geoff asked for the third time and Ray rolled his eyes, feeling a sting behind them right away.

“ I don't wanna, Geoff. I'm just gonna play some games. I don't want to go to some stupid pub.”

The blue eyes found his, searching too deep as always and Ray wanted to sigh because he already knew what would come next.

“ I can stay if you want to. We can play together.”

“It's fine, Geoff. I swear! I'm gonna hang around Jack or Ryan for a while and you can get a few beers.”

“ Are you sure?”

“I am!” He skipped down the stairs in their apartment building. On the floor beneath their penthouse lived Jack and Michael, and he knocked loudly before Geoff could ask anymore.

Michael opened the door before Geoff reached him and that was good. He felt a bit like running away when he squeezed past the other boy and into the kitchen. “I smell food!” he proclaimed loudly and Jack looked up amused from clearing the table.

“ There is still a bit left.”

“Awesome!” He noticed that Geoff was standing behind him and he quickly grabbed a plate and got himself some leftover pasta. When he slipped on a chair, Geoff had started to talk to Jack and that was good. That gave him a moment to breath.

He always liked Jack's apartment. It was not as open as theirs and the walls were all painted in warm colors. He felt himself relax in here, sighing quietly as Michael loomed around him without a word.

It wasn't that he didn't like their penthouse – it was awesome! The huge windows showing the city beneath and the white furniture made it look so, so big. It was his home, without any question.

But this here was another piece of home.

Michael was watching him thoughtfully and so he quickly began to eat, acting like he didn't notice. And when Geoff gave him a kiss on his forehead before heading out to gather Gavin, he halfheartedly tried to squirm away.

He was occupying himself with poking in the pasta that smelled like lemons until he could hear the front door fall shut. Letting go of his fork, he quickly pushed his palms against his eyes as if that would help against his headache. But like this he felt like he could fight against the strange pull, coming from the back of his head, fooling him to think this pasta smelled like lemons and sometimes made him see things that weren't really there.

Glowing strings that were stretched across the room.

A hand laid on his back and he knew it was Jack.

“ Come on, buddy. Let's get you on the couch.”

He nodded but that somehow made it worse, so he simply let Jack guide him blindly until he felt soft cushions beneath him.

“ Don't tell Geoff...” he mumbled as he curled up in the corner of the couch. “He was so happy today.”

“ I won't, Ray,” Jack assured him. “Don't worry about that now. I'll just get you something to drink and be right back.”

“Okay.” He listened to the steps retreating and still didn't dare to open his eyes. He didn't want to see things that weren't there.

But then Jack was suddenly back, hand warm on his shoulder and the soft clink of a glass. “Did you take your pills?”

“Yeah. One this morning and one after lunch.” He groaned. “They are not helping, Jack. They never help!”

“ They do help. It's gotten way better, Ray.”

“I don't want it better, I want it to be gone!”

The cushions dipped when Jack sat down next to him, pulling a blanket over him. “Most people simply outgrow seizures.”

“Most people don't get some fucked up drugs injected as kids,” Ray spat. “I hate it!”

“ I know, buddy.” The warm hand returned, carding through his hair. “We do everything we can and I know you won't believe me but it already got better.”

“ It just makes me so angry...” And now he was whimpering because that was a lie. He was scared, not angry. Not even now he could admit it, even though it was easier to talk with Jack. Geoff always got so, so worried and would spent the night searching the internet for new medicines or specialists who just couldn't help him anyway. Most kids outgrew it, true. But not all.

At least he felt the pull fade away slowly, leaving him exhausted to the bone. Letting his eyes flutter open, he wondered if he had blacked out again. Usually he didn't even notice.

Jack handed him the glass of water and he downed it quickly before curling back into his blanket.

“ You want to watch some Netflix?”

Ray nodded but in the end he couldn't even remember what Jack chose because he was already asleep.

Jack sat beside him, still carding through the dark hair and knew that it was over for now. After Ray had taken this nap, he would feel better, probably eat a bit more. Hopefully by the time Geoff returned, the boy would be back to being himself.

It wasn't long after that when his phone rang and he figured it was Michael sending him one of his ridiculous selfies with Gavin but instead it was a messages from Kdin.

That was unusual in itself and he immediately got a bad feeling about it. Kdin helped Gavin with gathering information and keeping the base safe when Gavin was out, so his first thought was that someone had tried to break in.

Instead all he got was a link and when he clicked on it, he stared at the website for a long moment. He scrolled past the familiar faces down to the ones he didn't know before going back up.

Clicking on Michael's picture, a text appeared beneath his picture and he read through it twice before he slowly realized what he was even looking at.

Carefully standing up to not wake Ray, he moved into the kitchen and shot Ryan a message before opening the website on his laptop. Here he could see better but it didn't help with his terrible feeling.

He tried to call Geoff as Ryan knocked on the door but the other wouldn't answer and so he let Ryan in and gesticulated towards the laptop. “Look at that.”

Throwing him a funny look, Ryan didn't even ask, Jack's worried face more than enough for him to simply check out the website.

He stiffened as he read through it before looking up. “Where did you get that?”

“Kdin just sent it to me.”

“Is this real?”

“Looks real to me.”

Ryan sat down while Jack tried to call again and hovered with the cursor about the different pictures of Gunslingers before finding Gavin and clicking on him. Another page opened and showed him more information. Way too much information and the further he read, the sicker he got.

There were not only his specializations, his age and his wave but also pictures. Identification pictures of different ages that someone had clearly taken but also pictures showing him with Ryan, pointing Ryan out as his guardian.

The thing was that Gavin was careful, he didn't leave behind any trace and furthermore they had agreed years ago that they wouldn't be associated with each other. Ryan had a lot of enemies, that was no secret and Gavin was his weak link. He would get targeted way too easily and so they were acting casually around each other in the public. Hell, even most of the crew thought that Gavin was Geoff's Gunslinger because they worked together most times.

And still that wasn't the worst. The fucking worst was the huge bounty, the fucking several millions of dollars someone was willing to pay for his head.

A sinking feeling settled in his stomach and he slowly clicked back out, now checking on Ray and Michael who had an even higher ransom on their heads. And they weren't the only ones; he saw a whole list of Gunslingers he didn't care about and his mind was already trying to work it through, but that wasn't important right now.

What was important was that Gavin and Michael were out there, only with Geoff and Jack didn't seem to be able to reach him.

“Where's Ray?” he asked quietly.

“ Sleeping on the couch.”

“ Stay with him, I'll gather the others.” Standing up, he was already on the way to the door when Jack caught his arm.

“ Be careful,” he said slowly. “You know who has the all that information on the Gunslingers.”

Of course he did.

It could only be Project NEON.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here comes the plot. See you guys next week with an extra long chapter!


	3. Prelude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Someone set a bounty on you guys,” Ryan explained quietly while guiding him to his car. “And it seems like it's Project NEON.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, I am a bit late but I am late because I was writing so that's absolutely cool.  
> Hope all of you had a happy new year! Let's great it with a long chapter!

Chapter 2

Prelude

 

Upon reaching the pub, Ryan quickly got out of the car and tried not to look like he was running inside. Tried to look not like he was in a panic, because what if Geoff and the two lads weren't inside anymore?

He hadn't answered his phone but that didn't mean a lot considering that Geoff sometimes had his phone muted when he was taking a day or an evening off. Jack was in charge than, that's why the message had reached him as well.

And it didn't seem reasonable to think that someone would have already acted on the bounty. He hadn't checked how long the website was already online but it couldn't be that long. Certainly not long enough for some hitman to find out where the lads were and plan a hit on them.

Right?

And even if – they could look after themselves, Geoff could look after them! No way someone would've gotten close enough to harm them in anyway.

Opening the door and stepping inside, the soft murmur simply stopped. It was like in a bad movie, only that the music played on and nobody started to scream while seeing his mask. Some people hadn't even noticed him and were still chatting quietly.

He still had to work on that.

Letting his eyes travel, he found spiked up, blond hair by the bar, leaning against it as he waited for something.

The relief that slammed into Ryan let his shoulders slump a little, easing his posture but it was still enough to make the people quickly get out of his way as he strove towards the bar.

Gavin had noticed that something was wrong, he saw it in the way his shoulders were tensing as he took the beer in his hand. It should've been a warning but Ryan didn't think that far, he was just glad that his boy was alright. He stepped behind him, shielding him from the other people in the pub and the moment he reached out to lay a hand on his shoulder, the younger turned around.

Ryan recognized the sharp look in the green eyes before he noticed the knife. Still he was fast enough to catch Gavin's wrist and the boy blinked surprised.

“Vagabond?” he asked before letting his arm sink, putting his knife back. He must have noticed his dark look because he started to pout. “You said I could drink one beer. It's my first, I swear. You wanna smell my breath or something?”

“Come with me,” Ryan simply said and pulled him close. Now Gavin full out stared at him and he knew it was uncharacteristic for him, not part of their play in public but he felt the need to protect him from as many sides as possible. So he wrapped his arm around his waist and began tugging his sleeve down. Gavin had rolled them up to reveal his Fake AH Crew tattoo on his upper arm and that seemed like a bad idea even though it was a futile attempt right now. Not only did possible hitmen have pictures of him but he was also walking around with the Vagabond.

“Where are the other two?”

Gavin was still watching him confused but now it faded into the sharp look from before. He pointed towards the back of the pub and Ryan moved them both, keeping the boy hidden with his body as much as possible as the crowd parted around them.

“What's going on?” Gavin asked quietly.

“I'll tell you later. Just stay on guard.”

“Okay.”

He saw Geoff sitting on a table with Jeremy and Michael was standing in front, gesticulating widely as he told them something. Geoff made a single motion to get him to stop and all three of them stared at Ryan.

“I need you guys to go home,” Ryan said.

“Is Jack alright?”

“Is Ray okay?” came at the same time and he was quick to nod.

“Everybody is fine. But there is something you guys have to check out.”

Geoff stood up right away. “Sorry, Jeremy. Seems that business got in the way.”

“Yeah... it's alright.” He watched them with a worried look on his face but didn't stop them from leaving.

“What's going on?” Gavin asked again as they stepped out and Ryan still wouldn't let go of him.

“Someone set a bounty on you guys,” Ryan explained quietly while guiding him to his car. “And it seems like it's Project NEON.”

 

When they reached Jack's apartment, Ray was awake again, yawning tiredly while finishing his pasta. He seemed to relax just as much as Jack when he saw them walk inside.

Gavin took the laptop without another word and moved towards the living room, connecting the device with the TV so that they could all see better.

“It's a really simple website,” he mumbled as they sat down on the couch behind him.

The website was off a dull gray and the only colors were from the neatly stacked pictures, eleven in total. He clicked on all of them, not reading through the information but just checking if any other buttons would appear. As that didn't happen he went back to the main page and clicked on a small rectangle in the corner, reading through the pop up menu.

“You can sort it?” Ryan asked and Gavin nodded, hovering over the options. Names, waves, active or passive Gunslinger, the amount of money set on them...

He clicked on wave and scrolled quickly down the page. “It seems like only the first five waves are on here.”

“So they’re targeting the test run,” Geoff mumbled before slipping to the ground next to the boy. Gavin let him have the laptop and watched as he scrolled back up.

Beneath the label reading wave one was Ray's picture but the other four beside him were gray and crossed out. As he hovered over them, he found that he couldn't click on them but a word appeared beneath.

_Deceased._

“Jesus Christ,” he heard Jack whispered behind him.

“It's the status of the twenty five test-Gunslingers,” Gavin said quietly. “Apparently only eleven are left.”

“And the project wants to get rid of them next,” Ryan spat. “They are the only one with all those information!”

“Or someone who hacked them,” Gavin said. “It's unlikely but possible.”

“Can you take this whole thing down?”

He hesitated, staring at the screen and it was Michael who answered, “Not if it's from the project.”

Gavin nodded. “The same rules as hacking them. I am not allowed to. And if it's from the project it will be really hard to take it down. Also by now it has probably spread like a wildfire – killing any of us gets them millions.”

It grew quiet as they watched Gavin hover over the other waves. Lindsay's picture, along with a stranger beneath. Third wave had three survivor, Michael included and Gavin's wave had only lost one of them and in the fifth wave only one kid was left. The gray pictures read _deceased_ or _killed in combat_ , two even plainly _unknown ._

It left them all with a bitter taste and with a scowl, Geoff stood back up. “Okay, listen. None of the lads go anywhere alone. You will only operate in teams from now on.”

“We can look after ourselves,” Michael told him. “We shouldn't get intimidated by some shit like this.”

“Geoff is right though,” Ryan threw in. “It's true that you guys can hold yourselves against normal criminals but that's much money on your heads... the small criminals won't be your problem. There will be professional hitmen going for it. They will be a big hindrance.”

“We just take them down!”

“Michael,” Jack said softly and the boy calmed down a bit. “I also agree. None of you should leave the base or this building alone. It's safer.”

“We are better and faster than most out there!”

“Yeah, until you are not.”

Michael glared at Geoff before huffing annoyed. “Fine.”

“Can someone drive me to the base?” Gavin asked. “I can probably do more about this website with the right equipment.”

“No, that's where the amateurs will wait right about now. I'll take you there when it gets brighter.”

“Bu-”

“Tomorrow, Gavin.”

The boy looked a bit taken aback before checking on the website again. Closing the laptop quietly, he nodded. “I understand.”

Geoff tried to give them a reassuring smile but it wasn't really working. Gavin was too deep in thought and Michael was just bummed out, probably because his freedom was restricted now.

Ray just caught his eyes and stood up, heading out and Geoff sighed. “I'll get in contact with the project tomorrow,” he assured them. “Maybe I find out what this bullshit is about.”

“Probably not.”

“No...” Shaking his head, he moved around the couch. “But maybe that will shine some light in the dark.” With a wave, he left the apartment and could hear the door slam shut above him. Following Ray, he entered the penthouse.

It was easy to spot the boy, after all most of this apartment was this big room.

“What's wrong?” he asked and Ray turned towards him before moving towards his room.

“Come on, Rayray.”

That made him stop and glare at Geoff. “Don't act like that! You damn well know what's fucking wrong! Don't act like you didn't see it!”

“It doesn't mea-”

“Oh, stop it! Stop acting like I’m fucking different than them! I’m not!” He stepped closer, gesticulating widely. “Every single Gunslinger of wave one died! They didn't die in combat, they were _deceased_. Two of the second wave as well!” He pointed at his head, snarling, “It's this fucking epilepsy or whatever this shit is! It will happen at a bad moment, it will happen someday while we are on a mission and I’ll get killed! Or hey, maybe one of you guys will die because I’ll fucking blackout!”

“Ray, it won't.”

“You don't know that!”

“The medicine helps.”

“The medicine comes from the project. Don't you think the other Gunslingers did get the same?” He laughed coldly and the sound cut deep enough that Geoff flinched. “Who knows, maybe it's some poison. They want us dead, right? It could make this all worse and we just don't know it!”

“I'll talk to some doctors if you want to, I'll check if we can get something diffe-”

“That's what you always do!” Ray screamed. “You always talk to some experts and drag me along and then they ask me questions I am not allowed to answer and we are back where we started! It doesn't work, Geoff! There is something broken in my head and you can't fucking fix it! Nobody could fix it for the other Gunslinger and now they are dead. And hey, looking at the statistics I will be the fucking next.” Again this laugh he didn't know from himself. “And now it's a funny race between my brain or someone out for money!”

“Nobody will lay a hand on you,” Geoff whispered.

“Well great! And what can you do against my own fucking head, Geoff? You want to lock me up somewhere and wait it out so tha-”

He fell silent, biting his tongue as he took a glance at Geoff. Geoff who looked so hurt and lost at him as if every word of him had cut him deep. And it probably had. He knew that Geoff did everything to keep him healthy, he knew that he spent so much money on his health that it actually left a dent in their wealth. That Geoff had spent nearly every free minute in the past years to find an alternative way. Hell, he had crawled on his knees to Kuebiko, begging for any form of therapy.

Now his arm was slightly raised as if he wanted to touch Ray, pull him close and hold him tight but didn't dare.

So they just stared at each other in the middle of their penthouse, Ray breathing heavily after all the screaming while Geoff was so, so quiet.

He couldn't fucking take this!

Turning around, Ray stormed in his own room and slammed the door shut. He was so _angry_! He was so angry at himself and his own brain and now he had hurt Geoff.

Great, fucking great!

Throwing himself on his bed, he screamed into his pillow.

It wasn't Geoff's fault! It really wasn't, he surely hadn't wanted to get a flawed Gunslinger but now he was stuck with him.

He should just get a new, better Gunslinger. Maybe he would.

Sighing, Ray rolled onto his back and glared at the ceiling.

That was stupid, a part of him knew that but he was tired and exhausted. He was wondering if Geoff was standing in front of his door, debating if he should knock or not and Ray simply draped his arm over his eyes, trying to fall asleep.

 

When his alarm woke him, it was really early in the morning. Earlier than he would normally wake up but he wanted to catch a ride with Ryan and Gavin.

Sitting up, he placed his feet on the ground before letting his head fall in his hands. He was already getting a headache. Not enough sleep again, something that could cause seizures.

But even that was better than having an awkward breakfast with Geoff.

Picking up a thick hoodie from the floor, he pulled it over his head because he was a bit cold and now that he thought about it, he was pretty sure it wasn't even his own. Smelled more like Michael and he liked that.

Breathing the scent in for a moment longer, he finally stood up and walked back into the main room. The kitchen and lounge looked gray in the morning light and through the huge windows that took in most of the outer wall, he could see that it was raining. Los Santos laid beneath him, drowning in dirty water and he found it strangely fitting for such an ugly city that was usually so sunny.

It would clear soon enough, so right now he simply relished in the tapping of the rain against the glass outside.

With a sigh, he began to follow the bitter smell of alcohol and found Geoff on the couch, a bottle of gin along with his laptop on the table.

He couldn't tell how often he had already found his Guardian like this but by now it was nearly a domestic task. Closing the bottle, he took it back into the kitchen and put it in the bar where it belonged. He didn't even try to be that quiet, Geoff could be a heavy sleeper if he wanted to.

Filling a glass with water, he grabbed an aspirin and placed it on the table. Next he woke the laptop and stared at the pages upon pages about doctors and new therapy, fancy pills and what not. How many new things had Geoff ordered last night?

Sighing, he closed the laptop and looked at the sleeping man. Sleeping with an open mouth but without snoring, his mustache a mess from the night.

And even though he was sleeping, there were dark rings underneath his eyes. Ray covered him with a blanket, remembering the thousand times Geoff had done the same to him. Leaning down, he pecked him quickly on the forehead.

Affection and devotion, he hadn't forgotten that even though it sometimes seemed like it.

Leaving their penthouse, he went down the stairs slowly, not really in a hurry considering that he was so early. He knocked on the door quietly and heard soft steps coming closer before Gavin opened the door.

“Morning, Ray!”

“Morning.”

“Ryan is still in the bathroom. We'll drive in around half an hour.”

“That's fine.”

He followed the other into the kitchen where he was eating breakfast and simply grabbed something for himself as well. No need to be hungry.

“There's still coffee, if you wanna,” Gavin told him as he stuffed his bread into his mouth, still in a huge shirt that probably belonged to Ryan.

“Okay.”

“It's unusual for you to head to the base this early. Do you have a mission this morning that I forgot about?”

He shook his head before letting himself fall into a chair next to him. “Just didn't feel like sleeping anymore.”

“Now that's a lie if I ever heard one,” Gavin said amusedly before throwing him a glance. His small smile fell and he put his bread down. “Did you and Geoff have a fight?”

He gave a hum as an answer, hands nursing his mug.

“I'm sorry about that, Ray.”

“I'm also sorry,” he mumbled before rubbing his forehead.

“Did you take your pills?”

Shit, he had actually not but there were more at the base. Which led him back to the question if they were safe to take or not. What if they really made things worse?

“They come from the project,” he simply answered and knew that Gavin would understand him.

“Oh, I see.” Finishing his breakfast thoughtfully, Gavin sipped from his tea. Placing the mug back down, he asked, “Didn't Caleb check on them before you took them?”

True, he hadn't even thought about that. After all that had been a few years ago. “I guess.”

“And they seem to help you,” Gavin went on. “I also think if the project wants you dead they could've given you something stronger that works faster. But seeing that that's apparently their new plan, you shouldn't take any new medicine from them.”

“Yeah.” Turning back to his own breakfast, he rubbed his face. “This is pretty fucked up. You think there will be a lot of people trying to kill us?”

“Probably. Ryan said that the amateurs would be looming around the base. I will check on the security footage from tonight, might be interesting. If we hunt them down and kill them, we might scare others off.” He shrugged before slipping from his seat and disappeared into his room down the hallway. A few seconds later he returned with a nicer button-down shirt in his hands. “But it's hard to say. I have to check on the other Gunslingers on the list first, see who they are and what specialties they have.” Pulling his sleeping shirt over his head, he threw it mindlessly over the next chair before slipping into the other one. Ray watched him, noticing the tattoo on the others collarbone he rarely saw. It was of five small birds with different colored wings; he remembered the day he had gotten them. They had sat there with Michael who were joking, laughing about each flinch from the other two. Unconsciously, Ray rubbed over the rose on his neck that he had just chosen because he loved the way it looked. Gavin's five birds were symbols for each of them and he watched the pink one with a fond sort of smile, knowing it was his.

“If we know who the others on the list are, maybe I can foresee who most hitmen will go for first,” Gavin went on without noticing him staring. “There are different amounts of money on everyone's head. The amounts are most likely calculated by our skill-set, if we are passive or active Gunslingers and which Guardian we are with.”

“So what you are saying is that we should hope that they kill the other Gunslingers first.”

Gavin shrugged. “As bad as that sounds, yes. The more time we have before we become targets, the better.”

“Grim, dude.”

“It's the truth though.” He briefly looked up when Ryan stepped out of the bathroom, rubbing his hair dry. “But that doesn't include personal preferences. If one hitman is really pissed at one of the guardians they just might try everything to get their Gunslinger out of spite.” Now he fully turned around, grinning wide. “They won't get me because they are all really scared of Ryan!”

“Or they’ll target you because I killed their whole family at some point,” he gave back and flicked the boy on the nose. “Morning, Ray.”

“Morning.”

“That might be true,” Gavin admitted. “But they won't get to me.”

“As long as you stay in front of your screen they won't.” It was a warning, a bit too serious for the light mood they had, and Gavin pouted a bit. As an answer, Ryan threw his sleeping shirt against his head. “Stop leaving a mess and clear the table.”

“What? Why? You do it!”

“You did eat here, didn't you?”

“Only because you don't have breakfast! That's really unhealthy, Ryan!”

“Gavin.”

“Ray ate as well!”

“Dude, I’m a guest here.”

“That doesn't even count!”

“Gavin, I won't repeat myself.”

“Ryan! I'll do it later, Ryan!”

“You are lying and you know it.”

With a groan, the boy moved.

 

They reached the base half an hour later and Gavin and Ray were so caught up in their routine that they instinctively reached for their door until Ryan stopped them.

“Wait inside the car,” he told them before climbing out himself. They watched him move towards the entrance of the base, looking around for a while and Gavin sighed. Pulling the window down, he called, “Now you are going too far, Ryan!”

“Close the window again, idiot,” Ryan simply said and rolling his eyes Gavin did so, throwing Ray a disbelieving look. They waited as Ryan slowly strolled back and opened the door for them.

“You are vulnerable in common situations,” he explained as he ushered them along. “When your head is somewhere else you don't pay attention to your surroundings.”

“Whatever you say, you're the expert.”

It was strange being here this early; Ray couldn't remember the last instance that happened. Probably a heist, but then there were more people here. Now it was just quiet besides the other two bitching around. The rain was still loud outside, apparently not wanting to let off today and he simply followed Gavin. He didn't have a mission today as far as he knew, and Geoff knew him well enough to always give him hits that weren't this early. He really wasn't meant to function at this time of day and now he had thought back to Geoff and felt bad again.

Sighing, he dropped into the chair next to Gavin as the other booted his computer.

Throwing his feet into Gavin's lap, he watched boredly how the other worked his magic.

“Nobody tried to break in yesterday,” he mumbled to himself. “No activity after Kdin left this morning, so that's good.”

“You still going to check on the security footage?”

“Yeah. Just because they didn't break in doesn't mean there was nobody outside but I can do that while I am getting lunch.” Instead he opened the website again and Ray frowned at the design.

“They didn't even try.”

“You are not wrong. But I guess all the information is easy to find.” He clicked around like yesterday, searching for god knows what and Ray let his head roll onto the back of his chair. It was a blessing when Ryan joined them a few minutes later and placed a mug of coffee in front of him along with Gavin's tea.

“Ryan, I am not even in the top five,” Gavin whined.

“What do you mean?”

“I checked on the bounty placed on each Gunslinger and I am all they way down! I'm only placed eight out of eleven!”

“Oh no, now people are less likely to kill you,” Ryan huffed but leaned forward. Ray watched as he placed a hand on Gavin's shoulder. “Show me that list.”

Now Ray also looked up and searched his name, scowling as he found it. Place seven? Just one spot ahead of Gavin?

There were five active Gunslingers on the list and they were all on place one to four besides him? Fuck, there were two passive Gunslinger ahead of him! What the fuck, he was wave one!

Anger churned deep in his belly and he clasped the mug tighter. Was that because of his seizures? It had to be, it fucking had to be! They thought he wasn't worth their money and placed him all the way down!

“My boi is place two!” Gavin chirped now. “He brings in a lot of money!”

“You are aware that this is not a good thing, right?”

“But he will be so proud!”

“No, he will be pissed because his girlfriend is first,” Ray growled.

“It was to be expected that Tuggey scored high,” Ryan said. “She's an active Gunslinger and is working for the Corpirate. She will be hard to get to.”

“That much is true.”

“The Corpirate also won't be happy to see her on there,” Ryan mumbled before putting his hand over Gavin's to click on her picture.

“Lindsay Tuggey, number six and therefore second wave,” Gavin read aloud. “Specialized in Hand-to-hand combat. No wonder she beat me!”

“In all honesty, you don't need special training to beat your ass,” Ray said quietly.

“Shut up!”

“Who's number three?”

“Also an active Gunslinger out of wave two but the crew he belongs to is working outside of Los Santos.” Gavin grimaced. “Specializing in interrogation. Sounds like a really nice guy.”

“Any other Gunslingers worth noting?”

“Well there are the twins,” Gavin said before clicking on the fifth place. “They share one number together, so that's certainly something different.”

“Says they are from wave four. Don't you know them then?”

Gavin was quick to shake his head. “Can't say that I do but they also have different specializations than me.”

“I see,” Ryan mumbled more to himself than to them. He clicked back, scrolling through the list for a bit more.

“Ryan?” Ray asked after a while. “Who would you go after as a hitman?”

“That really depends. If I was relatively new and just wanted some cash without much trouble I'd go for the last three on the list. They are part of small crews and all passive Gunslingers but still bring a nice amount of money.” He shrugged slightly. “Those three will probably be gone first. But for the big money...” For a second Ryan hesitated before pointing to Michael. “Tuggey is too protected by the presence of the Corpirate and that third boy sounds like he works inside their base. Also, the crew isn't residing in Los Santos. Still he is also a good catch. But Michael brings more money and is usually around town, doing his thing. Also he's not the most... stealthy one. You certainly know when he's around.”

Now both of them stared at him before looking back at the screen.

“Will a lot of people go after Michael?”

“I fear so,” Ryan said quietly. “But you two should be pretty safe. Not enough money on your heads to get in a fight with Ramsey or the crew. Also none of you are as close to the action as Michael.”

“How do we stop them?” Ray asked, and it seemed to finally get through to them that this really wasn't a game. That they were in danger.

“They have to get scared of us, right, Ryan?” Gavin asked eagerly. “When they are as scared of us as they are of you, nobody will dare to go after any of us!”

“Money makes people do desperate things, Gavin. But it is true that the crew will grant you guys a lot of protection. We are too big by now that small criminals will seriously consider attacking us.” Ryan shrugged. “But the professional ones... those are the ones I am worried about.”

Gavin fell silent, watching the screen in front of him before frowning. “I don't want Michael to be hurt.”

“If you guys listen to Geoff's new rules, you'll be safe,” Ryan assured him. “We just have to be more careful until this whole thing calms down.”

 

* * *

 

 

Geoff had arrived around noon with a terrible headache and even an hour later Ray was still managing to hide somewhere from him.

It really didn't help his mood, the fight from last night a heavy memory in his mind and he didn't like it. He didn't like fighting with Ray, he didn't like that it was usually the same topic, and he didn't like that it became more and more frequent.

He just... didn't know how to get it through the boy's thick skull that absolutely nothing was wrong with him. That all of them were perfectly fine with helping him when he didn't feel well and that it had not once stopped them from doing some stupid heist.

Sure, a handful of times Ray hadn't been able to come with them or they had to do it another day. They had changed their plans for him, the procedure and everything.

One of them – usually Jack who hang back with the vehicle – was close enough to Ray to react in case he was having a seizure; they had a codeword as a warning.

Until now it had never happened, when Ray was pumped with adrenaline, when he was enjoying himself or simply gazing through his sniping rifle, finger gently laying on the trigger, he never had any problems. It was the down days, where he wouldn't sleep right or when he would get angry over something, that's when it was the worst.

God, the first time it had happened... He could remember it so clearly. That had been four years ago, when Ray had been eleven.

 

* * *

 

The lads played Xbox in the living room, loud yelling as usually and he and Jack were in the kitchen, discussing God knows what. He was rummaging in the fridge and didn't notice Ray at first. Only when he said, “Geoff,” had he turned around. Ray blinked up at him, a distant look in his eyes like he couldn't quite focus on him. “I feel strange...”

Ray's voice had been so small and lost that both Jack and him simply stared for a moment.

“There are glowing strings here..?”

And then Ray collapsed onto the floor, no attempt to catch himself at the slightest and the noise as he hit the tiles had been sickening, though not as much as the jerking of his muscles in the next moment, his arms and legs pulling against his body.

Geoff had read so much about epilepsy, they all had. They had prepared for this situation right here and still... still he couldn't move.

His brain told him that it was most likely a tonic seizure but that was about it.

“Ray!” Michael cried out, and the other two lads were suddenly in the kitchen as well, running towards their friend.

“Don't touch him!” And Jack was also moving, everyone was moving besides himself. “Give him some room. He'll be better really soon.”

“But...”

It didn't seemed likely, Ray was still curled on the floor, jerking occasionally, and Jack sat beside him, gently holding his head so that he wouldn't hit it somewhere else, trying to pull it a bit back so that Ray could breath better but he seemed to be too tense.

Gavin was standing at the door, hands clasped over his mouth and shaking slightly. Michael was next to him, fuming as if he was angry at Ray or the seizure.

Geoff could understand him.

He took his first breath and felt his numbness fade a bit.

Ray did the same, he gasped loudly and his eyes dropped shut. His whole body relaxed and Jack carefully helped him, placing his head on the floor. Carding his hand through Ray's sweaty hair, he murmured something that Geoff couldn't quite understand. It was soothing, that was what mattered and Ray's chest was still heaving, his breath wet on the tiles.

With some hesitation, Michael came closer, crouching down in front of him and clasping his shaking hands around his own knees.

“You did it, buddy,” Jack whispered. “It's over now. It's alright now.”

Ray's eyes fluttered open, a bit teary as they searched for the source of the voice. He swallowed before a long whine left his mouth, hand reached out to rub at where his head had hit the ground.

“Ray?” Michael asked carefully and the brown eyes moved to him, than to Gavin who was still standing behind him, looking pale and in shock. He tried to sit up and Jack helped him, holding tight as he leaned Ray against the counter.

“What happened?” he asked, voice timid and small. There was a red spot on his temple, right beneath his hairline and he reached for it again.

“What's your name?”

They all stiffened a bit at Jack's question. Michael threw him a heated glare and Geoff couldn't remember an instance in which he had seen Michael stare at Jack angrily before.

“My name?” Ray stopped, thinking for a moment. “I am Ray Narvaez, number three of Project Neon.”

“Good. That's very good, buddy.” Again Jack carded through the dark hair and suddenly Ray looked very afraid. It finally freed Geoff and he stepped ahead, sitting down in front of him and the brown eyes were big and dark as they found him.

“Why is he asking that, Geoff? Why is he asking such strange questions?”

“We are just checking out if everything is alright.” Swallowing, Geoff offered his hand and Ray clung to it, intertwining their fingers. “Ray, can you tell me what day of the week it is?”

The boy stared at him confused before opening his mouth, ready to answer before hesitating. He shook his head, looking from one to the other.

“That's fine. That's perfectly fine, Ray. Tell me what month it is.”

“January,” he said quickly. “It's January!”

Behind them Gavin's breath hitched because it was in the middle of February but nobody reacted. Geoff just felt his heart sink slightly, trying to keep his smile on. “Good, Ray. Good job, buddy.”

Ray gave him an unsure smile, leaning his head against the counter. “What happened, Geoff?”

“You had a small seizure, buddy.”

“A seizure?” He seemed confused by that word, his eyes drifting shut slowly.

“You need to sleep now, “ Jack told him. “That takes a lot of strength out of you, Ray. Now you can sleep for a while and you'll feel better.”

“Sounds good...” He was already drifting off, head heavy and Jack caught him, picking him up and carrying him out of the room, and Geoff wanted to protest. Wanted to scream at him for taking Ray away from him but a part of him knew that he couldn't handle the boy now. That he was shaking and felt sick and couldn't believe what just happened. That his hands were outstretched as if he was still holding Ray's and he hadn't even known the date.

That could happen, that was pretty common, but it was scary. All of this had been scary, and now he simply sat on the cold kitchen floor, staring at a counter.

“Ray peed a little,” Michael said behind him and Geoff felt himself grow angry. That was what he was worried about? What that his fucking problem? Didn't they have other matters at hand?

He turned around, feeling the need to scream at the boy to get lost, but Michael was standing there, watching him and big tears were rolling down his face. He didn't look grossed out and he didn't look cocky, just confused. Like that was the fact he couldn't wrap his head around.

“That can happen,” Geoff told him and the boy nodded slowly, trying to work through it. He was still crying but his whole face changed from confusion, to anger to fear in a heartbeat.

Geoff held out his arms and Michael fell into his lap, holding tightly as he started to sob painfully, whimpering, “I don't like it. I don't like it. How do I make it stop?”

“We'll call Caleb and find out,” Geoff promised and looked up. Gavin was gone, maybe had followed Jack and right now he just concentrated on calming Michael down, calming himself down through that.

They headed to Ray's room together a few minutes later and like he had thought, Ray was deeply asleep.

“He's doing great,” Jack told them. “I don't think the seizure was a big one and after a few hours of rest, he'll feel a lot better.”

“You sure?” Michael asked, still sniffing quietly.

“I am really sure, pumpkin. How about you and me call Caleb and let Ray sleep for a bit longer?” Standing up, Jack squeezed Geoff's arm. “You think you can handle this?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I am better now,” he promised and noticed for the first time how stressed Jack seemed. Rattled to the bone, and without much thinking, he hugged him. “Thank you, Jack. Thank you very much.”

“It's nothing.”

“Where's Gavin?” Michael asked quietly.

“Wasn't he with you guys?”

“I thought he followed you.”

“We'll look for him now.”

“Okay,” Geoff sat down on the edge of Ray's bed and stayed there until Caleb came over. He hovered in the room during the examination of his confused and exhausted Ray and then he sat back down right there after Caleb was gone and Ray back asleep.

Jack told him that they had found Gavin hiding underneath his own bed and they had to call Ryan to get him out again. Geoff nodded but refused the food the other was bringing. He didn't feel like eating while Ray was sleeping so deeply next to him.

The boy woke up in the evening, not remembering anything but feeling a lot better. They had a talk late into the night.

 

* * *

 

 

Geoff shivered like he always did while thinking back. It was far from being Ray's worst seizure but maybe because it was the first it stuck with him.

And now Ray was avoiding him, hiding somewhere in the base and he wasn't going to hunt him down. They both got awkward and unsure after a fight.

“You wanted to get in contact with the project,” Michael said behind him and Geoff turned around. He hadn't even noticed him and the boy smirked at him. “Are you going to call them?”

“I was actually planning on driving to Reese's office.”

The boy grimaced a bit at that name but didn't back down. “Can I come with you?”

“Are you sure?”

He shrugged. “I am bored, Jack is out checking on the safe houses and Gavin is actually working hard enough that I would feel bad for messing with him.”

“What about Ray?”

“Ray is as moody as you. But you kinda do something productive instead of just dicking around.”

“Well, I am glad for that,” Geoff grumbled.

“Come on, big boss! Give me something to do! I'm getting so bored.”

And a bored Michael was a bad thing. He would either go around and search for someone to bother or go out alone and cause trouble. Usually a lot of trouble if Jack wasn't around to get him under control.

Still, taking one of the lads to Missus Reese was something he wasn't all too comfortable with. Even after seven years, her visits were feared and dragging a sick, begging Ray to her was one of the hardest things he had ever done.

“I'm fine, Geoff,” Michael assured him softly as if he could see right through him. A thing he had learned from Jack, he saw the knowledge often in his warm eyes.

“Then I'd love for you to come along,” he agreed quickly and Michael grinned widely. “Could sure as hell need some company when meeting with her.”

“What, Geoff? You act like you don't adore her!”

“Please stop me from shooting her in the head.”

“Dude, anger management is like my job,” Michael nodded slowly. “If I can stop myself from not shooting her in the head, I am sure I can stop you as well.”

“Lovely,” Geoff huffed.

They headed down into the garage and Geoff decided on the motor bike. He was later than he had intended with everything and seeing that they would head into the center of Los Santos he really didn't have the patience to drive for over an hour through the crowded streets.

It was also nice to see how Michael's eyes lit up as he hopped on.

The engine roared and Geoff took off, already way past the speed limit. Weaving between the cars, he had to slow down as they neared the center but never bothered to fully stop in traffic.

The loud wind, the vibrating engine... it were all nice ways to get his head cleared and Michael seemed to agree, laughing behind him on certain risky turns. It dimmed down considerably as Geoff parked in front of a huge office building. Next to the door were many signs, telling him what professionals were residing here, but they ignored them all. By now they knew the way all too well.

Driving up with the elevator, Michael fell silent, a slightly distant look on his face as he watched the mirror in the elevator. He was usually the least problematic with the visits here but Geoff was pretty sure it was an act to calm the other two down. When they were with him, Michael made sure to stay close, to touch them in some way and talk to them. Offering to go first and assuring them that it wouldn't be as bad.

To some extent Michael had adopted both of them as much as they all had.

Reaching out, Geoff gently touched his shoulder and the boy snapped out of it, looking up to him. Sometimes when he did that he still seemed really small in this worn out jacket he refused to replace.

“Okay,” Michael told him and Geoff nodded. The elevator reached its destination and they moved through a short hallway before entering the office they all despised that much.

There was a man sitting behind a desk, typing on the computer before looking up at their entrance.

“Good day! How may I help you?”

“We want to see Reese,” Geoff told him before stepping right in front of the table, towering over the man.

“Missus Reese is currently in a meeting,” the man went on, not faltering in the slightest. Maybe he was already used to it. “It shouldn't take a lot longer though. Why don't you sit down?” He gestured towards some armchairs by the huge windows and with a curt nod, Geoff turned away and they both sat down.

The arm chairs were made out of leather and because they were placed in the sun they felt hot and uncomfortable beneath them, but neither of them said something.

Geoff took some of the biscuits from the table between them but noticed that Michael didn't. The boy was thoughtfully looking out of the windows, down to the streets below and Geoff couldn't help but follow his gaze.

The secretary brought them a coffee and apologized for the wait but Geoff didn't bother to answer and the man retreated again.

“Ryan said that both Gavin and Ray should be relatively safe considering everything,” Michael said suddenly, eyes not leaving the window and voice low enough so that only Geoff could hear him. “That makes me happy.”

Geoff hummed in agreement, raising his gaze to watch the boy now.

“But that doesn't mean they are safe,” Michael went on. “We can hole Gavin up, he is safe inside the base and at home. He barely joins us on heists, so that's also good. But Ray... we need him in the field and he wants to be in the field. I am a bit worried about him.” He slowly looked up, brown eyes fixing on Geoff. “You will protect him, won't you?”

“Michael, I will protect every single one of you.”

His mouth twitched into a smile. “I know, Geoff.” His gaze wandered back outside. “I didn't doubt it. It's just... sometimes it's nice to hear it.”

“It's fine.”

He gave a hum as an answer, eyes darkening a little as he continued to watch the city beneath and Geoff frowned at that. Maybe it was this place, the dark feeling of being so close to this horrendous woman but Michael rarely let his guard down like this.

Only at home and then when Jack was around. If he was worried he would get angry or irritated, not this thoughtful and insecure.

“So you talked to Ryan about this?” he pried carefully.

“He came to me when I got to the base.”

“Then what about you? If he says Ray and Gavin are safe, what did he say about you?”

A shadow crossed the boy's face and Geoff felt like sinking, a terrible feeling of dread but before Michael could answer him, the door opened. Still he watched Michael for a moment longer, the slightly haunted movement as he looked up to see Missus Reese.

But then Michael stood, hand going to his gun and Geoff also turned around, reaching out to keep the boy from making a mistake because they really couldn't use any more problems with the project right now.

In the door didn't stand Missus Reese but a girl, bright red hair that flowed over her back she had turned to them. It was unprofessional for a Gunslinger, an obvious mistake but she was still talking with Reese even though her body seemed to want nothing more than to leave.

“Yes ma'am,” Geoff could hear her say and felt Michael's hand relax slightly beneath his. Lindsay turned away, a soft sigh on her lips and she still didn't notice them, her dark gaze flickering over them without reaction and why was she even alone here? Where was her guardian?

She snapped back to attention a heartbeat later, eyes sharp and green as they found them again and she froze. There was a tense moment between her and Michael before Geoff felt the boy throw him a quick look and he slipped in front of him, hand still on his.

“No need to escalate this,” he said slowly and the girl looked between him and Michael in confusion. He wasn't his guardian, she must know this by now and seemed confused by their behavior.

At least Michael let out a breath. “Okay.”

Lindsay relaxed as well and for a moment Geoff wondered if Project NEON had made a terrible mistake with the ransom. If they could unite the Gunslinger against them...

Then Reese stepped into the room and made everything tense again. Lindsay moved a step away from her, her gaze dark again as her eyes found the woman and behind him, Geoff felt Michael ball his hands into fists.

“Oh well, that's just awkward!” Reese said good naturedly. “So much money in one room – a kill here could change the leadership drastically in Los Santos! How _interesting_!”

And Geoff hadn't even thought about that before, his eyes darting back to Lindsay who now stared at him. Her hand moved to her waist, to a weapon that was surely hidden somewhere on her body and still... she was outnumbered and she knew it.

A shot now would surely throw them into a full out war between them and the Corpirate and he wasn't quite sure how much money was out there for Lindsay's head but it sure as hell was enough. A chance like this would never come again and everybody in this room knew this.

He would be a big step ahead in his crew ruling this rotten city.

Lifting his arms, he showed that his hands were empty. “I don't think that's necessary,” he said and watched amused as Reese's everlasting smile faded. “I don't need to kill a child to rule this city.”

He saw Michael move in the corner of his eyes, stepping ahead and for a moment he was worried the boy would still shoot her. After all he wasn't Michael's guardian but his hands were also empty and Lindsay seemed to catch up.

“Hello Lindsay,” Michael said as he held his hand out and a little hesitatingly she took it.

“Hello Michael.”

Geoff wasn't quite sure what was more amusing. The way that Michael's ears turned bright red as his name rolled of her tongue or Missus Reese’s absolutely pissed expression, like she had just bit into something bitter and was absolutely not happy about it.

Okay, that was a lie. He totally knew why he started laughing loudly.

The two Gunslinger turned to him, Michael snickering and even Lindsay smiled a little even though she didn't seem all too sure what was even happening.

“It seems that I am busy, Lindsay,” Missus Reese finally snapped. “Please leave now.”

“Of course, Ma'am.” She gave a mischievous nod towards him and let go of Michael's hand, while Michael still seemed a bit starstruck.

“Lindsay,” Geoff called before she could leave and she turned towards him. “Be careful out there.”

“Thank you, Mister Ramsey.” Her eyes darted to Michael. “You, too, Michael.”

She left and Geoff was pretty happy with the result of this unexpected encounter. Reese was fuming, he himself felt the need to giggle like a little school girl and Michael stared after her, mouth a bit open and looking completely flustered.

Yeah, he was really happy about this.

“Come inside,” Reese grumbled and entered her actual office.

With a spring in his step, he pushed Michael's mouth shut and startled the boy out of his trance.

“Time for business, Casanova.”

“Who's that?” the boy asked, confused, but followed him inside.

The few seconds were enough for Reese to get her smile back on, which was really a shame as Geoff flopped into the chair before she could ask him to do so.

“I'm surprised to see you here, Mister Ramsey,” she began.

“Really? I thought you were smarter than that.”

She didn't react to his hostility. “How can I help you today?”

“How about you tell me why there's a bounty on my Gunslingers?”

“I noticed that your Gunslinger wasn't with you. Is Ray not feeling well today? Maybe we should try a new therap-”

“Ray is fine. He's just on another mission today,” he growled. That bitch. “Mind answering my questions now?”

He had expected her to deny it, to tell him that the project had nothing to do with it, that it had been a hacker attack or something. Instead she smiled as always. “It's the next stage of our test.”

“Killing them?”

“Seeing which skill-set will survive the longest,” she corrected him gladly. “It's a valuable information for our buyers.”

“You are a psychopath,” Geoff told her matter-of-factually. “So, how much do I have to pay you guys to take my boys off that list.”

“I fear that would defeat the purpose of the test, Mister Ramsey.” She crossed her legs, leaning forward, her nails painted perfectly in a deep indigo, and not for the first time he noticed the picture of two kids on her desk. It always grossed him out to imagine that this woman had children of her own. “The bounty can not be removed by money, I assure you. Project NEON and Kuebiko are not open to deals on this matter.” Her nails clicked on the smooth surface of her desk. “There is just one way to remove the ransom.”

“Oh yeah?” he spat. “For them to die?”

“Well, I guess that is also a way,” she actually chuckled a bit at that and he instantly hated that noise. “But of course we will show our gratitude for our kids in the test-run, so we have agreed to erase the bounty on the one who survives the longest. The last one standing will be free to go on as before. So one of...your boys has a chance!”

Next to him, Michael stiffed and Geoff also felt shell shocked. Sitting up straight, he yelled, “Who the fuck do you think you guys are? Fucking Collins or Bachmann?”

She threw him a funny look and he couldn't help but stand up. “The Hunger Games, The Long Walk. Go ahead and read them, they’re about killing kids. I am sure you would enjoy them, you bitch!”

“Mister Ram-”

“We are leaving!” he grumbled and took Michael's arm, ready to storm out.

“Michael,” she called and the boy stopped beneath his touch, turning back towards her in a secret command. Geoff hated when they did that, he hated that this woman had so much power over them.

“Congratulations on making it in the top three,” she said, smiling of course. “Out of the three Ramsey Gunslingers I bet on you.”

“You-” Geoff began, ready to charge at her but Michael stopped him, holding an arm out to stop him.

“You are an awful psychologist if you think I would raise my hand against them,” the boy said calmly. “Whoever wants to hurt them has to get through me first.”

“You will regret this decision really soon, Michael,” she told him. “You could survive.”

He raised his hand and showed her his middle finger. Scoffing, Geoff pulled him out of the office, holding tight to him and walking fast. Just wanting to get away from this woman before she could say anything else.

God, he hated her. He hated her to pieces and it made him furious to know that she had access to all those kids, that she had this power over them and that she had been with them for so long.

Reaching the elevator, he pushed the button to the ground floor way too hard and leaned against the wall, huffing annoyed.

Michael didn't look any better, again fixing something in the mirror and before Geoff really noticed him moving, he was already smashing his fist through the mirror.

The glass didn't fall off, but it shattered beautifully and they both watched the cracks spread to the ceiling.

Letting his hand sink, Michael shook it out and looked at Geoff expectantly. The older just chuckled and did exactly the same, punching the mirror on the other side as well and Michael fell into a giggle fit as he watched him. It was bright as it echoed through the small space and Geoff smiled as well, watching thousand Michael's laugh in the spiderweb walls.

It was a nice picture and when the elevator arrived, Geoff tugged the boy into his side and Michael grinned wolfishly up at him, too proud about his antics for his own good. Still, he could feel the other's tension in his shoulders and of course he would be. He was just told that he would either die or survive the other two. Right now Geoff didn't want to think about it, wanted to preserve the lightness in the air for a while longer.

“So,” he began teasing. “What was that with Lindsay?”

Michael blinked. “I thought you'd like that. You certainly liked Reese's look.”

“Not quite what I was talking about, buddy. But I agree, that was pretty amazing.” He chuckled as he thought back to that but also noticed how red spilled into Michael's face. He sighed loudly as they walked out of the building. “Well, I guess this had to come up eventually and it seemed logical that it starts with you. You're the oldest out of the three after all.”

“What are y-”

“Also Ray is so socially awkward, he wouldn't even know what to do with his feelings if I wrote him a manual. Thinking about that, he would probably ask me to write him one.”

“Geo-”

“And just imagining it would be Gavin, it makes me cringe! That stubborn idiot would probably make someone fall for him without realizing it. Oh God, but imagining him going to Ryan for advice would be hysterical!” Throwing his head back, he laughed and Michael stared at him all funny.

“Are you drunk?” the boy asked, his voice a tad worried. “Maybe I should drive.”

“Nice try, buddy.” Squeezing the boy once more, he let go as they reached their bike. “But I'll stop teasing, sorry.”

“Were you teasing me? I didn't even understand what you were saying!”

“Lindsay is pretty, isn't she?”

“I- what?” Michael spluttered, blushing brightly even though he seemed terribly confused. Apparently his head couldn't keep up with his body.

Ah, puberty.

“Nevermind,” Geoff assured him as he got on the bike and waited until the boy climbed on behind him.

“Are you sure you are not on drugs and won’t crash us in the next building?” Michael asked again.

“Pretty sure.”

“Well then...” He didn't sound all too reassured about that as he made sure his helmet sat tightly. They drove off and Geoff's amusement over the situation settled a little on their way.

He didn't drive as recklessly this time, no need to hurry to get back to the base and so he had more time to think. Wondering what they could do against those bounties. Well, surely Gavin could take the site down but that would leave them with a lot of problems with the project and Gavin wasn't allowed to. He was also pretty sure the message had spread too much by now.

The professional hitmen, the most dangerous ones out there, would already know. Was there really no other way than to lock the lads up?

No way that would work, no way that he wanted that. They had spent their first years locked up, he really didn't want to do that again after they found freedom.

“Geoff.” One of Michael's hand let go of him as he searched for his phone. “Someone is following us.”

Throwing a look into the mirror, he frowned. “That guy on the motorcycle?”

“Are at least four, maybe five,” Michael corrected him, arm returning to wrap around his middle.

“Did you notify Gavin?”

“Yeah, let's see if he can identify them.”

“Hold on tight, let's see if we can shake them off. Maybe he can check out where they are heading.”

“Gotcha.” His arms curled tighter around him and Geoff made a hard turn to the left, weaving through honking cars.

“Lost one of the- No, the guy is turning around, getting back on track,” Michael told him. “I can see only two anymore. You think they are out for the bounty?”

“Could be,” Geoff mumbled and saw in the mirror how Michael gave the strangers the middle finger.

“Can I kill them?”

“Would bring us further if we knew who sent them in the first place,” Geoff admitted slowly. “But we are not taking any risks. Do you think you can get on the front like this?”

“I think so.”

“Don't fall off.” Slowing down a little to have more control over the bike, he lifted his arm as Michael slung his legs around him. That way their pursuer got closer but he really didn't want to end up flattened on the street.

Michael ducked beneath his arm, pushing himself off and Geoff pulled him into his lap. Their helmets collided with a soft noise as he sped up again. And now that they were sitting safely chest to chest, Michael had a better line of fire while looking over his shoulder.

“Okay,” the boy gasped. “They fucking got guns, Geoff.”

“Figured. Let's stay in the more populated part of town so tha-”

“They don't give a fuck about that!” Michael cried out and the metallic clunk as something hit the bike sounded terribly loud even over the wind passing by them.

“Fuck.” Leaning to his right, Geoff took another tight turn, out of the city center and up to the highway. Michael was clinging tight to him before pulling out his own gun.

“Can you get a clean shot?”

“Not really, they are serpentining like motherfuckers.” He leaned more against Geoff, a single hand grasping the older's jacket for hold. “But they also can't shoot like that, so that's that.”

“It'll get less busy once we're out of the city, prepare for that.”

Michael's helmet hit his again as he nodded. “I can pick them off then. Still don't know where the other three went though...”

“We start with those two first.” Speeding up a bit more, he overtook most of the cars in front of him and then they were up on the highway, swirling in between trucks until they reached a long straight stretch, that was relatively clear.

“Doesn't get much better than that,” Geoff told him and slowed a bit down so that he could hook his fingers into Michael's belt as the boy straightened up. He could feel his heart pound against his shoulder, a smooth beat as he steadied himself.

“Oh, that's where the other three went,” he laughed and before Geoff could ask, the boy shot. Throwing a quick look into the mirror, Geoff watched the helmet of the closest guy shatter just as he was also about to raise his weapon. The driver behind him swirled out of the way, nearly eating shit against another car which was braking furiously now.

The third one simply jumped over the wreck and caught up with them and for a moment Geoff was confused why Michael didn't shoot. Turning his head, he saw the long fiery red hair from before flowing out of the helmet.

Lindsay gave them a quick wave and Michael saluted her while laughing loudly.

“Hey, the last coward is trying to get away!” he called loudly and as Geoff threw a look back, he saw the guy trying to turn around before getting hit by a car.

Getting slower as well, Geoff came to a stop in the middle of the road along with the car. Michael slumped back into his lap, still giggling widely as he watched Jack climb out, phone pressed to his ear.

“Yeah, Gavin. I got them.” Shooting the guy in the head for good measure before hanging up and coming closer. “I swear to God, I only left for three hours. I don't even know how you managed to do that.”

“We're just the best, Jack!” Michael assured him before turning around. Geoff followed his gaze and found Lindsay parked further down the road. She seemed to be thinking about killing her engine or not but then she turned around and drove off.

Throwing a look to the boy, he was amused to find utter confusion on Michael's face.

“You sure got it bad,” Geoff told him and Michael blinked at him.

“What?”

He didn't get to explain it when Jack hurled Michael from the bike to check on him, dusting him off.

“Did you get hurt?”

“Not a single scratch!”

“Good.” He was pulled close, crushed against Jack's chest and started to chuckle. Geoff smiled briefly at that before catching Jack's worried look.

They were already after them.

  


 

 

For reference,

[Gavin's tattoo](https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSdXmJ5OqCoOL2sWDsy8Tq7_9jWhRt_VFSF_JLQs1OJ4l_6p1By)

[Ray's tattoo](http://desiznworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/aaaaaa4.jpg)

I like tattoos


	4. Commencement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We should just hunt down the project,”

Chapter 3

Commencement

 

Geoff reached the base first because Jack was slower with the car in the traffic and had insisted on Michael driving with him. On the drive there he had wondered how those guys had known where to find them, but the more he thought about it, the more obvious it seemed.

Of course they would head to their contact to the project, and Geoff cringed at that thought. Still, those guys had known where Reese's office was, meaning they had ties to the project or a Gunslinger. Probably part of one of the crews of the test-run.

Parking the bike, he got off and took another look at it. There were dents in the metal where the bullets had hit it but nothing they couldn't quite easily fix. It was still unnerving to see just how close that had been.

If Michael hadn't noticed them in time, if there had been an obstacle in their way... they had gotten lucky today. Also, Lindsay.

He couldn't quite figure her out, not sure if he could trust her even in the slightest. She was talented, and her being friendly might as well just be an act to get in his good graces; after all, she was working for the Corpirate. But she had been alone with Reese, either because of a check up or also to get information about the bounty. Probably the latter.

Which meant those men pursuing them could have just as well been after her. Maybe they had been, maybe she hadn't so much as helped them as she had used them to take them down.

Someone tugged at his sleeve and he noticed that he was still just standing there, staring at the bike. Turning around, he found a shy Ray lurking behind him.

“Are you okay?” he asked, eyes not quite able to meet his but not letting go of his sleeve.

“Yeah. We got lucky,” Geoff quickly assured him and watched as Ray took a small step towards him.

“After you guys contacted Gavin we watched over the street cameras,” he explained, before leaning ahead and nuzzling his face in the other’s shoulder. “I was worried,” he admitted quietly.

“Sorry, buddy.” Lifting his arm, he pulled the boy into his side like usually and Ray let it happen. Leaned into his body and closed his eyes. Geoff could feel him slowly relax beneath his touch.

“Are you alright?” he asked next and Ray nodded.

His eyes fluttered open again and now he looked up to Geoff, eyes tired and worried. “Are _we_ alright?”

“Of course we are.”

“Sorry for being such a handful, Geoff...” he whispered duly. “I know you only want what's best for me and... and I am just sorry for being such an asshole.”

“You're my asshole, Rayray,” Geoff assured him and nudged him a little as he noticed his sullen expression. “And I totally understand you. It's normal that we sometimes clash and it's normal that we do stupid things when we are stressed.”

“I didn't mean the things I said yesterday...”

“I know. But like I said, you're my asshole and I am yours.” Squishing the boy against him, he ruffled his hair. “More importantly you are my most precious little Ray.”

“God, I'd love it if you would stop saying that!” Ray huffed but he was blushing happily. “It makes me sound like a little kid!”

“Well, you are small. You barely reach my shoulders.”

“Geoff! I am a grown man!”

He spluttered in disbelief. “Don't make me laugh! Our fridge is still filled with Capri Sun!”

“What has that to do with anything at all?” They stepped a bit back when Jack's car entered the garage and Ray started to fight against his embrace. Geoff let him struggle for awhile before allowing him to dart to Michael.

“Did you get hurt?” he asked, also tugging on his sleeve.

“I'm fine, I'm fine,” Michael assured him with a cocky grin. “Just small fishes, no need to worry about that.”

Jack didn't seem too pleased by that sentence and Geoff had to agree. They would have to get through their thick heads that this wasn't a game but before he could start that, there was squeaking coming from the stairs.

“My boi!” Gavin called before leaping at him. “That was so scary to watch! You are alright, aren't you?”

“I was also there, you know?” Geoff mumbled but Gavin just threw him a dismissive look before hugging Michael closer.

“I'm really fine, guys.”

“Good, then you shall carry me!”

“Okay.”

Gavin swiftly climbed on his back and Ray gave a little pout as if he was offended that he hadn't thought about that first as they began to walk back up into the base.

Geoff watched them leave with a stupid fond smile before remembering why they had been out there in the first place. And he felt Jack's gaze on him and it was like a slap in his face.

The thought, the implication that only one of them would get out of this whole mess – if at all – was terrifying on such a deep level that he felt a shiver working down his spine.

“Is Ryan here?”

“He should be soon. He went out a while ago.”

“Good. We need to talk.”

 

“We should just hunt down the project,” Geoff spat. The three of them sat in the briefing room and were discussing his meeting with Reese for a while now. He couldn't help but feel his anger come back.

How dare they!

“We don't even know where their base is,” Jack told him. “Or how big that whole thing actually is. Also fucking Kuebiko will go after us if we don't give up our identities and lay low for like, the rest of our lives.”

“Bullshit! We just take Kuebiko down! And Gavin can find out where their base is so that we could blow that whole thing up.”

“He can't though. He's not allowed to,” Ryan reminded him.

“Can't you just... order him? Put a little pressure on him?”

“You damn well know that's not how this works,” Ryan told him, his tone a bit undercut with coldness at the implication alone. “We don't know what damage it will cause to him if we force him to work against the project and I certainly won't let you try it.”

Geoff threw him a long heated glare as if Ryan didn't understand how important this whole thing was before sighing long and avoiding his gaze. “You're right.”

“Gavin wants to help, they all want but there is only so much they can do. The project made sure that the Gunslingers don't turn on them.”

“I know.” Running a hand through his hair, he turned to Jack instead. “You got an idea?”

“Not really,” he admitted. “I was thinking about getting the lads out of reach of the project or even... you now, faking their death or something.”

“That's a bit drastic, isn't it?”

“Only as a final resort of course.” But Jack shook his head. “Wouldn't work anyway. They got those implanted chips in their shoulders still. It transmits their coordinates and their vital levels.”

“Can't we remove them?”

“I bet hundred bucks that they are not allowed to do that.”

“But we could force them an-”

“And have the project more pissed at us than already?”

“Those guys went after Michael because he brings so much money,” Jack said slowly. There was something uncharacteristically dark in his voice. “And they can raise that amount on a whim. Same goes for the other two. We have to stay on their good side as much as we can, otherwise our lads will end up being the top three.”

“What if we offer them a deal?”

“I tried to pay for the lads but that's not what they are after.”

“And if we agree to go out and kill the Gunslingers on the list?”

“Jesus Christ, Ryan!”

He shrugged. “They get their damn data and we get the three out of there.”

“They are just children forced into this life! They are the same as our lads!”

“Don't you think I know that?”

“Doesn't sound like it!”

“I don't care.” He stood abruptly, something aggressive in his motion that Geoff didn't like. “I'll kill whomever thinks so much as to touch Gavin and I don't give a fuck about their gender or their age. What you guys do is up to you.”

“Easy for you to say. Your Gunslinger is the safest because you are able to hole him up here,” Jack gave back and they all hesitated at the edge in his voice. “Both Michael and Ray are out there with us while you can lean back and be sure that Gavin is safe at home or in the base. So don't talk all high-and-mightily of things you don't understand.”

Ryan stiffened, his hands curled hard enough around the edge of the table to paint his knuckles white. “What are you trying to say?”

“I am saying that you got lucky, I am saying that you don't understand the danger the active Gunslingers are in,” Jack informed him. “And I am saying that it's certainly not the right way to play right after Project NEON's rules because that's what they fucking want!”

“I don't care what they want or if I do what they expect me to do. I'll do what is right to protect _my_ Gunslinger!”

“By going all out and sending _our_ Gunslingers in the field while Gavin sits back here!” Jack was also standing up and Ryan stared at him, taken aback by the sudden hostility before his face hardened.

“Gavin is sitting in front of that computer since dawn, trying to find a way to protect all three of them!”

“While you gladly throw together a plan that will sent Michael and Ray into the front line to kill other kids while Gavin stays in safety like always!”

“You don't want it that way, Jack? Fine! Let's have them swap places, brilliant idea! Gavin can use a gun but your boy probably wouldn't even know how to boot the computer!”

“What did you ju-”

“Stop!” Geoff yelled and stepped between them because Jack was actually going for Ryan and Ryan seemed more than ready to take him on. Holding Jack back was harder than he had imagined and he had to use all his weight to push against him. “Calm down, you two thickheads! Are you guys fucking stupid or some shit like that? Jack, you know that Gavin is doing his best for our security and he fucking adores the other two and would never let something happen to them. Fuck, sure Michael and Ray are easier to have access to but they can at least fucking hold themselves in a fight. When someone gets in the same fucking room as Gavin, he's done for – we also have to think of his safety! And Ryan,” He fixed the other now, who seemed livid, ready to shove Geoff out of the way to get to Jack. “We will not go out there and hunt down the other Gunslingers! Not for the money and not for the safety of our lads. Not only would bring this a whole new war into this city between the crews but most of all; those are children! Children who had a terrible life and don't deserve this!”

“Those kids are trained to kill and will sooner or later go after our Gunslingers,” he snarled.

“They won't get to them! We don't kill kids in this fucking crew!” he cried out. “Calm the fuck down, both of you!”

With another glare towards Jack, Ryan turned on the spot and walked out of the room. Heading down the hallway, he quickly pulled his mask on before pushing his hand against the scanner. It was too rough and the door gave a soft beep, signaling him to try again and with a growl he did.

“Gavin,” he called when the door finally opened. “We're going home.”

The boy didn't even look up, he had a bag of sweets next to him and was chewing loudly on a lollipop. “You go ahead, I'll grab a ride with Geoff or Jack later.”

“No, you're coming with me right now.”

“I am not done yet,” the boy insisted, fingers quickly wandering over his keyboard and Ryan saw the footage from the streets on his screens. “If I can find out where those bikers came fro-”

“Gavin. Now.”

The growl was low enough to finally make the boy turn towards him and he instantly frowned. It was fascinating how good Gavin could read him even with his mask on or probably just because. On this floor everyone knew his face, no need to wear it.

“What happened?” he asked now, lollipop cracking loud between his teeth.

“Nothing. Come now.”

“You're lying, Ryan.”

“Then I probably have a reason,” he gave back and Gavin raised his brows. “You are working too hard, take the evening off.”

“You know that this is important, right?” But he was finally moving, stretching his limbs before hiding the sweets in one of his drawers. Stepping closer to Ryan, he took another long look at his face before reaching out and squeezing his arm. “Are you alright?”

“Yes.” He headed down the hallway, expecting Gavin to follow him and a few seconds later he felt his gaze between his shoulders. Before he could open the door to the stairs, it was opened from the other side and two loudly chatting lads came in.

“We're heading out,” he informed them and they nodded both.

“Alright.”

“See you later!”

They passed each other and he wasn't quite sure if it helped his anger or only fueled it. He could understand Jack, he was _stressed_ , he was _scared_ . Someone had tried to _kill_ Michael today after all!

But to imply... to imply that he _didn _'t_ care _ about the other two lads fucking hurt. It wasn't fair! He worked mostly with Ray, they were a flawless team with a high success rate. If Geoff wanted someone killed, he sent the two of them.

He also worked with Michael, enjoyed working with him a great deal. He was fun to have around and even though his methods were often extreme, that was the best thing about it.

He would leave none of them behind, _none_.

A part of him knew that Jack knew that, that he hadn't meant those words. Another smaller but louder part doubted it.

Unlocking the car, he waited until Gavin sat down next to him before heading out. As usually there was no radio on and it never bothered him. Gavin was usually running his mouth no matter the time of day but now he just threw him small glances as he noisily chewed on his lollipop.

“Are you scared?” Ryan finally broke the silence.

“About the bounty?”

“Yeah.” He cursed, slowing down as he noticed how fast he was going. He really didn't have the patience to deal with cops right now.

“Not really,” Gavin admitted and finally finished his candy, throwing the trash out of the window before slumping down in his seat. “Monsters won't get me.”

Ryan threw him a sharp glance but the boy ignored him in favor to check on his phone. “I don't want you to think like that.”

“Too late.” Looking up again, he watched Ryan. “Are you scared?”

“No,” he lied and noticed the funny sort of smile Gavin threw him.

“Okay,” the other simply settled on and remained quiet for the rest of the ride. Ryan barely noticed, his thoughts going back to Jack, and he didn't like it. He rarely fought with the man, had no need to do so, and certainly not about something so important. It had to be because he was worried about Michael, it surely was. He should have understood that, he shouldn't have taken him seriously.

Frowning over himself, he mechanically parked the car and walked up to their apartment, letting Gavin in before locking the door. He only stopped in his way when arms wrapped around his chest from behind. Here in the safety of their home he didn't mind the touch.

“Did you have a fight with Geoff?” Gavin asked quietly.

He shook his head. “With Jack.”

“Jack? That's new.” He sounded nearly amused before he sighed. “I'm sorry about that. I bet it was just because both of you are concerned and stressed.”

“I guess so.”

“You'll see, tomorrow you two will be awkward around each other but everything will be alright again.”

He didn't answer, but he could feel Gavin lean forward, letting his head rest between his shoulder blades, and he wondered again when the small boy had become this tall. It felt like he had to buy him new clothes every week because his old ones just didn't fit anymore. And he certainly hadn't been tall enough before to reach out and tug his mask off so easily. Ryan let him before reaching up and running a hand through his hair as he watched Gavin thoughtfully turning the mask in his hand. He put it on the drawer next to the door before kicking his shoes off messily and Ryan rolled his eyes.

He was an organized person, he knew he was, but Gavin was a chaos packed into a too small body. Usually he could bring him to at least keep the apartment relatively clean but his own room was a mess. He didn't care about that, he rarely went inside – only when the boy invited him or he had to wake him very early. It was his privacy and he didn't pry.

Gavin threw him a grin as if he knew exactly what he was thinking before trailing off towards the living room. Ryan followed him after toeing his own shoes off and placed them next to each other. He turned the corner to watch Gavin jump on the huge couch and instantly pulled a blanket over himself even though it was summer but Ryan had long since stopped questioning that behavior. If there was a way to hide himself even slightly, Gavin would do it. It comforted him, and so Ryan didn't mind as he sat down while the boy curled around himself like one of the damn cats he sometimes tried to hide in here.

“We are behind with Game of Thrones,” Gavin said as he snatched some pillows. “Geoff threatened me with spoilers yesterday.”

“Catching up won't help you much, he read the books.”

“Yeah but I can try,” he muttered defiantly before stretching for the remote, whining when he couldn't reach it.

Ryan left him to it as he went to grab some snacks, figuring they would not move for quite some time. He watched the boy from the kitchen as he stretched before sighing and giving up, letting his head fall back into the pillows probably in hope that Ryan would do something about that damn remote when he came back.

“Gavin,” he called and the other looked up at him, smile bright like the sun. It withered a bit at Ryan's serious expression. The guardian walked back inside and crouched in front of the couch to be on eye level with him.

“Geoff asked for a way to get you three guys off of that list,” he began and Gavin also grew serious.

“They wouldn't allow it, right?”

“No. If everything goes according to their plan, only one Gunslinger will survive and that one will be safe. They will remove the bounty and leave them be.” He reached out, grabbing Gavin's shoulder maybe a bit too harshly, but they boy didn't seem to mind. He was watching him with big eyes, curled up and comfortable like most evenings. A picture he had started to associate with the word home at some point.

“If nothing else works, I want you to be that last Gunslinger.”

“What does that mean?” Gavin whispered. “What about Michael and Ray?”

“I'll do everything I can to protect them,” Ryan promised. “But you are the highest priority.”

Something like anger flashed over his face, his brows furrowing. “I don't like it.”

“I don't like it either.” Handing him the remote, he headed back into the kitchen to get their snacks and drinks. Upon returning he found the boy sitting up, eyes green and sharp.

“You are scared,” Gavin told him and Ryan gave a curt nod.

“I know what those people are capable off. They will go after Michael and then they will go after Ray. You are safe as long as those two are around.”

Again this anger but it wasn't in his voice. “I am safe,” he repeated and Ryan wasn't quite sure if it was a statement or a question.

“Yes,” he simply agreed, holding his gaze. “Nobody will get to you without going through me.” And after a second, he added, “Nobody will get to the other two as well.”

Falling silent, Gavin worked through that, he could see the cogs in his head turning as he sat back on the couch. The boy curled up again, head resting on the pillows and blanket pulled up high but he made no move to turn the TV on.

“I'll take the website down,” he said after a while.

“No,” Ryan told him. “If you move against the project now they will simply raise your bounty. Also it's already too late.”

“But there has to be something I can do.”

“Keep the base a safe haven, this house here as well,” Ryan told him. “If we all pull our weight everything should work out fine.”

Gavin turned onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “But if we can't do anything against the website and people already know about the bounty on us... isn't it too late then?”

“We'll figure something out.” It didn't sound convincing and Gavin also seemed skeptic but let the topic drop. Turning the TV on, they watched for a while in complete silence and Ryan was pretty sure none of them really paid attention to what was even happening on the screen.

At some point Gavin scooted a bit closer, not looking at him as if he was shy and Ryan hoped that he had finally broke through to him, showed him that this was so far from a game.

Offering his arm, Gavin quickly took it and draped it over his chest. He held on tight, his hands so much smaller and skin smoother than his as he sighed quietly to himself.

After a handful of episodes and some junk food, Ryan felt himself drift to sleep and for once let it happen. The concern over this whole thing really hadn't helped his insomnia and he would take every hour of sleep he could get. With Gavin's small body close enough to feel his warmth, it was easier to know that he was safe for now.

When he woke up it was nearly pitch black, the TV dead and no light on besides the screen saver of Gavin's laptop. It was illuminating the boy's sleeping face, who was still curled up and wrapped in blankets.

Ryan wondered briefly how long he had been asleep to make the other go back to work again and when he checked it was in the early hours of the morning. Rubbing his face and feeling slightly dizzy, he closed the laptop, plunging them into complete darkness.

For a moment he considered just going back to sleep, the couch was soft and big and Gavin's soft breathing a comfortable sound but then he stood up and switched the light on.

“Come on, kiddo,” he mumbled tiredly as he bent down to shake Gavin gently. “Let's get to bed.”

The boy made a protesting sound that Ryan was all too familiar with and without anymore warning he pulled him into a sitting position.

“Ryan, why,” Gavin whined but slowly followed his lead and got to his feet. Blinking against the harsh light, he looked around as if he wasn't quite sure where he was and Ryan used his confusion to steer him towards his room.

Opening the door, he gave a displeased grunt over the chaos inside but the boy didn't care, stumbling ahead and climbing beneath the blanket when he held it up for him.

The model of the solar system was still standing on his bedside table but the planets had long stopped spinning. The lamp inside still worked and when Ryan switched it on the stars filled the room again.

Gavin gave a short chuckle. “You're a sap.”

“Shut up.”

“Hab dich lieb.”

“Ich dich auch.” Because it was so much easier to say it in another language and Gavin blinked at him, smiling tiredly.

“Your accent is terrible.”

“Only because you are a shitty teacher.”

Laughing again, the boy curled into his assortment of pillows and blankets until he was safely hidden in it.

 

* * *

 

Michael climbed up a ladder that seemed to be mostly held together by rust than anything else and he briefly wondered if it would break down beneath his weight. His luck really hadn't been the best in the past days, with bounties placed on his head and hitmen after him... but on the other hand he had not only survived his pursuer, but Lindsay also hadn't shot him back then so maybe he was luckier than he had believed.

Before he could finish this thought, he reached the roof and pulled himself up.

As expected, Ray was still where he had left him, laying on the roof and spying through his scope. He made no indication to show that he noticed Michael approaching him, only looking up when he dropped down next to him, hissing. The roof was too hot from the sun beating down on it and he would never understand how Ray wasn't bothered by that.

“How pissed would you say Geoff will be if he finds out I left you alone for ten whole minutes?” he asked as he bundled his jacket up as a makeshift pillow.

“I'm not sure if you should be worried about Geoff or Jack,” Ray told him. “You also went down the street all alone and I am not in the top three on that stupid list. Did you at least bring the food?”

Holding the take-out boxes up, Michael laid down on his back, watching the sky above. It was summer, the sky cloudless even though it had rained yesterday. He wasn't really a fan of summer, too hot for his taste, but there was really nothing he could do about it.

Pulling at his muscle shirt that already clung to his skin uncomfortably, he turned to watch Ray. That fucker still had that stupid purple hoodie on, staring down the bright pink rifle and Michael felt the need to laugh but stifled it quickly. Ray was so focused, his breathing even and his fingers resting on the trigger guard, that he would probably scare him.

Gavin had retraced the path of the bikers to some kind of warehouse and to be even more suspicious someone had tampered with the cameras in the area. So the plan for now was for Ray to observe the building and if possible catch anyone who came out of it. Of course Geoff had demanded for someone to go with him and Michael was free today, so why the fuck not.

He wasn't necessarily known for his patience but he was used to sitting tight on missions with Ray. Even before this whole mess there was someone always out with Ray in case he was getting a seizure. It had never happened; Ray was fine during missions, but Michael still didn't mind.

Ray was a nice company.

There was some soft static in his earpiece and he saw Ray flinch slightly at the sudden noise.

“Hey lads,” Gavin greeted them. “How's it going?”

“Still no movement,” Ray told him. “That whole building looks dead as dicks.”

“It's our only lead for now to find out who is after our lovely Michael.”

Rolling his eyes, Michael sighed and Ray threw him an amused glance. “I could deal with them, you know.”

“Sure but we could also make an example using them,” Gavin reminded him and sounded like he was eating. “Anyway, just wanted to give you an update. If you guys need back up, Geoff is close by.”

“What is Geoff doing here?”

“We got a hint from one of our informants,” he explained. “Apparently there will be a huge weapon delivery coming in soon and that shit is certainly not for us. He's meeting up with the guy to get some more information.”

“You think they are for the Corpirate?”

“Could as well be.”

“Jesus Christ,” Michael mumbled. “It's like everyone is fucking preparing for war. I wonder if Project NEON knew what they were doing with this list. There will be a lot of bloodshed if this goes on.”

“Who cares as long as it's not our blood?” Ray asked, rubbing his eyes briefly before looking back through his scope. “But it could've easily been Michael's blood five minutes ago if you would have run into Geoff on your way.”

He shivered at the thought of it. “Oh God, he would have been so mad. Like, his mustache would bristled or some shit.”

They all chuckled at the picture but it also made Michael remember their food. Opening the box, he broke his chopsticks apart and began to eat his noodles noisily. It bothered Ray and that was the point of it because the younger couldn't eat in his position.

“You spy for a moment,” he told him but Michael just shook his head.

“No way, I got the food, I'll be the first to eat.”

“Come on, I'm hungry, dude!”

“Too bad then.” Turning away, he rather asked, “So Gav, what are you eating?”

“Ryan got me a lovely salad.”

“A lovely salad,” Ray huffed.

“What? It's apparently more than you have, isn't it?”

“Good point. Seriously Michael, I am starving.”

“Alright, alright. Open up.” He grinned when Ray actually opened his mouth. “You are so lazy.”

“I am just preserving my energy, I swear,” he gave back. “Do I get some food now or not?”

“Michael, are you feeding Ray?” Gavin chimed in.

“Yeah, I am lovely after all. I'm like a nurturing mother or something like that.” Skillfully gathering some noodles with his chopsticks, he stuffed it into Ray's mouth.

“More like a big brother,” Gavin laughed and he also grinned, feeling pride whenever he was called like that. Proud enough to shove another portion into the other's mouth, making him cough and draw back.

Ray made a unrecognizable sound, he would bet it was meant to mean something along the line of _stop_ as he tried to chew through his mouthful. Snickering to himself, he watched as the younger swallowed and instantly offered him some more.

“Fuck you, Michael. I'm making a mess because of you!”

“That's what she said,” Michael told him good naturally and watched as Ray spluttered, bits of noodles flying from his lips and Gavin screeched in his ear.

“You're horrid, Michael!” he told him laughing. “You're a horrible little boy!”

“You are hurting my feelings, boi.”

They chuckled for a while longer and he fed Ray at a more reasonable pace while eating himself. He heard Gavin chew quietly, humming a bit to himself and it was somehow like having lunch together. They didn't have the opportunity to do that quite as often anymore; even though they still lived in the same building, work had picked up with the spreading of Geoff's territory, and while Ray and Michael often took jobs together, Gavin was barely out in the field anymore.

Michael wasn't the biggest fan of that but he had gotten used to it over time. It was certainly better than having his boi in danger and sure, Jack had taught them quite a bit of self defense, but both Gavin and Ray just didn't have the body to knock every threat down like it was nothing. He himself was a bit better on that but he still preferred a simple shot to the head to hand-to-hand combat.

Chewing on his chopsticks, he quietly watched over Ray and listened to Gavin's breath. It felt like home, it was so familiar.

“I am checking out the footage around the base from the past two nights,” Gavin said after a while. “There were at least ten people lingering around.”

Michael whistled, impressed.

“Not sure if it's ten different people, some might be reoccurring,” Gavin went on. “But we will know that when I get their faces. Seems like we are pretty pop-”

Michael didn't hear what he said next; he flinched when Ray suddenly sat up, going tense.

“They are moving,” he said and clambered to his feet. “Gavin do you see them?”

“Wait, I'm switching over.”

“They came out of a side entrance, I don't have a good shot at them.” Looking around, he searched for a better vantage point.

“They are still in the area in which the cameras are down,” Gavin told them. “I'll tell you when I have visuals, just keep me updated in which direction they are going.”

Michael also jumped to his feet but couldn't make out anyone in the streets. Before he could search any longer, Ray already darted across the roof, throwing his rifle over his back and he had to hurry up to not get left behind.

 

 

 

* * *

* * *

 

**And oh god, I keep forgetting to add the amazing gift I got from Rachel!**

**It's our tiny Lamp Halo Lads combined with Hybrid!AU! It's short and really sweet, please check it out[HERE ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5534150)because it ill surely make your day better!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick reminder because it's been a while:  
> "Hab dich lieb" is a german phrase, usually used between siblings or parents/kids. It basically means "I love you" but in a more innocent, non-sexualized and/or non-romantic way. "Ich dich auch" is the appropriate answer, like "I love you, too."
> 
> Next chapter will be bigger again!


	5. Hurricane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We were just kids! All of us... we were just kids and we were so scared and we were so lost and didn't know what was wrong or right!"

Chapter 4

Hurricane

 

The problem with Ray was that he was fast if he wanted to be. Fast and agile. Michael had to try hard to keep up, hearing Gavin chatting in his ear, probably informing Geoff. No time to listen to him now when fucking Ray jumped over the gap between two roofs like it was nothing, and Michael cursed loudly when he was forced to do the same.

He wasn't untrained, but jumping over gaps and seeing the hard ground several feet beneath him wasn't some of his favorite things. Still he landed it, struggling to stay on his feet and Ray was already halfway across this roof as if that whole thing didn't even happen.

Also it was hot as they ran, his shirt clinging to him and the other boy was wearing that stupid hoodie, jumping like a rabbit to the next roof all while taking glances down to the street.

Michael followed, far from being as elegant as him and promptly ate shit on his landing. Catching himself with his hands, he struggled to get back on his feet and promptly ignored the pain from his bruised palms.

“ Ray!” he called but the other didn't bother with him and he stumbled after him.

“ Which direction are you guys heading?” Gavin asked in his ear and he quickly took a look around in hope of finding something familiar but came up with nothing. He had a shitty sense of direction to begin with.

“ Fuck if I know.”

“You're not helping, boi.”

“Use the damn chips we have,” he told him and groaned loudly as he watched Ray jump to the next roof. Only that this time even he had some troubles, struggling with his balance and Michael's heart skipped a beat, wondering if he could somehow catch him if he went sailing down now but then Ray had already found his balance.

Lucky for him, but Michael came to a skidding halt in front of the gap that suddenly seemed way more like an abyss. Looking down, he found a narrow alleyway beneath with dumpster and probably some homeless people and everything.

“ Fuck you, Ray!” he called towards the other and that was at least enough to make the younger stop long enough to turn towards him. “I am not making that jump.”

“ Too bad for you then,” he said, barely out of breath. “Climb down and back up again. Try to catch up.”

“You stay right there, you little shit!”

“I will lose them!”

“ We will not split up now!”

“ You literally went to get fast food earlier and it was okay!” Getting to his knees, Ray held an arm out for him. “Come and jump, I'll catch you.”

It wasn't that he didn't trust Ray with his life but Ray was build like a twig and the ground beneath quite hard. “No way.”

“ Fuck you then.” Getting back up, he was still turned towards him with a defiant expression and so Michael noticed the man appearing behind him first. The roof Ray was on now, seemed to be part of a small factory and had two big chimneys.

The stranger had hid behind one of them, moving fast and was behind Ray before Michael could really open his mouth.

The thing was that Ray may have looked like he was easy to take down with how small and thin he was but Geoff had made sure the boy knew how to defend himself in a tight situation. So Ray had either heard the man approached or had noticed Michael's look because he spun around and ducked low. The strike that had enough power behind him to knock him out went over his head, leaving the upper body of the man wide open. Pushing himself out of his crouching position, Ray slammed his head right into the stranger's belly.

The man gasped, stumbling away and nearly sailing off of the roof with the attempt to catch himself. Ray seemed ready to help along, trying to kick the winded man in the back when Michael watched him get jerked back.

There was a woman and Michael wasn't sure where she had come from or where she had hid but she had grabbed Ray's rifle and pulled hard, making him trip backwards against her.

Michael drew his pistol and aimed for her head but she was a tiny bit faster, slamming her own against Ray's temple and the scene froze. He hadn't noticed how harshly his heart beat in his chest but it was enough to make his hand shake slightly and Michael tried to breath more evenly to calm down. His eyes darted across the other roof, taking in the scene in hope to find an easy solution but came up with nothing.

Ray was pulled against that woman's body, knees bent in an awkward position because he had been falling backwards and not with enough leverage to break her grip even if there wasn't a muzzle pressed against his head. Besides that Michael was pretty sure that the younger had only his rifle on him, certainly not the ideal weapon up close and his own pistol was not precise enough to shoot the woman without endangering Ray.

And now the man from before got back to his feet, still coughing from Ray's blow but that didn't stop him from training his gun on Michael.

“ Weapon down,” he bellowed and Michael didn't dare to move. His eyes finding Ray's who seemed more pissed at the situation than scared. Letting his gaze dart back to the man, he wondered if he could shoot him and if Ray would be fast enough to escape the grip somehow.

No, too risky.

There was a warning shot hitting the roof next to his foot and Michael scowled.

“ I said weapon down!” the man repeated. “I won't say it again!”

“ And I guess the next shot also won't miss and the whole thing. Bla bla bla,” Michael retorted but let his pistol fall to the ground. Raising his now empty hands, he asked, “Happy now?”

“After you kicked that thing into the streets I will be.”

Fuck. Giving his pistol a kick, it went off the roof and it seemed to take terribly long until it hit the ground.

“ Better,” the man mumbled and with his gun still on Michael he turned towards the woman. He actually looked helpless, like he wasn't sure what to do next and Michael realized that this whole thing wasn't planned, at least not really. Maybe they could pretend to be small fishes...

“ He's one of Ramsey's boys,” the man said quietly, nodding towards Michael. Well, so much for that, after all their crew logo was tattooed on his neck, easily visible on his skin.

“ Then this brat here has to be as well,” the woman answered. “Anderson was fucking right, they've been spying on us.”

“ Fucking Christ, what did they do yesterday? Why do we fucking have to deal with Ramsey now?” He looked back down to Michael and then to Ray. “That small one is Ramsey's Gunslinger. You have Ramsey's fucking ghost in your hands.”

“ Fuck,” the woman whispered, pushing her gun harder against Ray's head. “And that down there is Patillo's brat, he's the Firefly.”

“ You have any idea how much money we have in our hands right now?”

Michael stiffed, sharing a quick look with Ray. Ray was trapped and he himself had no cover on this roof.

“ Enough to start a war with Ramsey? He's got his men everywhere!”

“You came after us yesterday,” Michael called and both stranger turned back to him. He made sure that he still had his arms raised. “We are just here to check out why. If you make a mistake here, you are both dead.”

“ We didn't go after you,” the man hissed. “John and the others were meant to check on the project and didn't come back. They weren't meant to attack anyone!”

“ Well, they did. That's why we were here,” Michael explained. “And you guys are already fucked if you kill us or not. Right now the Puppeteer is checking on your identities.”

Which wasn't true, not when they had no cameras but he heard Gavin typing in his ear, saying quietly, “Geoff is on his way.”

Good. So he just had to play a bit more for time.

“ You could try to run,” Michael went on. “But you'd have to get fucking lucky to escape us but at least I can promise that we will kill you guys fast and without much pain.”

“ Fuck, fuck, fuck.” The man seemed to be in the brink of panic, apparently too much happening too fast as he slowly realized that he was in a fucking mess. He threw a look to the woman, the hand with his gun slowly sinking and Michael dared to relax. “Come on, let him go. Ramsey will be livid if we get one scratch on his Gunslinger.”

“ Wait, don't be stupid,” she replied, eyes watching Michael and he glared right back.

“ You think I am bluffing, bitch?”

“ I think that we have the upper hand and you want to make us panic,” she said and took a step back, making Ray stumble along. “Ramsey takes care of his own, everybody knows that and I am pretty sure he would make sure that nothing happens to his Gunslinger.”

“ He also makes sure to rip everyone's ass open who dares to touch his people,” Michael snarled.

“ Whatever, he pays a lot of money for his ghost. Surely a lot more money than NEON.”

“ You wanna take that kid with us?”

“ Why not? Ramsey pays us and he gets his Gunslinger back while we get the hell out of here. Sounds like a happy ending for everyone.”

Michael actually hissed at her for the idea alone. They wouldn't dare to take Ray with them, he would make them regret having that thought to begin with!

“ What about that little hot head over there?”

“ He brings in enough money on his own,” the woman shrugged and Michael could see Ray stiffen, eyes finding him. “Why not make sure that Ramsey knows we mean business?”

They would shoot him. They would shoot him and take Ray with them and for a terrifying moment Michael didn't know what to do about that. Didn't know how to stop them. His eyes were still locked with his friend and then Ray reared up, probably realizing that he was relatively safe so he thrashed around, trying to escape the tight hold around him.

Michael took the moment as both strangers turned towards Ray and jumped.

He didn't have any weapon and was nothing more than a sitting duck on this roof, on the other he could maybe disarm one of the guys and turn the tables. If he got to the other roof at all.

The gap was big to begin with and now he was missing the speed, the three steps before he jumped not enough and he knew it the moment he was in the air.

His chest hit the edge, his hands searching for a hold as he slipped backwards again. He was winded from the impact and the ground below him a livid memory but Ray was screaming his name and he could hear Gavin gasp in his ear, unable to see but still knowing that something bad was happening.

His fingers curled around the edge and he braced his feet against the wall, stopping his fall for the moment. Taking a huge breath, he could feel his arms shake from the strain of holding his own weight and he carefully tried to get a better grip when the man appeared above him, gun aiming right between his eyes.

Ray cried out again but he couldn't bother with making the words out, he simply pushed himself off with his legs and grasped the stranger's arm. His plan, if he was generous enough to call it like that, was to pull that guy down and somehow catch himself from following him but all he was able to do was push the gun to the side. It was at least enough to avoid the shot that felt hot being so close to him but he didn't have enough of a grip to pull and slumped back, having to use all his strength to not plummet down.

Staring up, he watched the guy steady his aim before he was clubbed over the head by something bright pink and lost his footing. Ray gave him a heavy push to send him over the edge and for a moment Michael was sure the younger would sail right after him but he caught himself in time.

“ Michael!” he cried out, trying to grab him but a hand fisted in his short hair and tore him back out of his field of view. Grinding his teeth, Michael took another breath and hearing Ray yell loudly gave him the needed strength to push himself up once more. With shaking arms he pulled himself up, trying to swing a leg over the edge when he was shot in the shoulder.

Grunting in pain, his arm gave out and slumping forward, his chin collided with the hard ground. Winded and gasping for breath, he didn't dare to move for a moment, fearing he would slip off quite easily now and the longer he waited, the more his shoulder started to pulse in pain, his palm getting slippery with blood but he had to move, he was laying here, only half on this roof with a pistol probably aimed for his head! And Ray was there somewhere, he could hear him yell in anger!

Lifting his head, he saw the younger a few feet away from him. There was blood covering his face and hoodie but it didn't look like it was his own.

Michael watched as Ray lifted his rifle, crashing the back of it into the face of the woman, surely breaking her nose with the force as he howled wildly. Fighting like a madman for the upper hand but the woman was tough, sending him to his knees with a forceful kick.

She stepped ahead while Ray tried to catch his breath, gently placing her gun against his forehead and it looked like an execution, it looked like a fucking execution and Michael tried to get on his feet, tried to pull himself onto the roof bu-

The shot rang across the roof and the woman's head exploded. Ray was showered in red but rolled to the side to not get crushed beneath her body as it hit the ground heavily.

Looking up, he found Geoff standing on the other end of the roof, only slowly letting his gun sink and Michael sighed relieved. It seemed to be loud enough to catch Ray's attention because he could hear the rifle clatter to the floor and in the next second Ray was sitting next to him, pulling him onto the roof.

He let it happen, rolling nearly lazily on the hot ground to get away from that fucking edge and closing his eyes against the blinding sun above them.

“ Michael, Michael, Michael...” Ray whimpered and pressed himself close to him. He was sticky from blood and smelled like gunpowder as he butted his head beneath Michael's chin, but it was a familiar motion.

“ 'm fine,” he assured him but didn't reach out to touch him, minding his wound.

The sun was covered and he let his eyes flutter open just in time to see Geoff fall to his knees next to them, a hand already on Ray's hair and the other going for his hurt shoulder.

“ You got shot,” he said sharply and Michael simply nodded, wincing when the other added pressure to his wound.

“ It went right through. Can you move your fingers?”

“Yeah,” he grunted as Geoff softly checked on his shoulders. Blinking against sharp tears, Michael saw Ray's head appear above him and he tried to smile. It didn't reach and the younger seemed terribly concerned and pale.

Reaching up with his other arm, Michael gently wiped the spray of blood from his cheek. “I'm fine,” he promised again but Ray simply shook his head, leaning against his palm.

“ You scared me,” he whispered. “I thought you'd fall down.”

“ No way.” He closed his eyes again because Geoff moved him now, wrapping the jacket of his suit around his shoulder and it stung. Nothing he couldn't deal with, he had learned to suppress pain but it had been some time since he had actually been hit by something.

“ Okay,” Geoff said softly as he rolled him onto his back. “Let's get you back to the base and let Caleb have a look at you.”

“ But the warehouse! Whoever is still inside must have noticed this commotion – we have to strike right now!” Michael insisted as he let his eyes flutter open. The moment he saw Geoff's expression he knew that it had been an useless attempt.

“ You won’t strike anything anymore today,” he told him promptly before wiping his hands off. The blood left red lines on his bright white shirt and Michael would feel bad if he wouldn't know that the other had like thirty of the kind in his wardrobe.

But as he watched, the blue eyes darted to Ray and new worry filled them. Taking a hold on Ray's shoulder, Geoff said slowly, “Calm down.”

And Ray was breathing a bit too fast, still pale beneath the specks of red but he was quick to nod. Michael also threw him another smile and this time the younger shyly returned it and that was good; he didn't want Ray to have a seizure because of him.

“ We'll get Michael down this roof now, there's a fire ladder in the back so I will carry him,” Geoff went on, softly explaining their plan and it was obvious that it helped Ray relax slowly. “Then we drive to the base and Caleb will patch him up. Meanwhile I will head back here and check on this warehouse.”

“I'll come with you,” Ray told him but Geoff just shook his head.

“ No. You will also stay and should probably take a shower. I'll take someone with me though, so don't worry about that.”

The boy nodded slowly, not quite happy but was quiet while Geoff helped Michael sit up. The wound wasn't bleeding all too much anymore and while biting his teeth it wasn't too bad with the pain.

“ What about your informant?” he asked to get a few seconds to catch his breath.

“ That's another thing we will worry later about,” Geoff assured him before moving to his other side and pulling his arm around his shoulder. Slowly he stood up and Michael followed, grunting through clenched teeth.

When he was finally on his feet, he gave a strangled sigh, leaning heavily against Geoff but Ray turned towards him, concern written all over his face.

“ Are you sure you are okay?” he asked again.

Biting his tongue and pushing the pain away, he tried himself on a dimpled smile.

“ Of course I am.”

 

Caleb had a small infirmary in the base, nearly all the way down and it had enough equipment to get them through the broken bones and flesh wounds the job brought with it.

There was a room with beds for anyone needing to rest for a while and on one of those Michael sat while Caleb sewed his wound shut. He was turned away, not liking to watch the needle going in and out through his skin while Caleb hummed beneath his breath. Instead, he looked through the glass separating this room and the office from where Caleb could observe his patients easily without bothering them. Now Ray sat out there, rubbing the blood from his face, and at some point Gavin had joined him and was now kneeling in front of him, cleaning his face with soft strokes. Ray let him, eyes closed and sometimes laughing at whatever the other said.

“ Alright,” Caleb mumbled before turning around to grab a bandage. “You got really lucky, Michael. Once again, I might add. No bones or sinews were hurt.”

“ Sounds good.”

“ Yeah but I want you to let that heal properly. You’re young, it won't take that long, but you usually just run out there again.”

“It doesn't even hurt,” Michael said while rolling his eyes.

“ Just because it doesn't hurt, doesn't mean it isn't dangerous,” Caleb said sharply. “You were trained not to feel pain but if you screw your arm up, you won't be able to shoot right.”

“ Whatever,” he grumbled and turned away. With a sigh, Caleb finished the bandage before standing up. “Talking to you is sometimes like talking to a brick wall.”

Not knowing what to answer to that, Michael remained quiet and watched as the man left the room and instantly Ray and Gavin swarmed him.

“ Will your arm fall off?” Gavin asked excitedly.

“ Absolutely,” he assured them. “I will get one of those cool robot arms and you guys will be jealous.”

“ I wouldn't be so sure about that. I kinda like my normal arm.”

Chuckling, he noticed that Ray still seemed concerned and he ruffled his hair quickly. “Are you okay? Did they hurt you?”

“Nothing too much, they just roughed me up a bit.”

“ That's good. Nice job out there by the way. You surely ruined that bitch's face.”

Ray gave a small, amused smile but it quickly fell again. Throwing a short glance to Gavin, he said, “I wish you would have been more careful, Michael.”

“ We are doing a dangerous job,” he reminded him.

“ But Ray is right, you are taking too many risks,” Gavin said. “We all do, I think. I don't want any of us to... you know,  _ die _ or something.”

“ Nobody of us will die, God, Gavin!” That was a stupid thought, they were Gunslinger! Not only that, they were working with Geoff Ramsey, fuck, they were the heart of the Fake AH Crew! And besides that... “If anyone would even dare to go after you two, they would go through me!” he told them. “And I will kill them all, no worries there!”

Gavin and Ray threw each other a second glance, shy and unsure before Gavin took a deep breath. “What if we don't want you to?”

“ Bullshit!” he said too quickly. How could they say that? They barely could look after themselves!

“ We just don't want you to get hurt,” Ray quickly appeased him, sensing his distress.

“ I can take it!”

“You got shot today, Michael,” Gavin reminded him softly.

“ But just in the shoulder.”

“ Could have been your heart.”

“It wasn't though.”

Ray sighed quietly and Gavin seemed ready to say something else but before he could, his phone rang. Checking on it, he said, “Geoff is back and brought work. I'll be upstairs then.”

“I'll come with you,” Ray said before turning towards Michael again. He didn't look happy as he squeezed his arm and forced a smile on his face. “Thanks for today, Michael.”

“ Always.” He watched them go and felt strangely... empty. And angry, the longer he thought about it, the angrier he got.

Before, when he was able to save either Ray or Gavin from something – usually Ray because they were most of the time out on missions – he was the fucking hero. They would look up to him, smiling in awe and call him big brother. Fuck, he was pretty sure Gavin did it in purpose sometimes. Starting stupid bar fights so that his boi could rescue him like a damsel in distress.

And it would feel good, Gavin clinging to him for the rest of the evening, cooing praises all the while or Ray's more subtle admiration that was like a soft light in his eyes whenever he looked at him.

Now? Now all he got was his arm squeezed and a fucking invention. Fuck them.

Laying down on the bed, he glared up to the ceiling for a while until being mad was getting too tiring. And now that his anger slowly subsided, he frowned at himself.

Thinking back to how his heart had stopped when he had watched the woman aim at Ray's head, how Ray covered in blood had clung to him, repeating his name over and over again.

It hadn't been fun then, he hadn't felt like a hero, he had felt bad for worrying Ray this much. For making his breath go faster, no admiration in his eyes only a sharp fear. Back then all he wanted to do was calm the other down and maybe they should have been more careful – he should have watched the other roofs while Ray was sniping but he hadn't.

Rather had he gone out and got fucking fast food, playing around.

But that was just how things went! They always had fun on missions or at least tried to. This wasn't just a stupid, dull job – he felt alive during it, free. So what? This one had gone to shit – that happened. It fucking happened, okay?

Tomorrow Gavin would laugh over it and Ray might just take a day longer and it would all be forgotten.

Yeah, yeah that sounded about right.

Turning onto his side, he glared at the other empty beds.

It was all Project NEON's fault anyway. Why did they have to make things so fucking complicated suddenly?

He must have dozed off or something because he didn't hear Jack enter the room. His eyes opened and there he was, watching him with concern and not even hiding it when he noticed he was awake.

“ Hey pumpkin.”

Michael smiled at the nickname, letting his eyes close again when Jack's hand ran through his curls as he rubbed his scalp. It was a really nice feeling and Michael purred a bit, knowing that Jack found it amusing when he did that.

And sure enough, he heard the other chuckle quietly.

The hand disappeared after a while and a blanket was pulled over him. The base was air conditioned and he was still shirtless so he was actually glad for that.

“ Does it hurt?” Jack asked before gently laying his hand on his shoulder. Michael could feel its warmth even through the layers of the bandage.

“ No,” he promised and let his eyes open again. “I protected Ray.”

“I heard that you did.” Jack didn't necessarily look happy about that but after he sighed, Michael found that old pride in the other's face and he smiled to himself. He loved that expression, it filled him with a strange fluttering feeling. “Good job, pumpkin. I just wish you'd be more careful about that.”

That bullshit again. Michael couldn't help but scowl a bit at that but he couldn't really stay mad at Jack.

“ It worked out,” he reminded him and Jack nodded.

“ That it did.” His hand wandered down Michael's arm before taking his and the boy was quick to intertwine their fingers. “How about you don't try to get killed tomorrow? Even for the rest of the week? I think you got a fair share out of that for now.”

“ You know that I don't promise what I can't keep, Jack,” he teased but it fell flat.

“ You also promised me that you would stay with me forever and ever,” Jack said quietly. “What happened to that?”

“ Oh come on, Jack! You are acting like I actually died! Breaking news; I didn't!”

“ You always scare me to death when you get into danger.”

“ You are really getting melodramatic over this whole thing,  _ dad _ .”

Jack flinched at that name, one of the only things that could make this man lose his calm and when it had first slipped out of Michael's mouth, years ago it had been awkward and heavy. He had tried to play it off as a joke, failing miserably at it but it had become a little something between them by now.

Sighing, Jack watched him for a while, seeming not really pleased with what he found before he shook his head. “We'll talk about that when you are not recovering from getting shot. Are you thirsty? Should I get you something?”

“ I wouldn't mind a coke.”

“ Okay, I'll be right back.”

But he didn't notice when Jack came back, he closed his eyes, feeling drained and slightly exhausted and when he opened them again it was because of the vibration of his phone.

Jack wasn't there but the coke stood on the table next to him and he sat up, careful to not tug at his wound. Propping himself up against the pillows, he looked around but there were no windows here to indicate the time.

Taking the coke, it wasn't even cool anymore and he drank nearly everything with one swig. Nursing the rest for a while, he rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up before remembering his phone.

It laid also on the bed site table and with a glance at the time on his screen, he frowned. He had slept for over three hours and that surely hadn't been part of the plan. On the other hand he had been shot so fuck them, he could take a nap.

Pushing his finger against the screen, it unlocked through his fingerprint and he found two messages. He read Gavin's first which had arrived two hours ago and he had slept through it.

“ Just a fair warning; Geoff retrieved some footage from that warehouse... not saying that you and Ray are on it but... just a heads up, boi!”

It followed an assortment of emojis but Michael just frowned. So the cameras around the warehouse had been tampered with and now that he thought about it, it seemed logical to assume that whoever had been inside the warehouse had used them against them instead.

Now, he and Ray weren't necessarily stupid. They had checked on the roof first for any cameras but if he was honest... that hadn't been really thorough. Not to mention that a camera from a higher place could have captured them as well. That would explain how those two from before had known where they were – they just hadn't expected that they were coming from the Fake AH Crew.

And if Geoff had that footage now...

With a churning feeling in his stomach, he opened the next message.

“ We're fucked.”

No emojis, Ray usually loved them but in this case he really didn't need them. That message came across loud and clear.

Leaning back against the pillows, Michael closed his eyes. “Fucking christ...”

Well, this would be fun.

He waited quietly, phone in his lap and more than once he wondered if he should write Ray but the other was probably talking to Geoff right now and he really, really didn't want to disturb them. Also, Geoff would know that he was awake now.

It didn't save him for long, and his heart sunk when it was Jack who stepped inside. He would rather deal with an angry Geoff than an angry Jack.

But for a moment Jack could have nearly fooled him. “Hey, Michael. How are you feeling?”

“ Better,” he said quickly. “A bit tired.”

“ We'll drive home soon and you can rest,” Jack promised. “Before that me and Geoff want to talk to you.”

And here it went.

Slipping from the bed, he pulled a fresh shirt over and emptying his coke, he followed Jack through the base, climbing the stairs without bothering to give a quick wave to Matt or Jeremy as they passed their office. When they reached the top floor, he knew he was truly fucked.

Jack lead him to Geoff's office, a room all the way in the back of the floor and Michael was barely in there. Only sometimes, when he was looking for Geoff and it was important – if Geoff was inside he was doing business and nobody really wanted to cross him when he was being boss.

Taking a deep breath, Michael stepped inside when Jack held the door open for him and there was Geoff, sitting behind this huge desk, tall windows behind him showing the city beneath.

And in front of him sat Ray, looking small and young with his shoulders pulled up to his ears and his gaze on his shoes. His hands were restlessly playing with the strings of his hoodie and he didn't even look up when they entered.

Geoff did, eyes cold and blue and Michael shivered slightly but it was Ray whom Geoff talked to, “I hope we've come to an understanding, Ray.”

“Yes, sir.” It was a quiet, shy sentence.

“ Good.” Geoff's eyes softened a little. “You can go now.”

Scrambling to his feet, Ray threw Michael a quick look before going outside and Michael didn't like what he saw. The younger looked honestly upset and the fact that Geoff let him walk out just like that...

“ Please sit down, Michael.”

He sat down on the chair Ray had just left and expected Jack to stay next to him but instead his guardian walked past the desk and stood beside Geoff.

Fuck, he really was screwed.

“ Michael, as we went through the warehouse we found the missing camera footage,” he began and Michael swallowed nervously. “There was also a camera on your roof, giving those guys a good view on what exactly you two were doing the whole time. Ray said you two searched for cameras like always, so how come you didn't find them then?”

“ We obviously didn't look close enough,” Michael snarled and wanted to bite his own tongue off when Geoff's gaze got hard again.

“ I don't find that funny, Michael,” he said, folding his hands on the table. “Why did I send you with Ray there?”

He stiffened. “To protect him and I did!”

That was a mistake because now Geoff got angry. “You were careless, you were foolish and you were – excuse me for saying this – stupid. Those two strangers got on that roof and waited for you to move when the third person came out of the warehouse. They were in plain view of you, they could see you. Fuck, Michael! If they had a rifle they could have picked you off! Ray is looking through the scope, Ray can't notice them because he is concentrated on the goal. That's your job!” He huffed, shaking his head a bit. “Instead you were stuffing food into Ray.”

“ Well, he could use some more meat on his bones.” It came out nearly shy, he knew that it was a defense mechanism but he couldn't stop himself. He also couldn't stop himself for flinching violently, arms raising to protect his head when Geoff stood in a smooth movement. He knew that Geoff would never hurt him, would never hit him, but he didn't get that reflex out of his bones and he didn't miss the sharp look Jack threw the older man.

“ This is a serious matter, Michael,” Geoff warned him and he was angry, Michael could feel it in the shiver that was running down his skin. “You both could have ended up dead! If Gavin hadn't called me, you would've been! Fuck, when I arrived I couldn't even see you because you were on the way down towards the pavement – all I could see was the gun right against Ray's head! You were meant to look out for him, we all knew that more people would be after you with this bounty and you go out and get food!” Geoff's voice was loud, carried far out of this room and it was true, Geoff wasn't the quietest. Far from it! But usually it was his loud laugh or the fake annoyance that made him raise his voice.

Not this time, this time he was furious and Michael was never on the receiving end of those emotions, had barely heard them before and it was scary. He noticed that he was slumped in his chair, trying to appear as small as possible and now when Geoff said it like this it... it appeared really stupid. God, it was really stupid and dangerous and he was sorry!

Why couldn't he just say that?

It probably wouldn't even matter, the damage was done and it was his fault.

Jack moved now, touching his arm and Michael looked up to him hopefully. Jack could make it better, Jack always found the words he had lost and now he was kneeling in front of him, holding his hands in his.

“ Michael,” he began. “Did you want for Ray to get hurt?”

He shook his head widely, looking up to Geoff for emphasis. “No. I wanted to protect him.”

“ You did something very stupid and reckless, pumpkin,” Jack went on, searching his eyes. “I have to admit, I am disappointed in you.”

And that was the worst. Michael stared at him and felt himself grow cold because in all the years Jack had never said something so horrible to him. It hit deep, burning his inside and it hurt way more than the bullet from a few hours ago. He couldn't even start to imagine what he should say to that, how he could assure the other that it would never ever happen again because the shock had paralyzed him and he was still looking at Jack, hoping he would start to smile and tell him it was a joke. But his guardian still sat there, searching so deep in his eyes and gently holding his hands.

The silence continued and grew heavier and it was Geoff who cleared his throat.

He still stood in front of the windows, showing the city behind him and with his expensive suit and tall build he looked... scary.

Michael had seen this person cuddle with Ray for hours, had seen him in just his underwear in the mornings and had slept together in one bed when the mission asked for it and never before had he felt this small in front of him.

“ Michael, I entrusted Ray's life to you,” Geoff began slowly and Michael already began to feel sick. “And you betrayed me. You endangered your little brother, you nearly got you both killed and that is just about what we know about today's mission. Who knows what happened before that we just never noticed.”

He sighed heavily, sharing a glance with Jack before saying, “I can't allow you to go onto anymore missions with the other two. At least not alone.”

Michael looked up, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach and forced his mouth open, forced himself to say something.

“ I'd protect both of them with my life,” he managed to whisper, meaning every syllable of that sentence.

“ I know you would,” Geoff assured him. “But all that loyalty doesn't matter if it is your fault that they got in danger in the first place.” He shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment and his voice was calmer now, not even cold anymore. He also sounded like he was sorry.

“ We all want to protect the three of you, keep you safe and most of all alive. To do that I need people I can trust around you guys. I fear today you showed me that you are not the right person to do that.”

It felt like he had lost the floor beneath his feet. This was all new, he had always been trusted. He had always looked out for the other two and it filled him with such a pride after all he was the oldest and the big brother of them!

This here was terrible! He didn't want something bad to happen to Ray or Gavin! He wanted to protect them and now that was taken from him!

Noticing that his mouth was open, he debated if he should say all of that but the words didn't come out, so he closed his mouth again.

Jack squeezed his hands and he returned his gaze to his guardian. “Jack,” he whimpered, hoping he could make it alright somehow but the other simply shook his head.

“ You can earn that trust again,” he assured him. “Right, Geoff?”

“ Of course. And I know that you will, Michael. Your heart is in the right place.”

He looked from one to the other, still in disbelief that this was happening, but then Jack stood up and let him go.

“ That was all for today, pumpkin. Why don't you sit down somewhere and think about that for a while?”

He stood up slowly, not able to lift his head to look at any of them, but didn't move outside. Still hoping one of them would start laughing and tell him that this was a joke, that yes, he had screwed up but it was all forgotten. He would assure them that he wouldn't do it again and he had understood – he had been stupid.

None of that happened and with slumped shoulders, he moved outside. Closing the door behind him felt strangely absolute and he stood there, waiting for voices to raise in the room behind him but it didn't happen. No Geoff laughing and no Jack warning him that he had gone too far with that prank.

Sighing, Michael walked down the hallway and felt strangely small. Had he just been scolded like a little child? Well, he probably deserved it.

Thinking back to Ray, he had looked the same when he had left Geoff's office and he should probably check on him. After all it was his own fault that the younger boy got into trouble – he wasn't the one who went and got fast food during a mission.

He found him on the couch in the briefing room, head between his knees and breathing heavily. Too much stress on his body and probably on the brink of a seizure.

All Michael's fault.

Normally nothing in the world could stop him from rushing to his side but Gavin was already there, holding him close and whispering sweet nothings to calm him down. It was working slowly, Michael could see how concentrated Gavin was, trying to rub the tension out of the other's muscles, and Ray leaned against him.

Quietly, Michael closed the door again and felt even worse than before. He needed to get out, only for a while.

He needed to catch some fresh air and just briefly he remembered those damn new rules to never move alone but fuck that! Fuck all that!

Hurrying down the stairs, he glared at the few hired guns that were waiting for God knows what on the first floor and he half hoped that they would try something. Maybe capture him or raise their weapons, he had a nice amount of money on him, right? He wouldn't mind gunning them all down, maybe he would be a hero then, back to being the big brother.

But none of them moved and he just collided with Ryan as he entered the garage. The older had his arm raised to gave a wave towards the camera that Gavin wouldn't be able to see, so Michael simply glared up at the mask, knowing that this fucker had a fight with Jack so it was probably right to be angry at him as well.

“ Heard you got shot,” Ryan said quietly but Michael wasn't ready to listen. Shouldering past him to get into the garage, he had to bite his lip to stop the hiss from coming out, his wound throbbing at the motion.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Grabbing his helmet, he swung himself on his bike and was out in an instance. Driving away from all that bullshit, and he was just so angry.

And it wasn't even all his fault, right? Yeah... yeah! Jack and Geoff were just so stressed about this because of Project NEON; they wouldn't be in so much trouble if it wasn't for them, and Geoff would've probably laughed when he had told him later that he went and grabbed food during a mission.

It was the damn project that once again ruined everything and it really wasn't fair! As if they hadn't caused enough trouble already! Ray's seizures was just one of the things and Michael had been sure he had made his peace with Kuebiko.

Sure, his first years were still a blur and the years afterwards a far away nightmare, but through that all it was thanks to them that he managed to meet Jack. Not only Jack, but all the others as well.

He had been strangely thankful for that, even though that would never excuse the project's actions... it was at least something that helped him work through it all.

And now this whole bullshit.

Gritting his teeth, he tried to not think about it too much and rather concentrate on the street. He was driving too fast, weaving in and out between cars and ignoring their honks.

Too loud and too hectic, all of this.

There was someone following him and that was just fucking great.

Hopefully it was someone going after his head again – God, did he get popular in the span of a few days! But he already knew that it wasn't, he recognized the bike when it came closer and sighed.

Yeah, just storming out of the base, alone and angered when there was a huge bounty on his head was probably not helping his case at all.

Slowing down, he headed out of the city and Ryan caught up to him, driving beside him for the longest time until they reached the lonely streets to the desert. Only than did he pull up in front of him, forcing him to stop and Michael did so with a heavy huff.

Killing his engine, he ripped his helmet off and threw it mindlessly into the sand. The motion tugged at his wound again and it was pounding like it had been while riding the bike, the vibration leaving it tingly. Now when he checked on his shoulder, he could see small specks of blood coming through and that was just great.

“ Why are you so angry?” Ryan asked and Michael could nearly laugh.

“ Aren't you, too? Don't we all have enough reason to be angry?” He watched the other but it was hard to read him. He wasn't Gavin, he couldn't tell what the other was thinking thanks to his body language and that damn mask didn't help at all.

At least he sounded genuinely worried, as he asked, “What happened today?”

“ Today? It's not about fucking today! Project NEON happened!” And that was only half true, but he couldn't be mad at Jack or Geoff. There was only his own stupidity and Kuebiko.

“ How dare they just come out and change everything with this stupid website? Everything was going just fine and they just... they just ruined everything! Again!” He was yelling now, getting off of the bike and kicking his helmet in spite. “First they take us from our families or some shit like that and then they lock us up and brainwash us. Give us drugs and ruin our bodies and our minds and just... just dehumanize us. But hey, that's not enough! They sold us! They sold us like machines or something like that! And we got so lucky, Ryan! So fucking lucky, to have gotten you guys!” He turned back towards him, gesticulating widely. “I look at all those other Gunslingers and can't help but wonder what happened to them! What their guardians did to them because they are not even human to them! I saw Lindsay back at Missus Reese's office and she was there alone! That would never happen to any of us and I am so thankful for that, I know we are so lucky even though that is a terribly wrong word to use depending on... on all that shit we went through but...” And those next words were bitter with a helpless fury, the knowledge that he couldn’t change a damn thing about that fact no matter how hard he fought, that he could only protect the three of them so much and that it was for so many Gunslingers already too late. He couldn't reach out his hand to them anymore. “We were just  _ kids! _ All of us... we were just kids and we were so scared and we were so lost and didn't know what was wrong or right! And they used that against us! They formed us into these mindless puppets and I couldn't stop it from happening! I couldn't stop any of that!”

“Micha-”

He shook his head violently, didn't want to hear those empty words that would bring nothing. Words were only so strong.

“ It still wasn't enough!” he continued without paying any attention to Ryan. “Now that we gave anything and everything we could give them, now that we are not useful to them anymore, they take what we have left. Our lives, our new family, any home we ever had!”

“ They won't get to any of you.” Ryan's tone was sharp and sincere enough to cut through Michael's monologue. “They will have to fight through me and Geoff and Jack first.”

Michael's mouth twitched slightly because that was a nice thought, because normally it wouldn't be Ryan to say something like that, at least not to him. But it was also scary. It was scary because their guardians facing Kuebiko could end so, so badly.

“ Even so, they still control us,” he went out but a lot calmer now, saddened and bitter. “They control our actions, they still control our thoughts because we are programmed to listen to them. And now they managed to lock us back up again because it's dangerous to go outside, it's dangerous to go anywhere alone. I just wish... I just wish they wouldn't have this much power over us anymore.” The next sentences, he barely whispered, “I just wish we could escape them at some point. But we are still too weak. Maybe we will always be.”

They both fell silent with Michael trying to catch his breath. In the end Ryan moved past him and picked his helmet up.

“ Let's go home. They will all be worried about you.”

 

When they reached the base, Jack was already waiting for them. He was sitting on the stairs towards the first floor and Ryan could hear Michael sigh heavily as they both killed their engines. Dismounting from his bike, the boy slowly walked towards his guardian, reluctant and unsure. It melted away when Jack got to his feet and opened his arms and Michael instantly hurried up, getting pulled closer. When he was embraced by the huge arms, he relaxed against his guardian, hiding his face with a soft whimper.

“ I didn't want Ray to get hurt,” he whispered. “I don't want anyone to get hurt.”

“I know, pumpkin.”

“ I'm sorry that I was being stupid. I'm sorry that I am so angry.”

“ You've made a reckless decision, you made a mistake, Michael.” Reaching up, Jack carded a hand through the other's hair soothingly. “Now you have to face the consequences and one of those is, that you have to learn from that. Do you think you can do that?”

He nodded quickly, holding on tightly to his guardian and Jack couldn't help but smile gladly. Looking up, he caught Ryan's eyes and felt the strange stiffness of the other.

Right, they had fought yesterday and Jack knew that they had both overreacted, that they had said words that none of them meant and he mouthed, “Thank you.”

The other relaxed visibly, nodding once before heading upstairs. In the corner of his eye, Jack saw him wave to the camera to assure Gavin that everything was alright before leaving them alone.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, what a heavy chapter... Can you guys tell that I am a sucker for Michael/Ray? Team better friends, anyone? Or simply protective!Michael? Shower me in that  
> (on the other hand I am a sucker for every possible relationships between them, whoops)


	6. Calamity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Good. Wear kevlar, have your guns loaded and don't fall in the water. That's all I want from you guys.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad you guys like the last chapter so much!!! That made me really happy - let's see how this one does!

Chapter 5

Calamity

 

Ray's nose was cold as it pressed against his neck and his breath tickled a little but it was at least calm and constant. This whole day with the assault and Michael hurt had gotten to him, worked him up too much and now he had fallen into an exhausted sleep.

Geoff had found him and Gavin a few minutes after calming down and stepping out of his office. He had swapped places with the other Gunslinger and listened to Ray apologizing while trying to shush him down.

It had been hard to yell at his little boy here, one of the hardest things he had ever done, but it was necessary. Getting through that thick head, getting that thought out of their head that they couldn't die because they were young. It had manifested through the years of them doing this missions and coming out stronger and with more wit. It was such a dangerous idea and if he had to be rough to kick it out of their brains, then that would be what he had to do.

Only that he felt terrible with a panicking Ray clinging to him, breathing too fast and uneven, that he didn't even listen to a word he'd said.

It had taken long minutes to gently calm him down with him reassuring the boy that things were going to be alright and Gavin silently keeping close to the trembling body.

Ray didn't have an attack due to that, but he was worn out, clinging weakly onto Geoff with leveled breaths and quiet whimpers. Gavin had left them without another word, closing the door behind him and here they were now, Ray curled up into his side, head tucked beneath his chin like usual and soundly asleep.

This was all getting too stressful for them all but especially for him.

Stress could trigger a seizure and they were getting more and more common and that wasn't good. That was far from good, and if it continued... if that continued he would drag him back to the project and ask for other medication, for other forms of therapy.

Ray wouldn't like that. He himself didn't like that.

Sighing, he let the thoughts go. They were just going round and round in his head, leading to nothing. Right now Ray was safe and relaxed and had his arms loosely wrapped around him.

That was good. It was the feeling of home for him and he tried to relax as well. Maybe they could take a small nap together. A few years ago, when they had more time they had done that but ruling an empire usually stopped them from it.

Like it did right now because even though the whole Michael and Ray nearly getting killed thing had overshadowed it, his own meeting with his informant was also concerning. Sure, they had cut the meeting short because Gavin had called him, it didn't change the fact that there was a weapon delivery coming in soon.

And not even a small one, a _huge_ one.

Enough to be highly worrying if that delivery would fall in the wrong hands and considering that it didn't belong to them it was surely falling into the wrong hands.

It would be bad if it would be a small crew, trying to get big and raging war. A crew that somehow managed to get enough money for such a delivery.

But if it would be a big crew... if it would be the Corpirate it could be fatal.

Sure, the Fake AH Crew was big enough to take such a hit – probably. They had worked themselves up with staying out of the Corpirate's business for as long as possible but afterwards they weren't really subtle about getting the city for themselves. Even their little heist a few days ago really didn't help their case and sure, there was the small hope that the Corpirate would go against Project NEON next...

He didn't think that was the case. Lindsay had been alone at Reese's office and that didn't necessarily mean that her guardian didn't care about her... but it surely meant that he didn't care as much as they did.

He had looked into that before, her guardian wasn't the Corpirate himself but someone else and thanks to the website they finally had a name to the face but he didn't recognize either. He should get Gavin to do some research but the boy was already working so hard at all the things piling up.

Right now it was more important to intercept with that weapons deal.

They had to keep the balance between the crews in this city as it was right now. If someone else would get powerful enough to attack them it would be hard to conquer that. Their highest priority was to keep the lads safe but it would get harder the longer this whole bounty thing kept going.

There was still the idea of working together with the other Gunslingers to bring the project down but he didn't trust them. He was also sure that other crews wouldn’t necessarily be that protective of their Gunslingers. There was barely a handful of other crews he would consider being with them so he should get into contact with them as soon as possible.

Ray's eyes fluttered open, he could feel it against his skin and the boy sighed. It still sounded tired and he instantly curled into Geoff again.

“Do you feel better now?”

“I'm hungry,” the other yawned. “Feed me, Geoff.”

 

* * *

 

“The weapons will come on a cargo ship this Thursday,” Gavin explained. They had all settled in the planning room and the boy stood in front of a big screen, clicking through his presentation. “I wasn't able to link the shipment to a specific crew yet but I can at least say that is not for the Corpirate.”

“That's good,” Geoff nodded. “It would be better though if you could find out with whom exactly we are dealing with.”

“Still working on that,” Gavin assured him before taking a sip from his energy drink. With the remote in his other hand, he switched to a picture of a ship. “That's our ship. The SS An-”

“SS Anne has finally returned!” hollered both Ray and Michael, giving each other a high five across the table underneath the confused looks of their guardians.

Gavin grinned brightly even if it was dimmed through his sunglasses. “Figured that you two would appreciate it but I fear the ship is called SS Angelica.”

“Not anymore, it has now been renamed.”

“SS Anne is also way easier to remember.”

“Exactly. We just want to make it easier for the team.”

“What are you three even talking about?” Jack asked but Geoff next to him simply shook his head.

“I bet it's about this fucking Pokeman game.”

“Poke _mon_ _,_ Geoff!”

“Whatever. Gavin, go on.”

Still smiling, he turned back to the ship. “So, the ship will come in Thursday morning, we will have to be early.” Ray groaned loudly but was ignored. “By the amount of weapons they can only be in the big stowage in the middle of the ship. Otherwise they scattered it across the whole thing and that would be bad.”

“We just blow the whole ship up,” Michael threw in.

“That would be the easiest solution, yeah.”

“But we can also use those weapons for ourselves, so destroying them should be a last resort,” Geoff warned them.

“It would be hard to calculate the explosion anyway,” Michael admitted. “God knows what is inside of there, don't want to blow us up along with it.”

“We'll check on it first before deciding what we take and what we destroy. Gavin, you got a map of the harbor?”

“Sure I do.”

Standing up, Geoff moved next to the screen to point at the map. “We'll split up for this mission. I want Michael, Jack and myself on the ship. Jack and Michael secure the weapons and I watch their backs in the meantime. Ryan will take out the guards at the harbor. Ray will help you until you reach this crane right here. From up there Ray can snipe at people on the ship and have a look around, warn us about reinforcements and the whole deal.”

“Ryan, you will move further,” Gavin took over, pointing towards a small rectangle on the map. “Here we have the electricity for the dock. Take it out, so that the remaining guards can't ask for help. They have an emergency power supply but it will take a few minutes to boot up and will automatically lock the whole dock up. No more reinforcements and no more nasty surprises.”

“If that whole thing gets locked up, how do we get out again?”

“Matt and Jeremy come in with a helicopter to pick us and the weapons we take up,” Geoff assured them. “After Ryan takes out the electricity, he joins back up with Ray and take out remaining guards.”

“When the electricity is down, we have around ten minutes to deal with the weapons before security will open the gates again,” Gavin said. “There will be a window of maybe three minutes in which I will be blind and can't help out until the emergency power supply gets the cameras running again – please keep that in mind.” Taking another swig from his energy drink, he let his eyes travel across the map before nodding. It was a nice plan, nobody left alone somewhere, Ryan close enough to Ray to help him in case of a seizure and after the electricity went out, they were relatively safe.

Only the amount of weaponry on the ship was a factor they couldn't really control. Michael and Jack, who were going to be in the stowage, would have to make the call.

Crushing his can, he turned to Geoff who was also watching the map before nodding to himself.

“If nobody else has a question or complaint, that's how we'll do it. Only us six and two people we trust are part of it, so we at least don't have to worry about the bounty on this one. Keep low on details – I'll brief Matt and Jeremy a few hours before the actual heist just to make sure nobody else can figure anything out.” He took another look around, checking on the map once more.

“Good. Wear kevlar, have your guns loaded and don't fall in the water. That's all I want from you guys.”

They slowly trailed out after that, either quietly discussing the mission or deep in their own thoughts. Gavin was the last as he put his equipment away.

This one to three minutes of blackness he would experience wasn't sitting right with him. In that time a lot could happen but he also knew that he was just nervous because of the attacks those past days. There was nothing he could really do against it and he should rather concentrate on getting more information on the ship, maybe find out the crew who ordered the weapons. Not to forget the strangers who were roaming around the base in the night, oh, and that one guy who got away from the warehouse. After that Geoff had asked him to arrange a meeting with another crew and he was barely done with gathering all the information on the last Gunslingers on the list.

Sighing, he allowed himself to close his eyes for a moment before slipping his phone in his pocket and heading back to his office. Only that he didn't even get that far, the moment he turned around he collided with Ryan.

“Rye, you have to look where you're going, Ryan,” he protested even though he had been the one who had bumped into him. But his guardian didn't seem amused in the slightest, he just watched him quietly and Gavin blinked confused. “What's wrong? You were awfully quiet during the meeting.” He was flicked beneath his chin and surprised he gave a squawked. It was more than enough of a distraction to allow Ryan to pull his glasses off. “You were here even before me this morning.”

“I caught a ride with Geoff. I left you a note in the kitchen,” Gavin protested and lunged for the glasses but Ryan made sure to hold them out of reach.

“I saw that, yeah.”

“So what's the problem then, you big bully?”

“You didn't sleep last night,” Ryan told him. “I saw your light long after I went to bed.”

“Were you spying on me?”

“I did not spy on you. I went to the bathroom and saw it.”

“So what?” Gavin asked, folding his arms in front of his chest. “This heist didn't plan itself.”

“Is that why you wore this glasses all day? Because you are tired and don't want people to see?”

“Bugger off, Ryan.” Rolling his eyes, he went to reach for his sunglasses again but ended up still being too short. “I wear them because I look amazing with them. Now if you would just give them bac-”

“I want you to take a nap,” Ryan said.

“A nap? I don't have time for a bloody nap!”

“Then make the time.”

Groaning, Gavin tried one last time to grab the glasses but Ryan took a hold on his arm instead, tugging slightly. “Come on, Ryan! I will not drive home now to take a stupid nap!”

“We do have a room especially for that, you know?” Pulling him along, he was ready to force him there but he hadn't expected Gavin to simply sit down on the floor.

“No! I got work to do!”

“Don't be a baby about it!”

“I'm not a baby for wanting to work,” he grouched. “I don't wanna sleep yet!”

“Gavin, you drank at least three of those energy drinks!”

“And you still think I could sleep?”

Sighing, Ryan let him go and took a step back. “Fine, you've won. Don't come bothering me about being tired later.”

Gavin watched him a bit skeptical but finally decided to grin. “Will not, I promise, Rye! Now help me get up!”

“You're old enough.”

“Come on!” Lifting his arms, he looked up at him with doe eyes. “Up, Ryan!”

Rolling his eyes again, Ryan took his hands and pulled him back to his feet. Gavin was still chuckling over that when he threw him over his shoulder with a fluid motion.

“Ryan! Ryan, let me down! I am being serious!”

“You said you wanted to be picked up, didn't you?” he asked innocently. Taking a tight hold on the other’s legs, he began to walk out and tried to ignore the fists pounding against his back.

“You know that wasn't meant like that! Come on, you knob! I wasn't kidding about the work stuff!”

“And I wasn't kidding about the nap.” Finally reaching the door at the end of the hallway, he opened it and promptly threw the boy onto the bed.

Disorientated, Gavin bounced on the mattress before he was able to sit up again. “Ryan!”

“Gavin!” he echoed and the younger groaned.

“Fine! Fine, I'm taking a bloody nap! Are you happy now?”

“Very much, thank you.” Closing the door behind him, he locked it and heard the other inside curse. Feeling better about himself with knowing that he had somehow managed to be a kinda good guardian again, Ryan was debating to go to the armory and check on the weapons they were going to use for the heist. It was still a bit early but you never knew what would happen until Thursday.

He had just reached the locked room, all the way down in the base and was ready to push his hand against the sensor when he hesitated.

“That little shit...” he mumbled before hurrying the whole stairs up again and ripping the door open. Gavin didn't even try to act like he had been asleep, he just pouted while continuing to type away on his phone.

“I said sleep,” Ryan warned him and the other shrugged.

“And I said work.”

Holding his hand out, he wanted to take the phone but Gavin pressed it against his chest. “You know you are not allowed to take it from me. It has to stay always with me – the whole security runs through that thing!” he reminded him and with an annoyed huff, Ryan couldn't really talk back to that.

Turning around, he went to the meeting room, grabbed a chair and placed it next to the bed.

“Really, Ryan?”

“I just want you to sleep for an hour or two, okay?”

“I can't just stop working for that long.”

“Gavin, you need to sleep,” Ryan said and let the playfulness go. The other was tired, he could tell in the soft tremors in his hands and the dark skin beneath his eyes he had tried to cover up with the glasses.

Gavin turned onto his side, pouting at him as if he was still falling for that after all those years but when Ryan didn't react, he also grew serious. “There's nobody else who can do it, you know that.”

“Then Geoff should hire a new guy. He can't just expect you to work all the time.”

“Oh yeah, you want to sit some stranger in front of our security system? Right now we can't trust anyone, right?”

Well, he wasn't wrong but that didn't mean he had to tell him that. But one look into the other's tired eyes, he knew that he already knew.

“Gav-”

“What if something happens to Michael or Ray because I make a mistake?” he asked quietly. “If I hadn’t have been at the office when they were attacked, if I didn't hear them over the earpiece – can you imagine what could have happened?”

“They were both reckless.”

“So what? Should I have just told them that it was their fault and left them to deal with the mess alone?”

“Of course not,” he said quickly, noticing that the other had grown a bit louder. Hesitating, he lifted his hand, knowing that the boy needed comfort but wasn't quite sure how. In the years he had learned a lot but he would probably never be good with this kind of thing. At least Gavin knew that and he bowed his head slightly, a movement he probably already did subconsciously and Ryan gently carded his fingers through the styled hair, messing it up.

“All of our lives aren’t resting on you,” he said quietly.

“It feels like they are though.”

“But it's not.”

“I'm safe. They are not.” Burying his face deeper into his pillow, Gavin sighed and Ryan reacted quickly. Pulling the blanket over the boy, he allowed him to hide beneath, tucking him in until only his face poked out. “What if I make a mistake?”

“You dealt with it when Ray and Michael made a mistake and we will deal with it when you make a mistake. The responsibility doesn't rest on your shoulders alone, okay?”

He nodded but it seemed unsure, like he wanted to believe that but just couldn't. Stroking a few stray hairs out of his face, Ryan said, “You will make more mistakes if you are tired, you know that.”

“But the more information I dig up, the more people I find...” Gavin trailed off, sighing. “Maybe this all will be over quicker, then.” Lacing an arm beneath his pillow, he propped his head up to be able to look at his guardian. “You asked me if I was scared and I am not. At least not for my sake. They won't get me, nobody will but...” He hesitated, pulling the blanket tighter. “What if they get Michael or Ray? I'm scared for them.”

“We protect them with everything we have, you know that.”

“Yeah.”

“Good. You think you can sleep for a bit now?”

Gavin frowned but at least thought about it, before checking on the time. “I really can't sleep too long, Ryan.”

“I'll wake you in an hour.”

The boy nodded slowly, before offering his phone and Ryan gently took it, knowing that it was more than anything a sign of trust. He was placing it on the bedside table when he heard Gavin ask, “Will you stay?”

He turned back to him, a bit surprised by the question, but cuddled deep inside the blanket, Gavin looked so very small and young. “Do you want me to?”

The boy nodded shyly, only his face and one hand poking out of the cocoon, his fingers stretching gently and Ryan laced them with his. Gavin made a happy little noise before finally closing his eyes, nuzzling into the pillow.

“Wake me?”

“I will,” Ryan promised and he could watch how the boy slipped away, the tension in his body leaving with a soft breath.

Occupying himself with his own phone, Ryan kept their hands entwined because Gavin rarely asked for comfort and Ryan knew well enough that it was thanks to him. That somewhere along the line the boy had watched him and figured it was better to bottle his emotions up.

He wasn't very proud of that fact, but it was too late to change it now and he just hoped... he just hoped that he hadn't messed up the boy too badly.

Gavin's hand twitched in his and he looked up, finding the boy dreaming with rolling eyes. Quiet, unhappy noises falling from his lips before his eyes fluttered open. Only for a second, the green still far away and sleepy. Just checking if Ryan was still there before closing again, settling back into his restless sleep.

But it was sleep nonetheless and that was better than nothing.

Ryan settled back in his chair, stroking the smooth skin with his rough fingers when the hand twitched again and after a while it was nearly peaceful. They were nearing the one hour mark and he briefly debated if he should let him sleep a while longer but he had promised after all. Gavin's phone rang anyway and snapped him out of his thoughts.

It wasn't his alarm, he knew that tune from every morning it also woke him from his light slumber but by the time he had took the phone in his free hand, Gavin was already sitting up. Breaking their touch, he made grabby hands for the phone.

“I didn't hear that ringtone before,” Ryan said as he handed him the phone.

“That's because it's new,” the other mumbled, voice a bit hoarse from sleep. “It's for the website, in case there's an update.”

“Oh.” He waited, watched Gavin's face as he stared at the screen and couldn't quite read his expression. There was something strangely sad as he lowered his hand, all the peace from before gone.

“Only ten more Gunslingers left.”

 

* * *

 

The news about the first death left a bitter taste in their mouths. It had been another boy from wave four, a passive Gunslinger that had been killed in combat according to the website.

One rank beneath Gavin, and Ray was pretty sure Gavin had known the boy by the way he had stared at the grayed out picture. But he hadn't dared to ask, had just basked in the horror for a while that children were actually getting killed out there. Fine, that wasn't anything new, not really. And they weren't really children anymore, even when the dead guy was a bit younger than them... Somehow it felt more real now, clouding his mind with concern and worry.

Like right now, when he really couldn't use it because they were on the way out to a freaking heist. Really, he had to concentrate and Michael helped along through giving him a noogie. Squirming away from the older was futile because Michael was way stronger, pulling him close to mess with his hair some more.

“Stop!” Ray giggled.

“Don't fight,” Jack called from the front seat and Michael let him free but kept an arm draped over his shoulder.

“We're not fighting.”

“Good.”

Ray tried halfheartedly to fix his hair but all in all he didn't really care. It was way too early for his taste but at least his train of thoughts had been derailed. Leaning against Michael a bit more, he could see the harbor in the distance and took a glance towards Ryan. He was happy that he was on the same team with the Vagabond, Ryan had such a professionalism surrounding him, that he felt like he was working better just being near him.

Not that he would ever say that – not to Ryan and certainly not to Gavin.

He could still remember the great 'my guardian is better than yours' war from five years ago. That had left scars on all of them and he shivered slightly.

“Cold?” Michael asked and he was quick to shake his head.

“Just thinking about falling into the water.”

“Yeah, you should not do that. I won't jump in to get you back out, just saying.”

“Wow, thanks, Michael.”

“Did you see the water? It's like all dirty and smells bad.”

“That's true.” Thinking about it for a moment, he nodded. “Okay, I can accept your reasoning.”

“Cool.” Michael shifted slightly, putting his earpiece in and Ray followed suit. Gavin hadn't yet connected them but they would be there in a few minutes anyway.

Still, when they reached the harbor there was a certain British voice missing and he felt a certain level of dread. He turned towards Ryan, wanted to check on him but the older man was just checking his guns.

Ray did the same, throwing his rifle over his back and sure enough the familiar static announced Gavin a second later.

“Sorry guys!” He sounded a bit out of breath and he could hear him sit down in his chair. “Someone cranked up the AC all the way and our electricity went off for a second. Had to restart the system.”

“The same problem as every year,” Geoff said. “Are you letting it run over the emergency supply now?”

“Yeah, don't want to risk it go out in the middle of this heist. We're all set now though!”

“Okay, everyone knows their job. Let's do it and we will be out of here before this hour is over.”

They spread out, Ray following behind Ryan as he pulled his Barney the dinosaur mask over his head and switched to his pistol. There was no need for a ranged weapon yet.

“Team Alpha, there are six dock workers still unloading the ship,” Gavin said and Ray and Ryan crouched behind a container until they would get their go. From here Ray could already see the crane he would be going for but sprinting was too dangerous. Because the ship was still being unloaded there were a lot of containers and blind spots. That seemed to be the same problem for Gavin because he made a small, annoyed hum. “I count three guards on the ship itself but be careful. A lot going on there, I can't see everywhere.”

“Roger that, we'll move in now,” Geoff gave back and Ray felt the all too familiar pang of concern like every time he wasn't close to his guardian on a mission.

Ryan's hand shot out and pulled him closer, snapping him back to attention as he watched a guard come from in between two containers. But the guy was too busy with whistling and checking on his phone to notice them and Ray relaxed again. Giving a thumbs up to Ryan, he got a curt nod in return and tried not to get distracted again.

“Okay R and R,” Gavin went on and he heard him make a few keystrokes. “The angle I have is even worse here. It's like they just fucking dumped all the containers onto the dock. Is there no system here? Looks like a kid bloody spilled his Legos everywhere.”

“Gavin.”

“Alright, alright. I am counting. It's like whack a mole with them popping in and out of sight.” He was quiet for a moment and Ray watched the guard disappear from his line of sight before Gavin was back. “Okay, there are seven guards between you guys and the crane. Could be six because I counted one twice but could also be more. Move quiet and carefully, I'll keep an eye out on you for now and keep you guys update if I see anything new.”

“Got it,” Ryan said and Ray nodded when the older turned towards him. They moved out, sneaking along the crates with him keeping their backs save. It could well be that some guard looped around and it would be bad to get flanked here. He listened to Ryan shooting once, twice, the bang silenced by the muffler and the sea around them and he didn't even bother to turn around, just counted in his own head.

Four left according to Gavin and then only three as a woman appeared behind them but he sent a bullet between her eyes before she even saw them.

They moved on, quietly and slowly and he barely paid attention to the talking of the other team. As long as they were whispering and not screaming it usually meant that they were alright.

Ryan tapped his shoulder and now he turned around, looking towards the crane as Ryan pointed towards it.

“I'll give you cover, you start climbing.”

“Climbing?” he blurted out. “That thing doesn't have a lift or something?”

Gavin chuckled in his ear. “Sorry for the bad news, Ray.”

“You've got to be kidding me,” he mumbled but started to run when Ryan pushed him forwards.

The distance wasn't that far but it made his heart racing, seeing all the hidden corners around. At least they were all empty and he reached the base of the ladder without any problems. Touching the first rung of it, he frowned.

The metal felt cold even through his gloves and slightly slippery from the moisture all around. Cursing beneath his breath, he started to climb and sighed as he took a look up, seeing the endless way.

This was so not part of the deal. If he didn't know that Geoff was concentrating right now, he would scream at him.

His arms protested sooner than he would like to admit as he pulled himself up and the salty air burned in his lungs. Slinging an arm around one rung, he paused and looked down. He could see Ryan beneath, the short glance enough to tell him that the other was smirking before he turned back around to make sure that nobody would sneak up to them. And the fact that he could still read the other man so easily, meant that he was surely not far enough up and groaning he took another glance ahead.

The platform so, so far away.

“Fuck you all,” he gasped as he pulled himself further, the rifle suddenly heavy on his back. “Not even kidding, you are all freaking dead to me after this.”

“Just a little bit of exercise, Ray.”

“You're dead to me first, Gavin. I swear.”

“Just a bit further, Ray, and you are nearly halfway there.”

“Shut your mouth, Ryan. I'll come back down and kick your ass, that's a fucking promise.”

“We are on the ship now,” Geoff threw in.

“Fucking congratulations, Geoffrey. Good job on walking there, wow, you must be the fucking best!”

“What's wrong, Rayray? Reached the crane?”

“Fuck you the most.”

“I'm honored.”

Scowling, Ray ignored them, his breath too short to bitch further no matter how much he wanted to. When he finally – _finally_ – pulled himself onto the platform, he collapsed without any grace. Letting his upper body lay on the damp and cold metal and his feet dangle down the ladder, trying to catch his breath enough to curse.

His muscles shook and his lungs burned and how the fuck did they expect him to shoot in that condition?

“Fuck you,” he brought out with his first real breath. Not even aimed for anyone specific, just for them all and he heard some chuckles.

Sitting up, he threw a short glance into the cab, just to make sure nobody was inside before looking down. He didn't have any problems with heights, quite the opposite actually but the wind was harsh up here and fuck, Ryan looked really small.

“I'm up, you can go on,” he wheezed before pulling his hoodie tighter. Not the best place up here.

“Got it. Gavin, how does it look?”

“Pretty clear. But still be careful.”

Ray watched him sprint off and pulled his rifle from his back. Laying down on the platform, Ray hissed at the coldness seeping through his clothes. Gazing through his scope, he felt his heart calm down, finger moving to the trigger. He needed a moment to find the right angle but soon enough he saw the other three on the ship ahead. Geoff and Jack going in, guns blazing and Michael holding a bit back. Not because he wanted to but because it would be quite bad if a bullet would come close to his bag filled with explosives.

Knowing that they were okay, he stirred a bit off, ignoring Gavin giving directions towards Ryan because he found the remaining guards. With calm breathing and steady fingers he pulled the trigger and watched the head explode.

Moving on, he found another one a bit to the left but one of the others was faster than him and she collapsed before he could shoot. Frowning, he took aim on someone else when there was a metallic sound behind him.

His first thought was that the crane would collapse on him after he finally got up here but that seemed highly unrealistic. He wanted to ignore it but there it was again and he realized it was someone coming up the ladder.

“How stupid can you be?” Ray mumbled beneath his breath as he looked up and turned around. Sure enough there was a guy climbing up the ladder and the boy snorted. Looking down with his rifle, he could clearly see the top of the stranger's head and couldn't help but roll his eyes.

“Hey, asshole!” he called, wondering if that was maybe just a worker who operated this crane. But then the guy looked up, grinning widely and oh okay, that was a fucking bomb he just stuck to the crane, wasn't it?

“You bitch!” A bullet sparked against the railing next to him and Ray looked up. There was a woman on one of the crates, taking aim at him and he got to his feet, stumbling over the slippery platform to get out of her line of fire. Crashing into the cab, the only damn cover he had up here, he threw himself to the floor, listened to Gavin and Ryan talking before the windows burst above him, showering him in glass.

“Need some help,” he called as he lifted his head again.

“Ray? What's wrong?” Geoff's voice was urgent and he knew the older was probably stopping whatever he was doing, glancing towards the crane.

“There are guys with me.”

“How many?”

“I saw two.” He sat up, shaking shards out of his hair. “Gavin, can you get a better look at that?”

“Sorry, Ray,” the other said slowly. “Ryan took out the electricity – I am currently blind.”

“Well, fuck.” He moved towards the door outside and opened it slightly. Just to make sure they weren't coming up the ladder but he saw the guy from before hurrying away from the crane, probably to get a better shot at him.

“I'm on my way back, Ray,” Ryan assured him. “Stay put.”

“Hard to do, they planted a fucking bomb here.” Looking up to the controls, he wondered if he could swing the crane or something but he needed a key to get it started.

“What kind of bomb?” Michael asked in his ear and Ray rolled his eyes.

“Wait, I'll go and ask them right now! I don't know – looked big!” He opened the door further, hoping to get a shot at one of them but the door was instantly peppered in bullets and he ducked back. “Please don't tell me that it can destroy the crane or something.”

Michael fell silent and that was answer enough. Gasping, Ray took a glance towards the ship they were on. “Are you for real? What should I do?”

“Get as far away as possible from it,” Michael said slowly. “Even if it doesn't damage the crane to the point of it collapsing, the blast might throw you off.”

“Get away?” he sputter in disbelief. “Where am I supposed to go? I'm on top of the fucking crane!”

“Calm down,” Geoff told him, probably because he was not sitting with a bomb beneath his ass.

“Gavin? Is there another way off of this crane?”

“Um... jump into the water?”

“I can't swim, you dipshit!”

“Yeah but you'd be off of the crane.”

“Just stay up there for now, Ray,” Ryan told him. “I am nearly there and will take the guys out. After that we'll take a look at the bomb and figure things out.” He was quiet for a moment before admitting, “Maybe you should listen to Michael though and get away from the bomb when the guys are occupied with me.”

“Fuck me,” Ray groaned but moved back to the door, waiting with a heavy beating heart. When he heard the first shots, he sneaked out and threw a look down.

There were four guys he could see and they were all concentrated on Ryan for now and yeah, there was the bomb.

Cursing loudly, he looked up to the arm of the crane before pulling himself up. Taking a tight hold on the beams, he moved over the slippery metal as fast as he dared and Ryan seemed to do a good job because not one bullet was aimed at him.

“Ray?” Geoff asked and the boy grimaced.

“Don't worry about me. Concentrate on not getting shot.” His guardian stayed quiet and he moved a bit further before stopping at a strong gust of wind tore at his clothes. Crouching down, he held on tightly to the cold beams before turning around and was surprised by how far out he was. He had to use his rifle to see the base of the crane over hundred yards away and saw a handful lifeless bodies lying there.

“I think I got everyone,” Ryan said and Gavin sighed.

“Can't tell you. I am still blind but not for that much longer.”

“Wait,” Ray warned him, seeing some movement to the right. And sure enough someone was hiding there.

He shot them clear in the head but the recoil made him slip on the metal and he reached out to steady himself. Taking a look down, he gulped because beneath him was just muddy water and he wasn't even sure if it was deep enough. Sitting down on his ass to be sure not to slip off, he took a breath to calm himself down.

“You should be safe now,” he told Ryan.

“Where's the bomb?”

“On the ladder.”

“Cameras are back,” Gavin informed them. “You guys have roughly seven minutes left. The helicopter is on its way now. Ryan, you seem to be clear.”

Ray watched him come out of cover, looking around before moving towards the crane.

“It would really welcome it if you didn't move so bloody close to a bloody bomb.”

“I'm just taking a look. See what we're dealing with.” And sure enough he stopped in some distance, pulling a face.

“You won't like this, Ray.”

“I am already not liking it, dude.”

“That thing has a timer. You have like ninety seconds.”

“What?” he snapped at him. “If this is a jo-”

Then everything went really wrong really fast. He was still watching Ryan through his scope but not really paying attention because he better fucking found something to hold onto really tight in the next minute befo-

Gavin screamed into his ear, his voice so high that Ray's hair stood on edge.

_“ Ryan!”_

And the man was gone, vanished from his limited field of view but he found him on the floor, spilling red onto the dirty ground. There might have been a groan of pain but Gavin was still screaming his name, drowning all the other voices that were suddenly in his ear and Ray searched for whoever had caused all that blood.

 _“ Ryan Ryan Ryan!”_ “What's going on over the-” _“Ryan, stand up! Rya-”_ “I'm moving ove-”

Another shot and Ray saw the woman between two crates, saw her fire again before he got her in the chest. She fell into the twilight, now spilling her own blood and he tried to find Ryan again but he was gone, was simply go-

“He's in the water!” Gavin's breath hitched so sharp, that Ray flinched at the sound, searching the surface now. “He fell in! He got shot! Oh God, there was blood! Someone _help !”_

“I can't see him.” And that seemed to remind Gavin that Ray was close by and he full out _begged_ , “You have to get him, Ray! Please, please! Help him! Help him, he's in the water! Ray, please!”

His first thought was that he couldn't fucking swim but before he could say that, he remembered his own fucking predicament. Letting his rifle sink, he reached out to wrap his arms around a beam but wasn't quite fast enough.

The explosion was loud but somehow Gavin's begging was still drowning out that noise. It couldn't help with the shock wave that threw him right off of his feet. Somehow he managed to grasp the beam as he slipped, holding on for dear life as the vibrations rippled through him.

Taking a sharp breath because there was nothing beneath him. There was nothing beneath him for a long, long time and why was he even looking down? And then, because he was stupid, stupid, _stupid_ he saw his rifle fall and reached out to catch it. He wasn't even sure why, he just knew that he loved that obnoxious pink and it was right now the brightest color around him and it was his weapon.

The funny thing was that he didn't even catch it. It slipped right past his fingers and he watched it fall and fall and fall and somehow he was only holding on with one hand.

That was the point where the panic slammed into him because there was water beneath and he couldn't swim and the rifle was still on the way down.

“Geoff!” he screamed, rivaling Gavin's voice and maybe there was an answer but it was impossible to hear with the other Gunslinger still begging and then his hand slipped off and he joined his rifle on the long way down.

  


The SS Angelica was an ugly ship with a pretty name. Michael threw a look to the old thing and figured he didn't like it. He also wasn't a big fan of this mission, the bag with different weapons and explosives was heavy on his back and he had to hold back, keep behind the other's because of it.

At least they didn't meet all too much resistance, the few workers surrendered and the remaining guards dropped like flies from the combined fire of Jack, Geoff and Ray. He moved behind his guardian, gun held tight in case he got the opportunity to shoot somebody but no luck. Seriously, the only fun thing by now had been Ray crawling up that stupid crane.

Stepping onto deck, he was nearly bored because everything went so smoothly. Still, it was a somehow nice feeling. They were moving quickly, without any words and just a few hand signs. Like a well-oiled machine.

They reached the entrance to the stowage without any problems and then Ray started with that fucking bomb – and big bomb as a description didn't really help a lot.

Throwing a look to Geoff, the older seemed ready to run back out but Jack held on to his arm. They needed a third person here to watch their back.

“Just stay up there for now, Ray.” They heard Ryan say, calm and collected. “I am nearly there and will take the guys out. After that we'll take a look at the bomb and figure things out.”

And before Michael could add it, “Maybe you should listen to Michael though and get away from the bomb when the guys are occupied with me.”

That let Geoff relax, if only slowly and he turned towards them, nodding towards the stowage. “Get in there. I want to be out of here as soon as humanly possible.”

“Got it.”

They stormed inside, instantly going in cover behind some boxes. Inside of here it was dimmer, just a few dark lamps in the huge room but they could hear other people further in.

“Who's there?” Someone called and Michael frowned, throwing a look to Jack. That voice sounded young and with a sudden feeling of dread he knew that it was another Gunslinger. Throwing a look over the box, he knew he was right and even worse – it were two.

He knew them from pictures, knew them from the website. That dark curly hair on both their heads, the same dark green eyes and of course he remembered them because they were special, they were one of a kind as far as he knew.

Ducking back down, he threw a slightly panicked look to Jack. “It's the twins!”

“The twins?” He glanced into the room as well before he understood. “Shit, they are the highest ranked passive Gunslingers on that list, right?”

“Fuck, I think so.” He hesitated, looking down at his gun and bit his lip. If he was honest he didn't want to fight them. Didn't want to fight any of the other Gunslingers if he didn't have to. Also they had the rule not to kill children and those two weren't really children anymore but around his age and that still counted, right?

He wanted to ask Jack what to do but the other seemed to also be deep in thoughts, frowning over something.

And then he simply stood up, arms slightly raised even though he was still holding his gun. Sputtering, Michael turned around and aimed at them, ready to take them out if they dared to make a move against his guardian but they just... just stared at them in surprise.

“You're... you're from the Fake AH Crew,” the girl said, glancing at her brother for a second. There was a knife in her hand but Michael could see a gun on her belt and instinctively he focused on her, figuring she was the more dangerous one. He wrecked his head, trying to remember the information on them and really, he should know that by how often they had stared at this damn website in the past days!

Gavin would know it right away, Gavin could probably tell him their weight if there was a way for him to know that but Gavin was quiet in his ear, nothing more as a soft rise and fall of voices by now. They were too deep in the ship probably and he had to concentrate to figure out what was said.

Darlyn, he suddenly remembered. Darlyn and Derek Glown. Twins and wave... wave four, right? Passive Gunslingers, so that was good. Very good, they shouldn't stand a chance in a fight.

“Yes, we are,” Jack agreed. His voice was very controlled, very calm and his hands still raised even though he wouldn't let go of his gun. “And you two are from Cathy's Crew, if I remember correctly. A very small crew down by the beach.” He threw Michael a glance who still looked at him confused. “No way you guys would be able to order such a big weapon supply.”

“A big...” the boy began before looking over the shoulder and now Michael understood. Slowly standing up, he saw the two lonely boxes those two were guarding and he also let his gun sink.

“That's all?” he blurted out in disbelieve.

“Well excuse you, fluffy head,” Darlyn snapped at him. “Not everyone has the money to buy an army, asshole.”

“What the fuck is going on here?” Michael asked, turning to Jack. “Is this some... some fucking misunderstanding? We wouldn't even leave the house for that!”

“This is not a misunderstanding, Michael. That's a setup.” Jack turned towards the twins. “Why did you chose this ship or this day?”

“Not your proble-” The girl began but her brother seemed to also catch on.

“Project NEON sent us these weapons,” Derek said. “It's a gift to help us, because they placed us so high on the list.”

Michael froze, feeling his mouth drop open as he understood. “Those motherfuckers!” he blurted out. “Holy fuck, they lead us here! They lead us here to kill those two, they lead us here to make a fucking move for them!”

Jack nodded slowly, a dark glare on his face that Michael rarely saw. Stepping out from behind his box, he let his gun sink. “This is a misunderstanding. We will not hurt you two, instead should we work toge-”

A sharp scream in their ear made them both flinch and even though it was barely more than static, Michael knew that it was Gavin. Turning towards Jack, he caught the other’s gaze and thought the same.

Maybe a trap, maybe they had been lured out here and someone had somehow managed to get into the base. Get through all their security to Gavin and there was nothing they could do. No way to get to the base fast enough and his stomach dropped in fear.

No, no, no! Gavin couldn't protect himself! Not if he was trapped in his office with no way out!

Just like Jack he had also turned around as if they could run back to the base in time, as if they could help but then the shot echoed in the room.

It was a badly aimed shot, sparking against the middle of the wall behind them and Michael wasn't even sure who it was aimed at, he just knew that it was an attack on either him or his guardian and turned around. His shot as precise and fast, barely a flick of his wrist but it hit home right between Derek's eyes. The boy was thrown back, crashed into the boxes behind him and let red and gray spray all over them. He sank to the ground and the gun slipped from his twitching fingers.

Gavin's screaming broke as he took a breath but it was instantly replaced by Darlyn's very own. Darlyn who fell to her knees, letting her weapon fall in favor for holding her brother. For pressing his body against her even though she was getting blood all over herself as she cradled him, sobbing, “No, no, no, no...”

If he was honest, Michael didn't feel anything. Now that he had shot, he just felt cold and determined. All in all they had shot first and they deserved it for endangering Jack. Jack who was calling him, holding his arm but he tore himself free. Stepping around the box, he walked towards Darlyn and raised his gun again, aiming for her head that was pressed against the unmoving chest of the other boy. She looked up and there was no fear, there was rage. Green eyes, like Gavin's only darker and still that didn't mean anything to him.

“You killed my brother!” she spat at him and that hit home. That made his finger hesitate on the trigger and Michael blinked, feeling the coldness shatter because she wasn't holding the boy he only knew from pictures anymore, she was holding Ray and she was holding Gavin and she screamed, “You killed my little brother!”

No, he would never! Never!

He would never hurt those two, much less kill them!

But... but he had just killed another Gunslinger. Had shot him in cold blood and wasn't that similar? That was also just a child. Just a child, like they all had been. Still were.

A victim, and he had probably seen him around. Had probably talked to him once or twice. Or maybe not. That wasn't the point.

He had killed a child, he had done what NEON wanted him to do and that made him sick. Now Darlyn was staring at him so full of rage and hate and he couldn't do it again. He couldn't shoot her as well, couldn't pull that trigger.

If she sensed that or not, she just picked her own gun back up and aimed at him instead. “Fuck you!” she snapped. “Fuck you and your crew! You deserve to die! You deserve to fucking die, you fucking mons-”

Her shots hit the ceiling, three sparks against the metal as her body jerked back from the bullet hitting her head. She kept her free arm around her brother, pulling him along as they both collapsed.

Michael stared at them, gun still pointed to where they had been before until Jack placed his hand on top of it, pushing it down. He let it happen, let Jack pull him into a warm embrace even though he could not look away, needed to know exactly what he had done. What Jack had done.

“It's okay, Michael,” Jack whispered. “God, it's fine. We're fine. It's over now.”

“I-” he began but then couldn't remember what he wanted to say. Just watched as their blood mixed together on the cold floor and then Jack's hand laid on his eyes, blinding him.

 

The small black out because of the AC should have been a warning. It sure as hell had unsettled him before but he had told himself that it had at least happened before the mission. And that was why they had the emergency supply, right?

Afterwards it also appeared that everything was working according to plan and so Gavin had tried to calm down.

To supervise two groups wasn't necessarily easy but he had it done more than enough and so he kept them on two different sets of screens. The problems had really started when Ryan killed the electricity for the dock and he grew blind. Leaning back into his chair, he took some calming breaths and listened to them talk quietly among themselves. And then Ray started with the bloody bomb and he could do nothing. Could just listen quietly as Ryan ran back, his heavy breath in his ear as he gunned them down one by one.

“I think I got everyone,” Ryan said and how he wished to make sure of that.

“Can't tell you. I am still blind but not for that much longer,” he spat, angry with himself and this stupid computer. Biting his lip, he stared at the static in front of him as if glaring would make the system reboot faster. When it then finally happened and the screen fizzed back into life, he flinched at the sudden picture.

“Cameras are back. You guys have roughly seven minutes left,” Gavin informed them before checking on Matt and Jeremy. “The helicopter is on its way now. Ryan, you seem to be clear.”

He took a small glance towards the bomb but it was an awkward angle and he couldn't properly see it, not that he would have known what to do to begin with. His eyes traveled to Team Alpha and they were already on the ship and out of his line of sight anyway. When he focused back on the crane, he was just in time to see Ryan getting shot. He couldn't see from where, the surrounding a maze of containers but he saw him hit the ground, blood spraying from his body and that wasn't right, he was wearing body armor! Gavin had sat next to him as he put it on, had played on his phone but Ryan wouldn't forget something this important. No, he was sure he had worn it beneath his shirt, had left his jacket at home because it would get too hot.

Someone was screaming, Gavin could hear it absentmindedly but he concentrated on Ryan, watched him scramble back to his feet and couldn't read his face. His mask hiding it too well but he was jamming a hand beneath his armpit, trying to stop the bleeding. They must have hit him right there, where the vest was open for his arms and it seemed to have hit a sinew or muscle because as Ryan tried to lift his arm to shoot, it wouldn't go further than his hips.

The second bullet hit him straight in the chest, aimed for his heart and he was thrown back by the impact. There was no blood this time and as he stumbled, the third shot missed him but he reached the edge of the dock and suddenly, suddenly...

He was just gone.

Gavin watched him disappear and took a sharp breath, noticing that the faint scream stopped for a moment before he threw both hands against the screen, leaning as close as possible – he hadn't even noticed that he was on his feet, his knees feeling strangely weak. All he did was stare at the surface, what little he could see of it and waited... waited for a hand breaking through, for the mask to appear. Maybe just his face, he would rip the mask off because it would fill with water.

The only thing that did happen was the explosion and he heard it over some earpiece, jumping in shock. There was dirt and stones being blown away, creating a fog he couldn't see through and he hit the screen, trying to wipe it clean.

“No, no, no!” he whispered, surprised how hoarse his voice was. “Let me see! He'll come back up any second, I need to see!” Because seeing was all he had, all he had left, all he could do. He was helpless!

He couldn't do a damn thing!

His fingers scratched across the screen as if that would help at all but all he could do was hold his breath as the picture slowly cleared.

Nothing.

The same streaks of blood like before but nothing more. No water at the edge as if someone had pulled himself up, just more dirt than before.

“No!” Gavin cried out, staring harder, waiting for a bubble to appear or anything. He couldn't help!

“Gavin!” Ryan? “Gavin, what is going on over there?” No, it was Geoff.

“Ryan got shot, he's in the water,” he rambled. “He's not coming up, he has to come up soon or he'll drown!”

“Yeah, I got that part. What about Ray?”

Ray? Gavin's eyes trailed over the screens but he couldn't look up the crane, no cameras up there. “I don't know. He was on the crane but Geoff, you have to help. Please!” And now that he thought about it, he noticed that he couldn't hear the others anymore.

“Already on my way, buddy. But you have to help me find a path.”

Blinking, Gavin took a step back to watch the other screens as he tried to find Geoff. His heart was slamming in his chest and he pressed his hands against it, trying to get it to calm down. He had to do his job now, get Geoff to the crane and then he could help. Could pull Ryan out and he swallowed, taking one deep breath and began to guide him through the harbor. He forced himself to get into the zone, to focus now and it was working. He and Geoff fell into a flawless pace, a well practiced movement that had formed over years.

And still it felt like forever until Geoff got there and by the end of it, Gavin was back against the screen again, wishing they could move faster but they had to be careful. So, so careful.

“Now only straight and you're there, Geoff,” he said as the older moved through the containers, his hands grasping tightly on the table. “He's in the water since so long... please, Geoff.”

The other didn't answer anymore, he sprinted through the blood on the floor with a loud gasp before he jumped. He head dived into the water and disappeared as well.

Gavin was left with staring at the screen again and listening to his own breaths. No signs from Ray or Michael or Jack. When had this all gone so wrong?

Was there really nothing else he could do than to wait?

Licking his lips, he checked on the helicopter and shivered when he realized that they only had around four minutes left. There were already cops by the gates, trying to get inside and this whole situation was starting to get even messier. His eyes traveled back to the crane just in time to see Geoff coming back up, dragging someone with him and the purple hoodie told him that it wasn't Ryan.

“Good! Good, you got Ray,” Gavin said quickly. “Now you have to find Ryan. Geoff, plea-” He stopped when he saw how the older heaved Ray onto land before pulling himself up and Ray's head simply rolled, eyes closed and glasses missing. In the next second Geoff was above him, taking a hold of his small, small face before breathing air into his lungs.

“God, no...” Clasping his hands before his mouth, Gavin watched as Ray's chest rose before sinking back down. Watched how Geoff sat up, ripping the hoodie open to begin pressing his chest down and he could see Geoff's face. Could see that terrible desperation, see how his mouth moved and Gavin touched his headset but knew it was futile. The water would have destroyed every chance to communicate with the other and he wondered if Geoff was even talking to him or with Ray and oh god, Ray still wasn't breathing. He watched Geoff press his lips against his mouth again, the chest raising in a mocking motion.

“Please...” Gavin whimpered. That was all wrong! That was all so wrong! Ray had to breath! Ray had to breath because every second Geoff performed CPR, he couldn't jump back in to get Ryan. And God, Ryan was so long in there already.

Why wasn't he coming up?

“Someone... Someone has to help... Please, anyone...” Because he couldn't. He could just watch and time was running out. Pressing his hands against his eyes, breath hitching and heart racing.

What could he do? How could he help?

There was no way for him to get there. He was so useless!

“Gavin?”

“Jack,” he blurted out, recognizing the voice in his ear. “Jack, you have to help! Oh god, it's so horrible! Please, I beg you... you have to...”

“Where?”

“By the crane! I'll... um... I can guide you but please hurry.”

“We're moving from the ship now.”

Oh thank God. Jack and Michael would get there and Ray would start to breath any second now and they would pull Ryan out. He could wait for them with fresh clothes and towels and it would have been a close call but fine, still fine. Tomorrow they would laugh about it.

“What happened, Gavin?” Jack asked and he finally appeared on one of his screens again, Michael right next to him but strangely quiet.

“Ryan got shot and... and he's under water. Someone has to... to get him out, he can't breath there,” he tried to explain and suddenly he felt like there wasn't enough air anymore. “There was blood, God, Jack... He was bleeding and... and Ray isn't... I don't know why he was in the water but he... Geoff got him out but he isn't going back to get Ryan and...” His breath hitched again and he shook his head, tried to think clear. “Ray isn't breathing. He isn't breathing and Geoff is trying to... to help him but it doesn't look like it's working and it's all so, so horrible... Please, you ha-”

“Gavin, I need you to calm down. I know it's hard bu-”

He stopped listening, watched how a tremor went through Ray and then he was spitting up water. Geoff turned him onto his side and rubbed his back before lifting him up. He wrapped Ray into an embrace and the boy barely could keep his eyes open but gently patted Geoff's arm.

“Oh, thank God,” Gavin mumbled and his knees gave in. Sinking to the floor, he took a shaking breath. “Ray is... Ray is okay. He's breathing and Geoff... Geoff will get Ryan now. It's all going to be fine again!”

Only that Geoff wasn't moving, was simply holding on to Ray and he couldn't even see their faces, they were too wrapped up in each other. There were only Ray's arms that weakly hugged Geoff back and Geoff's shoulders were trembling, hands grasping for everything that was Ray as if to make sure he was still in one piece.

But-

“Geoff, you have to get Ryan now...” Gavin said, watching with confusion. “Geoff, Ray is alright. Please... please check on Ryan next...”

He didn't. He didn't do it, just sat there and held Ray so tight that it had to hurt but Ryan was still down there somewhere!

“Geoff!” Gavin cried out, not understanding what was happening. But suddenly Jack was there and he hadn't guided him but somehow he was still there, Michael right behind him. And now Michael was also falling to his knees next to Ray and his earpiece was still working and Gavin could hear Geoff crying, cradling Ray against his chest but allowing Michael to check on the boy.

“Ryan...” Gavin whimpered again because still nobody was checking on him. “Anyone... please help...”

“Where Gavin?” Jack asked suddenly and the boy perked up, rubbing his eyes.

“Do you see the blood?”

“Yeah.”

“He fell into the water right behind that. He stumbled back from a shot.”

“Gotcha.” Jack jumped inside and Gavin closed his eyes. Thank God. Thank God, now he would get Ryan out. Everything would work out.

Sure, that was all a big slap in the face but once again they'd managed to scrape through. At least nothing fatal, nothing that couldn't be fixed.

Picking himself up from the floor, he sniffed and trembled but watched the screens intensely. He wouldn't miss the moment they would break through the surface.

“The helicopter,” he heard Michael said and sure enough a few seconds later the dirt and the water was disturbed by the rotors.

“Hurry up, Jack... Come on...” Gavin whispered.

“Give me your earpiece,” Geoff said faintly and he heard the shifting when Michael handed it over. Sure enough he heard the tight voice of the older. “Gavin, how are the gates looking? What about the cops?”

Oh right.

He looked over and pulled a face. “They are coming in and will be with you in maybe a minute.”

Geoff stood up, carrying Ray in his arms and Michael followed. He shrugged his jacket off to put it around his younger brother before walking towards the water.

Finally, finally Jack appeared and Gavin held his breath because... because he was alone. There was no Ryan as Jack gasped for air but now Michael would help, Michael would help and they would find him, they wou-

“We've got to go,” Geoff called and Gavin froze.

“What?” he asked but was ignored.

“I know, Jack, but the cops are coming and we have to get out of here!”

“No...”

And Jack punched the water before pulling himself out, taking Michael by the arm and steering him towards the helicopter.

“But... Geoff. Ryan is still...” Gavin began but was interrupted.

“I am very sorry, Gavin.”

“What do you mean by that? What does that mean!”

But nobody answered, they all climbed into the helicopter like nobody was missing, like everything was okay, just a big scare to laugh at! Only that it wasn't true, that Ryan was hurt, was shot and in the water and nobody even cared.

“Geoff!” he cried out but got drowned out in the engine noise. He punched the screen which wouldn't show him Ryan resurfacing just in time, a fan of a big entrance. “Geoff, you can't! Geoff, you have to go back! He's still here, he's hurt! You can't just leave him there!”

What was happening? What was going on?

“No, Geoff! This isn't right!”

But the helicopter was already starting, already gaining height and Gavin punched against the screen, tried to break through, to run into the water and get him out.

_“ Ryan!”_

 

_ _

 

_Amazing fanart by[Sarah!](https://starryalpha.tumblr.com)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone will be pissed about that. Spoiler; it's Gav


	7. Facade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is he dead?” Gavin's voice was so small and tight that Geoff stopped to look down at him. The boy actually held his gaze, no exhaustion in his eyes anymore, just a soft wondering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got so long that I had to break it into three - whoops?

Chapter 6

Facade

 

Gavin was standing in the hallway when the door opened, had stood there since he'd watch the police crawl all over the dock and he would have waited no matter how long it would take for Geoff to step inside. With long strides he walked over to him and was ready to just tackle him to the ground if he had to, but he was holding Ray tightly, pressing his pale and trembling form into his side.

“ Geoff,” Gavin still called, feeling the tug of worry for Ray but he was way angrier. Because Ray was standing in front of him, Ray was breathing and exhausted but here while Ryan was God knows where.

“ Not now, Gav.” And he was shoved aside as Geoff walked past him, helping a stumbling Ray along and for a second Gavin simply stood there.

Not now?  _ Not now?! _

“ What do you mean by that?” he asked, pursuing them. “You left him behind! You just left Ryan there!”

“ I know,” Geoff told him before closing the door to the bathroom in his face.

Gavin stared at it, breathing heavily even though he wasn't exactly sure why. What was going on here? Had he missed something?

What about this whole talk about Ramsey taking care of his own, that they were family? Ryan had gone back to save Ray, he had gone back to save Geoff's Gunslinger and that didn't matter anymore? Why wasn't it important enough to stop for a few minutes to freaking tell him what was going on?

“ Gavin?”

Someone touched his arm and he turned around to be face to face with Michael. Michael who looked full out wrecked, with red-rimmed eyes as if he'd been crying or close to it and Gavin felt his stomach sink.

“ What happened?” he asked, grasping the other’s shoulders and instantly Michael moved in, embracing him.

“ I'm sorry,” he whispered as he leaned his head against Gavin's chest, closing his eyes. “I'm very sorry.”

It was a strange hug and even though the words made absolutely sense, they felt like they meant something completely different and Michael was searching his comfort more than the other way around. But that was fine, Gavin was willing to give him what he needed and held him close. He listened to his ragged breathing and thought once more that Michael seemed close to crying and wasn't quite sure why. He hadn't really seen what was going on in the ship itself and in all honesty, he also hadn't cared.

Looking up, he was relieved to see Jack because he was feeling a bit helpless. Jack who had jumped after Ryan, Jack who hadn't want to go either.

And Jack pulled them both close for a long moment in which nobody said a thing, and in any other scenario they would squirm and fight against it because Jack smelled like dirty water and Michael smelled like gunpowder but right now it was alright, it was perfect. When they were guided into the briefing room, they sat down on the couch without any resistance, and somehow in the short time it had already shifted again, Michael cupping the back of his head and pulling him to rest against his shoulder before his arms laced around him like a shield.

Gavin closed his eyes, letting the other protect him from the fear tearing at him, from the anger burning in his guts. Only when Jack put a chair in front of them and sat down, did he look up again.

“ Ryan is still out there,” he mumbled. “Geoff left him behind.”

“ We had to leave, Gavin.” Jack stopped him before he could talk back. “I know you don't like that. I know you are furious but it's the truth. I am sorry.”

“ It shouldn't be like this...”

“I know but right now it is. We have to deal with it.”

“ He's hurt...” And he noticed that his voice was close to breaking but he couldn't get it to stop.

Jack's heavy hand was placed on his knee, his other on Michael's. “Listen, I will tell you guys what will happen next.” He squeezed them and Gavin nodded, snuggling closer to Michael. “The police will find Ryan and take him in. He will get medical attention before questioning and yes, his cover will probably be blown but he will learn to live with it. We all do. The police will brag about it, all big and mighty – after all they got the Vagabond.”

“ We'll bust him out?” Michael asked quietly and Jack nodded.

“ Of course we will. Remember the one time we got Geoff out? Just like that.”

They smiled at the memory of that ridiculous rescue and somehow Gavin felt a little better. When Jack cupped his face, he let him and felt some of the weight get lifted.

“ I couldn't do anything,” he admitted slowly. “I was completely helpless.”

“ That must have been terrible, buddy. But you know that heists can go wrong.” Jack turned to Michael, stroking through the curls with his free hand. “Heists can go wrong and sometimes we are forced to do things we aren't happy about. Sometimes we do things we didn't think we would.”

Michael also nodded, slowly and unsure. Not even looking up when Jack stood and pressed a kiss against his forehead. “We'll talk about this when we get home, pumpkin.”

“ Okay...”

It didn't seem to reassure him at all and with a frown, Jack let Gavin go and cupped Michael's face, forcing him to look up to him. The brown eyes caught his and they were sad and withered, still a bit red from not-crying but he gave a short sort of smile and for now that seemed to be enough.

“ I'm going to take a shower. You two rest for now.”

They curled around each other after he left, quiet and mourning their very own losses. At some point Gavin's phone rang and because of the tune he could tell that it was an update of the website. It couldn't be anything good, so he ignored it for now. He didn't feel like hearing anymore bad news for today, which was probably why he didn't ask Michael what he and Jack were talking about. But seeing that they didn't want to talk in front of him probably meant that he shouldn't ask in the first place.

Closing his eyes, he tried not to think about Ryan but it seemed impossible. Jack had reassured him a little, to have some form of plan was a start at least. For a moment he had been worried that the police would maybe just shoot Ryan but that wasn't likely. There were enough people who would want to see the Vagabond face trial.

For them he was a murderer, a sociopath, a monster even.

It wasn't true, Ryan was just someone who did his job, even if it was unusual. A job that paid well and usually got rid of scum but nobody really cared about that, right? They saw blood and crime and a creepy mask to pin it to, so they did. They didn't see the Ryan that would wake him up before dawn because he knew he would oversleep otherwise. Who would stay up with him through breakfast and his tea even though he didn't have to work yet, just to keep him company even if it was mostly in silence. But that was fine, it was a comfortable silence in their kitchen with the smell of coffee and the warm cup in his hand, blinking the sleep out of his eyes. He would probably wear one of Ryan's shirt because somewhere along the line he got used to that, and none of them had ever said a word about it before, and when it got cold it was large enough to pull it over his knees and huddle inside. But that had grown harder with each passing year.

They didn't know Ryan in the night, a quiet figure rummaging around the apartment because he couldn't sleep, if it was from the occasional nightmare or his recurring insomnia. The figure who would sometimes stand in his door, watching over him while thinking he was asleep. That was when his nightmares got really bad, and sometimes Gavin pretended to not notice, but mostly he would get up to keep him company. Also silent, with coffee and tea and watching mindless TV. Usually he would fall asleep at some point but sometimes it would be Ryan who drifted off.

No, they didn't know this Ryan and they wouldn't want to know even if Gavin would somehow be able to show them. Ryan wouldn't want that anyway, he would never let his guard down around anyone besides... well, Gavin.

It was a sign of trust more than anything, really. That was  _ his _ Ryan, the one no one else knew. Who the rest of the crew were sometimes seeing glimpses off but never fully and somewhere beneath the Gavin-Ryan was the actual Ryan without any walls or armor. Gavin wasn't quite sure how or when it would happen, but he was worming himself inside there, saw more and more of that.

He loved that. He loved being the only one allowed inside, the only one trusted enough to come this close.

That was his home.

Michael squeezed him, nuzzling against his hair. “Ryan is fine,” he said as if he could read his thoughts. And sometimes he could. “We'll get him back.”

“ Okay,” Gavin mumbled and tried to believe it. They both looked up when the door opened and Gavin tensed, not sure how to react if it would be Geoff because he was still angry, couldn't help himself but to feel that way. 

It was Ray, who took a look inside before stepping in. He moved reluctantly, a bit shy with Michael's jacket pressed against his chest and spare glasses on his nose. His hair stood in every which way from where he had dried it briefly but the shower seemed to have helped, as there was some color back in his face.

The boy stopped in front of them, not quite meeting their eyes. “I shot the woman who got Ryan,” he finally said, talking to the jacket. “I'm sorry that I didn't notice her before. Things would have gone differently then.”

Gavin nodded slowly and Ray threw him an unsure look. “Are you mad at me?”

“ No, Ray.”

“ Good.”

Michael took his hand, tugged him closer to sit with them and they sandwiched Gavin between them. That was nice, Michael being solid and warm, his arms open and embracing both of them, his strange melancholy gone for now as if their presence was soothing to him. Ray on his other side was nuzzling against his shoulder, hair still a bit wet but also smelling fresh like his shampoo, one of his hand running up and down Gavin's arm.

He closed his eyes.

 

* * *

 

“ I don't like the thought of leaving Gavin at the base all by himself,” Geoff said as he leaned his head against the window, watching the streetlights pass by their car.

“ You prefer him to sit alone in their apartment?” Jack asked.

“ He could have stayed the night with one of us.” Grimacing, he admitted, “Probably with you and Michael. He didn't talk to me at all... can't say I'm surprised.”

Jack threw him a quick side glance, frowning over his tired face. “You had to make a call, Geoff, and Gavin knows that as well. He'll come around, you know he doesn't hold a grudge. He asked me to give him some space and it's not like he would sleep tonight anyway. Let him stay and check the footage and the police records if he wants.”

Geoff gave a hum at that before throwing a look over his shoulder. The other two were quiet but it wasn't like he was surprised by that after this day. Ray was asleep, curled into Michael and that was a good sight. A very good sight because pulling his lifeless body out of the water would haunt his mind. That small moment in which he had been completely helpless, not sure what to do because Ray hadn't been breathing. When he had opened his bleary eyes again, Geoff could have just cried. He was pretty sure he actually did. Now Ray was tired and safe and that was alright. He was a bit worried about Michael who seemed terribly distant, gaze far away as he absentmindedly played with Ray's hair. Sighing, Geoff turned back around. "You don't think he would run away and search for Ryan himself?"

Jack raised his brows, apparently a thought that hadn't come to him yet before he shook his head. "He's not stupid, Geoff. When he finds out anything he will call." And then, like an afterthought, "Also Kdin is at the base, he'd have to sneak past him."

"He could do just that."

"But he won't."

"Okay." Leaning back in his seat, he closed his eyes. There was so much to do. Check on the police to find out where they'd keep Ryan and then plan how to get him out and hey, he actually didn't even know how the actual heist went. He just knew that it had gone bad along the way if Jack and Michael's expressions were any indication. But that had to have time until tomorrow.

"What a horrible day."

 

 

He let Michael inside as he opened the door to their apartment before making sure to lock the door behind them again. He went for the kitchen, preparing some sandwiches on autopilot because he knew they hadn't eaten enough today, even though none of them were hungry. It only took five minutes but when he turned around, Michael was gone.

Taking the plates, he moved towards his room and sure enough he was sitting on his bed. Next to it was a shelf especially for the gifts Jack sometimes got him and he didn't need to look at it to know that Mogar was missing. The teddy that had seemed too big in the beginning was small when the boy held it now, pressing it way too tight against his chest.

"I'm not hungry," Michael told him without so much as a glance and Jack placed the plates on his bedside table.

"Maybe you'll get hungry later, you haven't really eaten much today." He sat down beside him and joined him in staring at the opposite wall. It was the wall with the old gaming consoles that were neatly stacked, the games in a row next to them. Normally Michael would look at them proudly and talk about them to whoever would listen. Now he didn't seem to even see them.

"I shot a Gunslinger," he finally said. "I killed a child." Taking a shaking breath, he quickly hid his eyes behind his hand. "Fuck..."

Laying an arm around the small shoulders, Jack pulled him into his side and listened to his ragged breath, listened to him trying to control himself. "They shot at us first."

"But why? We could have... we could have just gone away! I don't understand!"

"I am not sure," Jack admitted. "I don't think they really did believe it. They probably thought it was a trap of some kind. Maybe they were just out for the money or the fame. If they were able to kill one of us, maybe even both - even if it would be a shot in the back - it would mean a lot for them."

A sob ripped from Michael's throat and he let his hand sink in favor to hide his face in Mogar's soft body. "I didn't want to do it! I didn't want to kill! Why did they make me do it?"

"It was self defense, Michael."

The boy lifted his head, looking up to him and he looked wrecked. Eyes red again and this time he didn't keep the tears in, he let them run free as his body shook in horror. "I'm sorry..." he whispered. "I'm so sorry..."

Leaning down, Jack pecked him on the forehead before wrapping him in his arms, holding him tight. He felt Michael grasp at his shirt, crying quietly into his chest and Jack rested his head on top of his. This wasn't fair. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got.

All of this... all of this had been a set up. A set up with the only purpose to get them in the game, to force them to make a move for the project's sake. To get them off of their pedestal and down into the fighting crowd. And it had to hit Michael, it just had to be his boy who was forced to pull the trigger and of course he would. He was trained to shoot before asking and the fact that he had hesitated to shoot the girl just showed how far he'd come.

The way he had stayed around Gavin and Ray the whole day, like he had to redeem himself for what he'd done.

It wasn't fair!

"Jack..." the boy whimpered. "I am so sorry... I made you shoot her. I couldn't even do it myse-"

"Michael," he interrupted him and the boy looked up to him, face red and wet as he cupped it with both hands. "Michael, I would shoot anyone if it meant to keep you safe."

"But she was just another child, she wa-"

"She would have hurt you. Or worse." He shook his head. "I am also sorry that it happened but I would always do it again. We experienced enough loss for one day."

Michael sniffed noisily, leaning against Jack's hand as he closed his eyes. "I can't forget her face. I can't forget the way she called after the boy, after her brother and I can't stop being afraid that something like that could happen to us." His breath hitched and he looked like he was in pain, his face pulling tight. "What if I can't protect them? What if we are not able to come out of this all together? What if Ryan is... is not coming back anymore?"

"That won't happen, Michael. We'll get through this like we got through everything before."

Michael's eyes fluttered open again, looking up to him so terribly unsure and he whispered, "Will you stay with me?"

"Forever and ever," Jack assured him. "That's what we promised, right?"

The boy nodded before scoffing quietly. "That's so fucking cheesy though."

"By now it served us well, didn't it?"

"I guess." Falling silent, he grew serious again. He was reaching up, placing his hands over Jack's and holding tight. "I love you, Jack. I really do."

It warmed his insides like a fire every time he heard these words, as rare as they were. "I love you as well, pumpkin," he said in earnest. "And nothing you could ever do could make me stop, I swear. Because I know your heart, Michael. I know it's warm and loyal and strong." He leaned ahead, letting his forehead rest against the other's. "And I am so honored to have watched you grow and become so unbelievably strong. I am so proud to see you care so deeply after they tried everything to make you not. You’ve got a lion heart, Michael. You’ve got a lion heart and it shines in the most beautiful colors I have ever seen."

  
  


Michael felt a bit better by the dawn of the next day, the domestic morning a reassuring sight but of course there was a shadow lingering above them. When he and Jack reached the base, they immediately went for the security office and sure enough they found Gavin sitting exactly where they had left him. When he turned towards them, Michael could tell that he hadn't slept for a second, something dark and exhausted in his eyes.

"Any news?" Jack asked and Gavin shook his head.

"The police are still on the docks but no news that they captured someone."

"Maybe they haven't made it official yet."

"There was also nothing in the data bank. I couldn't find a single hint in their system." Gavin reached up, rubbing his eyes. "I don't think they have him."

Jack watched him thoughtfully before reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. "I'll call in some contacts with the police, maybe that'll help."

"Okay. Thank you, Jack."

He left the room but not without throwing a look to Michael who nodded. He stepped ahead once they were alone and Gavin watched him, something upset in his face. Still it was him, who asked, "Are you feeling better, boi?"

"I think so." He gesticulated to the chair. "Can I stay?"

Gavin nodded but was already back to watching the screen when Michael pulled the chair close enough so that their arms touched when he sat down. If Gavin noticed, he didn't show it and so Michael simply watched for a while, not really understanding what the other was doing but there were screens besides the usual ones around the base on and it didn't take him long to realize that it were the docks, police crawling around, taking pictures and collecting evidence. Gavin sometimes threw a short glance towards them before turning back to his program, filtering through some dark footage or something like that.

"Maybe we should implant chips into the others as well," Michael said and Gavin scoffed.

"That would surely make things easier."

"And it would only be fair. It sucks that they always know where we are."

"Yeah." He sighed again and closed his eyes for a moment. "So that whole thing yesterday was a whole disaster, right? What about the weapon delivery?"

"All a hoax," Michael said. "A set up by the project and we fucking fell for it. I don't know who Geoff's informant was but he’d better look out for himself."

Gavin didn't answer, eyes still closed and he nearly looked like he was asleep before he took a deep breath. "Are they backing us into a corner? Are we too passive for them?"

"I think so, yeah." Only that now they weren't passive anymore, right? He himself had thrown the first stone, had made the first move and surely Gavin had noticed that another Gunslinger was missing from the list, could probably count one and one together by this point but he didn't say a thing. Michael was glad for that because he really didn't want to talk about it.

Instead he nudged Gavin gently. "Let's grab something to eat."

 

* * *

 

Geoff had watched the growing amount of energy drinks piling up over the day, how Gavin's hand shook whenever he reached for a new one and now that the boy was actually looking at him, he saw the dark shadows beneath his eyes. "I'll stay here," he said, just like yesterday and Geoff could feel Ray stiffen by his side.

"You have to sleep, Gavin."

"I can't sleep like this."

"Then just come home with us or with Michael and Jack. I hate to imagine you sitting here all by yourself the whole night."

"I'll be fine."

"Should one of us stay here with you? I'm sur-"

"Geoff." It was the same sharp tone Gavin had used with him all day, making sure that the other knew that he hadn't forget yet but now it trailed off into something softer. Apparently he was too exhausted to be angry anymore. "I just want to find him, okay? I just... just let me do my thing, please?" He shrugged a bit helpless. "I'll inform you the moment I find something. I won't do a step without you telling me but don't make me... just sit around somewhere, okay? That... that would be bad, I don't want that."

Geoff watched him, not missing the tired pleading in his voice and he gave in. "One more night. Tomorrow you'll come home."

"One more night is all I will need," he assured him before trying himself on a fake smile. "Thank you, Geoff."

"Just... take a nap or something if you can."

"Sure." He was already turning back around and Geoff was ready to just leave him be but it was Ray who stepped ahead. Standing next to Gavin until the other looked up to him and even though neither of them said a single word, they seemed to communicate with each other. In the end Ray leaned down and gave him a short kiss on his forehead and Geoff couldn't help but be surprised. That was certainly something new and it gave him a bad feeling. If Ray actually went out of his way, out of his comfort zone... maybe Gavin felt even worse than he had thought?

But now Gavin was actually smiling, a bit surprised as well but he reached out to squeeze Ray's arm. A second later both of them turned away like there was a silent command, resurfacing out of that tiny world only the lads could enter. Where they were talking without words, like they were reading the other's thoughts and nobody else was allowed to enter.

Now Ray was with him again, passing by him back into the hallway. "Come on, Geoff. Let's go home."

Well, if he thought that was the best for now... With a quiet good night, he closed the door and followed him.

 

Gavin watched them leave the base and pressed his hands against his eyes, wracking his brain. He had searched through everything he could think of. Police reports, the system of any fucking hospital within a hundred miles, he had even gone so far to check on the reported deaths since yesterday and nothing. Ryan had just disappeared and he was running out of options. He should find a trace, any trace!

Fuck, he had even gone so far as to search through the websites for hitmen Ryan had told him about. Just to look if someone was offering the Vagabond's head... or simply bragging about it.

Ryan had been hurt, alright. He had been hurt and had fallen into the water, that's what he knew. What happened then? Jack hadn't found him, the police hadn't found him - so he had gotten away somehow? There were surely enough crooks, corners, even pipes to hide inside, to find a way out. Why didn't Ryan contact him then? Why didn't he leave some sign? He should know that he would be able to track him down if he just had a simple start!

Opening his eyes again, he felt his heart pound in his chest. Taking his phone, he dialed Ryan's number and pressed it against his ear. It went straight to the voicemail and so he tried again and then a third time. Listening to the standard announcement that asked him to leave a message after the beep.

"Where are you?" Gavin hissed. "Where the fuck are you?" That was stupid. Ryan had either lost his phone or it was dead and if the police had found it, they would now know that they also didn't have a clue where he was. Great! He was just making things worse because he couldn't think straight!

Slamming the phone on his desk, he stared at the little number, telling him he had tried to call _ Lovely Ryan _ 29 times today and none of them had connected.

Why could he find anyone but not him? Why was he able to monitor anyone but couldn't catch a glimpse on any cams from him?

"Why, why, why?" Gavin spat, slamming his fist against the desk with each word. "Just give me a fucking hint!"

What if he couldn't? What if he was down at the bottom of that damn harbor, drowned and ready to be washed onto land?

It was a sickening image, an image he couldn't get out of his head and his stomach churned and twisted at him. He felt ready to throw up, too many energy drinks and not enough else.

Curling up in the chair he had barely left all day, he tried to swallow, tried to control his breathing. Closing his eyes just for a moment, a tiny moment because there was a headache coming, he could feel it behind his eyes but he had no time for that.

What was the next logical step? What was he missing?

But he couldn't come up with anything, he just tried to breath for a while, waiting for his phone to ring but it didn't happen. It didn't fucking happen and he was left to stare at the surveillance cameras, waiting for the police to pull a body out of the water.

 

* * *

 

Geoff tried to be angry but it was hard. He had messages from a handful of contacts on his phone, some had simply called him and by now he had managed to put them off but he knew he couldn't do that forever. A mistake was a mistake and this was a big one he couldn't just excuse.

So he had driven to the base in the early hours, stormed up the stairs and pushed his hand against the scanner to enter the security office. Now that he was here, he couldn't help but hesitate because Gavin had his head resting on his desk, on the small space that wasn't occupied by crushed cans or electronic devices. He wasn't asleep, Geoff could see him watch the screen in front of him but what made it hard to keep angry was the sudden realization that the mug was missing. That damn fucking mug that Ryan would bring him each morning and that damn fucking mug that Gavin would rinse out each day before going home. A creeper mug, yeah. It was probably downstairs in the kitchen, waiting to be filled with tea.

“ You forgot to erase the footage,” Geoff finally said and it came out way softer than he had planned.

“ Cosa?” Gavin asked and now he looked up from the screen. Wait, had that been Italian? The boy seemed to realize his mistake as well and softly shook his head. “Sorry. What did you say?”

“ You forgot to erase the footage.”

Gavin stared at him, blinking sluggishly and Geoff was pretty sure he still hadn't understood him because the shadows beneath the green eyes looked like bruises and his tongue quickly ran over too dry lips. Only when Geoff was ready to repeat himself once more, he noticed the spark of understanding.

“ Oh, right,” Gavin mumbled and sat up, his spine cracking. “Sorry, gonna do it right now.”

“ Too late, buddy.”

The same blank expression as before, not even confusion just a flat line while the boy tried to work through the sentence. Whatever anger had been in him, Geoff felt it disappear and he held his hand out. “Come with me, I'll show you.”

Gavin actually stood up and took his hand like he was a little child again and Geoff was glad for it because if he wouldn't know better he'd say that the other was drunk by the way he swayed. They needed to get him to sleep, he was falling apart.

They were already in Geoff's office and he had let him go, making sure Gavin was sitting down when the tired eyes found him. “Am I in trouble?”

Geoff wasn't quite sure what to answer to that, so he rather just put on the TV. That big flat TV that was mostly there to impress whoever was sitting opposite of him but right now it wasn't as huge, the picture not as sharp.

Maybe then the words _ The Vagabond Is Finally Dead _ wouldn't hurt as much. He could feel how Gavin tensed close to him, could hear him stop breathing and then they watched in silence how Ryan got shot once, than twice, the third time missing him because he was falling in the water. The explosion close behind.

Then a hard cut, showing Geoff breathing into Ray, both of them drenched and then clinging to each other, grasping for any warmth they could find. And the pictures were haunting just like the memories, were waiting for his sleep, were playing differently in his dreams. Because those pictures on the TV showed everyone out there how much he cared, how close he was with the boy who should been his weapon and nothing more.

An obvious, glaring weakness and he had too many foes to allow himself something like that.

“ After each heist or mission we wipe our traces,” Geoff said. “We always do, mostly without a second thought. That was a dumb mistake to make, Gavin.” Closing his eyes, he sighed. “But I'm not mad at you. You weren't in the right state of mind, I should have reminded you. I should have made sure you did it but I-”

“ Is he dead?” Gavin's voice was so small and tight that Geoff stopped to look down at him. The boy actually held his gaze, no exhaustion in his eyes anymore, just a soft wondering.

Maybe that was why Geoff couldn't answer for a moment because that wasn't even a question. It shouldn't be a question, not at all. He had seen Ryan do enough shit, had enough trust in him so that this question had barely crossed his mind but now the doubt came because if Gavin thought that... Gavin who knew him the best, Gavin whose trust in him never seemed to falter...

And the silence was the wrong answer, the fucking wrong answer, alright. The longer he thought about the answer, the longer he was trapped in Gavin's gaze, the more the face of the boy fell. Crumbled into something horrified, into something small that had been backed into a corner.

And then Gavin was on his feet, stumbling out of the room before Geoff had moved a muscle and he sat there, watching as the door was thrown shut.

Ryan dead? No way. No way at all.

He looked back up to the news just in time to see the replay of him getting shot. The first bullet nothing more than a lucky hit, slipping through his armor and fucking his arm up, otherwise Ryan would have shot the woman shooting at him. The second shot was caught by the armor but strong enough to push him back. Strong enough to break ribs? To puncture a lung?

Maybe.

Rubbing his face, Geoff turned the TV off before leaving the room. He hadn't meant to scare Gavin, he had wanted him to deal with that somehow but that surely hadn't worked and now the boy wasn't in the security office, wasn't in the briefing room and Geoff was nearly sure he had run away, down to the docks to search for himself when he hesitated. Turning back around to go back into the security office and this time he kneeled down, lowering his head so he could look beneath the table.

He found Gavin beneath the massive amount of cables, nearly hiding him completely as he sat in the back corner, body pressed against the wall. The boy was breathing too fast, hands pressed against his eyes but still he had to hear him even if he made no indication that he did.

“ Gavin,” Geoff whispered before reaching out, trying to touch him but the other just curled into himself, making himself impossible smaller to avoid his fingers. Geoff quickly let his hand fall back, trying not to push him but now he seemed so far away, completely out of reach and unsure Geoff sat down right where he was. Waiting.

Fearing that it wasn't just Gavin's try to control himself, that it was maybe a panic attack or... or maybe a seizure. Because stress and no sleep could cause seizures, right? And why only Ray, why would they get that lucky?

So he watched the tremors run through the small body, waited for the moment it would turn, the moment the other would lose control, would lose the fight and Geoff felt sick with concern, with anxiousness. With Ray there had been no warning, they had been forced to act, to deal with it and yes, it broke his heart more than anything else. But to sit here and wait, listen to the ragged breaths and watched the tremors and not being able to help, to do anything, not even reach out and hold him was horrible. And even though Gavin was so close he felt so far away and fuck, it shouldn't be him who sat here, it should be Ryan. Ryan who would probably coax him out in less than thirty seconds, sit him down and talk with him until the other would calm down.

No chance of that happening now and so he simply sat there, one of the biggest mob bosses in this city, and was ready to tear that kid out from under there because there were too many things to hurt him.

Gavin's breath hitched, loud and clear and maybe he would start crying, maybe that would be a way to help ease the weight but Geoff knew the other wouldn't. At least Gavin let his hands sink, his face pale and drawn as he let his head roll back, hitting the wall with a soft thud.

“ Gavin?” Geoff tried again and the boy just turned his face away, eyes still closed as he sucked in breath after breath. It obviously wasn't him who he wanted to talk to but there was no other option right now, too early for any of the others to be here yet.

“ James Ryan Haywood,” Geoff said and maybe this was a terrible idea, maybe this was a mistake but Gavin's eyes opened a little, watching the cables hiding him like a veil. “James Ryan Haywood will not die through a gunshot, no way. That motherfucker will go down in a big explosion.”

“ There was an explosion,” Gavin whispered, breathless even though he was sucking the air down in harsh huffs.

“ Not big enough. Wasn't even enough to bring that crane down – lame.” Gavin's mouth twitched slightly and that was a start. “And if he doesn't die in an explosion, he will fucking survive all that shit. You know, one of those men who seem to live forever. He will be disgustingly domestic when he gets older and you know it. Buy a house somewhere far away and sit on the porch probably reading a book a day.”

“And a dog,” Gavin added.

“ Does he like dogs?”

“More than he likes cats.”

“ Okay, then he also has a dog. Yeah, laying right there besides him, I can see it. A huge one, probably a bit on the ugly side but sure, great personality and all that shit.” Gavin gave a short, breathless huff and Geoff pushed on. “And you will be right there beside him. Sitting also on the porch, petting that ugly damn dog and probably do something I don't understand on your phone. And you know why? Why you are right there with him? Because Ryan would never let something happen to you. As long as he is alive he will do everything to protect you.” He finally caught Gavin's gaze, found him listening intently. “Ryan is your shadow, looming over you and scaring everything away that dares to look at you the wrong fucking way. He won't go away, he's attached to you, okay? And you are... the sun, the light or some shit like that. You shine so bright when you want to and the people around you forget that shadow. When you blind those people, when you take the spotlight Ryan can rest for a moment, can take a breath. Gavin, you asked me before why I chose you to be Ryan's Gunslinger and I won't pretend that I knew what would happen to you two but it's working. I don't know how you two do it and I don't want to. It's fucking working, okay?” Geoff reached out again, offering his hand and Gavin watched him, head leaning against the wall. It took some moments until he moved, letting Geoff take his hand in his. “I'm asking you, Gavin,” he went on, squeezing his hand gently. “Is your shadow still there? Are you two still connected? Is Ryan dead?”

For a few minutes the boy didn't react, too deep in thoughts. His gaze far, far away as he searched for his answer but his hand stayed where it was, not pulling away anymore.

“ Ryan is alive,” he finally said, a soft smile playing on his lips. His fingers squeezed but the exhaustion took over again, his hand falling back to his side in a helpless motion. “I just can't find him.”

“ You will.”

“It's like he just disappeared, was swallowed up whole.”

“ He can do that, lay down low when he needs to. He'll give you a sign the moment he can.”

“ I guess...” Gavin sighed. “I just want things to go back to normal.”

“ For that you have to sleep.”

“Geo-”

“Gavin, you make mistakes. I can't allow this to go on. This is an order.”

 

“ So we now have to deal with this new situation,” Geoff said as he switched the TV off. Ray had drove with Jack and Michael and now they were all sitting in the briefing room. “For you two, Michael and Jack, nothing too much should change. You were in the ship and mostly out of view.” Geoff's eyes traveled to him and Ray could feel himself tense. He already knew what would come, that footage revealing too much. “I know I say that a lot but Ray, I have to ask you to be even more careful. For now you won't go out if it isn't completely necessary. I want you to stay up here or at home and together with someone.”

He gave a small nod because fighting wouldn't help. He understood the reasoning but it still sucked – no more missions for him then. Next to him Michael threw him a look and Ray could nearly feel how pissed off he was about all this. Now he was the only one of them who was out in the field.

“ This footage makes us look weak,” Jack threw in. “It shows that we can get hurt, that we aren't as invulnerable as people think. There might be attacks and betrayals among our own ranks.”

“ I'm dealing with that,” Geoff assured him. “But you are absolutely right, so we will turn this around. The moment Gavin finds Ryan we will make a big show out of it. Showing him and Ray, showing that even that didn't hurt us. Flip it so that we look fucking invincible.”

“ So let's find Ryan,” Michael threw in. “That should be the highest priority right now.”

“Your safety is the highest priority,” Jack reminded him. “But finding Ryan will be problematic. He obviously made it out of the harbor somehow, otherwise the police would have found him already. He's hurt, so he probably didn't make it far.”

“So we search around the harbor!”

“ That's what the police will expect. They want to get us in their hands. They will be creeping around there and that's why Ryan hasn't contacted us. He's hiding there somewhere and can't get out but also can't lead us there without getting us into danger.”

“ But I want to do something,” Michael said harshly. “We can't just sit around and let Gavin work himself to death!”

“ He's sleeping right now,” Geoff told him. “I got some work for you and Jack though. Gonna get in contact with some of our allies. Sander also has a Gunslinger, maybe we can figure out something together. I want you two to ask for a meet up while I deal with this mess here.”

“ What about me?” Ray asked.

“ You keep Gavin company. Make sure he doesn't do something stupid.”

“ Okay.”

They scattered soon after and Ray quietly opened the door, finding Gavin in bed, flinching from the noise and shoving his tablet beneath the blanket.

“ It's just me,” Ray assured him before stepping inside, closing the door behind him. “I thought you were meant to sleep.”

“ I'm resting. I'm laying down and everything,” Gavin said. “You know I can't just... just stop and sleep. That's not how things work.”

That was true. They were programmed to assure their guardians were safe at any given time and if they were not, to change the situation as soon as possible. There was no protocol to take care of themselves, their guardians always came first.

No matter how many years Ray stayed with Geoff and how often he was reminded that it wasn't like this – it was something that would always linger in the back of his head, a fundamental fact that simply couldn't be changed. The need to assure Geoff's safety was like a hook in his head, tearing and pulling painfully until he finally changed something. Until he was sure that Geoff was safe.

So no, sitting back and resting wasn't an option and it had to tear Gavin apart to not have a clue about Ryan's whereabouts or his condition.

Sitting down on the chair next to the bed, he gave a nod. “I know but Geoff is also right. Sleep will help.”

“I screwed up badly.”

“Yeah, we just had a meeting about that.”

And Gavin looked full out upset, like he was disappointed in himself and Ray nudged him gently. “Give me that tablet. I'll keep an eye on the security cams and you take a nap.”

“Ra-”

“Only for a while. Michael and Jack are heading out soon and Geoff is occupied with the news from today. When they are all working we can move back to the security office.”

He watched Gavin ponder about that for a while before sighing and handing over the tablet. Without another word he turned away from him and that was more than he had expected, so Gavin had to be really exhausted.

Leaning back, Ray watched the tablet for a while, giving the other nearly two hours to rest. Michael and Jack had left already but he could still hear Geoff walk around and only when his steps faded he reached out to shake Gavin. But the other instantly opened his eyes and considering how bloodshot they were, he hadn't gotten a wink of sleep. At least he had relaxed for a bit.

They settled back into the security office, an energy drink for both of them and watched the screens there. It was a frustrating work and the only interesting thing happening were the cops at the docks but there was always the undercut bad feeling. What if they'd pull a body out of the water in the next minute?

Ray threw Gavin a quick glance, expecting the other to nod off but his eyes were scanning the footage systematically while he sipped on his drink. Then he went stiff, eyes growing larger and Ray turned back around, following his gaze and found... found Ryan.

Walking down the sidewalk towards the entrance of the base.

Gavin's can clattered to the floor as the boy stood, staring at the screen while Ryan came closer slowly because he was favoring his side. The shirt he'd been wearing was dirty and torn in places but he still had that damn mask on. Without any hesitation he walked into the base and Gavin let out a long breath.

Ray was able to catch the scowl on the other’s face before he had to hurry to keep up with him as Gavin ran down the hallway, down the stairs until they were on the first floor and could see the scene in front of them.

Ryan holding his side, now slowly looking up to them and there were some hired guns standing around him, probably debating if they should help but not daring to step any closer to the Vagabond.

Without a word, Gavin pulled out his gun and shot him in the stomach. The bang was loud in the tense silence around them, people jumping and someone was yelling. It wasn't Ryan, whose hand now moved to the gushing hole in him. Eyes wide in shock and pain as he tried to get a breath in to scream but Gavin was already moving towards him, exchanging his gun with his knife.

Ray was close behind and when Ryan reached for his own gun, he shot it clean out of his hand. This time the older screamed right as Gavin drove that knife deep between his ribs. With all the pain and blood loss, Gavin managed to tackle the other to the ground, straddling him and ripped the knife out again. With a wild cry he drove it back down, through the mask over and over again and Ray simply kept his gun by his side, keeping an eye on the people around in case they were trying something stupid. But they were just watching in horror, completely silent as Gavin stabbed and stabbed, his voice not quite strong enough to rival the cries of pain but close enough. And Ray wasn't as observant as Gavin, he hadn't noticed a difference in the others movements or his size or something like that. It was the way the man had entered the base without waving at Gavin, without paying any attention to the camera as if he hadn't known they were there. Or without thinking about who was sitting behind that screen.

And no matter the condition – if Ryan would be able to walk, he would at least look straight into the camera, would acknowledge Gavin.

Whoever this man here was, he had done his homework not quite well enough. The clothes from the surveillance cameras were right, the mask as well but you could get that one down at the beach for a few bucks. No, that guy had believed the story that Ryan wasn't close to anyone and too bad, now he had to pay.

The stranger managed to grab Gavin by the neck, tearing to get him off and Ray stepped ahead, stomping on the wrist and hearing it break like a twig. Pinning the arm to the ground, he noticed a movement to his right and lifted his gun, aimed right at the guy's head who dared to take a step towards them. Fixating him, the guy couldn't even meet his eye and was quick to be interested in his shoes instead.

It was nearly funny but Gavin was still crying out and he could see him swinging in the corner of his eye. Whatever he hit next with his knife, Ray could feel a warm spray hit his legs, dampening his shorts. Probably the throat because the stranger’s screams turned into a gurgling death rattle, growing quieter each second.

“ Stop!” Geoff screamed from somewhere behind them and when Ray let his gun sink, he watched Gavin drove the knife right between the two eye holes of the mask before letting go. The boy was breathing heavily but didn't take his eyes from the stranger, watched the life leave them and they were also blue. They were also blue but artificially so. Contact lenses probably.

Good but not good enough.

Touching Gavin's neck, Ray muttered, “He's dead. It's okay now.”

Nodding, Gavin slowly looked up to him, something maniacal in his eyes. And he looked like a mess, drenched in blood from the countless stabs that destroyed the stranger's face while his chest heaved, trying to get his breathing back.

Ray helped him stand up and watched as Gavin braced his foot on the other’s chest to yank the knife out again. Flicking the blood from the blade, he glared at Geoff before walking away, back up the stairs and Ray followed.

Geoff could deal with the mess for now but he was meant to look after Gavin and he would do that. He caught him soon enough and they walked the rest of the way in silence, leaving a trail behind and Ray noticed that his heart was pounding. Not only pounding but full out hurting.

That short moment in which he had thought that Ryan was back. That things would go back to normal, that it was finally over and he could only imagine how painful it had been for Gavin then. Gavin who was now opening the door to the bathroom and they both began to mechanically clean themselves as good as possible, Gavin scrubbing the blood from his blade before washing his face, keeping it submerged for so much longer than necessary but Ray didn't stop him. He just tried to get clean himself and shortly after that Gavin raised from the sink with a loud gasp.

It turned into a soft giggle as he held his hands underneath the water next, rubbing at them. Ray also couldn't help but smirk, offering, “What an idiot.”

“I know, right?” Gavin huffed, shaking his head but the upset slammed right back into him. His hands stopping their movements and his eyes growing distant and for a terrifying moment Ray was sure the other would start crying. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Gavin cry, it must have been years ago and suddenly he felt unsure, helpless as to what to do. So he just watched the color drain from Gavin's face and maybe he was just growing sick, he had barely eaten after all and running on energy drinks for so long wasn't good to begin with but the other grasped for the sink next, hands slippery and leaving red trails on the porcelain as he clung to it and Ray quickly stepped up.

“ Slowly, slowly, Gav.” Taking a hold of his shoulder, he helped him to sit down right as he started to collapse. The floor was cold and Gavin started to shiver instantly, searching for Ray's warmth until he simply... simply stopped. His weight seemed to double and Ray had a hard time keeping him up as the others muscles locked up. In the end Ray was forced to lower him down, making him lay on the tiled floor as the green eyes stared past him, completely empty and Ray's breath hitched.

“ Gav?” he asked carefully but already knew it was a seizure, the muscles tense and the other would start to shake and trash around soon enough but Ray didn't know what to do. He wasn't meant to be on the other side of this, nobody had taught  _ him _ to take care of someone with a seizure and he was too out of it when he had one to remember what the others did.

At least he knew the basics and he quickly shrugged his hoodie off to use as a pillow so that the other wouldn't crack his skull on the tiles. Pulling his phone out, he was ready to call Geoff to help but hesitated. It was stupid and dumb but... but he knew that Gavin wouldn't want that, that Gavin would hate to show anymore weakness. Geoff would baby him and Ray knew how much that sucked.

Indecisively, Ray couldn't bring himself to dial the number and the minutes ticked by slowly. Gavin was still empty, staring ahead and he didn't move. If it weren't for the shallow breaths, Ray could pretend the other was dead and that scared him. That scared him senseless and so he reached out, rubbing his tense arm.

Gavin didn't thrash around, his body didn't convulse, he just... laid there and after a while Ray curled around him, trying to keep close and keep him warm. It was the only thing on his mind, helping the other somehow as he buried his face in the unruly hair.

Now they laid together on the cold tiles, listening to the still running water and they were splattered in blood only partly washed off. It would be a few minutes later until Ray noticed the other moving and he quickly sat back up, watching Gavin look around.

“ Gavin?”

The eyes focused on him, blinking sluggishly before the other tried to smile. He swallowed loudly, licking his lips and tried to sit up as well. Ray helped him along, keeping a tight hold on him as they huddled together.

He could pinpoint the moment Gavin understood what had happened, his face hiding against Ray's chest as a shaking breath left him. “Don't tell,” he said, the words slurred together as if he had bit his tongue.

“ I won't,” he promised. “It's probably just... you know, your stress and everything. Not sleeping and all that shit. Okay? It won't happen again.” Those were empty words, he couldn't possible know that but the other relaxed a bit, nodding slowly. They sat for a while longer, the water still running noisily and Ray couldn't help but wonder if it would soon splash to the ground or not but before he could find out, Gavin nuzzled himself a bit closer, saying almost shyly, “I want to go home...”

And the other really hadn't been home since the heist, right? It would probably help to be in a familiar surrounding, so Ray gave a curt nod. “I'll take you home.”

 

He wrote Geoff a text saying that they were heading back home, not ready to face his wrath just yet. Geoff had told him to take care of Gavin and not let him do something stupid and he had maybe failed a little at that, not to mention that they were driving alone through the city, out in the open when the new rules clearly stated they should stay inside and only move with someone else.

But it was too late for regret now and when Ray parked the bike, none of them mentioned it. They got inside, helmets beneath their arms as they climbed the stairs towards Ryan's apartment. Gavin unlocked the door but didn't bother opening it, just kind of stared at it until he turned to Ray. "I think... I want to be alone."

"But..." Ray began before frowning. He didn't like the idea, fidgeting around a bit but Gavin just waited, knowing he was coming around. In some ways Ray was easier to deal with than Michael who could get terribly brusk. In the end the younger sighed. "Fine but I'll be upstairs, okay? I want you to call if something goes wrong or... or you have another... you know."

"I will."

"Promise?"

"I promise, Ray."

The younger didn't seem too convinced but with a squeeze of his arm, he turned away to go up the stairs. Gavin watched him leave until stepping inside and kicking his shoes off. It was strange coming back here, knowing that nobody had entered this place in the past days and everything was left untouched. That had happened before, when Ryan was on missions that required him to leave for a few days and sometimes Gavin didn't bother to drive home and just slept at the base then. It was somehow different and he was halfway down the hallway before feeling sick to his stomach. Guilt and fear and a heavy exhaustion draining him and he felt like collapsing again. Just laying here on the floor.

Instead he turned back around, noticed that his shoes were the only ones by the door and hurried back to place them neatly like Ryan always wanted him to. What if Ryan was here? What if he had dragged himself back and was waiting for him to come home? Maybe he hadn't called because he was hurt, collapsed somewhere in here and in Gavin's tired brain it nearly made sense.

"Ryan?" he called as he walked towards the living room, then the kitchen. Everything empty, a used cup on the table showing that they had left for the heist early enough that Ryan hadn't bothered with the bit of mess. Moving on, Gavin hesitated in front of the other’s room. It wasn't necessarily off limits but certainly the room he was in the least. Knocking, he waited for an answer that didn't come before stepping inside and feeling his heart skip a beat. There wasn't much inside, a wardrobe, a shelf with books and movies and then the bed. On the bed laid his jacket as if he had shrugged it off after a long day. Maybe to tend to his wounds.

"Ryan?" Gavin called again, a little more excited as he stepped up only to find the room abandoned as well.

Oh.

Right.

It had been hot on that day. Ryan had debated to wear his jacket or not but had decided against it. He must have thrown it there before leaving and that was where it still was.

Gavin gently took it in his shaking hands, burying his face in the tough fabric. Leather.

The scent hurt, burned in his eyes and he forced himself to endure, to not show it. He was Ramsey's puppeteer, he was the Vagabond boy - he had to be stronger than this. Pulling himself together, he slipped into the jacket and felt a little bit better. It was like an armor, that heavy leather and he breathed deep to calm down. There was a mirror at the door of the wardrobe and he caught a glimpse of himself, noticing that he was still dirty. He should take a shower, maybe even a nap.

Geoff was right, he really needed sleep, no matter the nightmares that might await him and Ryan surely had some sleeping pills lying around. He was wearing too thin, he could feel himself breaking slowly but surely but before he could move he took another look in the mirror, pulling the jacket tighter around himself.

It was stupid but right then and there it seemed like a great idea, like an amazing thing, something he had to do as if it would help. Opening the wardrobe, he dug through the clothes inside, knowing Ryan would kill him for searching through his stuff but he knew there was a box somewhere in which he kept some spare masks. Hell, Gavin had been with him when he had bought them, the face of the cashier priceless and they both had laughed about it on the drive home and there- there it was.

Ripping the box open, the masks spilled across the floor and he quickly picked on up, pulling it over his head.

Stepping back in front of the mirror, he was a bit taken aback by his looks.

The mask was dark and creepy even though he had never really been scared of it, the jacket laid heavy on his shoulders, worn out at places from so many fights but too sturdy to rip apart. There were some places Ryan had carefully sewn holes from bullet or knifes shut and Gavin reached up, tracing his fingers over those places and noticed the blood beneath his nails. The blood splattered all across his clothes and he looked... he looked invincible.

Like nobody could touch him and nothing could hurt him. And even if, he could just sew it up again, make it a mark he could remember surviving. He could hide behind this dark, dark mask. All the pain would just be invisible and he would be completely invulnerable.

Was that how Ryan felt? It was certainly how he looked like going out like this.

Scaring people by just being there and when he thought back to that it seemed stupid to believe that anything could hurt him. That the bullet that had hit him had left nothing more than a scratch, maybe another scar on the others body he could tell stories about. It seemed stupid to think that something bad would have happened to Ryan, that he was seriously hurt because he was invincible, he was the Vagabond!

And if his guardian could deal with this situation, he could as well!

For a moment there was determination running through his veins, warming him and it got rid of the exhaustion. His gaze stern and cold as he met it in the mirror and he knew he would find Ryan. He would find him no matter what he had to do!

It all crashed down when he noticed that those eyes were green, not blue. It fell apart when he noticed the way the jacket clung to him, his body not broad enough to fill it out. And it never would be, he wasn't build like Ryan. The sleeves would always cover some of his hands, making it an obstacle in any fights he would ever fight.

He wasn't Ryan. He wasn't the Vagabond.

He was Gavin and this was a stupid dream he had allowed himself to dream for a second there. A stupid kid, walking in their fathers too big shoes before stumbling over them and cracking their skull open.

Reaching up he tore the mask from his head, wanting to throw it away but couldn't bring himself to do so. So he stared down at the black skull, watched the empty glare and fought dumb tears. Ryan wouldn't cry. He had never seen Ryan shed a single tear. 

Ryan didn't cry, so he wouldn't either. He would pull himself together right now and deal with this matter!

Looking up, he found himself staring back in the mirror and tried to control his breathing but his eyes were swimming if he wanted them or not and the jacket was still too big. The same realization from before tried to break him and this time it did.

He wasn't Ryan.

He wasn't as strong as him or scary or in control.

He was just Gavin and Gavin was weak and Gavin wasn't good in a lot of things. Gavin hid in safety while the others got into danger and Gavin hadn't been able to save his guardian. The guardian that he missed so deeply that it felt like his heart would cave in.

Pressing the mask against his face, he let out a sob that had been building up for days.

"I'm sorry..." he whimpered as he fell to his knees, smelling leather and blood and rubber. "I'm sorry, Ryan... Please come back. Please come home, I miss you."

He screwed his eyes shut, trying to keep the tears inside, trying to be strong but failing miserably.

"I can't do this without you. I need you."

  
  



	8. Confinement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Thank you...” Gavin repeated and holding him a bit tighter. “You and Ray... you're good brothers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we have the second part of the chapter!

Chapter 7

Confinement

 

“ What did Sander say about our offering?” Geoff asked with a sigh. They were in his apartment where he had found Ray a few hours before, shy and unsure if he was getting punished or not. But all in all he had been too tired from this day. From the whole past few days.

“ He's willing to cooperate,” Jack said, taking a sip from his beer. “By now he is also forced to lock his Gunslinger up and he is really not amused about that. He wants to meet up soon in the theater.”

“The theater?”

“ It's fair enough. None of our main bases, he just rents that thing out, a lot of commoners. Neither Sanders nor we will do something stupid.”

“Sounds good enough to me.” Taking another shot from his rum, he leaned back in his seat. “I would really love some progress right now. Gavin has identify some of the people lurking around the base but I don't have Ryan to deal with them and I can't send Ray out alone. The project is crippling us from the inside out.”

“ What about the informant who screwed us over?” Jack asked and Geoff could hear the anger in his tone. After the disaster that had been their last mission that was no wonder.

“ Fucking disappeared and I can't find him without Gavin.” His glass clinked as he placed it on the table. “But God save him if I ever will.”

Jack gave him an unamused laugh. “While we're at the topic, how is Gavin holding up?”

“Well, he killed a man in the middle of the foyer today, actually scared some of our men with the show. They called him the Vagabond's offspring and it's not even wrong. He was  _ angry. _ Fuck, we had to cut the mask off of that guy's face because how badly Gavin had sliced him open and we still can't identify him.” Thinking back to the battered face of the stranger, he felt ready to drink from the bottle. It certainly wasn't the worst he had seen but to walk in to Gavin being so violent... that was certainly something else. “Ray brought him home and when I checked on him, he was asleep. I let him, the boy sure as hell need it.” Only that sleep wasn't the right word. Gavin had been passed out on the floor, only his head resting against Ryan's bed and wrapped in the leather jacket. God, it had been such a sad picture that it nearly broke his heart and he hadn't even dared to get the boy into bed, knowing that Gavin would go right back to work after waking up.

Now he reached for the bottle. “We need to find Ryan.”

“Michael is ready to blow the harbor up.”

“Michael is always ready to blow shit up and we don't know where exactly Ryan even is. We can't risk hurting him when we are trying to save him.”

“What if he is dead?”

“No,” Geoff said quickly. “I asked Gavin. He told me that Ryan is not dead.”

Jack nodded slowly, thoughtfully. “Okay. That's good then.”

 

* * *

 

Michael had managed to coax Gavin out of the security office in the afternoon with the offering of some fast food and soft drinks. He was pretty sure the two hours of begging from him was the reason why Gavin obeyed, rather than the food.

Now they settled on the couch around the tablet to watch the security cameras of the harbor while Michael stuffed his face.

“ Not as many police officers anymore,” he said between bites, and Gavin next to him simply nodded. The younger was even more distant than before, and Michael didn't like it. Gavin had shaken off his hand as he lead him inside and that wasn't a thing he usually did.

Sure, Michael had heard what had happened yesterday but he could understand it. He would also be fucking furious when someone dared to impersonate his guardian, even if it would be kinda hard to do so. This morning he had sneaked down into the infirmary to check on the body before they were able to dispose of it and he couldn't help but be impressed. His boi had surely done a number on that poor guy.

“ I think they are wrapping up the investigation,” he went on, watching as Gavin chewed on a lonely fry. “When they piss off we can check out the situation ourselves. With some luck Ryan will just come out of hiding himself.”

“It’ll take them at least another day,” Gavin mumbled.

“ But that's fine! They won't find Ryan in the last few hours if they couldn't for the past three days.”

“ I hope so.” Finally finishing his fry, he didn't bother reaching for another. Michael watched him scoot a bit away before laying down and placing his head in Michael's lap. Now that was a more familiar movement and Michael gladly began to stroke through the other's hair. Gavin was a sucker for affection most of the time and him pulling away all day had been worrying, left him a bit helpless.

He finished his burger, making sure not to get any crumbs on the younger before leaning back. “You can take a nap if you want to. I'll watch the screens. You did the same with Ray yesterday, right?”

“This right here is just fine,” Gavin assured him, eyes fixed on the tablet. They fell into silence as Michael carded through the unruly hair and it would take nearly an hour before Gavin moved again. The younger rubbed his face and Michael suspected the other had dozed off no matter what he said before turning to him.

“ I want to take a shower. Will you watch the cams?”

“ Sure thing.”

“ Thanks,” Gavin squeezed his arm before sitting up. He hesitated for a moment before hugging him a bit awkwardly from the side and Michael quickly let him, rubbing his back.

“ It'll be fine, Gav,” he assured him, listening to the uneven breathing of the younger. “Ryan will soon come back and things will go back to normal, you'll see.”

“ Thank you...” Gavin repeated and holding him a bit tighter. “You and Ray... you're good brothers.”

“The best brothers you'll ever have!” Michael chuckled and Gavin gave a soft laugh before letting go.

“ True. I'll be in the shower then.”

“Take your time.”

Only that he didn't head towards the shower, he had lost too much time because of Michael already. But how could he say no to him, how could he not take these few last hours if the other offered?

Was that selfish?

He didn't know, he was too overwhelmed by everything.

The E-mail had been on his phone when he had woken up this morning. Arms braced on Ryan's bed and the blanket half pulled down. It had smelled familiar and he had taken a few minutes to just relax, sitting there on the floor and breathing.

Checking on the mails had been his next step like each morning and he already felt bad when he saw two mails from the project. The first was the confirmation that they had been payed for the assassination of the twins, number five on the list. It was a pretty big amount of money and Gavin closed his eyes for a moment, deciding to inform Geoff about that in private. By now he had pretty much pieced together what had happened on that ship and he surely didn't want to remind Jack or Michael about it.

The second one was directed at him and all in all he should have seen it coming. After all the media had covered that his guardian was dead and now this was the next logical step. To call him back, to be integrated in the project once more, and to either sell him again after some modifications or destroy him.

Gavin moved into the security office to grab his keys and let his eyes wander. He felt strangely... distant to all of what was happening right now. That he was about to head out of this door, sneak into the garage and just be gone. He highly doubted that he would come back here and he had tried to say something to the others, ask Geoff to buy him free maybe but that was against the rules and he had just sat there, mind racing without being able to reach out. And it was true, that the police were moving away from the harbor, that if Ryan was alive he would be back tomorrow or the day after.

Too late.

Maybe not too late to get him back out of the project's grip but he didn't know that. For all Gavin knew they could make him sit down and shoot him in the head before saying a single word. No way to know.

Playing with his keys, he took a step forward and let his fingers move over the keyboard before taking the mouse. He wasn't allowed to say goodbye but maybe he could make a tiny mistake, could give them an explanation. A short window of time to save him.

Opening the email, he left the office without another look.

Sneaking out was laughable easy, after all Geoff didn't lock them in, he trusted them enough to not go out alone. Also Gavin was in charge of the security, he had the keys to every room there was and his handprint could get him into everything. Like this moving through the floors was easy enough and he only hesitated when he saw Ray, talking with Matt in his office.

Gavin wanted to knock, to at least give a short wave but Ray would ask where he was going and so he just went on. Walking through the hired guns who parted like the bloody red sea and it was nice to know that they feared him, that they couldn't hurt him anymore but there were way worse monsters waiting.

Taking Ryan's bike, he drove out of the garage, trying not to think about it but how could he possibly do that? There was a terribly fear brewing in his stomach as he wondered what would happen when he walked into Reese's office.

If they would bring him back to the little, naked room he had been held in before and there he could sit on his bed and wait for Ryan to come and get him. Or they would test that new drug on him, wiping his mind clear until there was nothing left.

Or just shoot him, yeah. That was also a good possibility.

He wondered who would get the bounty then, but that was probably a ridiculous thing to think about right now.

Driving slowly because he was in no hurry, he wondered when Michael would look for him. He would get bored by the security cameras pretty soon, would then check on the bathroom and then the security office.

He would see the email, he had to.

Maybe Michael would save him.

It slammed into him that he was moving too fast, that everything was happen too fast and he wanted to stop it. Everything was falling apart and he shouldn't be alone out here!

He grew angry at Ryan. Ryan who had said that monsters wouldn't get him, Ryan who had lied, Ryan who had left him alone. It made his hands shake, his whole body tremble, and he pulled over, slumping over the handle bars as he tried to compose himself. Breathing heavily and closing his eyes, knowing that he shouldn't stop here. He should drive on, get somewhere safe because for all he knew there could be a gun aimed at his head right now, but he simply couldn't. He couldn't go on when everything happened so damn fast and he wanted to take a step back and catch his breath. Wrap his head around the mess they were facing and find a solution.

But he had no time, he had to move, to act because the project expected him to and he didn't want to. He didn't want to go back, he wanted to stay. He knew that Ryan was out there, he knew Ryan wouldn't just leave like this.

Just one more day, maybe two and he would be back. What if he himself wouldn't await him then? He would get so mad.

Taking another breath, Gavin lifted his head and looked around. There were some passerby but nobody paid him more than a look. They all didn't care and he could understand that. But beyond them he could see the Vespucci district and the canals flowing through it. A cheap trick to recreate Venice, but the sun was reflecting on the water now and Gavin looked up, realizing that it was a beautiful day. Maybe his last day of freedom, and for a while he just sat there and watched the cloudless sky, feeling the heat beat down on him before starting the engine again.

He took the wrong turn on a whim, driving down to the canals he had only seen from afar before when they were driving through the city. Sure enough, there was some form of park down there and he parked the motorcycle at the edge of it, not bothering to keep an eye on it. If it got stolen it would just mean he would take even longer to reach Reese's office.

There were some benches to sit down but he ignored them, running over the grass towards the water and Geoff always said how rotten and ugly the city was. He wasn't wrong but there were nice spots that people seemed to forget about – like right here. Nobody seemed to be here, it was quiet besides the water and the occasional chirping bird.

Gavin sat down by the water, surprised that it wasn't even that deep, and promptly kicked his shoes off. Putting them neatly by his side, he dipped his feet into the water, shivering a bit at the temperature.

This was dumb but he couldn't help but smile a little because this was also a piece of freedom.

And he wanted to keep this freedom, wanted to lose some time to allow Michael to catch up. This little rebellion was his only defense against the project and he was willing to hope on it, to go down kicking and screaming if he had to.

It wouldn't take long until he would go on; he could already feel the urge to move, to obey his orders, but for now he kept his feet in the water and the eyes on the houses on the opposite sides of the canals. Little artificial islands, but pretty. He could see why people would live here; it was quiet. No sirens or construction sites.

Just the water and Gavin splashed a bit with his feet, smiling at his own childish behavior.

Sighing, he grew serious again and pulled his phone out. No message from Michael or from anyone else and he stared at the screen, waiting for it to light up. It didn't happen and in the end he dialed himself, listening to the same announcement as every time. Pulling his knees against his chest, he buried his face there and listened to the beep, to the following silence as if he expected Ryan to still pick up. It didn't happen and after a while he realized that he was just breathing heavily onto the mailbox, probably sounding like a creep and he hung up.

Lifting his head, he watched the water for a while longer, following some leaves swimming on the waves with his eyes before dialing again. The same announcement, then the beep and he opened his mouth. "Ryan." It was tense, his voice too tight and he didn't know what else to say. Should he say goodbye? Ryan probably would never hear it, his phone most likely destroyed and still it felt wrong to not say a thing to any of them at all, but he wasn' allowed. He wasn't allowed and he hated it so much. Hated not being able to break the rules, to ask for help. He just had that little hope that Michael would find the email in time.

"I think the monsters finally got me," he finally said, smiling at the childish wording but Ryan would understand what he meant. "I guess I am still not scary enough. I tried to though, you should ask Geoff, he will tell you one hell of a story! I got that guy real good but he deserved it." Closing his eyes, he sighed. "They all think you're just a mask. I know that you are not. You are..." But he didn't know what to say, too many words or none at all and again he smiled, feeling stupid. "You are my lovely Ryan and I have to face the monsters now. It's a bit funny because it's not so much that they got me. Rather am I running towards them. I can't stop. I'm not strong enough to stop myself. I'm not free." He paused, feeling suddenly very upset as he realized the truth in his words. "I don't think I will ever be."

Hanging up, he let the phone sink and figured that hadn't really been a good goodbye but that it had to be done. He lacked the strength to call again, knowing that it was most likely futile anyway. Checking on the time, he slipped back into his shoes and got up. Stretching in the sunshine, he turned back around and walked towards the bike. He had already lost too much time but not enough and it wasn't that much further anymore. Driving down the busy streets, he already saw the skyscraper in which Reese's office was and when he parked to bike close by, he couldn't move. Couldn't bring himself to step inside, to leave this life behind. He didn't want this! That had to matter somehow, right?

They had taken his childhood already and now this? Now they wanted his remaining life as well?

Would they get Ryan another Gunslinger?

That thought hurt and with a shaking breath, Gavin killed the engine and slowly walked towards the entrance. Stood in front of the door and waited for a car to stop behind him, for Michael screaming but it didn't happen. A woman stepped out of the building, giving him a smile and holding the door for him and he stared at her a bit helplessly before stepping through with a nod.

In the foyer it was cool and he was alone. On the right was the elevator and on the left the stairs and he turned and pushed the button, watching as the elevator opened in front of him. Stepping inside, he stared at the numbers and knew exactly which he had to press but his fingers wouldn't move. Throwing a look back out, he couldn't see anyone and he quickly checked on his phone again. No message.

Had Michael already seen the mail?

Too late now and Gavin reached out and pushed the number, felling a bottomless dread come over him. Too late, too late,  _ too late. _

It was like a dark veil, cutting his air off and he wanted to lean against the wall but it was a mirror and it was broken. He stared at it, knowing with a sudden certainty that it had been Michael and Geoff, standing right here where he was. He smiled at his own reflection, figuring that was at least something the project couldn't take from him. Those memories - it seemed impossible. There was proof of all of them on his skin. The birds on his chest, the tattoo on his knuckles. They were too engraved in his mind to take away and the door behind him closed as he watched his spiderweb reflection.

_ No! _

Putting his foot in the gap, the door slid back open and his heart beat violently in his chest. He was sure it echoed in the closed space he was in but he wanted to stay, he wanted to be free. Looking up to the camera, he wondered if Reese was watching him but then his phone rang, Michael's stupid ringtone and that was the last thing he needed.

He would be free!  _ He was free! _

Stepping back into the foyer, he turned towards the entrance and there was Michael, pulling the door open. The phone fell from his grasp and they collided with each other hard enough, that Gavin's back hit some form of display behind him. It didn't matter because his arms were already wrapping around Michael who held so tight that he lifted him off of the ground, pinning him between his body and the display.

"You brilliant boy," he mumbled. "You fucking idiot. You fucking jerk, I could beat you up. I think I will beat you up." But he didn't. He just laughed a bit hysterically before letting go, letting Gavin stand on his own. "I can't believe I am not too late. I thought for sure..." He pulled him close again and Gavin let it happen, burying his face in the other’s shoulder and just... just took a deep breath. His legs felt weak from the close call and he clung to the other, grasping to get closer.

"You came..."

"Of course I did. You were acting strange and I checked if you were drowning in the shower or some shit like that." Gavin was torn away so that Michael could cup his face in his hands, the plain desperation so clear in his eyes. "Fuck, Gavin... What would I have done if you were gone? You, me and Ray... we're a package deal, okay? Team Lads and all that shit."

No accusations, no asking how he could just run away because Michael knew that he had no other choice. That he had to obey but he also saw some form of realization in Michael's eyes. The knowledge that he shouldn't have been able to catch up by any means, that Gavin shouldn't have left him with a single hint. The fact that Gavin had waited for him right here.

"I didn't want to go back..." Gavin whispered. "I wanted to stay."

"You will!" Michael said, squeezing his shoulders "I won't allow them to lay a finger on you or Ray again. They don't own us anymore!"

"We are free."

Michael nodded determined before pulling him close again and they stood there for a long moment wrapped up in each other and just taking the warmth of a second body in. After a while Gavin let his eyes flutter open again, knowing that someone was watching them and when he looked up it was Missus Reese standing by the stairs. He flinched, all the strength from before vanishing from seeing her again and Michael also turned around. He could feel the older shiver before something that was close to a growl left his throat. Getting shoved behind him, Gavin couldn't see anymore and just covered against Michael, holding tight.

“ Gavin,” she said slowly. “I believe we have a meeting now.”

“ He is not coming,” Michael responded, holding tight to Gavin's arm as if he feared the other would just run towards her.

“ I am not talking to you, Michael.”

“ But I am talking to you,” he hissed while backing Gavin against the wall. “That's what you always want to do, right? Let's talk then! We can do it right here!”

“ Michae-”

“Gavin will not go back! There is no reason to – his guardian is still out there!”

“Then why hasn't Mister Haywood come to pick him up?”

“ He's... He's still on a mission!” Not Michael's best lie and Gavin could feel the tension rise, could feel that Missus Reese was tired of this game and their time was running out. Had Michael contacted someone else? It seemed reasonable, probably Jack. They just had to hold on for a bit longer.

“ Step aside, Michael.”

“ No!”

“ Gavin, come here.”

Michael pushed him harder into the wall, pinning him down but Gavin hadn't moved an inch. He stayed right where he was, his heart beating violently and even though he was clinging to Michael and he couldn't look the woman in the eyes, he was determined to stay right where he was.

“ I won't,” he said. It was quiet but it was there and he saw that Michael grinned. “I can't come with you, Ma'am. I expect my guardian back by tomorrow or the day after.”

“ Your guardian is dead.”

“No, he's not.”

There was a tense silence and Gavin still couldn't look up, still focused on Michael, still focused on the thought that they were free. They were free and the project weren't in the right!

He wouldn't go back!

“ Gavin Free,” she said and he could hear her coming closer. “I demand you to step forward and stop lying in my face.”

“I'm not ly-”

“Do as I say!”

It was the harsh tone that made him take a step but Michael's hand grabbed him, pulling him back. The steps were still closing in and Gavin threw a helpless look to the other boy, not sure what to do. Michael caught his eyes and he saw fear in them but there was something way stronger, something loyal and he turned towards Missus Reese. One hand still on Gavin, he drew his gun and pointed it straight at her.

Gavin gasped and the steps finally stopped. He wanted to jump ahead, to stop Michael but he also wanted Michael to shoot her. He wanted to have the second shot himself to make sure the devil was dead.

“ You can't have him,” Michael whispered. His hand was shaking as he aimed and Gavin knew that he was nervous, even scared out of his mind. “You can't have any of us. You sold us, you don't own us anymore. Leave us alone.”

“ Your own parents gave you to us. Believe me, we owe you in every possible way and just because we rented you out doesn't free you in the slightest.” She took another step and Gavin looked towards her, alarmed that Michael might actually shoot her but now that he saw her cold look, he knew the other wouldn't. It took his whole will to not cower down behind Michael.

“ This project saved your lives and you will be thankful for it, Michael. It even enabled some lives, like in the case of your dear Ray. He was bred for this project, he wouldn't be here without us.”

“Shut your mouth!”

“ Or take your Gavin right here. He was diagnosed with psychopathic tendencies and after what he had done to his  _ first _ older brother he would have stayed in some form of mental institution for the rest of his life anyway.”

“ Be quiet!” This time it was Gavin who screamed at her but that only seemed to fuel Michael's determination.

“ One step closer and I'll blow your brain out, bitch!” he hissed but his voice was shivering.

“ Tell me one thing, Michael,” Missus Reese asked. “Why are you so protective over both of them? Why do you see them as your brothers if they are not?”

“ They are! They are my lit-”

“Is it because your last siblings didn't protect you when you needed them to?”

Gavin could feel Michael freeze next to him, saw him lower the weapon slowly as he stared at her. “What?” he breathed out, brows knitting in confusion.

“ Do you believe that it is what you deserved?” the woman went on. “That you deserved the protection and the love of your older siblings? Are you trying to find a way to redeem your family through that? The family that neither gave you the protection you needed nor the love?”

“ Stop!” Gavin cried out. “Stop it now! You've proven your point! Just stop now!”

“ He was disrespectful,” Reese stated.

“ And I apologize for it,” Gavin assured her before slipping past Michael, pushing the other boy against the wall now. “I'll go with you, okay? I'll do as you say but... but leave him alone. Please just stop hurting us.”

He was aware that he was begging and any courage he had felt today was wiped away. Their big, big words about being free just empty because they couldn't escape. The project could still play them like puppets.

And now Michael had fallen silent, he could feel him tremble against his back as he shielded him with his body. His great protector who had come for him.

“ Please stop hurting us,” he repeated quietly. “Please stop.”

She didn't answer but the cold gaze was gone, her face more relaxed but still far from her usual smile. She pointed towards the elevator. “We already lost too much time with this. Let's make this quick.”

He nodded but now Michael was reaching out, taking a hold on his shirt. “Don't,” he whispered.

Hesitating, Gavin turned back towards him and Michael looked timid, his eyes pleading as he shook his head. “I won't let you.”

And that sentence alone was so filled with so much love that Gavin's heart ached. He reached up to squeeze his hand. What would happen if they'd just walk out now? If he just refused to go with her. But it was just a wish, he lacked the courage to do so. He was scared of what Reese might do, of what she might say and he realized she was using them against each other but he didn't know what to do about it.

He had thought they were free but he had gotten a grim reminder.

“ Please tell Ryan to pick me up immediately,” he said and Michael held on tighter, opening his mouth to say something but Reese was coming closer faster now, apparently out of patience with them.

“ Free, I demand yo-”

“Step away from my boys.”

It was Jack, standing in the doorway now and Gavin flinched at the sharp tone of the other man. Good, that was good. Jack would get them out of here.

He heard Michael mumble his name and quickly squeezed his hand.

“ Mister Patillo, I am surprised to see you here,” Reese said as she turned towards him.

“ I am here to pick them up,” he said as he stepped closer, a barely controlled anger in his voice.

“ Of course you are free to take your Gunslinger wit-”

“Both of them,” he interrupted her instantly. Reaching his hand out to them, he said, “Come on, boys. We need to get home.”

They started to move, trying to make a long curve around the woman but she instantly stepped into their way. “I fear Gavin has to stay here.”

“His guardian is alive.”

“Than his guardian can pick him up at an-”

“Mister Haywood is not in the condition to pick him up,” he assured her. “I am sure you saw the footage in the news and so you must know that he was shot. It will take a few more days until he is ready to come by.”

“ I think you are lying, Mister Patillo.”

“And I think you have no way prove of that. Now if you'd excuse me.” He waved the boys closer and Gavin quickly shuffled towards him, his and Michael's hands still entwined. They tried not to come too close to the woman but by now it was nearly impossible and he stared at the floor, not ready to share even a glance with her.

“ Gav-” she began but Jack instantly interrupted her again. “I am not here to debate, Missus Reese. And I am sure you are aware how busy we are.”

Jack went on, all so that she could not call out to Gavin and he was so thankful for that. If she ordered him to stay, he would. Jack was not his guardian and as much as he wanted to listen and just get back home, her words would mean more. And then only Ryan could get him out of here and he knew that Jack was lying but it was working for now.

Michael had also caught on, hurrying them along and they nearly ran through the door, out into the open. They both took a huge breath, staring at each other and not letting go, needing to feel that the other was still with them.

Jack followed soon enough, hurrying them towards the car and the moment they sat down the shaking started. They were quiet, fingers leaving marks in the other's skin as Jack drove them away. Not even far, he pulled over a few blocks down the road to lean back in his seat and let out a large huff of breath before turning towards them. His eyes traveled over both of them. “Okay?”

Gavin wasn't sure, he was happy to be out of there but it certainly wasn't okay. It was far from okay but he leaned ahead and hugged Jack, hiding against his shoulder. “Thank you,” he whimpered and could feel Michael join in as well, so uncharacteristically quiet. “Thank you so much, Jack. Oh God, I didn't know what we would have done without you.”

“ It's fine,” he assured them quickly. “It really is. God, I never thought I'd be able to catch up with you guys when Michael called me.” They let him go and he rubbed his face thoroughly. “Let's get you guys home, as far away as possible from her. I bet there is a really worried Ray waiting for you guys.”

 

He turned out to be right because the moment they stepped into the upper floor of the base, Ray was already waiting for them, anxiously gnawing on his nails. He opened his mouth to say something but his eyes fell on their still intertwined hands and simply embraced them.

They stood in the hallway, all three of them holding on tightly without saying a word and Jack let them for a while. Saw how their shaking eased a bit before catching Geoff's eyes as the other stepped out of his office. He gave him a nod and he came closer, putting a hand on Michael's head to grab their attention.

“ I'll drive you guys home, okay? Let's take an evening off.”

They really weren't in the condition to do anything else anyway. Gavin and Michael were pale enough to believe that they had seen a ghost while Ray was just worried out of his mind. It had to be rough to sit here and hope that both of his brothers would return safely.

It soon enough showed in the way that they were inseparable for the rest of the day, squeezing into the back seat and then cuddling into the corner of the couch after he opened the door to his apartment.

He ordered them food and they ate silently, eyes not really paying attention to the TV, and he left them alone. Sure, he kept close in case something would happen but all in all they didn't even talk all night. They communicated like they sometimes did when they got in their own little world. Squeezing hands and short glances and when Geoff finally came around they were all three already asleep, huddled up in the corner of the couch beneath one shared blanket.

“ I think we made the project pretty mad at us now,” Jack whispered and Geoff gave a curt nod. He was watching the three of them with dark eyes before shaking his head.

“ Doesn't matter. They are all still here, that's what’s important. We just have to keep it that way.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That awkward moment when one scene is over ten pages long. I am sorry for breaking this chapter in so much pieces but I figured that there were too many heavy scenes to just... kinda throw them all at you guys!


	9. Normalcy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What should we tell him?”  
> “I am not sure yet.”  
> “We have to tell him something. He knows that something happened with Reese and I don't like keeping it a secret from him.”

Chapter 8

Normalcy

 

“ Hey guys.”

Michael looked up when he heard the familiar voice and found Ray entering the security office.

“ You and Geoff are already back?” Gavin asked from the seat next to him.

“ Yeah, we just picked it up and I tested it on the shooting range.” He proudly held his new rifle out to them, the pink even more intense than the last because of the fresh color.

“ Nice! Is it the same model?” Michael took the gun to get a closer look and Gavin also leaned over to inspect it.

“ Yeah but I upgraded it. It's pretty amazing, isn't it?” He took the gun in his hands again before throwing it over his shoulder in a practiced motion. “What are you guys doing?” His eyes wandered over the screens and Michael followed them. The same cameras as before but now the harbor was nearly back to normal, not more than a handful of police wandering around to grab their last equipment. Besides that there was only a flashing icon in the corner, telling them about four unread mails but he knew that Gavin was ignoring them in fear that something new from the project was among them. But that was why Michael was here, to stop him if he got new orders.

“ I finished the list with the people who are hanging around the base at night,” Gavin said and held up a bunch of papers for him. “Can you take that to Geoff when you go?”

“ Sure.” He flipped through the pages, humming quietly. “Guess it was time for us to finally be the ones who land a hit.”

“ You can snipe them all with your sweet new rifle,” Michael reminded him and Ray smirked.

“ Dude, I will snipe them so good.”

“ That's what I wanted to hear!”

Chuckling, Ray gave a nod before holding the pages up. “I'll give this to Geoff. Let's see when we will clean that mess up.”

Michael watched him leave and noticed that Gavin did the same thing. The younger was biting his lip thoughtfully while leaning back in his seat, throwing a look to Michael. “What should we tell him?”

“I am not sure yet.”

“We have to tell him something. He knows that something happened with Reese and I don't like keeping it a secret from him.” He frowned, shaking his head. “No matter how fucked up it is to say that... that he was  _ made _ for the project.” The wording seemed to make him angry and Michael could understand that. Bred, as Reese had put it was even worse. It made him furious.

“ We can't just spring it on him. It's too heavy to just... just say it out loud like that, we have to wait for the right time.”

“But we are going to tell him, right?”

Michael nodded. “Like you said, it would only be fair.”

Gavin's phone rang and the boy turned around to check on it and it gave Michael the chance to ponder some more about this whole mess. The more he thought about what Reese had said the less sense it made to him. He didn't remember his family or what happened. He didn't recall his siblings that he apparently had and that was strange. Could it be that Reese had lied to him? Sure but it wouldn't leave him alone, it haunted him but he didn't know how to get rid of it. Jack had already asked what was going on but... but he hadn't dared to answer. Like he was embarrassed over it but he also wasn't sure about that.

Next to him Gavin froze in his chair and Michael looked up. The other had his phone pressed to his ear, mouth slightly open before he took a huge breath.

“ Ryan,” he whispered and Michael sat up, watched as Gavin clasped a hand over his mouth. “Where are you? I'll send someone to get you, just... just...” He nodded softly. “Yeah, I can locate you, sure. Just give me a second...” He closed his eyes and something painful flashed over his face. “I'll tell Caleb to get ready. Don't move too much if you're hurt.”

Gavin went to type away on his keyboard while Michael was already calling Jack to get ready, only listening with one ear to the other.

“ I'm fine,” Gavin whispered. “I am, I promise. Don't... just don't worry about that for now, okay? We'll get you home.”

Leaning ahead, Michael put a hand on his shoulder and Gavin flinched as if he forgot that he wasn't alone in here. “I'll handle everything,” Michael promised. “You just keep talking to him, okay?”

Gavin nodded, giving him a thankful look and Michael turned away right as his call finally connected. He didn't give Jack the chance to say a thing. “Let's meet in the garage. We found Ryan.”

 

“ Those are our new targets,” Ray called out as he strolled into Geoff's office and threw the papers on his desk. Geoff put his finger against his lips, pointing towards the phone he was talking into and Ray rolled his eyes. Letting himself fall into a chair, he propped his feet on the desk only to watch Geoff's scowl. His guardian turned away to look out of the windows instead.

“ But is there a place to talk in peace?” He listened, nodded. “Yes, of course. We will all be there but that's fair enough. Yeah, I'll come back to you about the date.”

He hung up and Ray asked, “Was that Sander?”

“ Yeah. We meet up with him in that theater, but there are also some meeting rooms we can use to talk. He wants to know if all of us are coming along and requested to just talk to me.”

“I'll stay with you. I don't care what he wants.”

“He knows that. He also has a Gunslinger, don't forget that.” Sighing, he flipped through the pages. “We will take Gavin with us this time. Sander's Gunslinger is also a hacker, maybe they can work something out together.”

“ Gavin doesn't like her.”

“Well, Gavin doesn't have to marry her.” Nodding towards the pages, he asked, “Those the people Gavin was able to identify?”

“Yeah, how many can I shoot?” Ray asked excited, stroking his rifle with affection.

“ Matt and Jeremy will take care of that, maybe I'll send Jack out as well,” Geoff said and Ray sat up.

“ What? Why? I can do it!”

“ I know you can but you won't go out alone.”

“ Then send Michael with me like usual!”

“ We've been over this, Ray,” Geoff reminded him and pushed the rifle down that was pushed underneath his nose like a proof. “We have to keep you safe, you know that.”

“You can't just lock me in here!” Ray protested and stood now. “I'm your best shot and you know it! I can take all of those people down by the end of the week!”

“ Ray-”

The door got thrown open and they both looked up surprised. The only one who dared to do that was Ray and occasionally Jack when he knew that Geoff wasn't working but this time it was Gavin who stood in front of them, something frantic in his eyes. He was pressing his phone to his ear, holding it so tight that his knuckles turned white. “We got Ryan. He's alive.”

 

Ryan was indeed alive but not in a good condition. Jack had trouble getting him out of the little hut he had hid himself in. Broken down, dirty and cold inside, and Michael had to sit on the back seat with him, holding him up.

Now as they drove back into the garage it was even harder to get him out of the car. The little grunts of pain coming from the mask whenever they moved him, made Michael flinch but he had a concentrated expression on his face as he held Ryan steady.

Jack took most of his weight because the other was favoring one of his sides, limply clinging to him with trembling hands. He only stopped once as they reached the stairs and Jack was ready to tell him he could do it, just a few more steps and they were inside. But then he noticed that the other only hesitated to look up, focusing on the cameras.

“ Gavin is already waiting for you,” Michael quickly said and held Ryan's gaze as he turned to him. “We kept him as safe as we could.”

He nodded and before they could take another step the door was thrown open.

“ Fuck, let me help.” Geoff hurried forward, taking Michael's place to steady the other.

“ Ray, please make sure nobody comes down here. Michael, give a report to Caleb so he can get ready.”

The Gunslingers nodded, before running ahead and left only Gavin behind. Gavin who stared at them, mouth a tight line as he kept himself from stepping closer and instead held the doors for them, trailing along.

They reached the infirmary and were greeted by Caleb and one of his assistance who took a hold of Ryan and ushered him inside. Jack stayed outside of the infirmary and instantly reached out to stop Gavin from following.

“ Let them do their job.”

The boy glared at him, trying to break free and when Jack pulled him back, the other seemed ready to punch him. It was Michael who stepped up and took a tight hold on his arm.

“ Gavin,” he said sharply and didn't let go.

“ Don't stand in my way,” Gavin hissed. “My guardian is hurt!”

“ He's getting help, Gav. They'll patch him up and you can see him in a few minutes,” Geoff assured him.

Crouching down a little, Jack took both of the boy's arms gently. “He's safe now, Gavin. That's what's most important, right?”

“ I guess,” he managed to choke out between clenched teeth. Jack slowly steared him towards the chairs from which they could look inside and sat him down.

“ We'll just have to wait now, alright?”

It took longer than a few minutes as it turned out and it was only Jack and Gavin left in front of the infirmary. They had all quietly agree to not crowd the room too much because Gavin was nervous and strained already and Ryan also wouldn't want so many watching him.

When Gavin suddenly jumped up next to him, he quickly looked around, fearing there were some complications but he could see nothing. By the time he reached out to stop the boy, he was already throwing the door open and pulling his gun out. Jack hurried after him but wasn't quite fast enough and Gavin aimed his gun at Caleb's head, shouting, “Hands off!”

The two doctors turned towards him in shock and Caleb frowned. “Gavin, we have to-”

“Didn't I say it loud and clear!” Gavin yelled, avoiding Jack grabbing at him with a swift sidestep. “Hands off or I'll kill both of you! I'll do i-”

Jack managed to get a hold on the boy's wrist, pushing the gun away and Gavin snarled at him, free arm moving to strike him against the chest. Winded, he twisted the other’s wrist until the gun clattered to the floor before holding tight, restricting the boy. Gavin thrashed around, trying to get free, but didn't have the needed strength. He was grunting and Jack tried not to hurt him but it was getting harder. He looked up to the doctors, wondering if they had something to calm him down when he finally understood what the problem was.

“ Gavin, I am sure they have to take his mask off,” he tried to tell him but the boy wasn't listening, trying to kick him now and Jack moved out of the way.

Caleb finally let go of the mask to hold his hands up, his gloves sprinkled with blood. “We have to check if he is further hurt, Gavin. Head wounds are dangerous.”

“No!” Gavin screamed, twisting his head to try and bite at Jack. “I said hands off! I won't say it again – step away from him!”

Both doctors threw an helpless look to Jack, who asked, “Are his other wounds treated?”

“ Yeah, we got the bullet out and sewed his cuts but they are already infected and he will need to take medication,” Caleb said. “His ribs are pretty bruised but we bandaged them. He is terribly dehydrated and needs a good meal, and we didn't have the chance to check on his head yet.”

“I'll do it,” Jack offered and ignored their surprised looks to turn Gavin around and catch his eyes. “I'll do it, Gavin. Is that alright for you? You can stay with me, if you want to.”

The boy was still glaring at him, his breath going fast but he gave something like a nod. He waited until the doctors left the room before Jack let him go and Gavin instantly stepped away from him, going for his gun. He picked it up and for a moment Jack felt a strange form of nervousness before the younger put it away, looking at him expectantly.

So now he stepped ahead, standing besides the bed and finally got a clear look on Ryan. There was blood on the sheets on his right side, probably where they had gotten the bullet out and most of his upper body was bandaged. His eyes were closed and when Jack reached out to touch him, he frowned at the fever wracking through the other's body.

Gavin stepped a bit closer but when Jack looked up he was still out of reach, standing so he could see the door and the bed. When their eyes met, the green ones were sharp and he barely recognized them. Gavin was standing there like the little soldier he was and Jack didn't like it, didn't like the other's distance and quietness.

Shaking the thoughts off for now, he reached for Ryan's mask and was surprised when the other's arm moved, his fingers trying to grab Jack as if to stop him. The blue eyes opened but didn't focus on him, looking into the distance before closing again.

“ Don't,” he managed to bring out and it sounded too weak for this man. Jack bit his lip and could see Gavin freeze in the corner of his eye at the sound of it.

“ It's me,” Jack assured him.

“ Jack?”

“ Yeah. I have to check on your head, Ryan. Will you let me?”

There was a long pause before the hand holding weakly on to him fell back to the mattress and he took that as a yes. Carefully he eased the mask off and tried not to take a sharp breath.

Ryan looked sick. His face smudged with grime and beneath that waxen besides two high red spots on his cheekbones from the fever. There were shallow cuts and a darkly colored bruise on his jaw, his hair dirty and matted.

At least it didn't look like anything serious but as he leaned closer, Ryan's eyes opened again. They were still glassy but tried to focus on him as he licked his dry lips. “Gavin?”

“ He's here, he's safe,” Jack assured him and waved the boy closer. For a moment Gavin didn't move, a deer-in-headlight look on his face as if he was surprised he was acknowledged. In the end he moved closer slowly, standing on the other side of the bed.

“ Ryan?” he asked carefully and the blue eyes darted to him. They grew softer and something like relief flashed over the other’s face before he let his lids sink again. Gavin let out a breath and a shudder went through his whole body. When he looked up to Jack now the sharp look was gone and he looked lost and unsure of what to do.

Looking around, Jack saw a bowl with water and a sponge on the bedside table and pointed towards it.

“ Let's clean him up so we can take a better look.”

Gavin nodded before reaching out and wringing the sponge out. He worked slowly, his stroke gently as he freed Ryan's face from all the dark sooth. It wasn't perfect, the stench of dirty water and exhaustion still clung to him but it was the best they could do for now.

It was nearly relaxing, the soft noises when Gavin put the sponge back in the water while Jack carefully checked on more bruises on the other's head. They worked quietly and as he searched the back of Ryan's head, he could see him coming back, eyes fluttering open. Ryan moved very slowly, his healthy arm lifting until he could cup Gavin's face with one hand.

Jack tried not to breath, feeling like he was interrupting something intimate as the two watched each other. Gavin didn't move either, not even when Ryan thumbed the dark skin right beneath his eyes and frowned.

“ You need to sleep, kiddo,” he managed to bring out. Gavin's lip wobbled for a moment and he quickly pressed them together as he nodded. His eyes grew wet but he tried to blink it away and Ryan swallowed heavily. “Don't cry,” he croaked. “I don't know what to do when you cry.”

The boy nodded again, quickly clenching his eyes shut. He reached up to lay his hand on Ryan's, nuzzling against the rough palm.

“ Won't,” he mumbled, voice thick as he took a sharp breath. “Won't cry.”

“ Good boy.”

And for the longest time that were the last words that were spoken.

 

He insisted to get Ryan home by the end of the day because he knew that Ryan would want that. Safely tucked away in his own bed, he would be able to relax better when he didn't have to worry about who was watching him.

Jack and Geoff had to help him get up the stairs and Gavin supervised them as they put him to bed before closing the door to leave him alone for now.

“ Thanks,” Gavin mumbled, eyes darting from one to the other. “Is he really... okay?”

“The infection is messing with him and he has to take his penicillin each day,” Geoff told him before giving him the pill bottle. “I can be sure that you will remind him?”

“Of course.” He held it tight, hands curling tightly around it as he watched the closed door. When he looked back up he seemed terribly young. “How can I help? What should I do?”

“ Stay with him,” Jack told him. “He's exhausted and should sleep for now but when he wakes up we need to get him to drink and eat something.”

“I'll stay here tonight,” Geoff said. “But someone has to be with him in case his condition worsens. He is probably the most comfortable with you.”

Gavin nodded slowly before taking a deep breath. Putting the bottle down at the table, he walked toward the closed door.

“ Thank you,” he repeated before stepping inside. It was good to know that Geoff would be outside if he needed something but he was also nervous about being in here. He felt awkward around Ryan, like he had forgotten how to act around him.

Biting his lip, he stepped towards the bed and watched as the blue eyes opened.

“ It's me,” he said quickly as he sat down on the edge.

“ Gavin?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.” Ryan let his eyes fall closed again and a long breath passed his lips as he leaned back in his pillow. “Someone was in my room.”

A bit alarmed, Gavin looked around before realizing that it had been himself. The leather jacket was thrown on the floor and the wardrobe not quite closed. He hadn't thought about dealing with that.

“ That was me,” he said nearly sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“ 's fine,” Ryan mumbled, drifting off and Gavin reached out, shyly touching his arm to get his attention again.

“ Ryan? Do you need something? Are you hungry?”

“ Just sleep.” He slurred the words so badly that Gavin felt bad for even asking. He rubbed the other's arm for a moment before standing up, ready to give him some space when Ryan moved, his hand sluggishly grabbing for him. “You too.”

“ What?”

“ You also need sleep,” he said and Gavin couldn't help but smile.

“ Don't worry. You go to sleep first, okay?”

Ryan nodded, his head already tilting with a heavy breath and while Gavin watched he could exactly tell when the other was gone. He couldn’t help but stand there for a moment longer, observing his tight face, the colorful bruises everywhere and still... still it was just nice to have him back. To know he was safe, to be able to touch him again and just the knowledge that he was alive. Alive and with him again and Gavin found it hard to swallow. Rubbing his eyes, he settled on the other side of the bed, propped up on the pillows and right now he wanted nothing more than to curl against Ryan.

He had seen how Geoff had pulled Ray out of the water, how they had clung to each other. Geoff's hands had grabbed at everything that was Ray and now Gavin was pretty sure he understood why. He wanted to make sure that Ryan was alright, that he was in one piece but just seeing it wasn't enough.

He wanted to check if each scar he knew was still in the same place, wanted to confirm that the new wounds weren't deadly no matter what the others said but he was scared. Afraid that he wasn't allowed to touch, like he had been in the beginning, when Ryan was scary and distant. It was a stupid thought but he couldn't shake it off, the same awkwardness as before coming over him.

He laid down, turning onto his side to watch Ryan better and listened to his familiar breathing. That helped a little and he knew that he would fall asleep soon enough, his sleeping schedule a right mess for the past days and he reached out, needing a single point of contact. Shyly laying his hand in the far bigger one, he pulled the blanket over himself to hide his blushing before closing his eyes.

 

It was dark in the room when the bed moved and woke him again. Ryan sat up slowly and his hand dared to slip away so Gavin quickly clung to it. “Don't leave me,” he whispered, feeling new fear in him. Not even rational, he wasn't quite sure what he was afraid of. Maybe that Ryan would just disappear once he stepped out of the door.

“ I won't,” Ryan said and there was a hand combing through his hair now. It was familiar and he couldn't see the others face but it felt right to calm down now. “Sleep some more, kiddo.”

And he did. It couldn't be that much longer because the room was still dark, only a hint of the coming dawn painting it in a pale pink. The other side of the bed was empty and Gavin let his hand travel over the ruffled blanket.

Just a dream, just a dream, just a dream. His mind mocking him made him sit up and rub his face.

“ Ryan?” he asked in the silence without getting an answer. Slipping out of bed, he stumbled towards the door and tried to suppress the slight panic. There were voices, he realized when he opened the door and he relaxed. Geoff and Ryan talking in the kitchen and he knew it was about him. About what he had done while Ryan was missing. About what had happened with Ryan.

He didn't want to eavesdrop but he needed a moment to steel himself before stepping in and couldn't help it.

“ I think the explosion knocked me out after falling in the water.” That was Ryan. “Woke up in some sort of... drainage pipe, I guess? It was big enough and I could hear the police so I followed it. Took me quite a while to find my way out of the harbor but it worked.”

He opened the door quietly and stepped in. Both of them were sitting on the table, drinking coffee and eating breakfast. Ryan had cleaned himself up and wore new clothes that hid most of his wounds. The light was on in the kitchen and the warm shine gave him some color again.

He looked alive, nearly healthy and Gavin couldn't help but stare. There was a lump in his throat he couldn't swallow down and for a moment he didn't even noticed that they called him.

“ Come sit down,” Geoff said. “You could also need some food.”

He wasn't hungry and he wanted to tell them that he hadn't eavesdropped but he just moved and sat down next to Ryan. He continued to stare at him, knew that he was being awkward but he couldn't help himself.

“ What?” Ryan asked. “Do I have something on my face?”

“He's probably surprised that you are actually clean,” Geoff said helpfully and Ryan turned to him with an irritated expression. “Sorry to say that but you looked filthy yesterday.”

“ You try to survive on barely anything in a little hut and we talk about how you will look,” he gave back before passing a mug down to Gavin.

“ No way, this mustache needs daily maintenance!” He nodded down to Gavin. “Also you have to tell me how you knew when to make that tea. That's creepy, dude.”

“That's normally the time he wakes up,” Ryan gave as an explanation but Gavin didn't even listen. Ryan was right, this was the time he usually got up to drive to the base and he hadn't even known that his inner clock was that accurate. If he got a good night sleep he could oversleep easily but of course Ryan would know that he wouldn’t be able to sleep calm.

Now he stared at his tea, still hot between his hands and couldn't help but wonder if Ryan had thought of him those past days. Always at the same time as right now, wondering if he got his tea or if he would sleep too long.

He wondered if Ryan had been worried over him, if he had sat in that dark hut, in pain and thirsty and had asked himself if Gavin had at least eaten.

“ Buddy?”

He looked up to Geoff but couldn't make his expression out before Ryan squeezed his shoulder and he turned to him. “Gavin? What's wrong?”

He stared up at Ryan and found the concern he had just thought about on the others face but didn't know why. The lump in his throat was still there and he tried to ask but couldn't swallow and with a hot shame he realized he was crying. Quickly reaching up, he tried to wipe the tears away but new ones were coming and he clenched his jaw, trying to keep them inside. Ryan was still rubbing his shoulder, trying to shush him down and Geoff was also talking but for whatever reason he could only think about that stupid tea. The sob was loud in the kitchen as he bolted from his chair right into Ryan's lap. The older hissed in pain as the sudden motion tugged at his wounds but Gavin just wrapped his arms around his shoulders and held on tight.

“ What the fuck, Gavin?” Ryan groaned but slung his healthy arm around him to keep him from slipping down. “What are you crying about? Stop it.”

He quickly nodded, trying to dry his tears in the others fresh shirt but it smelled like him. It smelled like Ryan and his hair smelled after his shampoo and it just made things worse.

“ Let the kid cry, Ryan!” he heard Geoff say. “Don't say shit like that to him!”

“But I-” He stopped to rub over Gavin's back as a shiver went through his body as he bit on his tongue, trying to at least not make any more noises when he couldn't stop the tears.

“ Why are  _ you _ crying now?” Ryan asked confused and Geoff had to clear his throat.

“ It's just really heartwarming and ever-” “Get out!”

Gavin heard Geoff leave the kitchen with a soft chuckle and quickly nuzzled closer to Ryan, fearing that he would also get thrown out but he just pulled him closer. “Tell me what's wrong,” he asked softly and Gavin's breath hitched.

“ You were g-gone!”

“ But I am back now.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling new hot tears on his cheeks. “I was s-so scared...”

For a while Ryan didn't answer but still held him, his wounded arm slowly trailing over his leg. It didn't help to calm him down, he just cried even more, couldn't control it and it was like everything came breaking down. All the sleepless hours and all that worrying. The horrible words from Missus Reese and that stranger with Ryan's mask, that painful moment of hope in his heart. He couldn't hold it together because Ryan had made him tea and somehow that was a reasonable explanation to break down in his mind. He managed to apologize with a shaking voice because this all must be terribly awkward for Ryan, he was acting strange since the other had come back and maybe he wouldn't want him anymore. After all he hadn't warned him about the woman who shot him and he hadn't been able to find him afterwards and now all he did was cause problems and he was so, so sorry.

“ Why are you apologizing?” Ryan asked and he sounded so confused and Gavin only felt worse now. He couldn't explain, he had trouble getting a breath in between his sobs.

For a while they just sat there and then Ryan began to cradle him like he was a little child and somehow it was working. With some sniffs, he finally managed to get a breath back in and he opened his bleary eyes. He watched the dawn outside while clinging to the other, his hitching breath easing slowly and he suddenly felt exhausted.

“ I'm sorry.” It was Ryan who said that now, his hand wandering from his back into his hair, gently carding through it. “I'm sorry I left you alone. It won't happen again, okay?”

Gavin nodded and let go of him, just curling into his chest. He was careful, remembering the bruised ribs but Ryan guided him slowly. When he finally settled, Ryan leaned his head against his and Gavin closed his eyes, breathing his scent in. Not leather, the scent that was underneath that.

“ It's over now,” Ryan mumbled against his hair. “Things will go back to normal.”

“ I missed you,” Gavin whispered. His voice was hoarse and tired.

“ I missed you too, kiddo. And God, I was so worried.” He sighed, squeezing him tighter. “But I kept telling myself that you are smart enough to make it. I was right.”

“ And I knew that you were thickheaded enough to not die from something so anticlimactic,” he sniffed but when he could feel Ryan chuckle beneath him, he smiled as well.

“ You're still a little shit.”

 

Geoff found them later on the couch, Ryan asleep and Gavin curled up next to him with his head resting on the other’s belly. It was the boy who noticed him first and sluggishly blinked up to him. That more than anything seemed to show that Ryan was far from being healthy because he only stirred when Geoff explained to Gavin that they were heading back to base now.

Ryan stared at him as if he had to remember who he was before sitting up with a soft grunt.

“ Don't even try,” Geoff said immediately. “You two stay at home. Take some free days.”

“ Bu-” He stopped, eyes darting to the door and Gavin also couldn't help but smile. Ray and Michael were peeking around the corner. As they noticed that they'd been spotted, they came inside and Geoff sighed at them. “I told you to let me check first. See if he was comfortable with visits.”

“He's awake,” Michael told him matter-of-factually before standing in front of the couch. His eyes traveled over Ryan before he nodded. “You're not dead.”

“That much is true,” Ryan agreed but he seemed amused now.

“ Cool.” He was pushed away by Ray, who instantly crawled onto the couch.

“ Ryan, check out my new rifle!” He held the gun out and Ryan carefully took it to inspect it more closely. “Look through the scope!”

“ It's a bit heavier than your last.”

“ I can handle it!” Ray said quickly before throwing a glare towards Geoff. “If someone would let me! Can you believe I got this awesome new gun and I am not allowed to take out some targets?”

“ Which targets?” Ryan asked as he tried to aim with the rifle but his hurt arm still wouldn't let him move smoothly. Also, the bright pink looked ridiculous on him.

“ The guys who sneaked around the base,” Geoff told him. “Twelve in total.”

“ Now that you are back, we both can take them out,” Ray went on. “You, me – the good old R and R connection, am I right? We can get them all in a few days!”

“ Sure we can,” Ryan chuckled. “You got a great rifle, Ray. It would be a shame to let it go to waste.”

“ I know!”

Gavin moved aside to give them some space as Ray scooted closer to show him some details on the gun. Still he watched them, smiling fondly at the picture and barely noticed when Geoff sat down next to him.

“ That's the first real smile I've seen from you since the mission,” he said.

“ Yeah?”

He gave a nod. “It's a good look on you.” He reached out, flicking him against the nose. “It's bright enough to hide this gigantic thing.”

“ Hey!” the younger protested but it was without any ill will and when Geoff pulled him closer, he let it happen.

“ Are we alright, buddy?”

“ We are.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, the nightmare is over! Gav's happy again - yay!
> 
> After next week's chapter I will take a small break because chapter 10 and 11 are HUGE! But fear not - I will post another story called "Carve Your Heart Into Mine" in the week I will take off, so you will have something to read! Sorry about that...


	10. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lad-night tomorrow!”

Chapter 9

Confessions

 

“ Those are your three targets,” Geoff said as he threw the pictures and profiles Gavin had found for them on the table. They were in his office and Ray leaned ahead, taking the pages to read through them.

“ They will be tricky,” Geoff went on. “Most of the other guys on the list are little fishes and I will send some hired guns along with Matt and Jeremy out. Those three are higher ups and people will talk when they end up dead.”

“ That's what you want,” Ryan said. Ray gave him the pages and the other flipped through them. “You want people to talk about this, to know that we did it.”

“Exactly. Get seen, cause trouble. Show them that you two aren't dead.”

“ No problem,” Ray assured them before throwing an excited smile towards Ryan.

“ Security is still your highest priority,” Geoff reminded him, giving Ryan a long look. “If it's too dangerous to make a show than don't. Get those guys killed, that's what matters.”

“ What about Gavin?”

“You guys can call him of course but he is working on some other shit. Michael and Jack are back up if you need them to.”

“ What about you?” Ray mocked him. “Just gonna sit around all day in here, old man?”

“I can send Ryan alone.”

“Just joking, just joking. Calm the fuck down.”

Geoff glared at him for a moment longer before leaning back in his chair. “I'll talk to Sander again. After we are done with those twelve guys, we will meet up with him. It would be nice to have a companion in this whole thing.”

“ Sander is a businessman,” Ryan reminded him. “Sure he got money but not many men. Is it really worth the work?”

“ Sander has information. He knows what goes on in this city and he has a Gunslinger as well. That little girl – Ema, I think? Also a hacker and she and Gavin worked together before.”

“ Gavin didn't like her,” Ryan told him and Ray quickly nodded.

“ You think it's bad enough that he would refuse to work?” Geoff asked, sounding a tad concerned.

Ryan shook his head. “No. I think it was rather the fact that he had to share the spotlight for once.”

“ Good. Than he will have to deal with that for now. He's a big boy, he can do it.” Geoff leaned ahead again, hands folding on the table. “What's more important is, that there are only nine Gunslingers left and having Ema on our side means one less threat.”

Ray nearly spat as he tried to stifle his laughter. “Geoff, she's like all the way on the bottom of the list! I am pretty sure she is wave four or five, she’s certainly not someone we’ve got to worry about!”

“She's a hacker,” Geoff reminded him again. “Gavin is also pretty low on that list and I wouldn't want to be on his bad side. True, Ema wouldn't stand a chance in a fight but she can get enough information on you to be a danger.” He nodded towards the pages on the table. “We literally just did the same thing.”

Ray just shrugged and Geoff went on, “Also with Ema on board we will have four Gunslingers who work together. Four out of nine – we'll be the majority.”

“ Not if the remaining five work together.”

“Might be, but one of the remaining five is Tuggey, and she's working for the Corpirate and he works alone. I highly doubt that she will join any team.”

“ That's true. We find strength in numbers, it's a good next step,” Ryan agreed before standing up, his hand immediately reaching for his fresh bullet wound before dropping back down. He turned towards Ray. “Get ready in half an hour and we’ll move out?”

“ Sure, I can do that.”

“ Okay.” With a nod, he left the office and Ray threw him a worried look.

“ He's still hurt. Maybe it's too early to get him back to work?”

“Sure, go ahead and try to stop him,” Geoff huffed. “If Gavin couldn't do it, you can't either. You know how he can be. But I want you to be extra careful – watch his right side. With that arm he won't be as fast as usual.”

“ Okay,” he agreed slowly before grinning. Throwing his feet onto the desk, he watched Geoff's annoyed expression. “Say I do a great job on this – you know, how I usually do.”

“ Usually? Your last record on jobs was a tie between nearly drowning and getting shot, so don't try to give me that bullshit and tell me what you want.”

“Fine, old man. I want the penthouse for myself at the weekend.”

Geoff nearly started laughing while leaning ahead and pushing his feet off. “Yeah? You gonna throw a big party? Finally enjoying your teenage life? Don't fuck with me, Rayray.”

“ Funny,” he deadpanned. “We want to do a Lad-Night.”

“Why do I have to be gone for that? I can cook for you guys, I can play video games. I am cool!”

“You are not, and please stop talking like that.”

Geoff grimaced. “Why at our place? Destroy someone else’s TV for a change.”

“We didn't want to do that, it was an accident!”

“It happened two times already, Ray!”

“ You know how Michael and Gavin are! They are wild and uncoordinated!”

“It was you both times!”

“ Listen, things happened. We should not talk about the past and look into the future.”

Geoff threw him an unimpressed look before nodding towards the targets. “Do a good job and I'll think about it.”

That basically meant yes, and Ray was already grinning as he jumped to his feet, snatching the pages off the desk. “Alright! I'll do this job so good, Geoff. You won't fucking believe it!”

“ We'll see about that.” But Ray could see that the other was amused and he was nearly by the door when he was called again.

“ I think you forgot to thank me, Rayray.”

Rolling his eyes, he turned back around and hurried to the table. Leaning over it, he gave the other a quick peck on his forehead. “This never happened.”

“I am so going to tell all your friends that you are secretly a sap.”

“You wouldn't dare.” He wanted to turn back around when Geoff took a hold of his sleeve.

“ Be careful,” he said, suddenly serious and Ray gave him smile.

“ I will be, promise.”

He left Geoff's office and found Michael in the hallway, obviously peeking into the security office. He looked up when Ray got closer, quickly signaling him to be quiet. Reaching him, Ray also leaned forward to look through the gap to see Gavin sitting in his usual spot but turned away from his screens. Opposite of him sat Ryan, saying quietly, “It'll be fine.”

Gavin gave a short nod but wasn't looking at him, he was watching his knees, seeming a bit slumped together sitting like that. Ryan frowned before reaching out to flick him beneath the chin. He didn't even get a smile for it. “You can check in on me and Ray once in awhile if you want to. We'll be in public, you'll be able to watch. But I want you to concentrate on your job.”

“ You're hurt,” the boy mumbled. “This morning you had a fever and moving still hurts you. You shouldn't be out in the field already.”

Ryan's face got hard but Gavin seemed to pick up on that just as quick. “I am not meaning to tell you what to do, it's just...” He shrugged, his hands folding in his lap. He still hadn't looked up and Ryan's expression softened again.

Pulling the other's chair closer so that they sat knee to knee, he tugged at Gavin's arms until he leaned forward. The boy quickly nuzzled against his chest, careful to not hurt the man’s sore ribs.

Surprised, Ray took a step back and stopped watching, knowing that it wasn't meant for his eyes. It was strange to see Ryan show this much affection so willingly even though it shouldn't be. Sure, he had seen those two wrestle playfully when Gavin had teased Ryan enough to get a reaction out of him or the casual touches, the quick hugs. One time he had walked into both of them asleep on the couch after a heist, Gavin curled into the other's side.

Oh, that was it. That was what felt strange, Ray realized. Everything else had been initiated by Gavin as far as he could remember. This right here hadn't. Ryan had pulled him in.

Ray wondered if that happened more often and they just didn't see it. Ryan was a private person after all.

His thoughts were interrupted from Michael who pulled on his sleeve. “We have to move or he'll rip us a new one,” he whispered and they quickly hid in the meeting room, only emerging when Ryan left a few minutes later.

“ I have to get my rifle,” Ray said. “But we can get Geoff's penthouse this week.”

“ Sweet. Be careful out there.”

“No problem!” He smirked. “The deadly duo is back! It'll be a blast!”

Michael gave him a clap on the back and watched him go before slipping back into the security office. Gavin was back to working again and nothing seemed to indicate that he was as worried as he was, besides the sunglasses on his nose.

Wordlessly Michael dropped into the seat Ryan had just left and watched him do his thing. While R and R were out, he was on standby in case they needed reinforcements. Poking through the files on the desk nosily, he found the pile of the information of the Gunslinger. Upon seeing the file about the twins, he quickly let it fall back down, pushing the thoughts away. That was something he had to deal with later.

Gavin gave an annoyed little hum and Michael looked up, seeing the pop up in the corner of Gavin's main screen. It had two masks in it, the generic comedy and tragedy ones and when Gavin clicked on it, a chat opened.

“ Bugger off, girl,” Gavin mumbled beneath his breath.

“ What's going on?”

“ That's this stupid Ema from Sander's crew.”

“ Oh, so it's your girlfriend,” Michael teased. “Should I leave you two alone?”

It was rare to see Gavin properly annoyed but he surely was when he looked at him now and Michel quickly reached out to punch against his shoulder. “Sorry, Gav. What does she want?”

“ Confirmation of the date for the meet up,” he mumbled before taking his phone to check in with Geoff. “I told her I would get in touch with her. Why does she bother me with that?”

Michael swallowed his snarky remark down and leaned back in his seat. “She's creepy.”

“She's creepy because she is how we were.”

Michael nodded thoughtfully, knowing that the other was right. Ema was the only other Gunslinger they had worked together with and it had been a strange experience to say the least. They knew each other and sure, they had a run in with Lindsay more than once – but Ema was just... well, a Gunslinger. Empty, barely a hint of a personality and like Gavin had said, just like they had been before. He had also seen Jack look at her, a pained expression on his face but there was nothing they could do. The damage was done and just because they didn't agree to Sander's methods meant they should turn a friend to a foe. He didn't abuse her, she always seemed healthy and clean but she was just a weapon.

Michael pitied her and he knew that Ray tried to keep away from her. Gavin just straight out disliked her and Michael had never quite understood why.

Looking through the files on the table to pull Ema's out. Reading through it, he gave a soft hum. “There was just one Gunslinger of wave five on the website, right?”

“Yeah, just her,” Gavin agreed and his black chess piece answered the two masks on the screen. “The others were already done for.”

“ So the same as wave one. I wonder why?”

“ Dunno. Wave five was a mixed one, just like wave three,” Gavin explained. “Wave one and two only had active Gunslingers, while wave four had passive ones. It's a bit surprising that wave four is still in the race, considering everything.”

“ Well, you are part of wave four, so it'll last until the end,” Michael told him and Gavin next to him snorted. Reaching up, he pushed his glasses on top of his head to grin at him and Michael considered that a success.

“ So that means wave one, three and four will win, I guess?” he asked and Michael laughed.

“ Well of course! Who could ever beat us?”

“ You're a bloody cocky bastard.”

“And you love it.” He shoved Gavin good naturally before turning back to the files. On a whim he searched through it until finding Lindsay's. Flicking through the pages, he tried to ignore Gavin's look.

“ Now checking out your girlfriend?” he asked teasingly and Michael gave his chair a kick that sent him through the room.

“ Shut your mouth, just informing myself about her, okay? Keeping your enemy close and all that shit.”

“Sure, keep that enemy  _really_ close,” Gavin giggled as he rolled back to the table. “But I couldn't find out too much about her and her guardian. They sure are keeping their shit under cover.”

“ The Corpirate's little brother is her guardian?” he asked while reading through the text. “Didn't even know he had one.”

“ I don't think he is much involved in the business, keeps low for most of the time. She's probably just hired as a protection for him so that nobody has any leverage on the Corpirate himself.”

“I see...” Closing the file thoughtfully, he leaned back in his chair. “Might look like wave one through four will win. I don't wanna mess with her if we don't have to.”

“We might be forced to kill her though,” Gavin shrugged. “Just because she is not going after us right now doesn’t mean that she won’t in the future. I don't see why the Corpirate wouldn't want her to.” He threw a quick look to Michael. “We will have to take her out at some point.”

 

Ray and Ryan came back at nightfall, smelling like gunpowder and in Ryan's case splattered with blood. Both of them were ecstatic, obviously happy with how everything went down. It became clear to everyone when they settled in Geoff's apartment. It had to be on the news, they just had to wait, and while Jack took care of popcorn, Geoff handed out drinks to everyone besides Ray and Ryan themselves, their medications not allowing them alcohol.

They were right in time when they all finally settled and of course it was the main story for tonight. The return of the Vagabond and Ramsey's Ghost, the blonde reporter explained with a solemn face and sure enough there came the exclusive footage from the surveillance cameras.

It showed surprisingly well how Ray settled on a rooftop, taking aim with his new pink rifle he hadn't let go of for the whole evening and all in all it was no surprise. He had called in with Gavin briefly to make sure he was in focus after all. Thanks to the editing it seemed like he shot immediately even though he had waited around forty minutes for his target but that was fine, it just made him appear more dangerous. He got up to leave the scene but had apparently enough time for a sweet bow towards the camera before vanishing and Geoff laughed so loud, he spilled his vodka over them all.

Ray looked more than pleased over that and let his guardian pull him closer, stroking over his rifle. “All thanks to this baby here!”

Ryan's footage was not as good and they actually put a red circle around him so that people were able to follow the hooded figure moving through the crowd. It didn't seem like much until they replayed it and zoomed in. Now the picture was corny but at least they could see how he bumped into someone who collapsed soon after before moving on. The camera changed to a different angle to show his bloody hoodie after slashing that guy's throat and he looked up enough that the camera could catch the dark skull beneath the hood for a few seconds.

Sitting on the ground so that he could lean against Ryan's legs, Gavin was giggling uncontrollably through the whole clip and Ryan reached down to pat his head. It didn't help when he continued to snicker through the entire third assassination, cooing something about his scary little Ryan.

“ Enough for you,” Ryan said as he wrenched the glass out of his grasp and put it on the table, ignoring the slurred protests.

“ I guess that was enough of a show,” Jack hummed and Geoff nodded.

“ Damn good work, guys. Can't wait for the headlines tomorrow.”

They relaxed afterwards, drinking and talking and trying to ignore Gavin's loud squawks as Michael chased him through the penthouse. It didn't take long until Ray joined them, teaming up with Gavin to wrestle Michael down. It was a more than a futile attempt because even under normal circumstances Michael could fight both of them off, and now Gavin was even more uncoordinated than usual and ended with Gavin pinning Ray to the ground. Giggling into the other's chest, he didn't think about moving no matter how much Ray struggled to get out from underneath while Michael sat back, throwing popcorn at them.

“ I think that's enough for today,” Ryan said as he got up. Pulling Gavin off of the other boy, he helped Ray up as well and had to hold him back to not jump at Gavin again. Gavin who clung to his leg, snickering into his thigh as if this all was the funniest thing he had ever seen.

Geoff reached out and pulled Ray into his lap, letting him settle and that seemed to remind him of something. “Lad-night tomorrow!” he called loudly and the other two lads hollered as Geoff sighed.

“ Please don't destroy this penthouse. I came to like it.”

“And no alcohol for this one here,” Ryan muttered as he tried to coax Gavin to stand up properly and not climb on his back.

“ Ryan is probably right, no alcohol tomorrow,” Jack said and also got up, Michael instantly headed to his side. “We should call it a day for now.”

“ Good, I will hit the shower,” Ray said as he wiggled out of Geoff's lap and headed down to the bathroom, rifle in his hand.

“ Hey, you don't need that thing to shower!” Geoff called after him but Ray just gave him the finger. “Don't tell me what to do, old man!”

Chuckling, Jack ushered the others outside, watching amused as Gavin clung to Ryan's back, nearly choking the other.

“ What the fuck did Geoff mix you guys?” Ryan asked as he reached behind himself to steady Gavin with his healthy arm. “You didn't even finish that glass.”

“He's just a lightweight,” Michael assured him, not able to help himself but poke Gavin's leg until the other was giggling again.

“ My strong Rye...” Gavin slurred, nuzzling against the other’s shoulder. “My strong Ryan is carrying me. Lovely Ryan.”

“It's not like you left me a choice. Don't fall down.”

“ Ryan, if you flip three coins, Ryan...” They never found out what happened with the coins because the rest was drowned in wild snickering and Michael fell in as if he was in on some kind of joke they were missing.

Jack could see Ryan roll his eyes but it couldn't hide his fond little smile as Gavin held so tight, laughing into his ear. They said their good nights at the door and after closing theirs, he found Michael watching him. The fact that the boy was chewing on his bottom lip was enough to show him that he was worried.

“ What's wrong?” he asked because up until now Michael had been happy, joking with the lads all night.

“ Can we sit down?” Michael asked and when Jack nodded, he lead him into the livingroom. After they both settled on the couch, Michael took a huge breath before saying, “On the Lads-night tomorrow... we will talk about some stuff.”

“ Okay.” He had figured that much already. Something had happened with Missus Reese and even though it hurt to know that Michael wasn't talking about everything with him, he knew that there were some things that only the other two would understand.

“ I want to tell them about what happened on the ship,” Michael confessed, his voice tight and quiet. “That I... I killed the twins.” He looked up to Jack with a small sigh. “And it scares me. It scares me wondering what they might think about that.”

“ Do you believe they will think less of you?”

He shrugged helplessly. “Maybe? I... I think Gavin does know about it. At least to some degree but I am not sure. What if they judge me for it? What if they...” He hesitated, looking troubled. “What if they start to think I could do the same to them? What if they see me as a threat?”

“ God, Michael!” Jack quickly scooted closer and Michael instantly leaned against him. “That won't happen! They won't think that and of course you would never harm them!”

“ But what if I do? What if they... what if they do something and I just act? What if I can't stop myself?”

“Pumpkin...” Gently touching his chin, he urged Michael to lift his head and look at him. “Did you forget that one time when Ray actually shot at me? And still you didn't even think about killing him, you held yourself back. Since then you came so far, Michael.”

The boy stared up at him, eyes wide as he reached out, clinging to Jack like his life depended on it. “I'm scared,” he whispered. “I am so scared and I can't stop being scared. I don't want them to be hurt, I don't want anyone to be hurt but I've come to realize... that I maybe can't avoid that. I am not strong enough, I can't be around all the time and even if... I'm scared that I am not enough.” His grip tightened, tearing at Jack's shirt. “Ryan getting shot and Ray nearly drowning... I couldn't help. I tried to help Gavin but nearly messed it up. If you wouldn't have come in that moment... he would have been back with the project.” He closed his eyes, those deep, warm eyes. “I just love them so much, Jack. I want us all to be alright, I want to protect all of us. But I am not strong enough.” He leaned ahead and Jack quickly wrapped him in his arms. “Jack, how can I become stronger?”

“ You're already so strong, Michael,” he assured him quickly. “But you can't expect the impossible from yourself and nobody else does. You are doing an amazing job as you are.”

“ I just... I just could never watch one of us die. I wouldn't be able to stand it,” he whispered. As he swallowed it sounded loud in the room and his voice trembled as he went on, “If it does happen... I just hope it'll be me.”

Jack froze. He felt like he was submerged by ice water by those words and he tore Michael away from himself. The boy looked up to him in surprise, confused by the sudden lack of contact and this time it was Jack who stared down at him.

Stare at his sweet boy who didn't even understand the weight of those words he had just said nearly carelessly and he just... he just didn't know what to say. He wanted to say all the words that could get rid of that dark thought in the mind that was usually so bright but he couldn't find them. All he could get out was a harsh, “No!”

Michael blinked up to him, not understanding what was wrong and Jack felt like suffocating, his hands grabbing the small shoulders.

“ No,” he repeated, shaking him a little. “Michael... Michael you can't say things like that.”

“ Why not?”

“ Because nobody of us will die!”

“ That's why I said only if it happens!” He frowned, shaking his head slightly. “I don't understand where the problem is.”

“It's selfish.”

“ Selfish?”

“Yeah.” He forced himself to relax his grip, knowing the way his fingers dug into the other’s shoulder had to be painful. Taking a calming breath, Jack tried to explain, “You make it sound like... like your death would be any less significant than the one of anyone else. As if we wouldn't... we wouldn't mourn you, we wouldn't feel the loss.”

“ Oh.” Michael blinked before letting his head sink. He bit on his lower lip while thinking and Jack let him, rubbing his arms in the meanwhile. When Michael looked back up, he seemed a bit unsure. “The others would be upset when I die.”

Jack nodded and Michael reached out. Slowly and carefully so that he could wipe over Jack's cheeks. “I hurt you,” he whispered. “I'm sorry, Jack.”

“ Sometimes I fear you will forget our promise,” Jack said slowly. “You've become so strong but also... also so very reckless, Michael. You always think about yourself last and I know that the others are important to you but... but you are so important as well.”

“ I'm sorry, Jack,” he repeated. “And I wanna stay with you. I wanna stay by your side no matter what.”

“Forever and ever?”

Michael gave a short laugh but nodded quickly. “Forever and ever! I swear! I swear, I swear, I swear!” Letting his arms drop lower, he hugged his guardian tightly. “I said something really stupid. I didn't mean it like that.”

“It's alright, pumpkin,” Jack mumbled. “You just scared me a little.”

“ Sorry.” He let his head rest against his chest and Jack pulled him even closer, softly stroking through his hair.

“ You don't need to tell the other two about what happened.”

“I think I do. We don't really have secrets, you know?”

“Okay.” Dropping a kiss to his head, Jack sighed. “They won't think bad of you, pumpkin. There is no need for you to worry about that.”

Michael nodded and Jack could see him close his eyes in the reflection of the TV. He continued to card through his hair, wondering if the other would simply fall asleep and he would have to carry him to his bed. It had been some years since that last happened. 

But he could see how the boy worried on his bottom lip again, thinking hard about something and he figured something else would come now. Another question from that deep and dark part of Michael’s mind he couldn’t seem to reach.

Jack tried to prepare himself for it, focusing on the soft curls underneath his one hand and the rise and fall of Michael’s chest against his own.

When Michael talked again, he closed his eyes. “Jack?”

“ Mh?”

“ I am not really good with those things. This whole feeling-stuff, you know?” Michael whispered. “I don't understand a lot of it and it confuses me and sometimes I think I am stupid because of that.”

“You are not. Believe me, there are a lot of people with the same problem as you, pumpkin.”

“ But you are so good with the whole crap,” Michael went on. “And you always help me figure shit out, so maybe... maybe you can help me with one last thing?”

“ What thing?”

“ I don't even know what the word really means or how it is suppose to be. I just saw... you know, that shit on TV but it's probably not really realistic.” He breathed out, his voice shaking. “I just... I just wanted to know if it is alright for me to consider you as… kinda as my father?”

Jack froze for the second time that evening but for an entire different reason because he had surely not expected  _ that _ _._ Michael squirmed, freeing himself from his grip so that he could look into his face.

“ Jack?” Reaching out, he tugged on Jack's sleeve. “Is it okay? Is it alright for me? Am I allowed to?” He stared at him, waiting for an answer that Jack couldn't get out just yet but Michael had to read it on his face because he broke into a smile, his eyes overflowing even though he fought against it.

“ Are you crying because you are happy?” he asked him and Jack hadn't even noticed that he did, just listened to Michael laughing brightly. “You see, I am crying because I am happy. I am very happy!”

“ Michael...” he finally brought out and the boy hugged him again, sniffing into his shoulder as he held him tight. “God, Michael... I would... it would be an honor. I would be so proud to call you my son.”

“ Good,” Michael mumbled. “That's very good.”

 

They settled on the couch for the night, neither of them really wanting to part or bother getting up to go to bed. So Jack simply listened as Michael explained the new show he was watching to him in the adorable way he always did. Gesticulating widely, eyes bright as his voice raised and fell as he laughed about the memory of his favorite scene. Jack didn't even really pay attention, he just watched him speak for the longest time and when Michael finally fell asleep, he tucked him in. It was a bit funny because usually Michael would spread all his limbs out, taking most of the space in his bed. Now he was curled up next to him, one hand twisted in Jack's shirt to keep him close and his head resting on his shoulder. Jack couldn't help himself but to carefully trace the other’s spine, listening to his soft breaths coming from the slack lips as he watched him.

He was filled with such a simple but deep love that he couldn't find words for it and in the end he just leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Michael's forehead.

He woke up as his alarm blared through the apartment and by then Michael had spread all over him, snoring into his chest. Fumbling to get up, he rolled the boy from himself and ignored the mumbled protest.

Reaching the alarm in his room, he put it out before shuffling back into the kitchen to make some coffee. He had the first cup already in his hands when Michael joined him, sleepy and yawning. The boy made a beeline towards him, nuzzling his face in his chest even though he usually wasn't really touchy in the morning. Jack let him, rubbing his shoulders with his free hand and waited for the other to be fully awake.

“ Morning,” Michael finally mumbled before looking up to him, blushing brightly. “Morning, Dad.”

Smiling, Jack caught his eyes as he put his mug down and held the other close. “Good morning, pumpkin.”

 

* * *

 

 

“ Geoff, Geoff of course I understand that and we are all very happy for your generosity, I swear!”

Michael and Gavin tried to stifle their laughter as they laid on the couch, listening to Ray on the phone. The younger smirked at them before going on. “Of course I could get the pizza myself, Geoff. But there is quite a high ransom on my head, you know? I don't think I'd be safe out there but if you want me to... I guess I could head there. Through those dark, dark alleyways. All alone... No problem, really.” He listened and his grin turned wolfish. “Thank you so much, Geoff! You're the best!”

Hanging up, he jumped on the couch next to the others. “Pizza will be here soon enough.”

“You're evil,” Gavin giggled.

“ I try.”

They settled in front of the TV, playing video games and switching to mindless TV when Geoff delivered them their pizza, looking like a lost dog as they sent him back out soon after. They ate until they were close to bursting and then they ate some more as the dumb horror movie played out in front of them, Gavin screaming and hiding behind Michael who didn't seem too fond of the movie as well, frozen in space with eyes wide open while Ray lounged next to them, somehow managing to squeeze yet another slice into himself.

It was around midnight by the time that Gavin noticed that it was raining outside and one by one they sat down in front of the huge windows, watching the storm come in over the huge buildings, blocking the moon high above. Putting out every light in the apartment seemed like a foolish idea after the movie, but they build themselves some form of nest right there on the floor, watching the rain fill the dirty streets below as they huddled together.

It was the right weather, sobering them up from the excitement and the sugar rush of the evening and they all felt on the verge of the topics they'd been avoiding until now. It left a thick tension between them right until Michael finally sighed.

"I killed the twins," he said, sounding nearly matter of factly. Used to act strong when he was among the other two because he knew they needed an anchor more than he did. "On the ship. I first shot the boy - Derek - and then went on to shoot the girl. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to kill her as well." 

Gavin was watching him but Ray didn't. His eyes were still focusing somewhere out of the window and Michael couldn't read his expression like that. It made him nervous. "Jack had to finish the job and I guess we got the bounty at some point."

Gavin gave a short nod and confirmed Michael's suspicion that the other had already known about that.

"Why did you shoot him?" Ray asked, still not turning towards him.

"He shot first, I just reacted."

"It was self defense," Gavin mumbled.

"Jack said it was."

"It was self defense," Gavin repeated and this time he reached out and took Michael's hand. "You did your job, Michael, and I think it's clear to everyone here how heavy that weight rests on you."

"I feel horrible because of it," he whispered and Gavin quickly squeezed his hand. "I know you do but nobody blames you."

In the corner of his eye, he could see Ray nod and he felt something heavy being lifted from his shoulders. To hear it from them helped more than he had expected because as close as he was to Jack... in some cases only these two would be able to understand what went on in his head.

"You did what you had to do," Ray finally said. "You protected your guardian and the crew. You protected your family." Now he turned around and his eyes seemed really dark in the dull light they had, coming from the city beneath. He also reached out, taking Michael's other hand in his and the older boy nodded slowly. "Okay."

"I'm sorry that it had to happen, boi," Gavin said and for a moment they all fell silent. Listening to the rain tapping at the big windows, running down the glass and the wind picked up as well. There was a distant growling and it wasn't unusual to have a thunderstorm. They were usually short but mighty, echoing in the canyons between the skyscrapers.

Holding each other's hands, it was Ray who spoke next, "What happened with Missus Reese? What did she say that was that bad?"

"You know how she is."

"I do and you two do as well. So I don't understand what could catch you so off guard," he squeezed Michael's hand. "That's one of the reasons why we're here, right? That's one of the things you two wanted to talk about with me. Is it really that bad?"

Michael and Gavin shared a quick look and Michael could feel Ray shiver next to him, obviously not really wanting to know but ready to share his part of the weight for them.

"We made her angry," Gavin said finally. "We didn't listen, we tried to resist and she reminded us... she reminded us of our place. Reminded us about where we came from and that the project gave us everything and that it can just as well take everything again. She got... quite furious about that." It was him who shivered now. "She let it out on us, said terrible things and that we should be thankful for the life we have. That we didn't deserve it, that our parents... our parents didn't want us, or something like that."

"She talked about how we came to the project," Michael went on quietly. "She said that I... I had siblings and that they didn't protect me. That my parents didn't protect me either and... and that they didn't love me." He frowned, shaking his head slightly. "It hurt to hear that but I was way more confused. There is nothing there. In my head I mean. I don't remember faces, I don't remember voices. Not even phantoms about that family and a part of me really wants to know what happened, what she meant by that. If my parents gave me away because of a reason or not. Maybe those are all lies but why would Reese lie? She never lies, no reason to do so." 

He let the two go in favor to pull his legs against his chest and wrap his arms around them. "I thought about it for a bit and I guess I am still curious but I don't think it matters to me. That's in my past, it's long over and no matter what happened I can't change it. And I don't think I wanna change it anymore. God knows where I would be if things played out differently - certainly not right here." 

He took a moment to collect his thoughts and ended up with a small smile. "I wouldn't be with Jack. I wouldn't be with this family, I wouldn't be with you guys that I can protect. And Jack..."

He wanted to tell him that Jack was his new father, that he was his parent that would protect him and would love him - already did for years. But that was still so new and it was such a delicate little secret between them, that he wasn't quite ready to share it yet. "Jack is very important to me. You guys are important to me."

He felt Gavin lean ahead to rest his head against Michael's shoulder and his hair tickled his neck. He couldn't help but lean against it, seeking for the comfort the other was willing to give.

"You deserve it," Ray said slowly as if he wasn't quite sure how to word it. "You deserve to be happy, I mean. Not this whole crap. You deserve all those things that make you happy, Michael. If it's Jack or us or even if it is anyone else. It's just..." He shrugged, cheeks flushing a bit. "You're a very good person, Michael. You're very kind and warm."

Michael could feel Gavin nod against his shoulder and couldn't help but smile. Getting a bit shy he couldn't quite look towards Ray. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome." Turning back around, Ray continued to watch the city beneath. It grew a bit colder thanks to the storm and Gavin was the first who pulled a blanket around himself, huddling by Michael's side. The thunder was coming closer and the rain hit the windows hard enough that they had to raise their voices a bit.

"So what did she say about me?" Ray finally asked.

"Ra-"

"If you guys know then it's only fair to know as well," he interrupted Gavin softly. "There's probably nothing much to it. There can't be much to it."

Michael gave a quick nod and could feel Gavin curl more into the blanket by his side. Licking his lips, he whispered, "She said you were... you were made for the project."

"Okay." He had said it too quickly and when Michael raised his gaze, he saw that the younger still hadn't looked towards them. Mesmerized by the rain outside as he tried to control his expression. It took some time, they could hear him swallow twice and none of them dared to interrupt him as he worked through that. They both listened when he took a deep, trembling breath. "I figured something like that if I am being honest. I was so young, so I either... I don't know. I was either taken or... sold, I guess? And the project was still at the beginning, they would turn to people they could trust or... or needed money really badly. I figured my parents were either part of the project or sold me after I was born." He shivered and Michael reached out to touch him but let his hand fall back when the other scooted a bit away. He let him keep his distance, waited until he composed himself enough and tried to ignore how Ray wiped at his face as he watched the city.

"I'm happy here," he finally said, clearing his throat. "I am happy where I am. I am happy about this family but it still hurts. I am not quite sure why though, like I said, I expected this."

"It hurts to be unwanted," Gavin offered quietly and Ray nodded.

"Yes, it does." He was struggling a bit with himself before shaking his head. "It's fine. Not that it happened but Michael is right. I can't change it but I can live with it. I _wouldn't _ want to change it anymore. I am right here where I want to be and I love Geoff. I am so thankful to have him." He gave a short laugh before finally turning around. There were wet trails on his cheeks that reflected the bright city lights. "Please don't tell him I said that. I would never hear the end of it."

"My silence costs you hundred bucks."

"As if that would be a problem for me. I'm rich as dicks, asshole."

Michael chuckled and Ray smiled at him, eyes still a bit wet but gentle. 

All three of them jumped when the thunder growled above them, loud like a collapsing building and a second later lightning drenched everything into a harsh white light. It seemed to engulf the whole city, as far as they could see, with strong shadows and just as quick it all grew dark again. Michael blinked, trying to get rid of the phantom city that had burned itself in his lids and now the rain was even louder, nearly drowning Gavin's words.

"My parents gave me to the project."

Michael turned towards him, not surprised to find him hidden in the blanket, and he could only see the other’s face when the next lightning flashed above them. "You can't be sure."

"I am sure, Michael," he said. "I never... I never forgot. Not really. There were always some memories that I knew were from before the project but I never said anything. I kept quiet because I saw what they did with failed Gunslingers. They were erased and replaced and I wasn't anything special to begin with. People wanted Gunslingers to protect them, Gunslingers who could shoot and I was not good at that. I was exchangeable."

"Did Reese know about that?"

He quickly shook his head. "Ryan figured it out but I never really told him. Until now I... I never really talked about it."

"You managed to lie to Reese?" Ray asked sharply. "Holy shit, how?"

"I didn't lie to her," Gavin said quickly. "I just didn't tell her the truth. She would ask if I remember my mother and I didn't, not really. I don't know how she looked like, I don't know her name. I remember that I called her mommy, I remember her voice, the songs she would sing. There's a lullaby inside my head that I can't get rid of. I know that I had an older brother and a father. I think he worked a lot, he's just a silhouette in my thoughts."

Michael watched him curl up even more in his blanket, looking miserable. "Why did they give you away?"

"My brother... my mommy told me that my brother was very sick in his head. He would do things he had no control over, he would hurt people even though he didn't want to. There was a playground close by and he would break bottles and glasses and bury the shards in the sand so that the kids playing would cut themselves. He'd like to play with fire and one time when we were both in the living room the couch got caught on fire before my dad put it out. I think it was my mommy who took some form of medication? You know those boxes you put the pills in that are labeled with Monday and Tuesday and so on?" Both of them nodded and Gavin went on, "My brother would open them up and mix the pills around, sometimes mix some sweets in between. Sometimes mix the pills in our sweets. One time my mommy didn't notice and she had to go to the hospital. My brother was always very sorry and cried and said he didn't do it, that he didn't know how it had happened. They sent him off to some form of... mental institution, I believe? He was gone for weeks and when he came back it started again and... and I didn't like it when he was gone. It was... was no fun."

Gavin fell silent, squirming a bit around and Michael was confused, couldn't piece it quite together why it was Gavin who was given away. It was Ray who did speak softly, "It wasn't your brother, was it?"

Gavin shook his head slowly. "I did it. I buried the shards and I mixed the pills. I liked to play with fire. But nobody thought it was me. When something happened my brother would start crying and I didn't and somehow... somehow that made the difference for them? I am not sure..." He shrugged a bit. "After the first time doing it and getting away it was... fun. So I did it again and hid somewhere and watched it play out, watched how my brother was yelled at and who would think it was me? I was four, maybe five years old. It was all a big, fun game even if people would get hurt. Somehow that didn't matter in my head. It was all in a game and they... they just acted like that, right? It wasn't real." 

He sighed, reaching up to rub his face. "But it was real and at some point they found out. It's actually a bit funny - they caught me with a camera; how ironic is that?" Nobody besides Gavin chuckled. "My parents were so angry and felt so bad. They had sent my brother away again and again, had said such terrible things to him and he had done nothing. He had told him he hadn't done it and they hadn't believed him. But the mental institution also couldn't figure out what was wrong and I guess they lost their trust in them or something like that. They... they fought a lot and asked me why I did it but didn't understand that it was just a game and I didn't understand why they were upset. So at some point they were contact by a project for special children." He laughed, letting his arms sink to wrap them around himself. "And I guess the rest is history."

They fell into a heavy silence, the storm loud above them, and after a while Michael reached out, but the younger quickly took his hand to try and stop him. When Michael didn't budge, he let him pull the blanket down, revealing his pale face. He looked scared by their judgment, was scared by what he had just confessed and when he spoke, his voice was tiny. "I would never do that again. I would never hurt the people I love so much. This is not a game for me."

“ I know,” Michael said and was a bit relieved when Gavin at least tried himself on a smile.

Above them the storm continued to rage, sending even more rain down and in the noise of it all Ray began to laugh.

“ I'd say we make a pretty good team,” he chuckled before letting himself fall into their nest, watching the dark sky light up. “We're all pretty fucked up.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at the babies, I love how close they are. My little lads...  
> (To whoever knows what I was referring Gavin's backstory to - I couldn't help myself, okay? It was just perfect!)
> 
> As said before Novocaine will take a short break next week so that I can catch up with chapters (chapter 10 and 11 are nearly 50 pages together and holla, will we pick up speed!)  
> Next week I will post my new story Carve Your Heart Into Mine.  
> For more infos check out here:  
> http://kahnah23.tumblr.com/post/139253166515/carve-your-heart-into-mine
> 
> Really sorry about the break guys but I promise it will be worth it!!!


	11. Murphy’s Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time.” Gavin opened his eyes, smiling sadly as he whispered, “That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, after the whole Carve-mess we are finally back to Novocaine! And as promised; an extra long chapter!

Chapter 10

Murphy’s Law

 

After the storm two days ago the air tasted cleaner than before and the stars appeared closer, like looking through a magnifying glass.

Ryan had driven them up to Mount Chilliad when Gavin asked him to talk with him and now they were sitting on the hood of his car, looking up. They had fallen silent after Gavin had finished his story but as Ryan was watching him now, he was surprised that the other didn't try to hide. He couldn't face him but he also didn't curl up, just watched the sky above.

“ It wasn't you,” Ryan finally said.

“ It was.”

“ No.” He shook his head and now Gavin turned towards him and he couldn't see it. There was no trace left of someone manipulating their loved ones in the child he saw before him now, eyes wide enough to reflect the stars. “It wasn't you.”

“ Okay,” Gavin whispered. It took some time until he smiled again as he gave Ryan a soft kick. “Thanks.”

“It's fine,” Ryan assured him before nodding towards the sky. “Now tell me about the stars.”

And Gavin didn't even hesitate. Reaching out to trace shapes into the darkness and naming them. Ryan wasn't sure if it was even correct but he was pretty sure they were. A few years ago Gavin had been able to name a lot of them, his telescope somewhere gathering dust as they got more busy with the crew. It was a shame, really. He wouldn't let his arm fall back after a few minutes like right now, would recite name after name from his head.

Now he hummed a song that Ryan had expected all along even though he didn't know it. “That's the lullaby?” he asked, and Gavin nodded.

“ Is it okay?”

“It's perfectly fine. Go ahead.”

“I don't remember it all. It's so distant like I heard it in another life.”

“ You did.”

“ I guess.” He closed his eyes, exhaled slowly and when he sung it was quiet, nearly shy.

_ “ You taught me the courage of stars before you left. _

_ How light carries on endlessly, even after death. _

_ With shortness of breath you explained the infinite. _

_ How rare and beautiful it is to even exist.” _

He hummed for a moment, traces of a sad melody that seemed to reach impossible deep and Ryan shivered a bit. He was nearly ready to stop the boy before he could go on.

_ “ I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time.” _ Gavin opened his eyes, smiling sadly as he whispered,  _ “ That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes.” _

 

* * *

 

 

Sander was a huge man, a whole head taller than Geoff as he greeted them and Gavin could see that Ray didn't like that. The boy was in a bad mood to begin with since Geoff had told him that no, he could not take his rifle with him. No Ray, you are inside, take a pistol. No, you will not take both, we are there to discuss, not to shoot.

Now he watched Sander as unimpressed as usual, hands buried in his purple hoodie, strolling behind Geoff. Gavin came in last, keeping on Ryan's right side more on instinct than clearly thinking about it.

When they entered the theater, Gavin couldn't help but be in awe. The high roof above him, illuminated by a golden light and deep red curtains not allowing him the actual look into the showroom. He could hear it though, whatever show was going on right now drummed loudly through the building as they climbed the stairs to the upper level. Here were balconies that looked upon the stage and he could catch glimpses of spotlights in the dark room.

Ryan touched his arm and Gavin snapped back to attention, realizing he was walking a bit out of line. Taking his place next to his guardian again, he noticed some displeased looks from the guards trailing behind them and wanted to grimace at them when Ryan cleared his throat.

“ Behave,” he said and Gavin rolled his eyes but did look ahead. Michael had obviously eavesdropped and threw him a mocking smirk. Bummed out, he at least noticed Ryan glaring at the men behind them and that was definitely more successful than anything he could have done even though he didn't wear his mask. According to Geoff this was a meeting between accomplices and they had to show no hostilities. So no visible weapons and no scary masks for anyone.

Thanks to that, Ryan had returned to the face paint he did whenever he feared he could lose his mask. The white and red paint had big spots of black as well and Gavin found it creepier than the actual mask. Probably because he could see Ryan beneath, could see his mouth move, the tiniest changes in the other’s face. Even though he could read them quite well, it could be creepy to see how in control the other was.

Ryan noticed him staring and he quickly turned back around, just in time to watch as they stepped into a separate part of the theater, a short hallway that lead to a nearly spare conference room.

It was nearly a bit too small as they all crowded inside and there in the corner he could see Ema. Flanked by two guards and taller than the three of them. Almost too blond hair bound into a loose bun as she watched them enter with barely any reaction. Her eyes just traveled over them, a single nod as a greeting before focusing back on her guardian.

Gavin did feel the familiar dislike burning through him, like bitter bile he couldn't stop and felt the need to put his sunglasses on. He didn't, just played with them as they hung from his collar.

Sander didn't acknowledge her at all, but he at least dismissed the guards so that the room wasn't as crowded anymore and it was a bit easier to breathe. Ryan kept his hand on his back, guiding him with him as they moved a bit to the side. That would be what Gavin would do for most of the night. Follow Ryan around because Ryan was still not happy about Geoff's decision to allow Gavin to come with them. No matter how useful it would be, there was still a certain danger and Ryan had made it really clear to not leave his side.

Sander and Geoff began their dance around each other, the usual greetings and smalltalk to ease into more serious topics but Gavin barely listened. Tonight he was meant to observe and he did. By now Sander’s body language seemed a bit tense but nothing out of the usual considering that he was talking to Geoff Ramsey himself along with his key crewmembers. One thing that he did see though was that Sanders didn't acknowledge any of the Gunslingers. He had greeted Jack and Ryan of course but besides a short glance they had been ignored. Something that Gavin had noticed in their meetings before.

For him they really were just weapons, and even though Sanders showed no ill-will towards them, it was a thing that Gavin highly disliked. He knew the other two thought that as well, but right now the man was an accomplice with them and it would be a petty thing to get into a fight about.

His eyes darted to Ema but she was just standing in her corner, unmoving but attentive. Like a shut down computer, just waiting for an order.

He didn't like her and he could feel it with each passing moment more.

Turning his head a bit, he found Michael also watching her with a slight frown. Of course Michael wouldn't be happy about that. He probably wanted to talk to her, get a reaction out of her as if he had to prove to himself that she was still human beneath. Too bad that Michael wouldn't be the one working with her today. He and Jack would check out the perimeter while Geoff and Sanders discussed. It was the only right choice, they were far from completely trusting Sanders or his guards. It wouldn't be the first contact that would turn on them and right now there was an awful lot of money in one room.

Shifting a bit nervously at that thought, Gavin let his eyes travel back and something like performers anxiety got a hold of him. Sure, he wasn't that often in the field anymore but Geoff had taken him to meetings along, counting on his sharpness and to remember the information. Still, that had been all before there was such a high ransom on his head.

But Ryan's hand was resting warm on his lower back and his knife was sharp, his gun loaded. He was safe.

Ema moved now and Gavin snapped to attention, knowing that was his call. And sure enough Sander finally full out looked at him and Ryan's hand disappeared quickly, leaving him a bit lonely as he kept the gaze of the man before he turned back to his Gunslinger.

"Show them what you found. I am sure if we exchange our information we will both gain from it."

"That seems likely," Geoff agreed and turned towards them as well, giving them a nod.

Gavin moved, hearing Ryan right behind him and was a bit surprised that Sanders didn't protest against that. After all he sent his Gunslinger out with the Vagabond but as he and Ema met at the door, he noticed that she was also accompanied by a guard. They followed her lead.

 

Michael had also moved out soon after Gavin and Ryan left the room. He and Jack were meant to check the perimeter but were mostly out here to give Sander and Geoff some peace to do their business stuff. He didn't mind it, it was certainly more entertaining than listening to them.

“ You've never been to a theater before, right?” Jack asked him as they walked back to the main area and Michael shrugged.

“ I think I am more of a movie guy.”

“ Probably, yeah,” Jack admitted but steered him closer to the balconies. There was one that overlooked the whole showroom beneath, only hidden by a heavy curtain and in the sudden darkness, Michael had to blink before he was able to make out the rows upon rows beneath.

The spotlight was harsh but illuminated the stage just right to watch the actors move around, spilling their lines.

“ What Shakespeare bullshit is this?”

“ Not Shakespeare,” Jack told him. “I am pretty sure this is The Lord Of The Flies.”

“ Sounds dumb,” Michael mumbled but continued to watch, the music leaving him with goosebumps. Jack's hand laid heavy on his head, ruffling his curls. “I'll look around, you make sure nobody comes through here.”

“Okay, be careful.” He was left alone and leaned against the railing, planning to watch the hallway but his eyes kept trailing back down. He didn't know the full story and he was only witnessing the ending but of course he had heard of this play. He was pretty sure Gavin had read it before and was a bit mesmerized by the play so when the light suddenly turned on, he reeled back, trying not to get seen from beneath. Blinking against the sudden change, he watched the actors bow as the music was replaced by clapping. Quickly turning away, he froze when he saw someone standing behind him, watching him and it certainly wasn't Jack.

Rubbing his eyes, he tried to see clearer but he had already recognized the flaming hair and wasn't quite sure what to do.

“ So I did see right,” Lindsay said quietly but didn't step closer. “I wasn't quite sure and figured... figured I should check out if it was you.”

“ What are you doing here?” Michael asked.

“ Watching the play,” she said and her eyes traveled over him. “I doesn't look like you are though.”

And suddenly he felt terribly self conscious about his jeans and his simple shirt. Even about the worn down jacket from Jack that was a bit too small for him, and he blushed brightly because she looked amazing in the warm light, braided hair on fire and the black dress a nice contrast to it.

She noticed his look and chuckled, holding her hands up to show she was carrying no weapon right now. “It looks dumb, I know.”

He shook his head and she raised his brows. He was quick to add, “It fits for... for the theater, I guess?”

“ Yeah, probably. My guardian said the same.” She sighed and now she stepped closer. If Michael could, he would retreat but he found himself glued to the railing, enraptured by her presence. When she braced her arms on the railing to look down herself, he didn't even scoot away, just kind of... stared really awkwardly.

“ What are you doing here?” Lindsay finally said but it wasn't accusing. She was actually smiling a bit. “You are rank two, it's dangerous to be in public.”

“Doesn't the same go for you?”

“ I guess.” She watched the people beneath slowly trail out. “But my guardian doesn't think so.”

“ What do you mean?”

“ Well why should he pass on one of his favorite plays just because of me?” She was still smiling, still watching but Michael could tell it was so that she didn't have to look at him.

“ Oh,” was all Michael could think about saying and he shifted around a bit, trying to come back with something better. “Shouldn't you be with him if he is here?” he finally settled on.

“ I sent him home when I saw you. He's pretty pissed about that but he'll live and I am not really allowed to drive with him. Too dangerous if someone thinks about attacking me, you know? So I'll follow along in a few minutes,” she explained before finally looking up. “Why? Do you want me to leave? I will.”

“No!” he said too quickly and blushed helplessly. Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck! _

Her smile grew more genuine as she mumbled, “Thank you.”

And now he really didn't know what to say to that, wasn't even sure why she was thanking him in the first place but he tried to play it down. Shrugging, he hoped it looked smooth enough. “I bet the Corpirate is pretty pissed about that whole website,” he said, fearing a lull in the conversation but he didn't expect her to laugh, throwing her head back.

“ Oh, he was! His expensive little doll turning into a target? Of course he was! Made a big show of it and of course the project gave in. Two new Gunslingers and the anger just vanished.” She gritted her teeth. “Because who wouldn't exchange an old model for two brand new ones?”

He stared at her but didn't really see. He had seen the new Gunslingers, right? Back before all of this began, when they were robbing that armored truck. So the Corpirate had known beforehand – which was to be expected. After all he and the project had worked together before. What really surprised him was the bitterness coming from Lindsay, the hurt in her voice and he wasn't quite sure why she was telling him that, wasn't sure what she expected him to say.

His eyes got caught on her back, her dress revealing her shoulders and he could see the tattooed six there, a scar disturbing the number a little. That was where Ray had shot her in the maze bank. That seemed like an eternity ago.

She had dealt with it, a tattoo covering the worst of it. Vines and flowers, framing her number and disappearing beneath the black dress. As he followed them with his eyes, he noticed the cuts, faint scars of burn marks. The same he had on his own back, the same that Ray wore and of course the ones you would get from being in this kind of business. Somehow he had the urge to reach out and touch those imperfections, make sure Lindsay was real, was one of them but he didn't dare.

“ Can I tell you something, Michael?” she asked and he shivered by the way she said his name. He wasn't quite sure why.

“ Of course.”

“We Gunslinger aren't natural,” she mumbled. “I think you know it and I know that I do. We aren't meant to be this way,  _ humans _ aren't meant to be this way, but here we are.” She paused, her hands rubbing over her bare arms and he wondered if she was cold. “Those new Gunslingers...” she continued, frowning over her own words. “They are worse, if that makes sense? They are... I don't know how to say it. The project messed them up, you know? Like they did with us but...” She shook her head, her hand reaching out to brush some strands behind her ear. “They don't talk, Michael. I mean, they can talk. I heard them before but... I guess, they don't communicate. They just agree to their guardian and ignore everyone else. There is nothing human about them anymore, they are machines. It's freaking me out.”

And with that he understood. He understood what was going on here, why she was doing this and he felt stupid for not realizing this sooner, for expecting everyone else to be in the same situation as him. But they weren't, they weren't all as fortunate as him.

“ You’re lonely,” he said.

Lindsay's eyes had grown distant as she had talked but now they were focusing back on him and he was taken aback by their intensity. They watched each other for a moment and he wondered if he had done something wrong but then she was already averting her eyes, looking down to the now empty theater.

“ Maybe I am,” she mumbled but it sounded like a question.

It had to be sad, he realized. She couldn't know because she had never experienced something different. There was no Ray and no Gavin to grow up with, no little brothers to look after. Maybe she wanted that but if the new Gunslingers were like she had said it was impossible. And of course there was no Jack.

No Jack to teach her what hugs were, who would bring her to bed or take her to the movies. No Mogar smelling like home.

Michael reached out, placing a hand on her arm and she looked up again.

“ You told me you started caring,” she whispered. “You weren't lying, you really do.”

He nodded and there was something confused in her eyes, something she couldn't wrap her head around. “You could've killed me back then but you didn't.”

For a second he feared she would say he should have but she didn't. Still he squeezed her arm and she watched his hand, not sure what to make out of this gesture. In the end she placed her hand over his and the fact that her skin was rough from knives and guns made his mouth all dry.

“ Michael.” That wasn't her, that was Jack and they both turned around. The atmosphere shifted, Michael could feel himself going into protective mode because his guardian was now here. His guardian was here and Lindsay was dangerous but she was already back to hold her empty hands up.

Jack's eyes wandered from one to the other and he asked carefully, “Is everything alright here?”

Lindsay threw Michael a quick look and he wondered if it was. “Yeah,” he mumbled and when he noticed that it didn't convince Jack, he stepped ahead. “I am fine, Jack. We're just talking.”

“ Okay,” Jack said. His eyes grew a bit softer and he nodded towards the girl. “Good evening, Lindsay.”

“ Good evening, Mister Patillo.”

“You can call me Jack.”

She was taken aback by that, throwing another helpless look towards Michael and he didn't know what to tell her. He just felt a sudden swell of pride for his guardian and it must have shown in his face because Jack smiled. “I'll leave you two to it then.”

He threw Michael one last look before moving on and he knew it was meant to assure him that the other wouldn't go far. If anything would happen, Jack would hurry to come to him.

As much as it assured him usually, it somehow bothered him now.

Frowning, he leaned back against the railing and noticed that Lindsay was still watching him. There was something amused in her gaze and she laughed quietly. “Your bunch is weird.”

“ You have no idea,” he grinned and she returned it. That made it a bit easier now and she seemed more eager to talk.

“ I wanted to ask for quite a while now; what does that mean?” She reached out to take his hand, her fingers brushing over his knuckles where the word LADS was tattooed.

For a moment he actually didn't know. She was holding his hand and her nails were as red as her hair and somehow that had short circuited something in his brain.

Thankfully they were interrupted yet again by steps hurrying away and that didn't sound like Jack. Reaching for his gun because his instinct told him it was the right decision, he saw in the corner of his eye how she did the same.

None of them reached them in time before the explosion rang through the theater. It had to be right in the hallway because the heavy curtain was blown in their face, the shock wave ripping them right off of their feet and through the railing. The heat came like an afterthought, brushing against their faces nearly gently as they fell.

Michael hit the ground. Hard. The impact forcing the air out of his lungs and for a moment he couldn't breath. Fire was raining down on him from above, he could see it but couldn't connect it. His ears were popping, trying to work through the heavy explosion and the first real thing he heard was a groan next to him.

Lindsay, he thought blearily and in the next second she was in the corner of his eye, trying to sit up. He tried to follow but couldn't, his body not yet listening to him and she also had to fight through it. Something heavy crashed down next to them and the girl braced herself against his chest, staring down to him.

"We have to move!" she yelled. "Get up!"

He managed to get a breath in but nothing more. It wouldn't have mattered anyway because as he was watching her, someone stepped up behind her. The guy had a gun. The guy wasn't Jack.

Michael fought to get up, a sudden wave of panic filling him because there had been an explosion. Jack had been up there!

Before he could sit up, Lindsay was ripped away and out of his field of vision. Gritting his teeth, he searched for his gun but his fingers didn't listen, didn't find the metal and in the next second the man was back with him.

"Fuck you," Michael managed to get out but it was slurred. It wouldn't have changed anything anyway before the butt of the gun crashed against his head and he blacked out.

 

Gavin followed the girl back into the hallway and towards the main part of the theater.

The show was still going, the music now dramatic and he figured they were reaching the climax soon. This time he didn't try to catch a glimpse of the stage and kept his eyes only on Ema's blond hair as they entered another room. Nothing much besides a few cabinets for storage and a table littered with files and a laptop. It was a good laptop, Gavin could tell, and right now he wanted nothing more than to check it out. It surely was one of the computers Ema was working with and he was pretty sure he could find a bunch of information on there if he got some time with it.

Instead he watched as she stepped towards the files, searching through it and Gavin looked up when Ryan told him quietly, "I'll be guarding the door. Make a noise if something is wrong."

"Okay." He didn't like it. Left alone here with Ema, but the door was the only entrance here and like that they were safe to discuss but the awkwardness falling over them when Ryan and the other guard left was horrible. He couldn't take his eyes off her, feeling the same dislike as before.

It wasn't necessarily reasonable of him and certainly not fair but Ema didn't give a fuck about him so why bother feeling guilty?

Fact was that Missus Reese had considered himself as flawed all those years ago.

Fact was that Missus Reese had offered Ryan a replacement - a promising hacker out of wave five.

Fact was that Ema was a hacker from wave five.

He couldn't possibly be sure that Reese had meant this Gunslinger. There had been four other Gunslingers in wave five who could also have been hackers but he did know. He had known it in the moment when Ema had been introduced to him and the irresponsible fear that she would take Ryan away had festered in the back of his mind. Ema did have a guardian and Ryan had refused to exchange him back then and he knew that Ryan wouldn't decide differently today but he couldn't help himself.

_ "Gavin is just fine." _

Taking a deep breath, he noticed that the girl was watching him and he cleared his throat. "I didn't bring my files as a hard copy. I have them on my phone - do you mind if I send it over to your laptop? It would make things easier."

"Go ahead," she told him, her voice distinctively Russian or Eastern European and he sat down in front of the computer. He started the transmission and frowned as she settled down next to him. Fighting the urge to scoot away, he focused on the slowly moving progress bar before the girl cleared her throat next to him.

“ Besides our alliance there are two others we know about,” she said and he looked up.

“ How do you know?”

“I've concentrated on observing the other Gunslingers in the past weeks,” she explained before opening the website on the laptop. “I know that rank four and rank eleven worked together in the past.”

“ Rank four is an active Gunslinger from wave three. I think she's called Ruth,” Gavin mumbled. “Rank eleven is Mark, the lowest Gunslinger on the list. You think they are a threat?”

“ Not anymore, no. I watched one of their missions go wrong. Ruth was burned and knocked out by a fire and since then I haven't caught a glimpse on either of them. She's still displayed on the website, so she is not dead but wounded. Mark on his own isn't dangerous.”

Gavin gave a short nod and watched their pictures on the website. He hadn't thought anyone else had joined an alliance but for the ones lower on the list it seemed to be the most reasonable response to protect themselves.

“ The other two are the ones we should really be worried about,” Ema went on. “Rank three and rank six.”

“Rank three? That's Justin and his crew isn't even in Los Santos.”

“ They are now,” Ema told him. “I haven't caught a glimpse on Justin himself yet but his guardian is moving around frequently. They are working together with rank six, Renee Landon. She's a passive Gunslinger specializing in stealth and infiltration.”

“ Justin is specialist in interrogation,” Gavin mumbled. “They are a dangerous team.”

“ They are,” Ema agreed. “And they are out hunting. The first dead Gunslinger, the boy from wave four? That was them. As far as I can tell Renee planned the break in into the other’s safe house, they dragged him out and brought him to a warehouse. I guess Justin was waiting inside there and a few hours later the boy was dead, probably spilling most of the secrets because since then the crew is crumbling from within. Weapon deals blown, the base going up in flames and so on.

I am also pretty sure Renee planted the incendiary bomb that burned Ruth but I am not quite sure.”

“ Bloody hell,” Gavin mumbled. “They are mental!”

“ And with each kill they get more money.”

“Which makes them more dangerous.”

Ema next to him nodded and Gavin leaned back in his seat. He stared at the website thoughtfully before asking, “Are those two working through the list? From the bottom to the top? Maybe they wanted to get Mark and not Ruth with the bomb, taking out number eleven on the list and they killed number nine. With each of the kills they get more funds to get better weapons or more men to allow them to target the next Gunslinger.”

“ I think so as well,” Ema agreed and swallowing, Gavin turned to her. For the first time he allowed their eyes to meet. “That means you as number ten would be next.”

“ Or you as number eight,” she said. “They are taking out the passive Gunslingers as far as I can see because they are easier to kill and usually have more information on the crews themselves.”

The laptop gave a soft beep, signaling that the transfer was complete and Gavin moved to open the files without much thinking. He let Ema look through them while thinking about that new situation. The twins and the boy of wave four had all worked alone and were now dead. Everyone else was working together and it seemed inevitable that they would betray each other sooner rather than later. This whole thing would get even messier than before but for now there was strength in numbers. With Ema joining them they would be the largest group and-

Wait, he was forgetting someone. Someone who was also working alone, who had not yet joined anyone else and probably wouldn't. Lindsay was the odd one out for now and he was pretty sure most people were going to leave her alone even with the high ransom on her head. The Corpirate too powerful to mess with. She wasn't going to be safe forever but for now she didn't make any trouble, not joining into their fight.

Or was she?

He hadn't heard or seen her since the day Michael and Geoff had met her. For all he knew she could plan something behind their backs, he shouldn't forget how dangerous she could be.

Ema next to him stiffened and he looked up, wondering if she found something in their notes but when he looked at the screen he also saw the reflection. Something moving behind them and he froze, watched as someone stepped out of one of the cabinets and the guy was good, he still couldn't hear him.

Gavin reached out to get his knife, Ryan's name on his tongue when he noticed a terribly sweet stench and recognized it as chloroform. He held his breath just in time when a rag was pressed against his mouth and nose.

It was Ema who yelled, but it was drowned in a sudden explosion outside and holy shit what was going on?

He tried to fight against the rag, trashing in the grip the man had on him but the other was far stronger, keeping him easily in check. He finally managed to get his knife out but his wrist was slammed hard enough against the table that he was forced to let go. Biting on his tongue, he forced himself not to take a breath but there was a hand fisting his hair and before he could brace himself, his head was slammed against the table.

Gasping in pain, sweetness fogged his brain and he slumped ahead, only being held by the stranger. The stranger with a knife now against his neck and then there was a shot. Loud in the small room and with bleary eyes he saw Ema, gun held above her head to shoot the ceiling and wasn't that stupid? She should shoot the guy right here and not... not...

His head spun and hurt and he didn't know why he wasn't breathing. He should breath, he should-

The door was thrown open and there was Ryan. Ryan who brought so much noise inside even after the shot and Gavin couldn't really see his expression but he realized that he was used as a shield. That he was forced to stand on his feet and was pressed against the man but at least the rag had vanished in favor for holding him up. The sweet stench still clung to him as he took another breath, staggering along with the stranger and there were words. Someone was speaking but he couldn't concentrate. There was blood in his eye and he didn't know from where so he just closed his eyes, sagging against the man. There was something sharp nicking at his throat and he figured it was the knife again but his head was too heavy to keep up, his knees buckling with his weight.

“ Gavin.”

Ryan's voice was sharp, cutting through his fog and he forced his eyes open but he couldn't tell what the other wanted from him. Couldn't tell why he would put his weapon down, raising his arms as if he was giving up and then he was stepping closer and offering his gun. Was he meant to take it? He really wasn't in the position to shoot the man behind him, was he? Still he reached out because he trusted Ryan's judgement.

He didn't even get to touch it when it clattered to the floor and Ryan lunged forward. Gavin fell to the floor, making no move to stop himself and he closed his eyes again. Too tired and his head hurt, hurt, hurt...

“ Gavin!” Ryan's voice again and he tried to make a noise to affirm that he was listening because his lids were too heavy, weighing a ton. His head felt like it was floating away, far, far above him but then he felt a hand in his hair, holding it down. That was nice and he leaned against it, ready to go to sleep now.

“ Stay with me,” Ryan ordered. They were harsh words and Gavin snapped to attention. His lids fluttered weakly, trying to lift but the light was too bright, like needles in his brain. Groaning, he felt himself getting moved, turned onto his side and there was Ryan. He at least figured it was Ryan because it was barely more than a silhouette above him, nearly completely black.

“ Come on, kiddo. I know you can do it.”

His tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth and he swallowed dryly before he was able to speak. “Ryan,” he brought out, trying to focus on the face above him. “Up, Ryan.”

It was probably nothing more than gibberish, he sounded like he was drunk but Ryan understood him. He was gently pulled into a sitting position and leaned against something solid. His head rolled but Ryan cupped his face, holding him steady. It helped with his dizziness, having a solid point of contact and Gavin tried to fight against the fog.

“ Steady breaths, come on,” Ryan told him, his face a grotesque image thanks to the face paint and so he focused on his eyes. Cold, blue eyes that were so filled with concern that Gavin couldn't help but reach out. Hand brushing against leather before he got get a hold of it, trying to comfort the other.

“ Sorry,” he managed to bring out. “Got the jump on me. Sorry, Ryan.”

“ Don't worry about that. Just concentrate on breathing for now. I'll be right back.”

Ryan left his field of vision but he said he would be back so Gavin didn't worry. He just tried to blink through his haze and soon enough Ryan was with him again. Taking a hold on his arm, he was pulled up into a chair and his guardian kneeled next to him, gently rubbing his leg. It helped to concentrate on that motion and after a while he recognized the room again. The laptop laid beneath the table, along with most of the files and when Gavin looked around he found the stranger's neck broken and head twisted to the side. Besides the corpse they were alone.

“ Where's Ema?” he asked and winced when Ryan pressed against his throbbing temple.

“ Left to find her guardian. Didn't try to stop her,” Ryan explained. “We're under attack as far as I've seen.”

“ Under attack?”

“ Something exploded down the hallway but I couldn't see what it was. It's blocking our way back.” He frowned as he pulled his hand back and found blood on it and Gavin also reached up, feeling the gash on his forehead from hitting the table. Ryan grabbed him by his shoulders, shaking him a little. “Gavin, if the fire out there spreads we might get trapped here. We need to move.”

“ Okay.” He tried to get up but his knees bucked instantly, sending him back into his seat. Gritting his teeth, he tried again and this time Ryan steadied him. It worked better and he leaned against the other. The world spun in front of him and with a groan he hid his face in Ryan's jacket, closing his eyes and smelling the leather there. It calmed him like it always did and he knew that Ryan was waiting for him, was waiting for him to get clear again and with one last deep breath, he looked up.

“ Let's go.”  
  


 

Ray was already bored by the discussion between Geoff and Sander but he was patient enough not to act on it. It didn't stop him from lounging in his seat, obvious about not paying attention and it riled Sander up. His whole presence did, and that made it even funnier. He had seen the face when he had realized that Ray wouldn't leave Geoff alone with him. It was a nice look on him.

Debating if it would go too far to get his phone out and play some game, he listened absentmindedly to the amount of money Sander was offering them. It was all the other had and sure, they wouldn't say no to it but Geoff was more interested in Ema's abilities. Gavin was talented, there was no doubt about that but he could only do so much as a single person. A second hacker would help them a lot.

The explosion was deafening and before he really registered what it was, he already stood. The table was still shaking and the distant screaming was just welling up when he pulled out his gun, just as pink as his rifle. WIthout checking what Sander or Geoff did, he hurried towards the door and threw it open.

There were two guards standing in the hallway and neither of them bother to look at him, before they started running.

Down the hallway, the door leading towards the main part of the theater was hanging on its hinges and he could see flames behind, people screaming and the guards were rushing to help.

That's where Jack and Michael were and a deep shiver went through him. He didn't even know where Gavin and Ryan went.

"Ray?"

Ducking back inside the room, he lifted his gun to point at Sander. Geoff understood immediately and stepped away from the man, also aiming at him in a smooth movement, "What is going on here?"

"How should I know?" Sander snapped. "Somebody is obviously attacking us!"

"What a fucking coincidence. Too bad I don't believe in those," Geoff said and Ray noticed how his voice dropped, turning cold. This was serious now and Geoff was not amused.

"What reason would I have to do that?"

"Oh, I don't know? The few million dollar bounty maybe?"

Which was a pretty good argument and Sander seemed to realize that as well. He was slowly raising his hands, thinking about his next move and he better made a smart one. Ray was ready to blast his head off in a heartbeat.

"Listen, Ramsey," he began and his voice was also calmer now, trying to reason. "Let's say I wanted to lure you into a trap - why in my own theater? I don't know what damage that explosion out there has done but it sure as hell sounded like a lot. Not to speak about that nobody will fucking set a step in here after this."

Fucking businessman. Always thinking about their money and their reputation first. Ray gritted his teeth. The problem was that Sander had a point.

"Also my own Gunslinger is out there. Why would I bring her into danger? If things go wrong what would I gain? Not to forget that the fucking Vagabond would be after me before I could flee."

Ray threw a quick look towards Geoff but couldn't read his face. His expression set in stone.

"It wasn't me," Sander said quietly. "Look at what a shitty position I am in. Why would I do that? How would I be able to leave here alive?"

"Ray," Geoff called and he perked up. "You keep an eye on Sander. If he tries anything suspicious I want you to handle it."

"Yes, sir."

He watched as Geoff let his gun sink and did so as well. Sander relaxed a little but still held his hands up to show that he was carrying no weapons. Good choice.

Ray looked up when his guardian came closer and he whispered, "The explosion was close to Jack and Michael."

"I'm sure they are fine," Geoff assured him and just in time they could hear new screaming coming from outside. Angry screams, orders getting called out and then gunshots.

Geoff moved towards the door but Ray was quicker. Pushing him back, he took a peek outside and felt his heart skip a beat. The guards laid dead on the floor and there were men coming down the hallway now. Heavily armored and a lot.

Something here had been planned all along and suddenly he didn't think it was Sander, not at all. Hadn't Geoff said they had made the project angry by not giving them Gavin?

He was pulled back into the room and stared at Geoff, wanted to yell an order but his brain didn't serve him one. He looked around, searched for a second door but there was none.

"We're sitting ducks," he mumbled and was pushed to the side by Geoff.

"Barricade the door," he ordered and took a hold on the table. Sander came around to help but what then? If they couldn't escape this room it was just a question when those guys would charge in here.

What about the others? Where were they?

Biting on his lip, he watched as the two men tried to move the table but it seemed to be bolted to the floor and he acted more on instinct than anything else. Throwing the door open again, he used it as cover before darting out. The men had helmets on to protect their heads but there was a sliver of their neck unprotected and he shot the first one down before Geoff could even call his name. The second one fell when he felt Geoff tear at his hoodie, trying to pull him back inside but with a sudden certainty he realized that those guys were coming closer but nobody was actually aiming at him.

He ripped himself free and stepped out in the hallway to have a better line of sight and sure enough they didn't fire at him. They wanted him alive if he was their goal at all and he didn't hesitate to kill them, letting himself fall back into the zone and all that mattered was that Geoff was safe and he was hitting with each shot.

His gun was running out of ammo and he would have to dart back into the room any second now, and face Geoff's wrath but he didn't even get that far. He hadn't noticed the taser until the darts were already flying towards him and before he could react he was losing the control of his body. Falling to his knees, a punched out grunt escaped him and in the corner of his eyes he saw Geoff. Geoff who tried to step out of the room and he wanted to scream at him to stop but his teeth were clenched too tightly as the electricity shocked through him.

It could only have been a second before he hit the floor, gasping for breath because Geoff was standing above him, gun raised. His guardian was shooting furiously without taking the time to aim and Ray wanted to get up and help but his body wasn't listening yet. Groaning, he watched as one man went down but then they finally reached them.

"Back the fuck do-" Geoff began but then crumpled to the floor and Ray couldn't even see why. He was still laying on the ground, trying to catch his breath but cold panic took a hold of him now. Geoff was-

But he could already hear his guardian swear and tried to get a look on him when a hand fisted in his hair. He was pulled up to his knees and couldn't help but grunt in pain. There was an arm slinging around his chest and he remembered his self defense lessons, remembered what Jack had told him but his punch was weak, his muscles still puddy from the electric shock. When his feet left the ground it was already too late and he was just... just picked up like a little child and he tried to thrash a little but a gun was jammed beneath his chin and he stopped.

Gasping, he followed when his head was forced up and found himself face to face with Geoff. Geoff who had gotten back to his feet, his nose bruised, maybe broken and bleeding heavily but the gun still in his hand. He let it sink now, eyes wide and Ray knew that they had lost, that Geoff would do nothing as long as he was in danger and he wanted to scream in frustration.

"Gun down, Ramsey."

He did. It clattered heavily on the floor.

"On your knees."

He did. Ray could hear the men laugh but couldn't avert his eyes, knowing what would come next.

"Hands behind your head, real slow."

He did that as well and one of the men stepped ahead. Stepped ahead and pushed the muzzle of his gun right against Geoff's forehead, forcing him to look up at them. New laughter and Ray felt his breath catch in his throat. He felt frozen, couldn't move a single muscle or form a single thought. He just stared, waiting for the shot and he felt cold all over.

No, no, no, no, n-

"I'll pay twice the amount for the boy," Geoff said slowly. His voice was still controlled, not shaking. A hard authority even if he was kneeling in front of them, bleeding on his own suit.

"Yeah, they told me you would," the man said and nodded towards the door. Two others went in, probably securing Sander but Ray didn't care. The man holding him was moving, was retreating and taking him along and he ripped at the arm around him to no avail, throwing himself against the restraint.

"Geoff!" he called and the blue eyes snapped to him, filling with panic so fast that Ray felt dizzy.

"I'll pay whatever you gu-" he tried again but the butt of the gun crashed against his face again, sending him sprawling on the ground. Ray screamed for him as he was dragged away, screamed even louder when the man didn't stop. He watched as Geoff got kicked in the stomach, once, twice and then he lost sight of him, could only hear the grunts of pain.

"Geoff!" he cried out. The gun beneath his chin pressed harder but they wanted him alive. For what he didn't know but he couldn't be sure if the same went for Geoff. "Stop! Leave him alone! Stop hurting him! Geoff! _ Geoff!" _

They didn't listen and he was dragged off into the main part of the theater and here it was burning. Flames hot on his back and the cracking of wood loud enough so that he couldn't hear Geoff anymore and he tried to thrash even more but it was a joke more than anything.

Even if he would get out of the iron grip around him, he wouldn't know what to do. There were too many, there was a fucking army and how had they known? How had they known where to find them? Had they followed them? But they had been so careful!

A shot rang through the noises and everything inside him felt like it was squeezed. They shot Geoff, they shot his guardian, Geoff wa-

It was the man holding him up that stumbled and suddenly Ray was free, getting onto his still weak legs.

“ Ray!” It was Jack who called him, standing a bit away with one hand holding his gun and the other reaching out for him. It was dumb to stay so open, to call for him but right now he felt something like hope in his chest.

He charged, dug beneath grasping hands to reach Jack and Jack was alive, Jack was okay. Maybe Michael was with him, maybe they could regroup!

Something heavy slammed into his back and sent him sprawling on the floor. It landed on him and with a strong gasp, he lost his breath. He was pushed down by strong hands as he tried to break free and Jack had to retreat behind cover as they shot at him.

Just like that their chance was gone.

Ray couldn't get free, his head was banged heavily against the floor and he groaned. Before he could make another move he was thrown over someone's shoulder and they moved away. Away from Jack and Geoff and while he was still trying to get his bearings back a rag was pressed against his mouth. He fought against breathing in the chloroform but time wasn't on his side and soon enough the heavy sweetness made him black out.

 

They moved at a snail's pace. Gavin still groggy and leaning against him, so Ryan pulled him on. It was only slowly getting better and the boy would sometimes apologize quietly. Ryan didn't react, it was stupid from him anyway. They could be happy that he was able to move.

They had quickly abandoned trying to get back to the others, that part of the theater filled with hired guns, and for now they settled on getting away from there. None of them liked that but storming in there while his arm was still fucked up and with Gavin being so out of it, would be suicide.

So they followed the stairs down, listening to gunshots and shouting above them in their own tense silence.

Gavin stumbled over his own damn feet and Ryan quickly caught him, ignoring the tug against his fresh bullet wound. Gasping, the boy hung in his arms for a moment, legs visibly shaking and he whimpered, “Ryan...”

“ Okay, wait.” He looked around and now they were on the first floor, the stage somewhere to their right. Sure enough he found the restrooms a few feet away and pulled him on. “Come on, just a bit further.”

Gavin gave a weak nod as he followed, clinging desperately to him to not go down. Maybe he should carry him, the boy didn't weight anything to begin with, but he needed to be able to shoot. It was too risky, he couldn't be too slow if they were found.

Opening the door to the men’s restroom, he leaned Gavin against the wall before checking on the stalls. Finding them empty, he was returning just in time to find Gavin sliding down onto the floor. The boy was groaning, leaning his head against the tiles and his eyes only followed slowly as Ryan kneeled in front of him.

“ I'm sorry...” Gavin mumbled but he was quick to shake his head.

“ You've been drugged,” he simply said and reached out. The boy was pale, cold sweat on his neck, and Ryan felt strangely helpless. He had seen enough people who had breathed in chloroform or other chemicals; they were lucky enough that Gavin wasn't out like a light.

Standing up, he turned towards the sinks and apparently this whole thing was fancy enough to have actual towels. He grabbed one, running cold water over it before returning. He was careful with cleaning the sweat from Gavin's face, noticing how the other was sighing softly at the feeling and that helped him to calm down himself.

God, that moment when he had stormed into the room and had found his boy in the grasp of that guy, bleeding and dazed... his heart had skipped a beat and the same kind of helplessness had fallen over him, just stronger. He had dealt with it, just how he dealt with everything, probably too reckless but he had been forced to act fast. Breaking that guy's neck had sent a sharp pain through his fucked up arm but he wasn't bleeding so the wound hadn't reopened.

Gently wiping blood away, Gavin had already closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath. He didn't get close to his wound, knowing that if he agitated it, it would just start bleeding again.

“ Better?” he asked and the boy nodded slowly.

“ Thanks, Rye.”

He stood again, carelessly throwing the towel away before moving to the door. When he listened, he couldn't hear anyone close but that didn't have to mean a lot. Throwing a look to the boy curling in on himself, he nearly felt guilty for saying, “I'll be right back.”

Gavin's head snapped up, his eyes searching for him. “Where are you going?”

“ Just checking on the hallway. See if we are clear.”

“ Okay.”

He stepped out quietly and found this part of the theater still relatively clear but the loud noises from above were coming closer. Moving towards the actual showroom, he tried to look up there and frowned about what he saw. Armored men, most still upstairs, but there were some moving between the rows of seats, searching for something. There was still fiery debris falling down occasionally and while he still watched that, he caught a glimpse of Michael. Michael propped up in one of the seats but obviously unconscious. There was blood staining the side of his face and a messy bandage was wrapped around his head. Next to him sat Tuggey, by the looks of it, also out, and Ryan wasn't sure where she came from but none of them were dead. Which was certainly good but with another brief look around, he realized he could do nothing to help. The moment he would get noticed, every man would turn towards him and shoot.

Swearing beneath his breath, he dug back out and hurried into the bathroom. Gavin had moved from his previous place and was standing by the sinks, drinking straight from the tap. He looked up briefly before continuing and Ryan let him. Chloroform was known for making victims thirsty and in the meantime he could collect his own thoughts.

Those guys had Michael, alive at least, but he wouldn't be able to reach him. Not without risking his own life and also Gavin's. It didn't sit right with him, it sure as hell didn't but for now there was nothing he could do about it. Better not tell Gavin, for now they needed a place to hide out.

Throwing another look towards the boy, he saw that his button-down shirt was clinging to his back. Dark blue patches where it stuck to his skin and too late he noticed that the other was shivering.

“ Are you cold?” he asked needlessly and wiping his mouth, Gavin looked up.

“ I'm fine.”

“ Liar.”

Gavin threw him a sharp look before spraying water into his face. Checking on himself in the mirror, he reached for his gash but Ryan stopped him. “Leave it be for now. It's good that it stopped bleeding.”

“ Okay.”

“Can you go on?”

He nodded eagerly but he was still pale, the crusting blood dark on his skin and Ryan shrugged his jacket off before the other could protest.

“ Come here.” He tugged the boy closer, noticing that he was still staggering, his legs moving faun-like and he had to steady him. Wrapping him in his jacket, he pulled the zipper shut before catching his eyes. “Better?”

“ Yeah, thank you.” But he looked miserable. His head had to hurt, not only from the gash but also thanks to the drug and he tried so hard to pull himself together. In a sudden surge of pride, he pulled his boy in and Gavin instantly nestled against him.

“ You're doing good,” Ryan assured him quietly, rubbing his back through the jacket. “Nothing will get you. I'll look after you and you'll be fine.”

Gavin took some deep breaths, he could feel them against his neck before he nodded shyly. “I know,” he whispered and squeezed him briefly.

Ryan let him for another moment before freeing himself and took a tight hold on his arm. “We have to move, they are too close to stay here.”

“ Where are we heading?”

“Away for now.”

“ There should be a control room of some sorts in here somewhere,” Gavin told him. “There are cameras everywhere – if we get the opportunity we should hole up there.”

“ Too dangerous. You are in no state to shoot and if we are cornered there, we are done for,” Ryan dismissed him. “It would be good to know where the others are but not if we risk our safety. For all we know we could be the last one-”

Someone was hurrying past the restroom and Ryan pulled the boy close, his free hand reaching for his gun. They both relaxed when the steps grew more distant but it was only a matter of minutes now.

“ We have to move,” he repeated and Gavin gave him a curt nod. Now that he looked at the boy more closely, he realized that the shivering hadn't quite stopped and his eyes were huge and not leaving his face. Gavin wasn't as much cold as he was scared and that was to be expected. It had been some time since he had been with them on a mission, Ryan himself had made sure to keep him safe in the base and to join them only to get into this shit surely would rattle him.

Reaching out, he flicked him beneath the chin and at least got a shy smile in return. “Listen to me,” he said. “And nothing will happen to you.”

“ Okay.”

Opening the door, Ryan peeked outside and found the hallway abandoned for now. Pulling Gavin along, they hurried down the corridor and he kept looking for a path that would lead them further away from the main area. He could still hear shouting, even occasional gunshots but ignored them. Nothing they could do against them from here and panicking about them wouldn't help. Behind him, Gavin turned around at each noise but kept himself together.

Soon enough he found a door reading _Staff Only_ and pushed it open. Here the warm light and the luxury were gone, beige walls with old paintings and emergency lighting. Following the long, straight hallway, they moved deeper into the theater and here it was quieter, the shouting left behind. He could hear Gavin's breathing slow down the further they got and at some point he whispered, “Ema told me about two Gunslingers who are hunting down the others on the list. Their next targets could be me or her.”

Normally Ryan would shush him down, tell him this was not the time to talk but he couldn't get the picture of Michael slumped in the seat out of his head. Alive but guarded – they were hunting down the Gunslinger and how could they not? There were four – no, even five with Tuggey – in one place.

Why alive though? Why not just kill them?

Gritting his teeth, his hold on Gavin's arm tightened but before he could answer the light around them got switched on. Blinded by the sudden change, Ryan turned towards the noises behind them and could make out the door opening. Gavin was still blinking and gasped surprised when Ryan threw him to the ground, burying him beneath his own body as bullets peppered the wall behind them.

“ Stop! Stop, you idiot! He's got the boy!”

So that much was right and Ryan sat up, pushing Gavin back down who tried as well and took aim. But the men were armored and too far away for a good shot and he wasn't really in a situation to just waste his ammo.

“ Fire extinguisher,” Gavin gasped and he saw it bright red on the wall. It exploded with a single shot, sending that part of the hallway into a white mist before they scrambled to their feet again. He dragged Gavin along, trying to steady him as good as possible as he stumbled after him but they didn't have the time to care. Taking the next possible turn, it grew dark again. Dashing through clothing racks, he figured they were moving towards the stage and he tried to find a different way, maybe a place to hide, but before he could find something, his foot got caught on a low bench and he hit the ground with a loud smack. Gavin managed to avoid the obstacle but stumbled over his feet and landed on his knees.

For a moment they stayed like that, gasping for air before the boy asked, “Are you alright?”

He nodded, even though his wound had started to pound again. Pushing himself up, he pulled Gavin along and they followed the next turn out onto the stage. The good news was that the curtain was drawn and the men wouldn't be able to see them but that also meant they stood in complete darkness. Inching forward, Ryan had his arm outstretched to find any obstacles and flinched when Gavin simply used the flashlight app on his phone.

“ Don't do that,” he whispered, getting blinded by the harsh light as he tried to see the boy.

“ We have to hide, Ryan,” he got as an answer and the cone of light lowered, traveling over the floor. “Maybe they have like... like a secret entrance for tricks here or something?”

“ This is a theater and not a magic show,” he told him and dragged him on. “We have probably a better chance whe-”

His words got caught in his throat when the light actually showed some sort of trapdoor. They quickly moved over there and it opened without a noise, revealing a dark hole beneath. Gavin shone inside but they couldn't really make a lot out before voices reached them from behind.

“ Inside,” Ryan grunted and Gavin threw him an unsure look.

“ It's scar-”

Shoving the boy, he watched him fall into the darkness and thanked whoever that he wasn't screaming and squawking like usually. Gavin made a soft grunt as he landed, the light of his phone dancing all over the place as he lost it but Ryan didn't have the time to wait for the boy to get his bearings back.

“ Step to the side,” he mumbled before dropping down himself, trying to steer a bit away from the boy to not hit him. It failed spectacularly because now he actually banged his side against something and tears shot in his eyes from the tearing pain. Gasping, his knees buckled and he landed on them, quickly pushing his hand against his throbbing wound. Gavin moved around him, pulling the trap door close before killing the light.

They waited in complete darkness and Ryan tried not to groan as his side pounded while the voices grew closer. Gavin seemed to realize that as well and he gently felt around before finding the other's face. Ryan was pulled closer, cradled against the boy's belly and he let it happen. The pain was slowly passing, leaving a pulsing heat behind and he bite his tongue to not make any noise.

The boy tried to shush him down, carding his hand through his hair until he stopped. There were steps right above them and neither of them dared to even breathe, in fear of getting caught. The men had to search around the stage, from down here they could see light coming through the cracks of the trap door.

Ryan could feel the other reach for his gun but he doubted Gavin would be able to hit anyone who would open that door. First they would get blinded from the harsh light and then there was also the fact that Gavin wasn't a good shot to begin with and there were still drugs running through his system.

So they got lucky that nobody opened the door above them and after what seemed like ten minutes the steps went on. Letting out his held breath, Ryan panted against the boy and Gavin quickly held him closer.

“ What happened? Did your wound reopen?”

“No, just banged it really hard.” Closing his eyes tightly, he bit on his lip. “Hurts like a bitch.” Still he fought to get up and Gavin helped him carefully before getting his phone out.

Shining around, the hole they were in was tiny, only to be used for a short time and by the looks of it hadn't been visited since quite a while. It was more like a small storage unit and it was one of the boxes there that Ryan had hit while jumping down. To the left of them was a curtain and like expected behind was a narrow hallway to allow actors to get into position.

“ Do we stay?” Gavin asked but Ryan quickly shook his head.

“ If we get found we'll be dead. No cover and no way to flee.” He nodded towards the hallway. “Let's see where it takes us for now. Kill the light, I don't want them to see us coming.”

They walked through the pitch black darkness and he had his arm outstretched, not wanting to smash against anything else. Meanwhile Gavin was glued to his back, making small whimpering noises. The darkness surely didn't help his nerves but for now it was their best cover.

The corridor wasn't long and after a while Ryan felt the wall by his side disappear and stopped. Instantly Gavin bumped into him but stayed quiet. Ryan began to listen but couldn't make out a noise besides their labored breaths. Gavin behind him leaned ahead and buried his face between his shoulders, grasping tightly as he breathed, “Can we make some light?”

“ Not yet.”

“ I swear to God I will piss my pants in the next second, Ryan,” the other whispered frantically and under other circumstances Ryan would consider it as a joke but there was a certain hysterically tone in the other's voice that made him turn around. Throwing an arm around Gavin's shoulder, he tugged him into his healthy side and could feel the boy trembling in fear. Rubbing his arm, he leaned against the wall so that they could both catch their breaths.

“ You'll be fine,” Ryan assured him quietly.

“ I'm scared,” Gavin whined.

“ You don't have to. They won't get you.” Feeling the nod against his chest, he went on. “We will find you a place to hide now, okay? You're good in hiding, they will never find you.”

“What about you?”

“ I'll scout out the area. See what's going on and where the others are.”

“I don't want to split up,” Gavin whispered and nuzzled closer. “But I am slowing you down. I'm sorry.”

“ Don't apologize for something like that, you are doing fine. But it would be too dangerous to take you with me.”

Gavin nodded again, letting out a long breath. He was still shaking, trying hard to control himself and Ryan was a bit at a loss as to what to do.

“ How did that lullaby go?” he blurted out in the end and felt Gavin stiffen. “Something... Something about stars, right?”

For a while Gavin didn't react and maybe that had been the wrong move. Maybe the song would remind him of his parents, of what he had done as a child and that surely wouldn't help now. But then the boy whispered, “It was about the courage of stars.”

“ Exactly. How did it go on?”

Gavin didn't sing it like Ryan thought he might but instead hummed it quietly. And he was reminded once more that he disliked the tune of it. Too heavy, too melancholic, too filled with something he couldn't quite place but the boy relaxed, his shoulders not so tense anymore and that was worth it.

When the other stopped, they stood in silence for a moment before Ryan asked, “Ready?”

“ Yeah. Let's do it like that then.”

“ Good boy.” Squeezing him close one more time, Ryan let go. “I think we are safe for now. Let's see where we are.”

Turning the flashlight app back on, they both blinked against the new contrast and Gavin's breath hitched. “Oh bloody hell. Oh my God, that's a clown mask. That's a clown mask on the shelf in the back.”

“I hope it is just a mask. Ever heard of Pennywise?”

“Ryan!” But the other laughed at least, even if it was nervous.

“ Looks like this is used for storage,” Ryan went on and they moved carefully past shelves and boxes. There was a light switch next to the door and after listening for another minute for any steps, he flipped the light on.

Dusty old costumes greeted them and different masks were hanging from one wall. Gavin whined quietly, covering his face. “If only that chloroform would have knocked me out.”

“ I thought you always liked my masks,” Ryan mumbled as he moved some boxes towards the back, flinching when his ribs protested at his too fast movements.

“ Because you don't go out as a clown or a werewolf or... is that a duck? That's a duck, alright. Why does the duck have teeth, Ryan?”

“No clue. Come over here.” He waved him into the back corner of the room where he had placed the boxes. There was a clothing rack and he nodded towards it. “What about in between there? Good enough?”

“ I can look at the masks from there.”

“ You will also be able to sneak into the corridor again if you need to. Also it will be dark.”

“Bloody fantastic,” Gavin mumbled but brushed the costumes aside before nodding. “That will work.”

“ Good.” He watched the pale face of the boy and reached out, wiping some of his own face paint from the other’s cheek. Probably from where he had thrown him to the ground.

Gavin looked up to him, eyes huge in fear but he nodded again as if to assure himself. “Don't be gone too long, please.”

“I'll hurry.”

Gavin's eyes darted down to his side but he didn't say a thing about his wound. “Be safe out there, Ryan.”

“ I promise. And you stay right there.” Reaching out, he took a hold on both of his arms. “Nobody will get you here, alright? Just stay quiet and don't come out for anyone. I will come and get you, understood?”

“Yes, sir.” He gave a mocking salute but what mattered was the small smile he managed and Ryan let him go to watch him squeeze beneath the costumes.

He rearranged the box a little to hide him better and when he stood in front of the door Gavin was invisible even if he knew where he was. Good.

“ I'll be on my way then,” he mumbled.

“ See you later,” Gavin gave as an answer and when Ryan plunged the room into darkness, he didn't hear more than a soft sigh. Stepping outside, he made sure to close the door before hurrying on.

Now he was able to move way faster because Gavin had been right; he had slowed him down but there had been nothing to be done about. After knowing that Gavin was safe now, it was way easier to move around, gun drawn as he headed upstairs again. Before, most of the men had been on the upper floor and if he was right and they were looking for the Gunslingers that seemed to be reasonable. And as far as he knew they managed to grab at least two – Michael and Lindsay.

Now, he didn't know where exactly Ema went but it would be surely towards her guardian and he didn't think she had much of a chance to get there. So she either was also hidden or was captured.

Ray was a bit of a wildcard. He could imagine the boy to be still out there but that really depended on the situation he had been in.

Staying in the Staff Only part of the theater, he found other stairs to climb up, not as pristine as the others and only lit up by emergency light but they were also doing their job. The only letdown was that he couldn't watch the main part from here to check how many men were still out there. With some luck they would retreat soon enough.

Something moved in front of the lights showing him the steps but he saw it too late, whoever it was moving too quietly. At least he could avoid the worst of the punch but it still let him crumble to the floor. The pain erupting from his ribs was way worse and he grunted quietly. “Fuck...” Getting his gun up, he aimed into the darkness when he heard the soft gasp.

“ Ryan?”

“Jack?”

“ Oh shit, it's you! Did I hit you hard?” A scrambling hand on his arm, searching for him and with a sigh Ryan let his head fall back.

“ You scared me half to death.”

“ Sorry, come can you stand up? We're a bit out in the open right here.”

He followed Jack through the darkness into a room containing cleaning supplies. They had to cram inside but there was a dim light and that was better than to stand out in the dark. Now he could actually see Jack, the frantic look in his eyes, the tight expression and of course the blood painting his white shirt.

“ You're hurt,” Ryan said and reached for the other's arm but Jack quickly shook his head.

“ It's fine. The bullet just nicked me. I already took care of it.”

“If you say so...” he mumbled, not really convinced but he wasn't one to push. “How did that happen?”

“Those assholes grabbed Ray,” Jack said. “I tried to get to him but there were too many.” He threw Ryan an intense look. “They are after the Gunslingers.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” And he tried to brace himself for the next question, knew it was coming-

“ I lost sight of Michael. Did you see him?”

He nodded, figuring that lying wouldn't help at all in this situation but it didn't fill Jack with hope. There was a shadow in the other's eyes and Ryan was nearly sure the other already knew. “They also got him. I'm sorry.”

A shiver went through Jack's whole body but he simply gave a curt nod, before asking, “Was Tuggey with him?”

“She was. How did you know?”

“I saw them together before the explosion. Left them to give them some privacy.” His fist hit the wall hard enough to make Ryan jump. “Fuck! I shouldn't have trusted her!”

“ She was also knocked out,” Ryan told him. “I don't think those men are sent by the Corpirate – she was maybe just at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“ Maybe,” Jack grumbled before shaking his head to clear it. Ryan waited, knowing he needed the other in his best condition.

“ Where's Gavin?”

“He's safe.” And what a wonderful sentence that was. “They also tried to grab him but I got there in time.” It wasn't meant to be a jab at the others but it sounded like it. He could feel the stupid pride about being able to save his Gunslinger while the others weren't able to and he knew that Jack noticed. He threw him a look and that was enough to sober Ryan up.

After all he wasn't stupid enough to expect both Jack and Geoff not trying their best to keep the two safe.

“ They are falling back,” Jack finally said and Ryan was happy that the other changed the topic. “I have three shots left then I am clean out of ammo. What about you?”

“A bit more but certainly not enough. What should we do?”

He knew that Jack wanted to charge in and free Michael but with less than a dozen bullets for both of them it was a laughable plan. Instead he sighed, “Let's regroup with Geoff if we are able to.”

 

It took longer than expected to move further because there were still people roaming around and right now they didn't trust anyone. Ryan wasn't known for being impatient but when they were forced to sit in the same place for nearly twenty minutes he couldn't help but clench his jaw. Every minute he didn't get further was a minute that Gavin sat in the dark all alone. What if he would panic? Make a mistake, run out of cover?

It seemed foolish but not impossible, the boy had been nervous.

His worries were forgotten as they finally returned to the main part of the theater. Throwing a look down from the balconies, the seats beneath were abandoned. No Michael and no Lindsay anymore.

They had secured them somewhere, and Jack moved on with a grim expression embedded on his face. The door they had moved through in the beginning of the evening was ripped out of his hinges and beyond laid a couple of dead bodies. As they walked past, Ryan noticed the clean shots and knew this had been the place where Ray had stood his ground.

The meeting room was busy and as they stepped inside there were half a dozen guns aimed at their head. Jack didn't even seem to notice, he gasped in the tense silence, “Geoff!”

“ Lower your guns. They are on our side,” Sander called from the back of the room where he sat while one of his guard bandaged his arm. The remaining men did as they were told and Jack sprinted ahead, to reach the body on the table.

For now Ryan could only stare, not move the way Jack was able to but now he could feel anger in the pit of his stomach. After all the concern, the adrenaline and the close calls it was a nice change.

They had laid Geoff on the table in lack of another place in here and when Ryan finally dared to step closer, he saw the blood pooling around him. It was hard to say how much it had been because someone had wiped it away to work on the other's wounds, but the color made Ryan's stomach clench.

There was a bandage around Geoff's head, already stained with oozing blood and from what he could see the other's lip was split, his nose broken. He looked awful and had by the looks of it been beaten with vigor.

“ They nearly split his skull open,” Sander grunted from his place. “I thought for sure they would beat him dead but at one point they stopped. Thank God, it was bad enough to hear the his boy cry after him.”

Yeah, he bet Ray had screamed and fought to stay with Geoff. Ryan just hoped the boy hadn't watched all too much.

“ Did you call an ambulance?” Jack asked and Ryan threw him a quick glance. The other man was trembling with anger, his hands tightly clenched into fists.

“ I have a private doctor. She's on her way,” Sander assured them.

Jack appeared to be satisfied with that for now and tried to relax. Ryan gave him a few more moments before asking, “There has to be a security office of some kind in here. We need to check how many men are still in here and what damage they caused.”

Sander nodded slowly. He was pale, splattered blood on his collar, but he was collecting himself slowly. “Yeah... yeah, down in the cellar. We should do that.”

“ I'll go,” Ryan offered because on the way he could pick Gavin back up. He was already too long gone and it made him nervous.

“ I'm coming too,” Jack next to him said. “You are not going alone.”

“ Okay.” With another glance towards Geoff, he headed out of the room, Jack right behind him. From somewhere in the theater they could hear two shots and both of them tensed, knowing that not all of the men were gone. Moving fast but carefully back down, Jack sighed, “This is bad. You know it.”

Ryan nodded. “I don't know who it was but they have a lot of money to hire that many guns.” He frowned. “And they have a lot more money in their hands right now.”

“But they didn't kill the Gunslingers,” Jack said, his voice desperate and Ryan quickly agreed.

“ Yeah, that means we still got time. We can find them through their chips pretty soon. I rather wonder how those guys knew we-” He hesitated as he turned the corner towards the room he had left Gavin in.

Someone had come through here, the lights were all on and the door was wide open. There were bloody tracks leading away and then a pair of abandoned shoes. Gavin's shoes.

Ryan froze, feeling his heartbeat widely because no, no,  _ no! _ The boy had been  _ safe!  _ No way they had found him!

Jack brushed past him, taking a short glance to the shoes before looking into the room. Like before, Ryan followed a bit slower and felt a terrible feeling of dread come over him.

The room looked nearly like he had left it but the boxes he had moved to cover Gavin had been shifted. There was blood splattered over them and his heart simply stopped.

Only when he took another step inside did he see the body on the floor and for a terrifying second it was Gavin. Gavin with his limbs spread and a gushing hole in his throat but the figure was too tall.

It was one of the men that spilled his blood everywhere and it had to be Gavin who had shot. Gavin had shot him, presumably from his hiding spot and the gun was also missing. The boy had taken it, probably a rifle – heavier than what Gavin was used to but better against the body armor than his pistol.

Ryan looked closer, watching the footsteps appearing behind the blood as Gavin had fled. Out of the room and into the hallway. He had noticed he was leaving a trail behind, had slipped out of his shoes and ran.

Where to?

Had he searched for Ryan or for another place to hide?

He didn't know, wasn't sure, couldn't see Gavin's next move and he forgot his cautiousness. Walking towards the shoes, he yelled at the top of his lungs, “Gavin!”

Behind him Jack jumped and swore beneath his breath. “Shut up, you idiot! You are alerting the-”

“Gavin! Answer me!”

“Ryan!” Jack hissed and made a move to grab him, to stop him but Ryan shoved him aside. “Stop it! Ryan, stop i-”

“Ryan?” The word was said shyer than their agitated voices but that was what cut right through them. Both of them turned around and Gavin stood in the doorway they had just left. Button-down shirt sprayed with blood, the strap of the rifle stretching over the too big jacket and standing on his bare feet.

He was shaking, holding tightly to the frame as he began to ramble, “I'm sorry! That guy came in and began to look around and I- I panicked! I'm sorry! I shot him and then I didn't know what to do! You said I should stay, so I... I did.” He took a deep breath, his eyes huge. “I stayed, I did as you said! But they would find me so I... I tried to lead them away...” He trailed off when Ryan came towards him, trying not to flinch but instead of being punished he was pulled close, nearly crushed in the furious hug.

“ Too smart for your own good,” Ryan whispered. “God, you brilliant boy. I thought...” He squeezed him tighter, feeling how Gavin grasped for a hold and struggled to get closer.

“ Sorry,” Gavin whimpered again before turning his head. “Jack, you're bleeding!”

“ It's fine. Are you alright?”

“ I think so.”

Ryan let him go, noticing that he had smeared even more of his face paint on Gavin's temple and hair, but let it go for now. The boy threw him a timid smile before growing serious again. “What about the others?”

Jack's eyes darkened and he held the shoes towards Gavin. “Seems like it's up to us to find that out.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For people who didn't read the Royalty-Verse, Gavin's lullaby is this song:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3lWwMHFhnA  
> Don't ever play that song close to me because I will start crying without doubt.
> 
> Also check out the amazing story Cath wrote for the number 5 of the list, The Twins!  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/6068280
> 
> Anyway; whoops?


	12. Vestige

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Haven't you been in enough danger today? You are not-” He hesitated for a tiny second and Gavin instantly picked up on it, snarling, “I am not what? Not strong enough? Not smart enough?” He looked up at his guardian with something like defiance in his eyes before he realized.  
> “I'm not you,” Gavin mumbled, the hurt sharp in his voice. “That's what you meant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for an implied grisly death

Chapter 11

Vestige

 

They had relocated to their own base because Gavin needed his equipment to track the others down, and Jack also didn't trust the doctor Sander had brought in. He felt way more comfortable with Caleb sewing his bullet wound shut even if holding still was terrifying right now.

Not knowing where Michael was or even how he was was eating away on him bit by bit, and each second he simply sat here God knows what could happen to him.

Ray as well.

And that was also a thing. From here where he was sitting on one of the beds, he could see Geoff laying in another. He looked better all cleaned and bandaged up but Jack couldn't get Caleb's reaction out of his head when he had seen Geoff for the first time. The grim look as he unraveled wound after wound and Jack tried to shake the memory out of his head, tried to concentrate on the fact that Gavin was working, was searching and they  _would_ find them.

“ Okay,” Caleb mumbled as he stood again and began to pack his kit together. “I would tell you to rest for a while but that's not really an option, right?”

“ Thank you, Caleb,” Jack simply answered before buttoning his shirt back up. Also standing, he walked towards Geoff and reached out to touch his hand before holding himself back, minding the other's bruised fingers. With some luck Geoff would wake up to Ray's face.

“ Take good care of him,” Jack said before walking off. Moving up through the base, he was already thinking about which hired guns he should call in before he reached the security office. Taking a huge breath, he stepped inside and Ryan looked up, while Gavin was hunched over his computer.

“ You'll hurt your back,” Jack told him and the boy flinched. Touching his shoulder, Jack nodded towards the screens. “What do you have?”

“ I’m getting no signals from the chips,” Gavin said with a grimace. “That would be too easy, I guess.”

“But it was expected,” Ryan threw in. “Those guys knew where we were going to be and were prepared.”

“Yeah, I lose Michael's and Ray's signals the moment they step out of the theater,” Gavin went on. “They were brought into a cloaked vehicle or something like that and seeing that their signal didn't resurface they are either still inside the car or drove into a cloaked building.”

“ Show me,” Jack said slowly. “Show me what happened.”

Gavin threw him an unsure look before glancing to Ryan who gave a curt nod. With a quiet sigh, Gavin filled the screens with footage from the theater and began to type away. “You said Michael had been on the upper floor?”

“ Yeah, he was looking down into the main room.”

“ I don't think I have an angle on that...” Gavin mumbled to himself as he switched around before shaking his head. “Sorry, that's the best I can get. He should have been down here.” He leaned ahead, pointing to the bottom right corner of the picture but they couldn't really see. Sometimes when Michael or Lindsay moved they were partly in the picture but nothing clear.

When the explosion occurred the camera got blinded by light and when it readjusted the railing was broken and fiery debris was raining down. Neither Michael or Lindsay could be found.

“ They fell down into the main room,” Ryan said quietly. “That's where I saw them.”

Jack noticed Gavin throwing him a confused look, apparently not informed over that fact but when he nudged the boy, he changed the camera view. Grabbing the back of the others chair, Jack watched Michael and Lindsay hitting the ground and struggling to get up.

It hurt his heart to see the girl shake Michael and his boy was fighting for each breath, for a movement and then Lindsay was ripped away. Jack only watched her from the corner of his eye as she got dragged away by her hair, his attention was still on Michael and Michael only.

Saw the man standing above him and Michael spitting out words. There was no audio but Jack knew exactly what the other was saying, never knowing when to shut his damn loud mouth.

When the gun knocked him down, he tightened his hand around the chair, hearing it crack beneath his grip. He barely noticed it because that had been an unnecessarily hard hit, splitting skin, and Michael was bleeding. His boy was bleeding all over the floor and his jacket. And those... those motherfuckers high-fived, he saw them laughing before one of them lifted Michael up like he was a dead weight, throwing him into one of the seats and Jack felt a sudden rage, a sudden bloodlust he didn't know from himself.

He had imagined it would be hot,  _ burning _ , but it was actually cold. A sharp realization that those men would be killed by his hands, that he would hunt everyone down who dared to touch his boy.

It was Gavin who broke his concentration as he slammed his fist in the table, a snarl on his face as he stared at the screens. He lifted his arm, trying to do it again but Ryan grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

Gavin didn't even look at him, just took a deep breath before turning towards Jack. “I will find them.”

“ Good. Do it quick,” Jack told him and the boy nodded. They were interrupted by Jack's phone ringing and he frowned when he saw that it was Sander. Probably finding the same problems as them with Ema – they hadn't even found out what had happened to her but it didn't need a genius to figure out.

It was neither.

“ They captured two of the men alive,” he told the other two and Ryan looked up to him.

“ Tell him to bring them here. I'll make them sing.”

 

Jack was walking up and down the meeting room, feeling the need to move and the security office was too small with all three of them inside. Sander had quickly agreed to send the two men over, but it would take some time and time had become a really crucial thing.

For the umpteenth time he checked on his phone for any message from Michael but found nothing. Of course, the boy would have no way to communicate with him and when he remembered the hit, he would be surprised if Michael was conscious right now.

Shivering, he took a deep breath before looking up when the door opened.

Ryan entered and threw some takeout boxes on the table. “Eat.”

“ I'm not hungry.”

“I don't care. You'll burn out otherwise after this evening and I really don't want to deal with low blood sugar if we head out to kill those assholes.”

Jack wanted to talk back but Ryan stopped him beforehand, “Come on. You are smarter and not as stubborn as me and Geoff. Eat.”

He agreed with a curt nod, knowing that Ryan was right.

“ I reached Matt and Jeremy,” he said as he sat down on the table. “They will gather up Trevor and Steffie.”

“ Good, with this many people it will be easier to organize when we're ready to move out.”

“Should I call Kdin to help Gavin?”

Ryan thought about that before shaking his head. “He'll tell us if he needs help. Let him get an overview of the situation first.”

“ Okay.” He stared at the food but felt a sudden sickness just thinking about eating something. Shaking it off, he looked up when Gavin stepped inside and called him shyly.

“ Can you tell Sander that they have Ema but she is not hurt?” he said quietly. “At least by the point they got her into the car park. They held her at gunpoint and she was forced to follow.”

It wasn't necessarily a good message but not as bad as expected and he gave a quick nod.

“ Please also ask if he could check in on her chip. Just to be sure,” Gavin went on but Ryan was watching him now with a soft confusion and Jack also figured the boy was stalling for something.

“ I'll call him again,” he promised and Gavin sighed.

“ We've... got another problem...”

“ Spill it,” Ryan told him and Gavin grimaced.

“ It will take longer than I expected to track them down.”

“How much longer?”

“ A lot,” he admitted quietly and began to shrink a bit underneath both of their gazes. “This hit was planned for longer than I anticipated. The cameras in the car park were messed with, someone sent a loop and I can't see where exactly they brought them.”

“I'd say a car,” Ryan told him, a tad annoyed. “They surely didn't walk them away.”

“ Can't you just check on who drove out around the time? I am sure there are some traffic cameras around,” Jack offered more softer.

“ I did do that and I found them!” Gavin quickly assured them. “But that's where the problem is. They used seventeen vans with the same color and the same license plate. I watched them leave and then spread out, heading into different directions. Some into the city, some out of it.” He pulled a face. “I can't tell in which van Michael and Ray were or if they even are in one together – maybe they've been split? Taken to different locations? I will have to track each and every one down and... that will take time.”

“ They really didn't want to be found,” Ryan mumbled darkly and Jack took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

“I'll get you Kdin to help.”

Gavin nodded before looking to Ryan. “It will probably be quicker to get the location out of the men. I am not going to lie... this will take hours, if not days depending on where the vans are headed.”

“ Then get to work,” Ryan snapped at him and Gavin jumped a bit at his harsh tone.

“ Yes, Sir.”

“ I'll help you.”

Gavin looked up, confused by Jack's offer before noticing that he was looking at Ryan instead. Ryan also raised his brows. “What do you mean?”

“There are two guys – we each take one,” Jack said but Ryan was already shaking his head.

“ No way. You are not going to torture someone.”

“Why? You think I can't do it?”

“ Yeah, that's exactly what I am thinking.”

Standing up, Jack stepped in front of him but Ryan didn't move an inch. “You think I wouldn't do anything to get Michael and Ray back?”

“ That's not what I said at all,” Ryan said, searching for his words carefully. “But torturing someone is not in your nature, it's not you.”

“ I don't give a fuc-”

“You'll regret it, Jack. Please don't do it.”

“ They have Michael.”

“All the more reason why you have not the right mindset to do something like that.” Shaking his head slowly, Ryan said, “I can do it alone. You take care of the crew while Geoff is out.”

“ Rya-”

“I can do it.” That was Gavin who had carefully stepped closer. “Jack is right, we can't lose anymore time, but Ryan is also right.” He looked up to Jack, pleading quietly, “It shouldn't be you. He's trying to protect you, Jack.” Turning back to Ryan, he reached out to touch the other's clenched hand. “I can take the second gu-”

“No.”

“ I watched you do it! I helped you do it before!”

“Gavin, I said no.”

“They are scared of me, Ryan! They are! Please!”

Shaking his hand off, Ryan hissed, “I said no! Now go back to your computer.”

“ It will be way faster to get the information that way. Those guys don't want to be found! I will find them eventually but it could take days – I wouldn't say that if it wasn't true!”

“Haven't you been in enough danger today? You are not-” He hesitated for a tiny second and Gavin instantly picked up on it, snarling, “I am not what? Not strong enough? Not smart enough?” He looked up at his guardian with something like defiance in his eyes before he realized.

“ I'm not you,” Gavin mumbled, the hurt sharp in his voice. “That's what you meant.”

Ryan remained silent, only proving his point when he looked towards Jack as if asking for assistance or for him to leave. He did the later, muttering something about Matt and Jeremy arriving before stepping out and leaving a fuming Gavin behind.

“ That's not what I meant,” Ryan finally said and the boy just huffed agitated.

“You act like I wouldn't know that. I am not stupid, Ryan!”

“ No, I am being serious. You are not  _like_ me. There's a difference.” He watched Gavin take a breath to say something before holding himself back to think about that. Good.

“ You are not like me, Gavin,” he went on. “And that's a good thing, okay? You are not ready to torture someone on your own.”

“I am,” Gavin objected but way calmer than before. “It would be the most logical step to rescue Michael and Ray as quickly as possible. I am more suited than Jack is.”

“ Fine, I'll give you that. Doesn't mean that I will let you do it.”

“Why?” Gavin wanted to know and Ryan couldn't really tell him. The boy wouldn't believe him if he began to talk about that things like that... that manhandling another human like that changed people. Right now he was too stubborn, was too focused on getting the other two back.

When his guardian didn't answer, Gavin stepped closer. “Please, Ryan,” he begged. “Please let me help.”

Unsure of what to answer, Ryan simply walked out of the room and left him behind.

 

He escaped the boy long enough, that he was nearly sure Gavin would let it drop. Both he and Jack watched as Sander's men brought the two prisoners into separate interrogation rooms.

“ I'll do it, Jack,” he said once more. “You take care of the crew for now. We need someone out here in case something changes.”

Seeing that Jack didn't answer right away, he seemed to get through to him and he knew that Jack didn't want to do this, it was not in him. He was just scared and furious and they all knew what a dangerous combination that was.

“ We just need one of them to spill the location,” Ryan went on. “If I get the feeling that I won't get through I will call for your help. But for now you have more important matters at hand.”

Leaning against the wall, Jack remained silent and after a while he nodded. “Alright. But you have to call me if you need help. We have to get them out as soon as possible.”

“ I promise, Jack.”

He watched him go before stepping into the small room. From here he could watch through the mirror into both interrogation rooms and observe those two men more carefully.

Now he had to make a decision. Who should he focus on? Who would know the correct location and who would spill it faster? Right now he could only go on instinct and for a second that made him nervous. Reaching up, he rubbed his face beneath his mask and took a deep breath. Before he could check on his watch to see how much time had already passed, the door behind him opened and he frowned when Gavin stepped in.

“ I thought you were working on the footage,” he said a bit too sharply but Gavin didn't react to his tone.

“ Kdin is on it as well. I figured you want some insight on our prisoners.” Holding two files up, he gave them to Ryan. “I didn't have a lot of time but I managed to gather the basic information on both of them.”

Only that wasn't the real reason he was here and none of them pretended it was. Gavin was dressed up in a fresh button-down shirt and skinny jeans. Dark on dark and so his hair seemed even blonder than usual. It was styled into a high mess and with the sunglasses on his nose and the gold necklaces around his neck, he looked like a total asshole.

He was back in the role as Ramsey's Puppeteer, Vagabond's Spawn and sometimes Ryan hated seeing him like that. It was irrational to despise the other's mask when he was wearing his own but he couldn't help himself.

“ Sunglasses off, you know I don't talk to you when you wear them like this.”

Without hesitation, Gavin reached up to slip them into his collar before nodding to him. “Same goes for you. If you want to talk, look at me.”

“Brat.” But he pulled his mask off, running his hand through his hair.

“ Your own bloody breed.”

“ Shut up. Also we already talked about this. You are not ready.”

“ You said I am not you.” He pointed out through the mirror. “I want the left one – Matthew.”

“Gav-”

“Check out his file,” he interrupted him. “I am not ready to do it your way, alright. But I can do it my way.”

Instead of talking back, Ryan listened and took a look inside the file. Finding pictures and different phone numbers among a lot of other numbers he couldn't work through in that short time.

“ He's a family person,” Gavin went on as Ryan was still flipping through the papers. “A good portion of his money goes to his parents and his cousin. I got all their addresses, I got where their kids go to school and right now I froze their money completely. Give me five more minutes and I am in their security system. Fuck – if I want to, I can make that asshole watch them sleep right now.  _ He will spill!” _

Closing the file, Ryan watched the boy and Gavin let him. He looked... determined enough to do it and his plan wasn't bad, far from it. It was true, this Matthew would probably spill if he realized his family was in danger.

“I want to get them back, Ryan,” Gavin whispered.

With a sigh, he threw the files on the table before stepping closer to the boy, pushing a hand against the other's spine. “Straighten your back, try to look taller. Shoulders square. What weapons are you carrying?”

“My knife and my pistol,” Gavin mumbled as he tried to follow the instructions.

“ Good. Don't hide the pistol, let him see that you are armed. You are better with the knife so let that one be a surprise.” He helped Gavin fastening the holster on his belt, making it obvious that he carried a gun. “Talk quiet and calm. Don't let him get beneath your skin, don't shout. You are the one in control in there, right?”

Gavin gave a short nod and Ryan reached for his sunglasses before hesitating and taking a hold on his chin. He didn't have to force Gavin to look at him, the boy did it instantly at the touch and for a moment Ryan froze, didn't remember what he wanted to say. This Gavin looked grown up, looked mature and the moment he would wear those glasses, every edge of childishness would be gone.

It filled him with such a heavy sadness to realize that those years were nearly over, that with each mission that spark was rasped away and there was nothing he could do to stop that. But his hesitation unnerved the boy and the sudden concern that at some point Gavin wouldn't need him anymore was blown away just like that.

“ This guy is stronger than you,” he quickly said, trying to keep his own voice even. “But you are smarter. Don't get too close to him, don't get into a fight – play on your wits.”

“Okay.”

“ If you think you are losing control or you feel like you get exhausted, step outside for a while. Don't let him see weakness.”

Gavin nodded and now Ryan pulled the sunglasses from his collar to place it on the other's nose. Like that, the child was gone and Ryan could only see his very own reflection, feeling a weight rest on his back. It grew better when Gavin started to smile. “Thank you. I'll give it my best, Rye.”

“I know you will,” he mumbled and stepped back. He watched Gavin wipe that smile from his face, straightening his back and taking one last breath before stepping into one of the integration rooms. Ryan should do the same but he found himself frozen in place for a while, just watching how Gavin moved, how he talked, not yet revealing the knowledge of the other's weakness.

It wasn't perfect, but good enough, and when he was sure that Gavin was in control, he began his own work. The sooner he got his guy to sing, the sooner he could stop Gavin from making a mistake.

 

It was way over an hour later when he stepped out of his own room to maybe get something to eat. A growling stomach did not help while trying to intimidate someone and this day was just getting longer and longer.

He found Jack waiting for him and expected a judgemental look for letting Gavin get his will but none of that. Coming closer, they both watched the boy through the mirror. From here they couldn't see what was on the tablet he had placed on the table but Ryan was pretty sure it was footage from Matthew's family.

“ How is he doing?” Ryan asked quietly.

“ Good, as far as I can judge at least,” Jack said. “The guy is scared but also angry. But Gav is keeping his distance.”

“He should take a break.”

“ He came out half an hour ago,” Jack told him. “Drank something and played on his phone. Crossy Road of all things. Not gonna lie, it was a bit grotesque.”

“ He's keeping his mind occupied with other things, giving himself a break. It's all good.” He nodded towards the chair Matthew was bound on. “Why is there blood? Did Gavin stab his hand?”

“ Yeah, lost his composure a bit on that part,” Jack muttered. “That asshole thought it would be funny to describe what they would do with Ray and Michael. In all honesty; if Gavin hadn’t have done something, I would have.”

Ryan threw him a quick glance but didn't find the time to say something when the door opened and Geoff stepped in. He looked tired, drained of any energy and he was moving carefully, obviously still in pain.

“ Caleb said I would find you guys here,” he said as he leaned against the desk in the room.

“ You look like shit.”

“I also feel like shit, but what can you do about it?” He followed their eyes and frowned. “Why is Gavin in there?”

“ He's trying to get the location out of that guy,” Jack told him and Geoff threw a sharp look towards Ryan. “You think that's a good idea?”

“ He wanted to do it.”

“That wasn't the fucking question.”

Hesitating for a moment, Ryan watched the boy inside. Circling Matthew in a wide radius. Quiet, letting the footage speak for itself and he looked in control. No hair in the wrong place, glasses still where they were suppose to be and only a few drops of blood on his shirt.

“ He can do it.”

 

* * *

 

 

Michael woke to yelling. A lonely, angry voice spitting colorful vocabulary towards someone, maybe him. Loud cursing and shifting somewhere to his right and each sound bore into his head.

It hurt, he realized.

Ray, he realized next.

That was Ray talking and he was angry, fuming even. It was strange, normally Ray could be so quiet that it was worrying. Not now.

No, now his voice bounced around the room, leaving scalding red in his head and Michael wanted to groan. He couldn't find the strength to do so, couldn't get his eyes to open.

A second voice, a girl. He didn't recognize that one but she was begging Ray to be quiet. That was a good idea. Ray shouldn't work himself up like that, he needed to calm down. What if he would get a seizure? It wouldn't surprise him after everything that had happened.

Wait, what had happened?

Michael tried to remember but that send a piercing pain through his head and he opened his mouth to whine but nothing came out. But he had to talk, to assure Ray that things were alright, that he had to be quieter. They were in danger, at least he was pretty sure they were and they had to stay calm and try not to make things worse.

“ You need to shut your fucking mouth, I swear! They will come back and we don't want that for now, okay?”

That wasn't him but it was close enough. It was yet another voice, this one a little more familiar but he also couldn't place it.

Where was Jack?

“ Shut up, you bitch! Shut your damn mouth!” Ray shouted. “Let them come back! I'll kill them, I'll gun them all down! They deserve it, the-”

Michael sank into darkness.

When he came back around, his head was moved and he wanted to cry out, to tell them to stop, tell them that it _ hurt! _

He couldn't form words, just feel cold water on his skin and listen to new voices.

“ We don't need two from Ramsey, right? One is more than enough, let's just silence that little screamer here.”

For a moment Michael was sure they were talking about him but Ray's voice returned. “Yeah, try it! I'll fucking rip you apart! Motherfuckers, I'll kill all of you!”

“ Oh my God. You made him start again.” This voice was close enough that Michael wanted to flinch. Right in front of him, a woman. Maybe she had the water that was drenching his collar now. “I would gladly allow you to but they hit the other one so hard who knows if he is not brain dead. If they would have brought us the Vagabond Spawn, we wouldn't even have that problem. Could just shoot those two on the spot.”

“ You are just pissed you won't get your hands on him.”

“ Hey, I was promised to take that little fucker apart an-”

“You won't touch any of them!” That was Ray again, more shuffling. “You fuckers will have to get through me bef-”

“For Christ's sake, keep him quiet or give him a fucking reason to scream.”

Heavy steps coming closer and a snarl. Was that Ray snarling? It surely was Ray gagging next and someone else yelling stop, stop, _ stop! _

Michael opened his eyes.

He was sitting against a wall, someone's knees were in front of him, a wet and bloody rag in their hands. It was the woman who had been talking before but now she was watching something to his right where all the noise came from.

Michael turned his head slowly, pain shooting through his skull but with bleary eyes he found Ray. Ray was also sitting against the same wall, arms on his back while a man crouched over him, a hand around his throat. He was grasping tightly enough to paint his knuckles white and Ray was trying to shake him off, baring his teeth but to no avail. He was in no condition to fight back and the man was so much taller and stronger.

Stop, Michel thought to himself. They had to stop, they were hurting his Ray.

“ Stop! Stop, you'll kill him!” A girl yelled on Michael's other side and he couldn't find the strength to turn towards her. “You've proven your point! He will be quiet, we all will be!”

“ You also shut your damn mouth then,” the woman snapped before chuckling. “Oh, look who's awake.”

Michael saw Ray's hopeful glance towards him only in the corner of his eye as the woman turned his head towards her. She was tan, muscular, bleached hair pulled into a ponytail. He couldn't get his eyes to really focus on her.

“ Shit, he's still fucking done for.” Throwing the bloody rag to the side, she pulled out a bandage and Ray began to cough. He was coughing violently, desperate breaths in between and Michael tried to look to him but was stopped.

For the first time he managed a soft gasp as the bandage was wrapped around his head and his skull felt ready to break apart.

He passed out.

When he came back around, he was still sitting in the same place, at least he was pretty sure. The rag was still laying where it had been before and the same woman was in the room, he could hear her walk around.

Lifting his head carefully, he looked around for the first time. The room wasn't much, a small cement block with some pipes and a heavy door on one end. To his left sat Lindsay, dress singed and her red hair hanging in her face. On his other side sat Ray, a grim look on his face and darkening bruises on his throat. Next to Ray was Ema, split lip and closed eyes as she tried to make herself as small as possible.

She was whimpering and he could hear it tucking at his heartstrings. A passive Gunslinger, not used to situations like this.

All three of them were looking ahead and Michael figured that there was something important there. Blinking sluggishly, he turned his head to find the woman again and this time she had a gun. Just a revolver, but a gun nonetheless and Michael was pretty sure she was the only armed one in the room.

She was spinning the cylinder while she was talking and Michael tried hard to listen but his head was still refusing to cooperate. He watched with a certain distance how the cylinder stopped and the woman aimed at Ema. The whining stopped, horrified silence in the room and then she pulled the trigger. The empty clicking seemed too loud and the girl sobbed in a strange mix of relief and fear.

The revolver moved to aim at Ray and a jolt of fear moved through Michael. He blinked to get the image to focus, tried to clear his dry throat to say anything but by then the gun already clicked, empty.

Ray had just stared at her with a defiant expression, not even flinching but now he was rising, fighting against his restraints. Michael could hear the chains holding his friend clink together.

“ Don't you dare!” Ray hissed and too late Michael realized that he was the next target.

Russian roulette, right? That's what they were playing. How many bullets did this revolver have? Six, maybe eight? Two empty ones by now, that made a chance of... what? His brain flatlined for a moment in which he just blinked up at the woman and then she was already moving. Had she shot? He had missed it? His head was droning beneath the surface.

Still he moved to watch her aim at Lindsay, watched Lindsay trying to get the strands of hair out of her face to glare at the woman.

The shot was deafening in the small room and he couldn't even hear himself groan as it broke his head open. It hurt, hurt, hurt and there were stubborn tears in his eyes. He blinked them away, trying to focus back on Lindsay and found her still sitting there.

There was a small hole next to her in the wall and the girl looked like she hadn't even flinched at the shot directed at her. But Michael could tell that her breathing had picked up, the hands on her back tightly grasping her chains.

The woman was laughing as she kneeled in front of Lindsay, pressing the muzzle into her cheek, and now the girl flinched. It had to hurt, the metal still hot from the shot and burning her skin.

“ Stop,” Michael finally whispered but it was so quiet that he wasn't even sure if he even said it. Leaning his head against the wall, he faded once again out.

He woke up for the fourth time to loud yelling and pleading to stop from both Ray and Lindsay. It left him cold and horrified and he wasn't ready to face whatever was happening. It faded soon enough thankfully and it grew quieter again. Maybe he had also drifted in and out of consciousness, it was really hard to tell. He felt a bit better, at least his head did.

Licking his dry lips, he smelled blood, the stench dominant in the small room and it was so damn quiet, he nearly wished the yelling back. He sensed the nightmare waiting ahead, his subconscious had understood what was happening and tried to prepare him for it.

Letting his eyes flutter open, he found himself in the same position as before. Lifting his gaze, he couldn't find the woman and that was good. Slowly tilting his head, he found Ray and he looked so small. He had turned himself towards Michael, legs pulled against his chest and face hidden against his knees. His tiny form was shaking softly and there was red splattered over his hoodie.

“ Ray?” Michael croaked. The sudden fear that the other was hurt letting him forget his pain for the moment. Maybe he was losing blood, maybe Ray was freezing – he had to do something!

But Ray looked up instantly, face red and wet with big tears still rolling down his cheeks.

“ Michael,” he sobbed and it was as if someone was squeezing his heart.

“ 'm here. It's okay,” Michael muttered. He tried to reach out but noticed for the first time that he was also restraint but Ray was not okay, Ray was looking at him like he was waiting to be saved.

Minding his throbbing head, Michael scooted as close as possible and now he could see what was wrong.

His stomach dropped and now he felt the horror creep up on him as well. Behind Ray sat Ema, still chained to one of the pipes even though she was hunched over, blood lazily dropping from her head. He couldn't see exactly where it was coming from but it was also on the wall next to her and he stared, couldn't help but wait for her to take a breath that just didn't come.

Oh god, she was dead. She was dead, they had come in and killed her, had maybe not missed on the next game of Russian roulette.

“ Michael, Michael, Michael...” Ray whimpered, head leaned against the wall and oh god, Ray had seen it. Ray had been here, right next to her and the blood on him wasn't his, it was hers and Michael felt like he was falling. A ringing in his ears and all he could think was no, no,  _ nononono. _

“ She wouldn't listen,” Ray cried, eyes tightly closed. “We told her to stop but she didn't. She couldn't and... and we tried to talk to her. We... we really did try, oh god, Michael. Michael, it's all so horrible.”

It was, God, it was. He opened his mouth, trying to say something to calm the other down but there was nothing in his mind to even begin a sentence.

It didn't make sense! Why would they capture them alive just to kill them now? To have something to play with? Too dangerous, too foolish – that didn't fit together.

When Michael understood it was with the loud sound of jigsaw pieces clicking together just not as satisfying. No, certainly not.

They hadn't killed Ema. Ema was a passive Gunslinger who had been kidnapped. He didn't know how long they were already in this place but he was pretty sure that Sander never declined a certain rule like Ryan had with Gavin.

The three hours had passed without a sign of rescue.

They hadn't killed her. She had done it herself.

He closed his eyes, trying to progress that before knowing that he wouldn't be able to. He wouldn't be able to deal with this, certainly not now and he fought against it, pushed it far away and concentrated on Ray's ragged breathing.

Opening his eyes again, he watched him trying to control himself and stretched his leg. He nudged him gently and with a sniff, Ray looked up again.

“ Hey, buddy,” he said gently and Ray was still crying.

“ Michael...” he whimpered. “Your head.”

He wished Ray wouldn't remind him of his head because it still felt like bursting, the bandage around it rubbing him in all the wrong ways. “It's fine. I'm fine, okay? You are as well.”

The boy nodded before shifting. Stretching his own legs out to tangle with his and they both calmed a bit from the point of contact. Now he could feel Ray shiver against him, and leaning his heavy head against the wall, Michael whispered, “Just look at me for now, okay? I just want you to look at me and nowhere else, can you do that?”

“ Yeah.” Ray tried himself on a shaking smile. “I'm glad you're awake now, Michael.”

“ Sorry for taking so long.” But what now? He kept his eyes locked with Ray, also not wanting to look anywhere else, trying not to notice the body he could see over the other's right shoulder.

What now?

He gave an experimental pull to his restraints with no success and he let his finger feel around. Handcuffs and the chain wrapped around one of the pipes. He didn't have the needed leverage or strength to break either of those. If he was careful, he could maybe stand up but he didn't trust his legs yet.

“ They hurt Geoff,” Ray whispered and he had closed his eyes again, breathing a bit faster. “The woman said they killed him.”

Michael shivered, remembering how angry Ray had been before. “They are just messing with you,” he assured him. “Trying to get beneath your skin and all that crap.”

“ I know,” Ray sighed. Even over the distance Michael could hear him swallow dryly as he added quietly, “It's working...”

“ Ray,” Michael said more sharply, feeling a shiver work down his spine because he had seen this before. Had seen this more than enough times and Ray opened his eyes slowly, not quite focusing on him.

“ Ray, come on,” Michael called, tugging on his legs with his. “Talk to me. Come on, buddy. Tell me what's going on.”

“ Michael?” It wasn't Ray who called him, it was somebody behind him but he couldn't pay attention to that voice. Ray's eyes tried to find him, his tongue darting out over his lips.

“ Sorry,” he breathed out finally. “Strings.”

Strings. Their codeword for a seizure coming because it was somehow messing with Ray's head and let him see glowing strings or some shit like that and fuck, fuck, fuck – not now!

Not that he hadn't expected that. Stress, pain, fear. Of course it would take its toll on Ray and that was how his body reacted to things like that and it wasn't even the first time that Michael was alone with him on a seizure. He knew what to do, had learned as much as he could but not in a situation like this.

Ray would hurt himself, restraint as he was, no room for him to jerk, to spasm without hitting the wall or twisting his arms. He would also be out of it afterwards, too exhausted and confused and this was really not the time for that.

Of course he didn't tell him that. Instead he said, “Okay, Ray.” Because it had to be okay for now, he had to fucking deal with this.

“ Ray,” he called again. “I need you to fight against it for a bit longer. Can you do that, buddy?”

Ray mouthed an affirmation before letting his eyes drop shut, his breath hitching.

“ Michael,” the voice called again and this time he recognized it as Lindsay's. He had totally forgotten that they weren't alone with a corpse in here.

Turning around, he watched her leaning ahead to catch his eye. There was a red mark on her cheek from the gun but besides that she seemed unharmed with eyes a bit too wide.

“ You okay?” he found himself still asking and she nodded. Didn't ask him and he figured because she knew he would lie to her. Her eyes trailed to his head before she asked, “Can you pick a lock?”

“Yeah.”

“Handcuffs?”

“ You got some tools?”

She nodded again and he felt a spark of hope for the first time since waking up. Turning back towards Ray, he called softly, “You still there, buddy? Can you hear me?”

He seemed to not be able to talk anymore but his legs squeezed his and Michael took this as an answer.

“ Good. Concentrate on me for now, okay, Ray? You can do that, that'll help.” He squeezed back before turning to Lindsay again. “What do you have?”

“There are some bobby pins in my hair.”

“They are probably not sturdy enough for the lock.”

“They are. I am not an amateur,” she huffed before rattling with her chains. “I just can't reach them. You might be able to.”

“ Sounds good.” He watched as she scooted as close as possible to him and still there was quite a distance between them. It would have to work though. He also moved but instantly Ray's legs clamped around his and Michael froze, turning around.

“ Please let me go, Ray.”

A soft shake of his head, eyes fluttering weakly and Michael felt terribly as he jerked himself free. It was after all to help Ray even when his quiet whimpering cut deep. Instead he leaned towards Lindsay and even if he couldn't use his hands as well, he could maybe pull the bobby pins out with his teeth.

“ I'm still here, Ray. Just listen to my voice, okay?” he babbled on, hoping it would still reach the other boy. His chains pulled taught and he grunted. It was uncomfortable, the cuffs cutting into his wrist as he leaned ahead as far as possible but his cheek managed to brush against soft hair. It smelled like mint and he just hoped Lindsay wouldn't look up and see how he flushed against his will. Fuck this.

“ I hope nobody sees us like this,” she mumbled and it also sounded strained by her position but he couldn't help but snicker. Right now that was probably the funniest thing he had ever heard.

“ Would surely make for a great snapshot,” he mumbled and now she was laughing, a tad too high but that was fine. He saw one of the dark pins in her hair and asked her to hold still. It took a few attempts before he felt the metal between his teeth and pulled back. It came free with some hair but Lindsay just sighed as she could sit up normally again. Also scooting away, Michael let it carefully fall and pulled it closer with his feet again. Twisting until he could grasp the small pin with his fingers, he leaned against the wall again. Throwing a quick glance to Ray, he stretched his leg again to nudge him while working on the cuffs. “Hey, buddy. Still there?”

Ray didn't answer, slumped against the wall and Michael worked faster, knowing he barely had any time left. “Squeeze my leg, if you can. Ray? Can you do that?”

No movement but the boy opened his mouth as if he wanted to answer but couldn't. That happened often and Michael tried not to panic. 

The first lock of his cuff sprang open and he freed his hand. His whole arm was stiff from being in one position too long but he didn't have time to worry about it. Twisting around, he could work better now, calling Ray over and over again but he could tell the other was slipping away.

His second lock clicked and just like that he was free. Bolting towards Ray, he instantly landed on his knees, his head turning. Too fast and with skinned knees, he crawled the last few feet.

“ I'm here now,” he whispered out of breath and leaned Ray against him to work on his cuffs next. “You are doing so good, Ray. You are doing great, you hear me? Can you give me a sign that you hear me?”

Ray tried, he mouthed something against his neck that Michael didn't understand but it was something and with tingling fingers, he got him out of his cuffs. Instantly Ray fell against him, wrists red from friction and Michael quickly wrapped his arms around him.

“ So good, Ray. That was great, you hear me?” He pressed a kiss against dark hair before pulling him away from the wall and away from Ema, laying him into the middle of the room. “You still there, buddy?” he asked as he shrugged his jacket off to use as a pillow. Ray was still mouthing something and now he could see it.

_ Strings, strings, stringsstringsstringsstri- _

“ Michael,” Lindsay called and he nearly snapped at her. Instead he threw the bobby pin into her direction before carding a hand through Ray's hair.

“ Yeah I know, Ray. It's okay now. You can let go. I'm here, it's fine.”

It was eerie. He could tell the exact moment Ray gave in even though there was no way to exactly indicate it. For a moment everything was just quiet before Ray threw his head back, a punched out groan escaping his throat and Michael had to shiver when he heard it. He quickly let the boy go, knowing it was more likely that he would either hurt himself or the other than help him. Scooting away, he watched Ray convulse, pushing his chest out as his spine arched away from the hard ground.

Michael watched helpless, knew there was nothing to do but to wait for it to be over. Hopefully it was a short one, hopefully Ray would stop any second now because he wasn't sure if he could take a big one.

He was shaking himself, his head started to pound again from the panic and moving too fast and he felt slightly sick. There was no room to breath, no time to try to calm himself down because the heavy door was thrown open.

It wasn't the woman but certainly a guard. He had a water bottle in his hand but froze when he saw two prisoners who were certainly not restrained but his eyes lingered in the corner where Ema still sat. Michael knew that this was his chance to take the guy out but he just... just kinda stared at him. Right now his bones were too heavy, his body too exhausted and Ray's jerking arm hit his knee and he couldn't find the needed strength to move.

“ What is goi-” the man started but Lindsay appeared behind him. Her punch was strong enough that Michael could hear the guy's jaw break as he hit the ground. She didn't let off, kicking him in the head until she was sure he was unconscious before stepping away.

Breathing heavily, she threw a short glance to Michael before closing the door again. Moving towards the man, she began to strip him from his jacket before throwing it to Michael.

“ He will wake up and be cold,” she explained before searching the man.

It was true, Ray would be drained and cold but how..?

“ How do you know?” he asked quietly and she pulled keys out of a pocket before answering.

“ Did you forget I am wave two? I just... outgrew them at some point.”

He wasn't quite sure what to say to that, and so he just watched her pulling out a gun and checking on the clip. “We have to work with ten bullets,” she said. “I'll keep the gun if it's alright with you. I think I am in the better condition to shoot. You carry him.”

Michael nodded and let his gaze travel back to Ray to see him calm down a little. A few seconds later his tight body finally relaxed and when his head rolled to the side, Michael touched his arm.

“ Ray? Can you hear me?” Moving down, he grasped his hand. “If you can hear me squeeze my hand, alright? Can you do that?”

There was a movement but it could just be a late tremor. Rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb, Michael still said, “So good. You are doing so great. We'll get you home soon enough, alright buddy? Get you into your pajamas and your bed and you can sleep for the whole day. I bet if you ask, Geoff will bring you like five pizzas.”

_ "They hurt Geoff. The woman said they killed him.” _

No, he didn't believe that. Those assholes were just playing mind games and he would not fall for them. He looked up when Lindsay sat down beside him.

“ Your head looks really bad,” she mumbled, grimacing when she reached up to touch his wound. He quickly pulled away, scared of her touch suddenly and she let her hands fall back down.

“ It's bleeding through,” she said slowly. “You might want to test if you can even walk like this.”

She was probably right, he hadn't been able to stand on his feet before and his head still hurt like a bitch. Placing Ray's hand on his chest, he tried to get on his feet and instantly grew lightheaded. He tried to push through, tried to ignore his swaying but he still needed Lindsay's help to stand up.

“ Fuck,” he groaned. Reaching up himself, his hand came back red and he clenched his jaw. “I can push through,” he told her quickly. “We cannot let that stop us from getting out of here. Might be our only chance.”

To one part he really did believe that but another part knew that Lindsay didn't have to take them with her. Lindsay had the keys and the gun and both he and Ray were just weights for her right now. Assuring her that he was alright might be the only way out right now.

She nodded slowly before turning away, throwing a look towards Ema. Michael followed her gaze and shivered. “We can't... take her with us.”

“ I wasn't planning on taking her with us. I was wondering if she had a weapon or not.”

He was pretty sure that was a lie but Ray was tugging on his leg and Michael quickly let himself fall back down.

“ Hey there,” he mumbled before rubbing his arms. “Feeling better now?”

Licking his lips, Ray raised his hands to his chest before touching his fingers together and pulling down. Sign language for being tired and that meant the boy was at least clear enough to gesticulate but also that this had been a more severe attack if he couldn't speak right now.

“ I bet you are,” Michael told him quickly, trying not to sound too nervous. That could happen, had happened before, no reason to panic. “Takes a lot of strength, I know. We'll move now. I'll help you along, is that alright?”

Ray nodded and carefully sat up. Michael stayed next to him but actually had a harder time getting to his feet than Ray and the younger threw him a concerned look.

“ Are you alright?” he signaled him.

“ Better if we’re out of here. Come on.” He wrapped an arm around Ray's waist and Ray did the same, leaning against each other.

Lindsay watched them before giving a nod. “That guy had a car key, so let's try to find a parking lot or something and get out of here.” She moved towards the door, gun raised and Michael felt a strong fear grip him. Lindsay had no use for them. She had a gun and the keys and they would just hold her back in this condition. It was possible she would shoot them right here but no, she wouldn't waste her bullets. Also the noise would alert others.

No, it would be more reasonable to simply lock them back inside.

Next to him, Ray stiffened and maybe the other had come to the same realization. For a moment Michael considered trying to turn it around, knock her out and lock her in himself but the sad truth was that they didn't have the needed strength right now.

Lindsay pulled the door open and went through.

They both hurried to keep up but she made no move to betray them. Instead she waited until they were through and closed the door behind them. When she took the lead again and noticed their looks, she frowned. “What?”

“Nothing,” Michael mumbled quickly and followed her along. Ray's weight slowed him down and more than once he had to take a tighter grip when the younger stumbled as they walked through a miserable corridor. Gray on gray, no windows and only a few luminescents lights that made everything look even colder. From the room they had been in before, Michael had thought they were in some kind of warehouse but this here looked more like a... a cellar of some sort.

“ Strange that there were no guards,” he mumbled and it echoed a bit. The sound made his headache.

“ No cameras,” Ray managed to say and it might have been slurred and Lindsay threw him a confused look because she didn't understand him but it were certainly words.

“ Good work, buddy!” Michael quickly told him and the other threw him a shy smile.

“ I'll bring you home, okay? As soon as I can,” he said and Ray nodded. He was right though. No cameras in here and certainly not in the room from before or they wouldn't even get this far.

“ I guess they didn't want to keep us here,” Lindsay said quietly. “Considering that none of our guardians came along, I'd say they can't locate us here. Maybe we are meant to be transported soon.”

“You got an idea who might be behind this?”

“ Can't be a lot of people, not with the amount of hired guns they have. There aren't a lot who can be this organized – they were planning to get four Gunslingers and they did.” She shrugged. “Only that they wanted Free instead of me, I guess? The woman with the ponytail seemed not happy about that.”

“Well, if you want information you get it through Gavin,” Michael said. “And that's what they want from us, I guess? I don't see why else they would keep us alive.”

Lindsay nodded. “And I guess Free would be the hardest to capture out of you three. They missed their chance.”

They reached a staircase and Lindsay threw a look up before turning towards them. “I'll move ahead and check if someone's waiting for us. You two take your time.”

Michael watched her easily sprint up the steps and sighed inwardly as he began to take his very first. The adrenaline had served him well up until now but the terrible ache in his head came back, along with a deep exhaustion but Ray was still clinging to him. Ray couldn't do it on his own and so Michael pushed on, pulling the other along.

“ You think we can trust her?” Ray whispered and a bit surprised Michael threw him a look. This words had been way clearer than before and he figured Ray had played part of his daze.

“ I don't think we really have a choice on that,” Michael answered. “Let's just hope for the best, okay?”

“ Okay.”

Lindsay was waiting for them on the next floor, nodding towards an elevator in the back. “I think we are actually in a skyscraper. We might still be in Los Santos, I can hear traffic.”

Michael took her word for it because there was just a ringing in his head for now. “If we can already hear traffic our chips might finally sent out a signal.”

“ I think so.” Pulling out the keys, she headed down the corridor. “I found a parking lot. With some luck we'll be out in five minutes.”

Could it really be this easy? Michael simply hoped so as he followed her because his head was killing him and now it wasn't Ray who stumbled the most. Here were cameras, and that meant they really had to hurry so he pulled himself together. When they reached the parking lot, the night air helped a little and he took deep and greedy breaths. It was pitch black outside and it was hard to see but they didn't have the time to find a light switch. Lindsay repeatedly pushed the button of the key as she moved through the rows and there weren't even all too many cars in here at that time of day. Still they jumped when a dark van in the back unlocked and they all began moving towards it. Piling inside, Michael and Ray squeezed on the passenger's seat while Lindsay climbed behind the wheel. Reaching for the ignition, she hesitated as another car drove in and they all held their breath. It was another van like the one they were sitting in, parking closer to the entrance and Lindsay's hand moved back to the gun.

Ray shivered and Michael pulled him closer, praying that those guys would just go inside, would not see them – they had come so far!

It was two Gunslinger who got out along with the blonde woman. The boy was tall, even athletic with his blonde, spiked hair. The girl was more delicate, black hair braided and thrown over her shoulder. They were talking among themselves and Lindsay slowly breathed out. “Rank three and six of the website,” she mumbled. “Justin and Renee. I didn't know they were working together.”

“ The moment they step inside we fucking have to get out of here,” Michael whispered. “I don't want to mess with them.”

He knew who that boy was – wave two and specialized in interrogation. Now he knew what they had been waiting for in that room.

They did just that, driving off when the others stepped into the building and for a while nobody talked, their hearts beating widely, all of them waiting for a pursuer, and it was Ray who moved first, shuffling through the glove department and pulling a phone out. He began to dial, hesitated over the call symbol and Michael recognized Geoff's number on the display.

Squeezing his arm, he whispered, “He'll be fine. They were just messing with you.”

“ What if not?”

“ It's Geoff,” Michael told him and the younger nodded thoughtfully. He delayed a moment longer before pressing the phone to his ear. They were so close that Michael could hear the dial sound and Ray scooted even closer, eyes tightly closed and body tense. Wrapping an arm around him, they both waited and for a moment Michael allowed himself to imagine that maybe Geoff was actually dead. That they didn't have to lie, that they hadn't been messing with Ray.

But no, that couldn't be. Geoff Ramsey would never die.

Still the waiting was adding new weight and it was getting too much, his head pounded and he wanted a short break. Just a few moments to catch his breath.

“ What?” Geoff's voice was harsh enough that all three of them jumped a little and of course the other would be pissed. An unknown number calling in the middle of a crisis and Michael watched Ray shiver, lips tightly pressed together to control himself. Still, he had to make a noise, a sigh or just an exhale because Geoff hesitated before whispering, “Ray?”

“ Yeah,” Ray whispered, voice shaking a bit. “Geoff, I'm coming home now. We're coming home.”

“ Oh my God... are you hurt? Are you two alright?”

Ray threw an unsure look toward Michael who gave a nod.

“ We are both... fine, I guess? Nothing serious at least.”

“ Oh God, I need to sit down. That's good. That's really good, Rayray.”

Ray smiled. “You're old.”

“No respect in you, I swear.” But Geoff was amused, even hysterically so and it was invective. “Should I send someone to pick you guys up? Where are you? I have to get Gavin to stop and tell him to check on your chips. We can be there in a few minutes, I swear!”

“ We are in a car,” Ray explained. “But I am not quite sure where. I think we’re still in Los Santos, though.”

“I know where we are,” Lindsay said. She had been quiet through the conversation and there was a strange look on her face that Michael couldn't place. “If you guys want to, I can drive you to your base. It's probably the safest way. I really don't want to stop somewhere.”

“ Sounds good,” Michael agreed and Ray passed on the message.

“ You sure you'll be alright?” Geoff asked, probably a bit unsure about Lindsay.

“ It'll be fine,” Ray assured him. He threw the other two a slightly embarrassing look before lowering his voice a bit. “Are you okay?”

“I am fucking peachy, Ray. Just get home, okay? Both of you.”

Ray hung up soon after and curled into Michael; he could feel the younger smile softly against his neck. That was good and while other cars passed by them as they drove on the highway, Michael felt his eyelids growing heavy. He was done for, his head really, really started to hurt now but if he would close his eyes for a second, he would fall asleep.

Not yet, they weren't completely safe yet.

Concentrating on Ray's breathing, he forced himself to stay awake even when the younger began to drift off. He noticed Lindsay throwing them quick glances and she seemed more distant now, like something had shifted between them. He didn't know what it was and all in all he didn't quite care right now. Maybe because the danger was over, maybe she was just tired as well. All that mattered was that he got Ray home and then maybe sleep a bit.

Soon enough he could make out familiar streets and he guided the girl through them with a heavy voice but his heart soon picked up when he saw their base in the distance. Ray also stirred, sitting up and bounced a bit, much like Gavin could do. It was endearing.

And there were Jack and Geoff waiting for them and Michael didn't even have the time to form a smile before Ray threw the door open and bolted out. He didn't get far, his legs bucking and Michael followed quickly to steady him. Holding tight to each other, they walked the short distance and Geoff was the first to reach them, throwing his arms around them.

Michael was pulled close, could hear Ray's breath slightly hitch as the boy let him go to cling to his guardian, whispering, “Geoff, Geoff, Geoff...”

“ Oh thank God,” Geoff mumbled, pressing frantic kisses to Ray's cheek and forehead and hair.

“ Brought him home, Sir,” Michael heard himself say and Geoff looked up to him, eyes shining.

“ Yeah, you did.”

Michael got a kiss on his forehead from him before Geoff cupped his face carefully, fingers brushing against his bandage. “You need to see Caleb right now. But first you really have to check on someone else.”

Lifting his eyes, Michael found Jack waiting patiently. For now it seemed enough for him to just see Michael alive and kicking even though the happiness was layered. There was concern beneath, eyes darting to the blood on him but that didn't matter right now. It didn't matter that somewhere behind him a car started and drove off and Lindsay barely crossed his mind.

What mattered was that Jack was here and was also alright and Michael took the two steps towards him and fell apart. His head felt like splitting and he thought about Ema still in that dull room, all alone and probably just to be disposed off at some point. He thought about the gun pressed to Ray's head, of Ray getting choked, of Ray jerking uncontrollably and then his very own fear. The fear he had pushed down time and time again and was coming all back now.

When it did, his cry was loud in the early morning and Jack was there to wrap him in his arms because his knees grew weak and he couldn't see a thing through the veil of tears streaming hot over his cheeks. He was grasping for Jack, pulling himself close and couldn't help himself but say, “My head hurts. My head hurts really badly” over and over again, like this was the most important thing.

It wasn't, far from it but his head  _did_ hurt and he had been so scared. But now Ray was safe and Jack was warm and he felt like a child and he let himself  _ be _ a child for once. Sobbing and shaking and clinging.

“ Jack! Jack, please make it stop! Jack, it hurts! Dad, please! Daddy, please I wanna go to bed! I am so tired and I am hurt and I wanna sleep!” He sobbed, breath hitching loudly and Jack was squeezing so tightly that it hurt in the best way. “Please hold me, Jack. Please stay with me, Dad. I don't want to be alone – I am so scared!” He blinked until he managed to see a bit again, Jack's face tight and sad above his.

“ Will you stay with me?” Michael asked and Jack nodded.

“ Forever and ever,” he mumbled and his voice sounded like he was crying as well but Michael couldn't see well enough to be sure.

“ You don't need to be scared, pumpkin. I am here now.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone hold the babies...
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you so much!!!


	13. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin threw him some glances he ignored and sure enough the boy gave up to catch his attention and just said, “Michael didn't want to see me and Ray is asleep.”

Chapter 12

Healing

 

There was a quiet knock on the door and Jack put the plate back down to answer it. It was Gavin and he already knew what it was about when he saw the kid's worried face.

“ Hey Gav.”

“ Hey Jack,” he answered dutiful. “Is Michael feeling better? I tried to call him but he didn't answer...”

Ah, yes... Michael had spent the days after his kidnapping locked in his room, mostly asleep or silent. Not playing video games and not answering his phone and most of all not talking about what had happened.

It was worrying, but if Michael wanted his distance to work through everything, he was willing to give him just that. For now.

“ He's still pretty tired, Gavin,” he finally said. “But his concussion is getting better.”

“ Can I see him?” Was the next logical question and Jack sighed a little. It would surely help Michael along but he would respect his wishes.

“ Not right now. Maybe when he feels a bit better.”

Gavin's face fell just like Ray's had before. Jack wasn't even sure who of the two looked more worried. Ray, who was so confused by Michael suddenly pulling back after rescuing him, or Gavin, who hadn't even seen him since the theater.

The soft confusion was on both of their faces, the fact that Michael didn't want to see them too new for them.

“ Okay...” Gavin finally mumbled. He took an unsure step back, trying to glance into the apartment as if Michael would hide somewhere in plain sight, but he didn't find him.

“ I'll tell him that you were here to see him,” Jack tried to calm the other down but Gav just gave a short nod.

“ Please do that. See you later, Jack.”

“ You too.” He watched the boy head down the stairs and closed the door. Sighing, he headed to the kitchen to pick up the plate once more and knocked on Michael's door. No answer and when he stepped inside the room was dark, the blinds drawn. Still, he knew the way well enough to find the lamp on the bedside table and switch it on. The small pool of light was warm and illuminated the bed enough to see Michael. The boy blinked owlishly against the sudden brightness before simply burying his face in Mogar's body. Next to him laid Puki, and Jack carefully placed the lion on the pillow to not sit on it.

“ Hey pumpkin,” he mumbled, stroking through the other's hair. “I made us food. I want you to eat it, okay?” Placing the plate next to the lamp, he didn't expect an answer to that and just went on. “Will you sit up for a moment? I want to check on your head.”

Michael lifted his head, blinking up to him before slowly pushing himself up. Resting against the pillows, he held Mogar tightly and closed his eyes as Jack touched his head.

Caleb had sewed the gash neatly but it would still leave a scar right beneath Michael's hair line. Nothing too big or nasty, so that was at least something.

“ Looks very good,” he told him but Michael just shrugged.

“ Gavin was at the door,” the boy said quietly and Jack nodded.

“ Yeah, he wanted to check on you. I told him that you weren't feeling alright.”

“I'm sorry...” Michael mumbled, his voice slightly muffled by the teddy. “I'll get better.”

“ You will,” Jack promised, tucking some curls behind the other's ear. “But at your own pace, Michael. You don't need to push yourself for their sake, okay? Both Ray and Gavin will be happy to wait for you.”

The boy frowned at that as if he couldn't quite believe that. “Ray is already back to work. I am slowing everything down with this bullshit.”

“ This is not bullshit. You got hurt and that not only physically. Things like that need time to heal.”

“But Ray i-”

“ Ray also took his time,” Jack interrupted him quickly. “And it doesn't matter how long you will take. What matters is that you heal, pumpkin.”

Michael didn't reply but he at least seemed thoughtful, and Jack took the chance to push on. “You know that you'll feel better once you talked about it.”

“I guess...”

“It still has time though. No rush.” The curl he had trapped before was already free again. “Do you want me to stay?”

Michael threw him a quick, apologizing look and Jack nodded. “That's fine. I'll be in the living room.” Standing up, he watched Michael lay back down and was quick to pull the blanket back over the boy. “Please eat your food?” he asked, and at least Michael nodded this time.

 

* * *

 

 

Geoff was on the phone with one of their weapon deliverers who thought it would be a wise decision to back out of their deal after what happened at the theater. It was stupid, and Geoff was pretty sure the man on the phone was slowly regretting his decision as well but hey, he would take any way to blow off some steam!

He was ripping the guy a new hole when Ray entered, only lifting his brows slightly at the tirade of slurs coming from his guardian, but he didn't look concerned. Swearing Geoff was fine – cold, quiet Geoff was scary.

Geoff expected the boy to sit down in his usual spot and throw his feet onto the desk to annoy him but Ray surprised him with two things. First was the yogurt the other was eating, which was certainly something different than his usual junk food and secondly Ray was walking right up to him to drop into his lap.

Trying not to make a startled noise into the phone, Geoff uncrossed his legs so that the boy could sit more comfortable and now Ray was propping his feet on the desk. When Ray leaned back against his chest, Geoff threw his free arm around the boy all without missing a beat in his speech.

Watching the boy continue to eat, he rubbed the other's belly while leaning his head against the dark hair. It was nearly nice like that, besides the dumb whiny voice in his ear of course, but at least Ray picked up on that and fed him while he pretended to listen to the backpedaling of the man. Idiot.

At least Ray was playful, pulling the spoon away before Geoff could catch it to eat it himself. It was adorable and Geoff maybe let the weapon dealer a bit too easily off the hook. But curling both arms around Ray was way nicer and he was pretty sure there was yogurt in his mustache as he nuzzled the dark hair.

“ Yogurt?”

“ I am waiting for the pizza,” Ray explained. “This was literally the only thing edible in the fridge.”

“ Now that sounds more like you, alright.”

Ray gave a hum as an answer but his nonchalance was played for a big part. His muscles were tense underneath Geoff's hand and there were dark bags beneath Ray's eyes. He had had trouble sleeping for a few days.

Which was to be expected after what had happened.

“ I took a nap,” Ray said, noticing him staring. “I didn't even dream this time.”

Yeah, probably because he had been too exhausted for that.

“ Somebody was checkin’ on me, I could hear the door fall close. That woke me,” the boy went on, scraping the remainings of the yogurt from the bottom. “It sounded like that damn noise again, you know? The moment her head hit the wall for the first time.”

“ Jesus Christ, Ray.”

The boy shrugged, licking the spoon clean. “It's a bit funny. I don't dream of her, I just hear her. I could turn away, you know? I did and just watched Michael and hoped he would wake up. But I couldn't... not listen, I guess. My hands were bound. I think that's what's fucking me up. Just hearing it.”

“ Enough reason to fuck you up,” Geoff mumbled and Ray shrugged again, maybe not sure what to answer. And Geoff hated hearing him talk like that, like it wasn't a big thing and he knew well enough that it was a defense mechanism but it was disturbing. The whole situation was disturbing and he had his fair share of nightmares about it already just imagining it. He hadn't even been there, he hadn't been in Ray's place and heard that girl kill herself next to him and felt the blood warm on his side. He hadn't experienced the horror, the fear of it all.

His boy had, and it made him endlessly sad to know that.

This was going to haunt both Ray and Michael, of course it would. Maybe that was why he himself put it off to go back, to search the place they had been held in for information. They weren't ready to return.

“ Michael isn't coming in today,” Ray said slowly and it wasn't even a question. “I’m worried about him.” Geoff watch as his eyes darkened, a confused frown settling on his face as if he was mad at himself for not figuring out a solution.

“ He was crying so much when we got back,” he went on. “I never heard him cry like that. He didn't cry when we were in that room, he just calmed me down and stayed close.”

“ He was in pain,” Geoff tried to explain but knew that it was just scratching the surface.

_ “ Brought him home, Sir.” _

“ He told me he was fine,” Ray spat. “He could have told me that he was in pain. He could have told me that he was scared, I would have tried to help!”

“ I know,” Geoff mumbled in his ear. “Michael did that to keep you calm, I am sure.”

“ Could've been the other way around. He was hurt and I wasn't. At least not badly and even with all his trying to keep me calm, I still had a seizure. I was fucking useless. Just another weight Michael had to pull.”

Ray said the words with so much poison in them, that Geoff closed his eyes. Pulling him closer, he watched how Ray crushed the cup in his hand.

“ That's not true, Rayray.”

“It is.”

“When Michael comes back I want you to ask him if you were a burden to him,” Geoff told him, pressing a quick kiss to his hair. “I am sure he will say no.”

“Of course he will. It's Michael.”

“ He will deny it because you being there helped him stay calm. He managed to go on because he was looking after you,” Geoff explained and the boy fell quiet.

He grew thoughtful, playing with the spoon in his hand before sighing and letting his head fall back against Geoff's shoulder.

“ Michael called Jack ‘Dad’,” he said and Geoff was confused by the sudden change of topic but true, he had also noticed that.

“ I heard that, yeah,” he admitted and Ray grimaced, his eyebrows drawn in confusion.

“ Does it bother you?” Geoff asked. “Do you think that was strange?”

The boy quickly shook his head and he couldn't deny that spark of hope in his chest. It grew brighter when Ray threw him a quick glance before looking away, blushing shyly. In the next second he tried to get up, mumbling something about his pizza but Geoff didn't let him go, instantly pulling him back into his lap. Ray started to squirm, but it was halfhearted.

“ Cuddle time is over, old man!” he grunted, tearing at the arms slinging around his middle. “That was enough for the next month!”

“ No way, you'll stay right where you are until I am done with you!”

“ Fight me, you o-” It ended in a high shriek as Geoff began to tickle him and Ray laughed loudly.

“ No! Stop it! Geoff!”

“ Say you give up!”

“Never!” And when the boy turned around, his eyes shining with laughter and his cheeks red, Geoff instantly felt better. He was happy that even after what happened, Ray could still do that, was more worried about his brother than himself and he was ready to take an hundred yogurt cups dumped on his head to watch this over and over again.

 

* * *

 

 

Ryan was maintaining the guns in the weaponry when the door behind him opened. He recognized the steps, no need to look up, and just moved his cleaning kit to the side when Gavin sat down next to him and laid his head on the desk. The boy sighed loudly, pitching it into a groan before also sprawling his arms over the desk, now taking up most of the space.

Rolling his eyes, Ryan moved the shotgun further away, working with the little space he had left. Gavin threw him some glances he ignored and sure enough the boy gave up to catch his attention and just said, “Michael didn't want to see me and Ray is asleep.”

“ I am pretty sure you are not done with working on Ema's computer,” Ryan mumbled as he pieced the shotgun back together. “Why not continue to work on that if you're bored?”

“ I am not bored,” Gavin told him and had actually an edge of anger in his voice. For the first time Ryan took a look at him and the boy managed to look miserable no matter how ridiculous he was spread out over the desk. “I just want to check on them. Since all that shit Ray is distant and I didn't even see Michael.”

“ They will need some time.”

“I guess...” Gavin pouted, folding his arms to place his head on them and  _ oh. _ Oh, the boy was getting  _lonely. _ He was missing the company of the other two.

That's why he was down here, bothering him when he should actually work. And he had worked hard those past days, Ryan couldn't deny this. Working through Ema's files and checking on that tag-team who had managed to snatch Michael and Ray in the first place.

The two Gunslingers – Renee and Justin.

Ryan figured they would go after them and take them out soon enough. If what Gavin had said was true, they were working through the list of the website. That meant Gavin would be next, and if Geoff would still be too soft and forbid him to kill those two, he would just hunt them down on his own. They had shown that they were dangerous and they would be even more careful now.

He was still eyeing the boy and figured he should spent some time with him. Not work related time even, simply doing something together. The boy always got so damn excited over that, it would certainly be a transformation from his gloomy expression right now.

But he couldn't think of something. The boy liked to visit the planetarium or simply go out somewhere and grab something to eat. Fuck, once he had actually got him to play laser tag and afterwards he had to pretend he had let Gavin win. Everything too dangerous, too risky right now.

Maybe stargazing again but it was a rather special spot, reserved to celebrate after a heist or for talking. He was still pondering over it when he got up and placed the shotgun on its rightful place before taking the heavy rifle and sitting back down. Gavin still hadn't moved besides gnawing on his bottom lip and Ryan said, “You did good with that Matthew guy.”

“ I didn't get him to spill though.” The boy shrugged. “At least not before Ray called. So it was all for nothing anyway.”

Well, that hadn't helped. Grimacing, Ryan figured he couldn't think of something so he simply asked, “If you want to we can do something after work.”

“Like what?”

“ I don't know. Something, I guess,” he said, proud of himself when Gavin at least rose his head a little. “But it has to be safe. Like in the apartment. We could play Xbox or watch a movie you like.”

Which wouldn't be that much different to their usual evenings and Gavin let his head drop back down. Well, he had tried his best.

Disassembling the rifle, he reached for the kit again and went back to work. Maybe he could just throw the boy the rag and a gun and let him help. Like this Gavin was just watching him without any interest and he figured it would only be a few more minutes until he would stand up and head back to his office.

Instead he stayed, opening his mouth once before letting it close again. Ryan prepared himself for the question, already asking himself why he had made the offer in the first place. Oh right, because Gavin was lonely and miserable and sometimes he couldn't resist the puppy look.

“ Ryan?” And here it came. “Can you bake?”

Oh my God, he hadn't expected that. “Why?”

“I wanna make something for Michael and Ray. In movies they bring cakes or cookies to people to cheer them up, right?” Gavin said and looked so young that Ryan's heart ached. “So, can you?”

“I baked cookies before,” he admitted slowly and the boy began to grin.

“ Why did you bake cookies, Ryan? Did you poison them?”

“ No but that's a nice thought.” He chuckled a little, wondering if he could pull that off somehow. “I made them when I was a child. We would bake them for Christmas.”

“ Did you bake with your family?”

“ Mostly with my mom. She loved cooking and stuff.”

Gavin smiled, watching him closely. “Where's your mom now?”

“ Safe,” was all he had to say to that matter. His routine moves on the weapon faltered and he felt the boy tense up, fearing he had made a mistake, but Ryan just observed him.

“ She would like you,” he finally settled on and Gavin blinked surprised. “Without the dressing up and the sunglasses though. But she would adore you.”

The boy was staring at him now, cheeks bright red before he smiled his brightest smile, the one that lit his eyes up. “Really?”

“ Yeah. I am just not sure how to explain to her what our relationship is.”

“ You could tell her I am your bodyguard!”

“Absolutely not.”

Gavin chuckled, his legs kicking a little and the gloominess from before just a faint memory. Good.

“ But yeah, I think I can still make cookies,” Ryan said, coming back to the actual topic. “We don't have the stuff for it though.”

“ Oh, yeah...”

“ We'll buy it on our way home.”

“ Really? Are we really making cookies, Rye?”

“You wanted to, didn't you?”

A grin stretched across Gavin's face. “You're the best!”

 

* * *

 

 

Jack woke up to screaming. The sound was so piercing and sudden that it paralyzed him for a second and all he could do was lay in the darkness and stare at the bedroom door.

Michael.

It was Michael who was screaming like the devil himself was after him. Voice loud and begging, swelling with yet another scream and finally Jack managed to get himself to move. He was out of the bed, down the hallway and throwing Michael's door open before he could even form a proper thought. Inside it was pitch black and he quickly searched for the switch. In the sudden bright light he found Michael sitting in his bed, pressed into the corner. Mogar and Puki kicked to the floor. 

The boy flinched at the sudden brightness, staring up to Jack and thank God, thank God he was not hurt. A nightmare, judging by Michael's wide eyes and the hectic red specks on his cheeks. At least the screaming stopped and with a loud hitch in his breath, Michael raised both of his arms to reach out for him. The motion was strangely childish, heartbreaking in its simplicity and Jack was pulled by invisible strings.

"It's alright, pumpkin," he said before he even reached the bed. "Just a bad dream. Just a nightmare, baby."

Michael was shaking his head, grasping him tightly before pulling him onto the bed as well and the boy was spooked. His eyes darting around widely, searching for something that wasn't there and now as Jack was close he could hear the frantic breathing of the other.

"Michael, you need to calm down."

"She was in the room. I think she was lying next to me," Michael whispered and as if he had just remembered that, he tore at the blanket to find the sheets beneath. Blue as they should be, wrinkled from his thrashing around and he let his hands wander over them, inspecting them closely.

"Who was in the room?"

"Ema," he said and instantly shivered. "I w-woke up and I heard her lay down and... and there was something dripping. Oh God, Jack, it was her blood. It was her blood and when I opened my eyes it was on the bed and on the walls and... and on Mogar. Just like in that room again."

"Mich-"

"I tried to help her! I really did!" the boy interrupted him, probably not even listening. "I wanted to... to stop the blood. To keep it inside but... but then it was Ray... It was Ray and he was bleeding from his head really badly and he was crying because it hurt so much and... and-" His breath hitched and he reached for his own head wound, pushing against it like he wanted to keep his skull together. "And on the floor was Gavin. His throat... oh, god Jack... Jack, his throat was slit and he couldn't talk but he was calling. He was calling me and I couldn't... I couldn't help both of them..."

"God, Michael." Jack pulled him closer, letting him bury his face into his chest and instantly the boy clung to him.

"I couldn't save both of them so I had to choose," Michael went on. "But I couldn't... I couldn't choose and I just... I just-"

"You woke up," Jack told him sharply. "It was all a nightmare, pumpkin. Both of them are alright, okay?"

"Okay." It didn't sound okay, far from it. Michael was still shivering and then he started to cry. It was belated and so sudden that both of them were surprised by it. "I can't save them. I can't."

"We've already been over thi-"

"Ema was a few steps away from me when she killed herself," he went on. "And I didn't even notice. I couldn't help, I couldn't tell her to stop. I was useless and then I left Ray alone for so long. He was so scared and I was just... just sleeping. I was so weak..."

"You brought him home," Jack reminded him. "Michael, he is okay. Ray is alright thanks to you."

"He was bleeding," the boy mumbled. "From his head. He was crying for me to make it sto-"

"That was in your dream," Jack reminded him softly. "That didn't really happen, pumpkin. Ray is alright and is sleeping above us. He's fine."

Frowning, Michael tried to piece it together and Jack let him. He still felt his own heart pounding from the sudden shock of being woken but it wasn't that important. Michael was still crying, shivering and when he reached down to wipe the tears away, he felt a fever, maybe from the stress of the past days, and Jack wanted to wrap him in a blanket but Michael wasn't having it. He was staring at the blanket as if he still expected blood to ooze out.

"And Gavin?" he finally asked.

"He's also okay. I told you he came by this morning, right?" Jack reminded him. "He was perfectly fine then. We got him out of the theater and back into the base. He helped find you."

"His throat was cut..."

"No, it wasn't. He's still babbling and squawking as usual."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely." Leaning ahead, Jack wanted to scoot towards the bedside table and instantly Michael was clinging to him, eyes wide in fear he would leave. Moving slower, he simply picked the boy's phone up and held it out to him. "Turn it on. I am sure there are some messages on there that prove my point."

He watched the boy hesitate before taking the phone and switching it on. It took a while before his mouth twitched into a small smile as he scrolled through the messages and Jack tried not to spy but he was pretty sure he saw a wall of ugly dog pictures that probably came from Ray and a picture of a flour covered kitchen with the caption  _ "prepare  yourself, boi!" _

"See?" Jack asked, nudging him gently. "They are alive and kicking."

"Yeah..." Michael's smile fell and Jack frowned at that.

"I should have pulled myself together and be there for them," the boy finally mumbled. "I made them worry."

"Sure you did, but they are glad to wait for way longer if it means you are alright." He pulled him close, kissing the top of his head. "Before you can make sure they are alright, you have to heal yourself. They will wait for you, Michael."

Falling silent, Michael hesitated before nodding slowly. He reached up again, hand pressing against his head like he was still in pain but when he looked up to Jack, he just asked, "Can I sleep in your bed tonight? I don't want to stay in here."

"Of course." Standing up, Jack tugged him along. He watched Michael bend down to pick up Mogar and Puki and to his surprise he simply placed the teddy on the bed. The lion he took with him though, and after Jack tucked the boy in, Michael turned his back to him, not moving for the rest of the night. Jack was pretty sure the boy wasn't sleeping, was silently pondering over something and he worried himself over it. He knew that something was wrong with Michael, something deep inside making the boy believe he was less worth than all of them together, that he was better to simply sacrifice himself and that was so wrong. It was beyond wrong but Jack didn't know how to fix it. How to get it out of the other's head, to make him see how much he meant to the lads and the crew. 

How much he meant to him.

It was barely dawning when he got up, not being able to lay there any longer and pretend to sleep or not to notice that Michael was awake. He managed to get into the hallway before he slumped against the wall, sliding down to the ground.

He had to face the truth here as much as it hurt.

They had reached a point where he was unable to help his boy anymore, where he didn’t know what to do.

 

A little over an hour later Michael also came out and they ate breakfast together. Just like every day, the same smalltalk, the same amount of coffee and the same food, forged by years of living together. Their little piece of home they had built around each other and once more Jack realized how much he loved that boy. Even those dark corners in his mind, the ones he couldn't reach but maybe he could stay with him. Could pick him back up again when Michael grew weak, but all in all this was a battle the boy had to win for himself now.

When he looked to the other side of the table where Michael was checking on his phone, probably texting the lads, he knew it would be rough. But Michael was strong. Michael had that beautiful lion heart and he was pretty sure nobody could take that from him or could even dim it.

It shone too bright for that.

Jack wasn't surprised when Michael told him he would come back to base today and refrained from talking back and sure enough the moment they stepped inside, the boy was swarmed by Ray and Gavin. It was like a switch getting flipped and Michael was the big brother again.

Checking up on both of them, brushing off any question regarding his health like it wasn't a big deal. At least the other two seemed to notice that something was off, he saw Gavin watch Michael a bit too closely, saw Ray frowning.

Leaving them to it, he found Geoff and Ryan in the meeting room. They appeared to have been waiting for him and he just greeted them with a short nod before sitting down. He wasn't in the best of moods to begin with but at least something unusual snapped him out of his thoughts for now.

"Who brought cookies?"

"Gavin made them," Ryan said a bit too quickly, and Geoff rolled his eyes.

"You know, no matter how often you say that, I still don't believe you. I am pretty sure Gavin had some help with that."

"You don't have any proof."

"Well, you did show up at my door last evening and ask for more flour," Geoff teased. "And there was an interesting amount of flour in your hair, just saying."

"Listen, just because Gavin was sure he could throw the open package into the air and catch it in a bowl, doesn't mean I had anything to do with it. It means I was a victim," Ryan told him quickly.

Amused, Jack reached out to take one of the cookies before Ryan stopped him, sighing. "Listen, I know how they taste and that someone might have given the boy salt instead of sugar, okay? Could you just pretend they taste good?"

"That bad?"

"You have no idea. But he's very proud of them and I told him I'd give him a sweeter recipe next time."

"Nice save. But yeah, I can do it." He finally took one of the cookies and they didn't even look that bad. Still, he would be careful and just nibbled a little at them. "So what's going on?"

"We found the skyscraper they had been held in," Geoff told him before smirking as Jack grimaced at the salty taste. "I want to check it out. See if we find some clues about the whereabouts of those other two Gunslingers." He grew more serious. "But if Michael doesn't feel comfortable, he can stay here. I asked Ray as well and he is willing to come along as long as he doesn't have to get back into that room again."

"If the other two are going, Michael will go as well," Jack told him and Geoff sighed.

"That's what I figured. If you all agree we check on it tomorrow. Maybe we'll find those Gunslingers somewhere in there."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter before we head into the final with a big bang next week.


	14. Énouement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin wiped his palm on his jeans before taking the gun in his other hand to wipe that one as well. Getting a good grip on his weapon again, he gave a slow nod. “I think I want to go inside,” he said and he sounded thoughtful. “I think I want to be where they were and... and see what they saw.”  
> “This might not be pretty.”  
> “It surely wasn't pretty for Michael and Ray,” Gavin reminded him and now he was looking at him, chin raised, defiant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Énouement: The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self.

Chapter 13

Énouement

 

“ Everything empty inside?” Geoff asked from the front seat of the car, and Gavin nodded from the back. He had his tablet in his hands, back leaning against Michael and feet in Ray's lap. “As far as I can see, yeah.”

They were parking a block away from the skyscraper Michael and Ray had been held in and Gavin had hacked himself into the security system, watching over the cameras. “But I can't see everywhere. The cellar has no cameras, as well as the eleventh floor. I'd say we should check those two places out first.”

“ They do seem suspicious enough, but I want to sweep the whole thing,” Geoff said before throwing a quick look from Ray to Michael and finally letting his eyes rest on Ryan. “Can you and Gavin take care of the cellar?”

“ No problem.”

“Yeah,” Gavin quickly agreed. “They probably have some files either in the cellar and if not then on the eleventh floor. The security system is deactivated so we have a few hours to check on everything.”

“ The cellar wasn't all too big,” Michael said slowly. He rested his head on top of Gavin's to watch the cameras as well. “Still, two people might not be enough.”

“ Don't worry about that,” Ryan told him and the boy fell silent. It wasn't meant to be harsh but both Jack and Geoff had wanted to stay together with their Gunslinger just in case coming back to the building would trigger some bad memories.

He and Gavin would just have to be careful but the boy had been monitoring the stairs to the cellar for quite a while now and there had been no movements.

“ You guys ready then?” Jack asked from the front and caught Michael's eyes in the rear view mirror. The boy looked back and nodded. “Let's do this.”

They drove up to the skyscraper and parked in the same parking lot Michael and Ray had slipped into the van. Now they were the only car anywhere, and that was as reassuring as it was a bit creepy.

Quietly moving towards the entrance, Ray picked the lock swiftly and they all waited for a second for a blaring alarm that didn't come. Gavin had deactivated the security system beforehand and now the boy put his tablet in his bag before also pulling his pistol out.

They went in and Ryan instantly waved him to his side, making sure to have an eye on him. They stepped further inside until they reached the staircases where they would split up.

Ryan noticed the distanced look from Michael as he tried to look anywhere but the stairs while Ray fixated on them as if he expected something to come up from the darkness.

“ Keep in touch,” Geoff reminded them, pointing to his ear piece. “If anything happens be sure to call, we'll hurry.”

“Same goes for you,” Ryan said and waited until Gavin had fistbumped both of the lads before turning around. He couldn't help but notice how Jack draped an arm over Michael's shoulder to pull him along, and maybe that wasn't such a grand idea. Michael should have stayed in the base, maybe Ray as well. It didn't seem like Ray was as traumatized but that could just be because the boy was better at hiding it. And by the way Geoff was throwing him glances every once in awhile, he probably knew more than that.

At least they didn't have to go down into the cellar again.

Turning around, Ryan looked into the darkness and noticed that Gavin was already two steps beneath him, waiting. He had figured the younger would be nervous, even scared because of the reaction of the other two or just by the sheer fact that it was dark down there and they didn't know what might await them but all he could see in the green eyes was determination.

He wanted to protect the other two. Ryan flicked him under the chin.

“ Stay close,” he told him quietly as they began to go down.

“ I know.”

They moved quietly down the stairs, Gavin keeping on one side and Ryan on the other, guns ready. When they reached the cellar, none of them moved while they listened, and in the end Ryan flipped the lights on.

The hallway in front of them was drenched in cold white light, one of it flickering slightly and at the end of it was a heavy metal door. In the corner of his eye, he could see Gavin shiver at the sight of it.

There weren't too many rooms on either side, most probably used for storage, but they had to make sure. Ryan gave Gavin a sign to check on the rooms on the left side while he took the right ones and the boy nodded.

They worked quietly and thoroughly, throwing the doors open and checking the rooms for any kind of ambush but he remained correct; they were mostly storage units or cleaning supplies. On his side were two rooms that were locked and he would come back to those later.

He and Gavin met up in front of the metal door and he could feel the boy squirm a bit, moving behind him. Ryan hesitated, throwing him a look and offered, “You don't have to go in if you don't want to. I doubt there is anything inside that would be of interest for you.”

Gavin wiped his palm on his jeans before taking the gun in his other hand to wipe that one as well. Getting a good grip on his weapon again, he gave a slow nod. “I think I want to go inside,” he said and he sounded thoughtful. “I think I want to be where they were and... and see what they saw.”

“ This might not be pretty.”

“It surely wasn't pretty for Michael and Ray,” Gavin reminded him and now he was looking at him, chin raised, defiant.

For a moment Ryan wondered if Gavin... regretted not getting kidnapped back then. If the boy feared that experience would have brought Ray and Michael closer and left him out and that was such a wrong thought.

“ Open the door, Ryan,” the boy interrupted him and he listened. Pulling at the door, he found it wasn't locked, but the room behind was drenched in darkness. He prepared for the stench that might greet them as he searched for the switch. Once they could see it was pretty anticlimactic. 

The room had obviously been cleaned, gray walls on gray ground and just a few pipes. It didn't even smell bad, just like some sharp cleaning agent.

Only when he looked closer he could see some proof. Darker parts here and there, a pipe that wasn't quite clean enough, red in the crooks of it and in the scrapes made by handcuffs.

Gavin next to him had gone rigid, eyes wide as he stared in one corner and at the darker walls and the strange patch on the ground; it was probably where Ema had been. Reaching out, Ryan touched his shoulder, but it wasn't enough to break his concentration.

“ I am happy that she is dead,” Gavin whispered like it was a secret. “I am not happy that Michael and Ray had to watch but it's good that she's gone. I didn't like her.”

That was surprisingly cold from him, but at least he was honest. There wasn't really a reason why he should mourn her but to be happy about it was a bit harsh.

“ Why?” Ryan asked but the boy just shrugged. Turning around, he nodded down the hallway. 

“There was a door with an electronic lock. I can hack it.”

“ Go ahead then.” He walked the boy towards the door and waited until he had linked his tablet with the lock before checking on the other locked rooms. It didn't take long to get inside but there wasn't much to see. More storage rooms filled with empty folders, probably for the normal offices upstairs. A set of old screens and spare light bulbs.

Hearing the soft beeping of the electronic lock, he returned just in time to watch Gavin put his tablet back and opening the door.

“ Now that's more interesting,” he mumbled as they flicked on the lights. “I was nearly scared we would be too late.”

It was a small office they had found, hastily left by the looks of it. The shelves on both sides were mostly empty, a few files spread over the floor and the monitor laid beneath the desk.

Gavin instantly went towards it, pulling the computer box towards him to work on it while Ryan unmuted his earpiece. “We found something,” he said but got only static in return. For a moment he was worried before he realized that he hadn't heard anything from the others since walking down the cellar. They also hadn't been able to get a signal from the chips back then, right? So this whole thing was probably cloaked and it was no wonder they couldn't hear the others.

Instead he began to gather the files from around the room while Gavin opened the computer with his screwdriver. He struggled a bit as the cover wouldn't come off, and Ryan moved to help him along when he finally tore it off with a grunt. Peering inside, he frowned.

“ They took the hard drive,” he said. “Figured that much. Would be stupid of them not to.”

“Can you do anything with the stuff that's still there?”

“ No, the computer is worthless.” Brushing his hands off, he stood and nodded to the files in Ryan's hand. “What do you have? Anything useful?”

“ Who knows? Looks like they took anything valuable with them.”

“Let's still collect this shit though. I'll take a look at it back in the base.”

They collected whatever paper was in the room and stuffing it in Gavin's bag before closing the door behind them. Gavin locked it again even though it was totally useless. One look inside would show that they had been here.

“ Is it too heavy?” Ryan asked with a nod towards the other’s bag, and Gavin quickly shook his head. 

“It's all fine. I can carry it.”

“ Okay. Let's get up the stairs and check on where the other's are right now.”

 

“ What I wouldn't give for an elevator,” Geoff gasped as he pulled himself another floor up.

Ray grinned, immediately going for it, “There is one, you know? I am sure nobody here would mind if you take it, old man.”

“Yeah, so that I can get shot the moment the doors open? No, thanks!” Geoff huffed, and amused, Ray turned towards Michael.

“ Do you remember the Maze Bank heist, Michael? You guys ran down 25 floors, am I right?”

“ Those were the days,” the boy sighed. “But I am pretty sure back then Geoff also was this whiny.”

“ Hey!”

“ Come on guys, leave poor Geoff alone,” Jack warned them and excited, Ray bumped his shoulder with Michael. The older boy threw him a smirk and Ray couldn't help but return it.

It was a bit strange but knowing that the cellar and that room were somewhere beneath them, were  _ real , _ was somehow making him giddy. It was a tad hysterical for sure but it was better than the heavy weight he had felt whenever thinking about it before, and Michael seemed to think the same.

He wasn't as closed off anymore, the lingering darkness a bit lifted as if both of them had needed a reminder that yeah, this room had really existed and wasn't just a nightmare.

And Michael wasn't okay yet, Ray wouldn't go as far as to say that. It was obvious to anyone that it wouldn't just leave the other boy alone, that it was haunting him, and Ray figured it was the same with himself but seeing him smile right now made it better.

If he was honest, he had felt a bit helpless in those past days with Michael pulling away and he knew that Gavin had felt the same. Both out of their depths because finally it was their turn to protect Michael, but they simply couldn't reach him. Now this right here felt like a step in the right direction, with Gavin seeing the room downstairs, being where they had been.

Like a gap closing between the three of them.

It surely hadn't been the first time that he and Michael had gotten into trouble and Gavin was safe, and after all that was to be expected, but this one had felt heavy, had cut a bit too deep and he felt his smile falter a little. He really didn't want to think about it right here, pushed it away and instead concentrated on the mission. The hallway they were going through towards the next stairs, the rifle on his back and the city lights coming from the windows illuminating everything in a familiar fashion. The hallway widened and there were some internal partitions, creating a resting place by the windows with tables to sit at. He guessed employees took their breaks there, watching the busy streets beneath rather than those dumb motivational posters hanging on the thin partitions.

Ray tried to read them, but they were drenched in darkness and he also didn't really give a shit. He was watching one with a golf ball of all things on it before the partition ended and he was a bit blinded by the light again. He didn't like this area all too much, too easy for someone to hide, and while he was still blinking against the new contrast, he at least made out a flash.

Something was reflecting the light and it wasn't even in this building, it was in the one across the street and-  _ sniper. _

Ray opened his mouth to shout, legs already shifting to secure Geoff when the window next to them shattered. It happened too fast and he heard the heavy thump before he saw Michael hit the opposite wall. The boy huffed heavily as he fell on his ass and Ray stared at him, knowing fully well that it could have been him instead.

“ Motherfucker,” Michael gasped, hand pressing against his chest and it sounded weak. He was winded from the impact, had hit his head but his armor had taken the worst of it all.

It couldn't have been more than a second because Geoff and Jack who had walked in front of them were just now turning around, Jack instantly paling.

“ Oh my God, Michael. Are you alright?” He tried to step towards the boy but Michael signaled him to stay behind the partition.

Ray also threw a look towards Geoff to make sure he was in cover before leaning down towards Michael. His heart was beating widely as he watched Michael pant for a full breath and he grasped the other’s arm, ready to simply drag him into cover.

“ I'm fine, Jack,” Michael assured him, trying to get up again. “Jus-” His head snapped back, hitting the wall heavily again and Ray froze. His mouth grew strangely dry as red sprayed over the wall. Appearing out of nowhere and he could even feel it on his face, warm and sticky and he didn't quite understand.

Michael didn't seem to understand as well, he was blinking once, then again and all in all it could have been in Ray's mind. He just knew that Michael slumped down, slipping down the wall until he fell to his side and Ray's hand grasped nothing as Michael hit the floor.

It was funny.

His first real thought was that the sniper wasn't that good of a shot even. You didn't shoot someone in the chest if there is a chance they were wearing armor and this second shot hadn't even been clean. It hadn't hit Michael right between the eyes, rather more to the side over the left eye. Still a headshot but not a clean one.

Jack was screaming.

Somewhere, miles away.

Ray was still staring down at Michael to his feet, feeling like his mouth was sewn shut as he watched the other's curls dampen with blood. It happened too fast, it didn't even seem real.

Jack was still screaming and Ray lifted his gaze, watching the fresh painting of blood on the wall, the streak of dark red where Michael had slid down.

Now the second thought came to him. Cruel and heavy in its simplicity.

Michael had been shot in the head.

Ray didn't recognize the strange sound he was making, he heard someone calling his name and knew it was Geoff. It took a moment until he managed to look up, finding Jack and Geoff fighting over something. Geoff trying to hold the other back, keeping them both behind the partition.

“ Get behind cover! Move! You are out in the open!” Geoff yelled but it was dull against the raw pain in Jack's cries and Ray's eyes wandered to him. Jack's face was flushed, eyes wide in despair as he tried to shake Geoff off and it made his heart sink. He wanted to walk over and... and what?

“ Ray, move! Get behind cover, by God! He will shoot you too!”

Oh.

Letting his eyes wander towards the shattered window, Ray realized that he was indeed out in the open, standing there frozen in space while the sniper reloaded. He wanted to take two steps back, to get behind another partition but he couldn't just leave Michael alo-

Something hit him in the chest, making him stumble. For a moment he was sure he had also been shot and would go to the ground like Michael. They would lay next to each other, their blood mixing on the ugly carpet they had here but it had been Geoff's gun. It had startled him enough that Ray took the needed steps to get behind cover.

There he stood now. Save and separated by a few steps from the others and he shook his head a little, trying to snap out of his trance.

“ Michael?” he asked quietly. It was nothing against Jack's voice but right now it felt like Jack's voice could cut through everything. It had such a sharp edge to it and Ray didn't dare to throw them another look, he waited for Michael to hear him and look up.

Like this he couldn't see the other's face. He had crumpled to the floor, one hand raised as if he had wanted to press it against the hole in his head before letting it fall in front of his face. Ray wondered if his eyes were open.

Had he really blinked?

It didn't seem very likely but he wasn't sure.

“ Let me go! Let me go and hold him!” Jack cried out. “He's hurt and- oh God. Oh God, he's my baby! Don't you understand that?”

“ You can't. Jack, you ca-”

Ray didn't dare to look at them, he kept his eyes on Michael and saw one of his finger twitch. As if he wanted to reach out.

Michael was always reaching out. He had taken his hand when they had walked through the snow the first time.

“ Michael?” Ray asked again, even quieter than before. A shiver was working itself through his body, starting at his spine down to his toes. His teeth clattered a bit even though he wasn't cold.

It was the shock, slowly settling in, he thought absentmindedly.

Michael had been shot.

Jack sobbed so loud, that Ray jumped and it all crashed down. There were specks of blood all over his arms, he could feel them on his face and he had no way to wash it off.

Michael had been shot.

Ray's eyes flickered to the other two and if possible his heart sank even more. Geoff had somehow managed to wrestle Jack to the ground, pushing him against the wall. Jack was crying.

He couldn't remember seeing Jack crying like this ever before. There was something desperate in it, something completely hopeless. Geoff was cradling him now, shushing him down with a low voice like he would do with Ray sometimes and right now Ray wanted nothing more than to run towards them. Geoff should hold him as well, should comb his fingers through his hair and whisper in his ear.

_ Michael had been shot. _

And he was just... just laying there. Michael was just laying there between them and had stopped moving. They were all drenched in shadows by their cover but he was illuminated, the colorful lights outside painted playful forms onto his body.

He wasn't wearing his jacket, Ray realized and he remembered that Michael had used it as a pillow for him in the room and had probably forgotten it there. Ray couldn't see if he was still breathing.

He couldn't get over and check.

There was a lot of blood.

“ I'm going to call an ambulance now,” Geoff said and his voice was calm. It was a forced calmness but it was enough to make them listen. “I will call an ambulance, Jack. We'll talk with our doctors and we'll get him fixed again. Michael will be fine.”

Ray wasn't even sure if Jack was listening, he was grasping at Geoff as if he wanted to break free but didn't really try.

“ Ray.” Geoff was looking at him, eyes piercing and intense and Ray shivered a little. “I need you to take that shot. We need that bastard dead.”

For a moment he wasn't sure what Geoff was talking about before he remembered his rifle. It had been a long time since his weapon hadn't felt like a part of himself. He pulled it from his shoulder and held it in his hands and suddenly didn't know what to do with it, the pink ugly in the shadows and the weight all wrong.

Michael was still laying there and he couldn't really stop looking at his hand. Expected it to twitch again, to reach out to him. Somehow he couldn't forget that first Christmas, couldn't think about anything besides Michael taking his hand in his as they walked through the snow and his fear had been nearly blown away. Michael had gathered snow in the night when nobody had been watching and had offered it to him. Had baited him to touch it like a shy animal and he had. Back then Michael had always seemed very tall and much older than him.

Now he just looked small and there was a puddle of blood around his head, growing larger.

“ What is going on?” Ryan's voice was sharp and right in his ear. It snapped Ray out of his thoughts and he managed to lift his gaze from Michael. Grasping the rifle tighter, he positioned himself closer to the partition and kneeled down. Letting the butt of the gun rest against his shoulder, he looked through the scope.

Ryan asked again in his ear but nobody answered. It had to be scary, coming out of the cellar and only listening to Jack breaking down. The gasping breaths, Geoff's soft murmurs and maybe Gavin had figured it out. It didn't take a genius for that, but Ray still didn't think that was the reason. He was sure Gavin could also feel it somehow, that strange emptiness spreading in his chest. Not quite understanding but sensing it.

A twin-bond.

“ Michael?” Gavin asked into the noise. He didn't get an answer either and Ray wondered if Michael could hear them through his earpiece. Could hear Jack whimper his name and tried to answer.

Ray's hands were shaking and he forced the thought away, concentrated on what he saw. The windows of the other building were reflecting some billboard but his eyes were sharp. He found the man laying on his belly, cloaked in black clothes and peering through his scope.

The stranger wasn't even focused on them anymore, he was looking for something a few floors beneath them, finger loosely against the trigger.

Gavin.

He was aiming at Gavin because he hadn't been able to get Ray himself and Ray breathed out. Long and calm, feeling his mind grow dead cold, his heart slowing down and his hands turn into stone.

He was faster, was the better shot of both of them and he watched the stranger jerk back, a clean bullet between his eyes as he crumbled to the ground. Ray watched it through his scope and didn't feel satisfaction. He wanted to shoot him again, not even to get his revenge but because now he had to face reality. The danger was over, he could stop being a Gunslinger and become Ray again. Buddy. Rayray.

He wasn't sure if he was strong enough.

“ Target annihilated, Sir,” he said as he let his rifle sink.

Things happened fast after that. Jack was next to Michael in a heartbeat and his touch was gentle and soft. He pulled on Michael's shoulder and the boy rolled onto his back, his hand falling onto his belly, his head lolling listlessly. Like this it was as if Michael was hiding the bullet wound, hiding in Jack's shadow but he looked pale. Gray skin, the freckles dark against it and Jack caressed his cheek. He didn't call him and Ray didn't understand why.

He slowly got to his feet, not really daring to make a noise and make the others look at him. On the other hand he wanted to help, to tear apart, to shoot more and more.

“ He's not breathing.” That was Geoff as he sat down on Michael's other side, and Ray felt like he was dumped in ice water.

Not breathing? Wait, that was wrong. Not breathing sounded like death and nobody had said something about death. That was Michael.

Michael couldn't die.

Jack moved his face now and like this Ray could see all the blood. Gushing dark and steadily from a hole above Michael's eye. He felt himself grow sick.

Opening Michael's mouth, Jack breathed into him.

It was dead quiet, the air escaping Michael's lungs again before Jack did it again. Geoff pressed his hands against Michael's chest, pushing down.

Oh God, they were reviving him. They were trying to bring him back because right now Michael was gone. Michael was losing blood and wasn't breathing and and an-

“ Ray,” Geoff called and he jumped at his own name. “Come over here, I need your help.”

He didn't really want to come closer, afraid of what he might see but his feet moved him out of his cover. Geoff shrugged his jacket off and handed it to him, pointing towards Michael's head. “I need you to put pressure on the wound. Do you understand?”

He gave a short nod before sitting down by Michael's head and hesitated. He couldn't really reach with Jack still breathing into the other and now his hands were shaking really hard, maybe he didn't even have the needed strength to do so.

Jack sat back up and threw him a look that made him freeze. He didn't look like Jack in that moment, he didn't recognize that man who took hold of his wrist, pushing his hand against Michael's head.

It hurt, the grip too tight and Ray tried to pull back but Jack wouldn't let him.

“ Don't you dare let go.”

He squirmed because blood was already seeping through the jacket, coating his fingers and this was all so wrong. Closing his eyes tightly, he couldn't watch. Jack let go of him and he didn't dare to move anymore, just pushed against Michael's head and listened. Geoff counting beneath his breath while he pushed against Michael's chest, Jack waiting for a break before bending over Michael to breath into him.

It was a terrifying loop they were in and it seemed to stretch on forever. Nothing changing and Ray waited for Michael to suddenly gasp for breath, for sirens coming closer. Geoff had called an ambulance, right? They would take Michael away and fix him.

Before any of that could happen, someone laid a hand on his shoulder and Ray flinched. Opening his eyes again, he was absolutely sure it would be Michael but the boy was still unconscious.

“ Let me, Ray.”

It was Ryan, and he gently pushed him aside. Ray gladly let him, quickly moving aside so that he could sit by Michael's head and take his place.

The loop began from anew only that now Ray was shivering, his hands wringing around each other as if he was washing them clean and he was squeezed between Ryan and Geoff. He was sitting there with nothing to do besides watch them work and... and watch Michael.

Michael's limp body laying there in front of him, only moving through their touches, through their movements. His eyes weren't even really closed, he could see the white and wanted to reach out and close them. Only a second later he realized how horrible that would have been and he whimpered. Scooting away, he gave them more room and backed away against the wall, making sure not to touch any red spots on them.

Blinking, he noticed Gavin. He was standing in the shadows but Ray could see how he had clasped both of his hands over his mouth.

Should he go to him? He looked so alone out there, not moving and just watching but Ray couldn't get himself to move.

The sirens appeared in the distance and that was somehow the cue for time to speed up. The elevator made an unfitting noise soon after and paramedics rushed past Gavin. Ray recognized the men briefly, knowing it were some of the paid men they had in the local hospital and sure enough Caleb followed a few steps behind.

They swarmed Michael and Ray kept his gaze on Geoff. Geoff was holding tightly to Jack, Ryan lingering like a shadow ready to grasp him as well. It was eerie.

Ray was still sitting against the wall, feeling small and overlooked when everyone around him was standing or working frantically on Michael. He wanted to touch Geoff, cuddle into his side and ask him what was going on. Ask him when Michael would wake up. But Geoff was busy, was being the boss again and so Ray just sat there for a while longer.

In the end they took Michael. He didn't watch as it happened, he concentrated on his knees and only looked up when Geoff gave some quick commands and then he was also gone, following Jack.

In that moment Ray felt very lonely.

The carpet next to him was drenched in red, there were splatters all over the wall as well and it grew dead quiet. He tried to catch up with his thoughts but wasn't quite ready to do so.

Someone sat down in front of him and for a second he was sure it was death itself, deciding to take him instead of Michael. It could have been him after all, they had been right next to each other. Then the mask was pulled off and it was Ryan again, holding a hand out for him like Michael usually did.

“ Stand up, Ray. I'll get you home.”

Ryan's gloves were red but Ray's hands were as well so he didn't mind. He was pulled to his feet and nestled close to the elder, happy for any point of contact. They walked around the pool of blood, towards the shadows but Gavin wasn't there anymore. Ryan didn't seem surprised by that at all and so Ray didn't ask, just followed along. With sure steps, Ryan didn't hesitate to open the next door, leading to some office. He also didn't hesitate to crouch down in front of the table and sure enough Gavin sat in the corner, curled up.

“ Gav,” Ryan called softly. “We're going home.” And then, as if that had to do with anything. “It's late.”

It seemed to work, and Gavin moved slowly, crawling out from beneath the table. He ignored Ryan's outstretched hand, just held tight to his bag as they began to move.

None of them said a word while walking back to the car or while sitting down and buckle up. Ray had the backseat for himself, looking out of the window while Ryan pulled out of the parking lot. He watched the skyscraper that seemed desperate to become their grave somehow and felt sick in his stomach. He folded his hands in his lap, feeling the blood dry on them and wanted to throw up.

An unfitting tune suddenly filled the car and Ray looked up, confused as to where it did come from. All he found was Gavin stiffening in his seat, a soft noise escaping him.

His phone, Ray realized and watched as the other moved, reaching towards it. Ryan was faster, grabbing his wrist and stopping him.

“ Don't.”

“ Could be someone else,” Gavin whispered. “It could be something different.”

Ryan didn't answer but also didn't let go. He simply entwined their hands without looking up from the street.

Ray watched Gavin holding tight, knuckles turning white by the sheer force of his grip. He was shaking but at least didn't reach for his phone anymore. Now there was also blood on his hands.

Ray leaned his head against the window and continued to look as the city passed by.

 

They got out of the car and Ray followed them into their apartment, not wanting to be alone right now, but also because he was pretty sure he didn't really have a choice in that matter. Ryan locked the door behind them and just like that it felt like they were trapped with nothing to do besides wait for something inevitable.

For a moment he just stood there, watching as Gavin pulled off his shoes automatically and placing them neatly next to the door. The boy moved on, into the living room and Ray followed because there was nothing else to do.

When Ryan laid a hand on his shoulder, he nearly jumped out of his skin.

“ Go and take a shower,” he said and it dawned to Ray that he had to look like a mess. A shower was probably not a bad idea. 

He nodded and made a beeline for the bathroom and this all seemed pretty trivial. Coming home from a job, getting clean and then throw himself onto the couch. Nothing had really changed and that was strange, wasn't it?

Ignoring the mirror, he undressed and watched the blood get less with each layer and that felt a bit better. Placing his glasses on the counter, he stepped into the shower and turned the water on. He made sure that it was hot, scalding his skin and painting it red. It made him feel alive as he held his face beneath the spray, rubbing over it until it hurt and he was sure all of the blood was gone.

Sitting down, he let the water hit his back as he methodically cleaned his hands, making sure to get beneath his nails. He stopped at some point, simply letting his head hang and watch the water run down the drain. It was pink.

A few years ago Ray had lost a bet against Gavin and they had dyed his hair red. The water was pink after he washed it out a few times. Michael had laughed until he cried.

Michael had been shot in the head.

Michael had taken his hand and had lead him through the snow, not letting go until he was ready.

The door to the bathroom opened quietly and Ray shivered in the cold breeze.

“ I brought you some clothes,” Gavin said. “I'll leave them at the door.”

Ray nodded and it grew quiet again. He was aware that Gavin was still there and under any other circumstances he would scream at him to get the fuck out but right now that was his least concern.

Looking up, he found Gavin at the door, fidgeting around as if he also couldn't decide what to do with himself. To stay or to leave. Ray didn't care if he was naked and the other was not, he didn't give a single fuck about that because he was hunched over in a shower and the water was too hot and felt like he was drenched in Michael's blood. It must have shown on his face because the moment their eyes met, Gavin slowly stepped closer.

“ The website updated,” he said as he kneeled down next to Ray, pulling the shower open. “It says that Michael is dead. That Michael was killed in combat. His vital signs are gone.”

He sounded so confused and hopeless, eyes strangely quiet as he asked, “What happened?”

“He got shot in the head,” Ray explained. “There was a sniper and it all... it all happened too fast. He just... just collapsed.”

“ I don't understand,” Gavin whined but Ray knew that it was a lie. Gavin fully understood the situation, he just didn't want to. Ray could understand that.

Not answering, he watched Gavin rub his eyes with his fists and it looked strangely childish. Taking a deep breath, Gavin reached for the washcloth and held his hand out. Ray gave him his and watched as the other rubbed it clean. The washcloth was a pale green and instantly turned red.

Ray let him work, feeling better and after a while Gavin turned to his face, scrubbing it as well. He closed his eyes, not moving or making a noise until Gavin wrapped his arms around him. Ray quickly returned the favor, holding tight to the other, and didn't know what to do.

Michael couldn't be dead. Michael was their big brother, Michael was looking out for them, he couldn't just be gone!

Nuzzling against Gavin's shoulder, he grasped tightly to his shirt, feeling it dampen in the spray of the water. This was all so fucked up. This was all so wrong!

He wanted Geoff to come back. To sit him down and explain it to him. Explain that whatever Ray had missed clearly showed that Michael was in fact not dead, just a big misunderstanding!

Gavin whimpered quietly and held on tighter as if he was the only thing left and it slowly hit Ray that it was true in some way. 

They weren't three anymore.

They were only two.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no way to defend myself


	15. Destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Tell me everything is going to be alright! Tell me nobody will go and nobody will die and we will all be okay! Tell me forever isn't a lie! Say it, Geoff! Say it!"

Chapter 14

_Destruction_

 

It was hours later when Geoff returned and by that time, Gavin and Ray had settled on the couch, wrapped around each other without a word said, and at some point Ryan had brought them food but neither of them had touched it.

In the silence between the three, the knock was loud, and after Ryan opened the door and Geoff stepped in, Ray couldn't hold still anymore. Freeing himself from Gavin's grip, he ran towards Geoff and was promptly caught. His guardian lifted him up, holding tight and pressing kisses to his face. Ray let him, just clung to him and for the first time he felt the absolute need to cry. There were tears stinging his eyes and he felt like he would choke Geoff by how tight he was holding but the other said nothing.

When Geoff exhaled, it was heavy and shaky. Letting Ray down, he cupped his face and they watched each other in silence.

Geoff looked awful. Tired and worn out. He had washed himself up but Ray could still smell the sweat and blood on him.

“Love you,” Geoff whispered and brushed as strand of hair from the other's forehead, kissing that place. “I love you so much, Rayray. I don't tell you that enough.”

He moved to kiss his cheek but Ray tilted his head, letting their lips connect briefly, and he hadn't done that since the Maze Bank but it felt just as important and right as back then.

Geoff didn't seem to mind, his surprise quickly turning to a soft smile as he pulled him into his side again. Looking up, Ray saw Gavin watching them from their place on the couch and he suddenly seemed terribly alone.

“We need to talk,” Geoff said, addressing the room now.

They settled on the couch, Ray not allowing an inch between him and Geoff and he was happy to see that Ryan sat down next to Gavin. They weren't touching but it seemed to help against the loneliness.

“Where's Jack?” Ryan asked and Geoff sighed a little.

“He's still in the hospital, still with Michael,” he said and something dark crossed his face. “He's not alright. Of course he's not.”

And Ray could hear it again, Jack crying out and trying to reach Michael.

_“ He's hurt and- oh god. Oh god, he's my baby! Don't you understand that?”_

Shivering, he allowed Geoff to pull him even closer.

“Michael...” Gavin began before pressing his lips together. He threw a helpless glance to Ryan before pulling his legs against his chest, huddling into the corner. “Michael is dead. His vital signs...” He trailed off, suddenly horrified as if he had just now understood his own words. Wrapping his arms around himself, he started to tremble and Ryan quickly scooted closer, carding a hand through the other’s messy hair before giving a nod towards Geoff to continue.

“Michael flatlined in the ambulance,” Geoff went on, taking Ray's hand in his to play absentmindedly with his fingers. “Do you know what that means?”

“It means that his heart stopped beating,” Ray said carefully.

Geoff nodded. “He lost a lot of blood from the shot and there comes a point where the body can't take anymore, so it shuts down. Do you understand that?”

Ray didn't want to understand that, he nuzzled against Geoff's chest to hide his face. He didn't want to imagine it, he didn't want to face it!

“Michael is very strong. You know that,” Geoff continued and spared him his answer. “They managed to get him back, like in the movies. That's how strong he is, okay? He held out until we reached the hospital and they stopped the bleeding but... but he-” Geoff hesitated, searching for the right words but Ray could read them in his eyes. _But he died again,_ was what he wanted to say. Michael had fought himself back from the dead only to lose again.

“He flatlined once more,” Geoff finally settled on, throwing a look around. Gavin was pressing his lips together in concentration, trying hard not to make a sound. Ryan was listening intently, hand linked with Gavin's.

“Did they get him back again?” Ray asked and he actually felt stupid for it.

“They did but Ray...” Geoff swallowed loudly. He shifted away from Ray and he instinctively tried to get close again, an irrational fear that Geoff would just leave like Michael had, but instead his guardian just took both of his hands. “Ray, you need to understand that you can't just... pull people back to life or something like that. There's a strain on their body and... that bullet hit his brain. Nobody can say how badly it is or what damage it caused. Right now, Michael is in something similar to a coma. He's very, very badly hurt and...” He closed his eyes, squeezing Ray's hands. “He won't survive the night, okay? That's why Jack is still there. To be with him.”

"To be with him when... when Michael dies?"

"Yeah," Geoff nodded. "They'll let him stay until... until it's over."

"So that Michael won't be alone?"

"Exactly, buddy."

Breaking their eye contact, Ray let his gaze sink, thinking about that. He was worrying on his lip, biting it bloody but Geoff didn't stop him, waited until he cleared his throat. "That's good," Ray finally mumbled. "I think... Can I say that it's good? It feels wrong to say that."

"It's the truth so you can say it," Geoff assured him. "Like this way Jack can say his goodbye, you know? That's something good, don't you think?"

Nodding slowly, he let Geoff's hands go in favor of wrapping them around his knees. "Michael can't say goodbye, right?"

"He is not conscious, no."

"Is he in pain?"

"No, they gave him something against the pain." Geoff's voice broke a little and he had to clear his throat. "He looks like he is sleeping. They put him in a bed and cleaned him up and he isn't bleeding anymore. He looks very peaceful."

The knowledge somehow rested heavily on his shoulders but it felt... strangely good. It was a good weight, like when Geoff fell asleep while cuddling and pinned him against the couch. It felt warm and comfortable. Ray was pretty sure that didn't make any sense but for him this whole situation didn't really make any sense. He noticed a bit too late that he was crying and wiped the tears away.

"I'm sad that he can't say goodbye," Gavin mumbled. He wasn't looking up, just staring at his knees.

"He was talking to Jack when... when it happened," Ray told him. "I think... I'm not sure but his last word might have been Jack's name."

"Really?" Gavin's mouth twitched a little, nearly a smile. "That's kinda nice."

"Yeah," Ray agreed before looking up at Geoff again. "Can we... see him? Is that okay?"

"Right now only Jack is allowed to be with him and Jack wants to be alone. Maybe we can see him tomorrow. Do you want that?"

"I think so." He wasn't quite sure. It sounded scary, seeing Michael in a hospital and knowing that he wouldn't wake up again. Maybe he would already be dead by then. He couldn't imagine how Michael would look like dead. If he would really look as peaceful as Geoff said or like he was sleeping. Somehow he didn't believe it because it couldn't really look like Michael anymore, right? Because Michael wasn't inside of that body, there had to be a huge part missing, the part that was Michael.

If it was a soul or a spirit or whatever, Ray didn't know. He knew it was the part that had reached out to him and held his hand. A colorful mind, warm and gentle and loyal and now... now what?

He frowned, trying to wrap his head around that but he just couldn't. Maybe he didn't want to, maybe he wasn't ready but he felt a panic, felt that he needed to hurry. Like he had to understand it all before Michael was gone or he would take the knowledge with him.

"It's late," Ryan said and disturbed his train of thoughts. "We should at least try to find some rest."

Rest? Sleep? That seemed like foreign things. He couldn't just stop thinking or stop moving or stop watching the time while waiting. That wasn't part of the rules!

But Geoff next to him nodded, laying a hand on Ray's back. "You're right. This was a long day and tomorrow won't get any better."

They stood up and walked towards the door like they had just come here for a bit of smalltalk or to play video games, not to talk about Michael's death. Throwing a look towards Gavin, the other boy looked just as confused about all that but neither of them said a thing. Geoff took his hand and they headed upstairs, walking past Jack's and Michael's abandoned apartment and it felt like someone was squeezing his throat, trying to keep him from breathing. He tried to hold it in but it was pushing and tearing and when the door fell shut behind them, he could barely contain it. Geoff looked down to him and it had to show on his face because there was concern in the other's eyes. "Ray, wha-"

"He doesn't have Mogar!" he blurted out and he reached out, tearing at Geoff's arm. "Michael doesn't have Mogar! He doesn't have Mogar, don't you understand? That's wrong! Mogar is always sitting on his bed, he can't be asleep when Mogar isn't with him! It's wrong! It's wrong, Geoff!" He was begging now, wanting Geoff to make it right again. Didn't he see that it was all a lie? Michael couldn't be peaceful asleep in the hospital if Mogar wasn't with him! It was an act! It either wasn't Michael or... or it was all a lie! Couldn't they see that?

"Ray..."

"He can't be sleeping!" he repeated and he couldn't make Geoff's face out anymore, it was blurry and shifting. "He can't be... he can't be dying! It's wrong! It's _Michael!_ He always looked out for me! He is our big brother, how can he just go? He would never do that! He would never let that happen! It's a lie! You're a liar!" There were tears streaming down his face and his knees were growing weak. Closing his eyes, he cried out, "Why are you always lying, Geoff? You liar! You liar, at least admit it! Tell me you are lying! Admit it, Geoff! "

He didn't do it. He just wrapped his arms around him and he had to cling to his guardian to not sink to the floor, to not completely fall apart. Geoff was crying, he could hear him sob against his hair and Ray wailed.

"Tell me you are lying! Please Geoff, I won't even get mad!" His voice broke and somehow they both ended up on the ground, clinging to each other like little children. "Tell me everything is going to be alright! Tell me nobody will go and nobody will die and we will all be okay! Tell me forever isn't a lie! Say it, Geoff! Say it!"

"I won't lie, Ray," Geoff finally said, his voice too high, his breath hitching. "I love you and you won't go and you won't die and you will be okay. I love you with everything I am and I will do everything I have to do to make sure of that."

 

It was barely dawning but the light was enough to make out the figure standing in the hallway. Ryan sat up straight in his bed, he hadn't been asleep but at least dozing and now his heart was pounding. At least he recognized the shadow just as quick and he sighed. "Jesus Christ, Gavin. What are you doing?"

"I don't know. I couldn't sleep," the boy said quietly, his voice thick. "I think I just wanted to check if you were still there."

"Where else would I be?" Ryan mumbled and rubbed his face, trying to wake up. "How long have you been standing there?"

In the twilight he could see the other shrug. "A while."

"Don't just stand there!"

"Okay. Sorry." He watched the boy turn around and disappear further into the darkness. Groaning, he got up and walked through the corridor just in time to see the soft light turn on in the boy's room. Making a beeline for the kitchen because he knew that neither of them had eaten, he returned with two mugs of tea before stepping inside. As expected the boy sat on the bed, blanket wrapped around himself. His lamp was glowing, filling the room with stars.

"I didn’t mean it like this," Ryan said as he made his way towards the boy, careful to not drip over the mess on the floor. "You could have come inside."

"I wasn't sure." He took the tea and scooted a bit to the side so that Ryan could sit down as well. They sat in silence next to each other and watched the stars wandering over the ceiling.

"I wonder if Michael already died," Gavin said after a while. "I kept watching the clock, asking myself if it was already over or if he was still here. It's just so strange. We walked down those stairs into the cellar and when we came back up he was already... already gone, you know?"

"It doesn't feel real," Ryan offered and the boy nodded quickly.

"Ray said that Michael was talking with Jack when it happened, that Jack's name was his last word and that made me think," Gavin went on, fixating his tea. "I don't remember the last thing I said to him. I really don't and I... I want to know. Do you know what you said to him before we went down there?"

"No," Ryan admitted. He remembered finally finding the other's all crowding around Michael's body. He remembered pressing against Michael's wound and how hot his blood had felt against his hand. "It couldn't have been something important. Probably something trivial."

"Yeah. Same," Gavin agreed. "I've researched it. After going to bed, I wanted to know what happened when you got shot in the head."

"Gavin-"

He didn't let him finish his protest, just went on, "And most people bleed out. They die from the blood loss and their body shuts down but Geoff said they stopped Michael's bleeding. If it's not the blood loss, most people will fall into a coma, like Michael did." He frowned into his tea, his hands shaking without him noticing. "They do that because the brain is swelling, you know? The brain is swelling and not working properly anymore and then... then they die."

Unsure of what to say to that, Ryan took the mug from the other's hand. The hot tea was threatening to burn Gavin's fingers and he immediately folded his hands, trying to stop them from trembling.

"You shouldn't have looked that up," Ryan told him.

"I wanted to know," Gavin said again, shrugging. "There is a survival rate. Michael is young and healthy."

"That doesn't mean he is invulnerable."

"He seems like it," Gavin mumbled. He looked up for the first time, focusing on Ryan. "There are some people who are just... immortal, don't you think?"

"There is no such thing."

"You are immortal."

"Gavin, you are being stupid."

"Then I want to be stupid," he begged and suddenly seemed really close to breaking apart. "Let me be stupid and childish. Please, let me believe this."

He would love to, but they were in a business in which those were deadly traits. Tugging on the boy's blanket, he was allowed inside as well and pulled it back around both of them. "Is that why you were checking if I was still there?"

"Maybe." Sighing, Gavin leaned his head against his shoulder and now that they were closer, Ryan could see how red the other's eyes were.

"Have you been crying?"

"Just a bit, I promise," Gavin told him quickly, cheeks blushing in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I just... it all felt so... I don't know. Different, I suppose."

"You should have woken me up," Ryan mumbled and leaned his head against the other's hair. "There's no need for you to sit here and be miserable alone."

"I didn't want to make things awkward," Gavin admitted quietly.

Closing his eyes, Ryan wondered how much he had fucked this kid up. Wondered if he could still save him. "Michael is very important to you. It's okay to cry."

"It's weak."

"It's not."

Gavin made a confused noise and tried to look up at him but Ryan wouldn't let him. He held him close, closing his own eyes. "It's not weak, Gavin. Not at all."

"You never cry."

"Because I am a coward."

"You're not," the boy immediately protested.

"I am. I'm afraid of a lot of things, Gavin."

He listened to the following silence, waited until the boy worked through this and wished it wasn't like this. Wished he wouldn't have to explain it to him, wished he could do more than this words. He wanted to turn his head and drop a kiss on top of the unruly hair, wanted to assure Gavin that he was wanted and save and could let go.

He couldn't bring himself to do it.

"I'm scared that Michael will die," Gavin admitted as if to make him feel better and Ryan smiled a little.

"Me too. I was very scared back then."

The boy nodded, curling into him and his hands were still shaking. "He is unreachable... just like that. It's terrifying."

"I will miss him dearly," Ryan admitted and just like that Gavin broke down, with a long, painful whine and bitter tears.

Wrapping the blanket closer to hide him, Ryan watched the traveling stars and tried to remember the lullaby good enough to calm him down. For now that was all he could do.

 

Ray woke up to a phone ringing. It was too early, even if he could feel sunshine on his arms. He had fallen into an exhausted sleep in the early morning hours and beneath him Geoff moved with a soft groan.

Ray tried to open his eyes but they were itchy and puffy. Had he been crying?

The ringing stopped and Geoff cleared his throat. “Jack?”

He said it really carefully, like he was talking to a little child and Ray could feel a hand card through his hair, making him drowsy again. Geoff would wake him if something important happened, no need for him to also be awake at this ungodly hour.

He was nuzzling against Geoff's chest to go back to sleep when the memories came back and he stiffened. Jack's words were muffled from the phone, he couldn't really make them out but he feared them. He feared them more than he wanted to admit and he pressed against Geoff's hand, trying to concentrate on the soft strokes instead.

“I see,” Geoff said quietly. “If you think that's the right choice I will prepare everything.”

A short silence as Jack answered.

“You know about the risk but yeah, I agree. They have been asking to see Michael. Yeah, I talked to them about it. Tried at least.” A pause. “How do you think they reacted? But I think they understood what is going on. They'll be fine, Jack. Let me and Ryan worry over them, you concentrate on Michael.”

Geoff moved, sitting up against the pillows and Ray let himself be dragged along, still acting as if he was sleeping but probably fooling noone.

“I can be there in half an hour if you want to. No, of course that's not a problem. I can do that over the phone, Jack. I really don't need to be there for that, Ryan can handle it.”

It followed a few more 'yeahs' and a few more 'okays' before Geoff said, “I'll be with you as soon as I can. Just... just stay put. You shouldn't be alone during that, okay?”

He ended the call soon after and they laid in silence. Geoff was playing with his strands and Ray swallowed dryly. His throat hurt a bit and he knew it was because he had cried so hard. Had pleaded and begged for a different outcome because he hadn't been able to face the truth.

“Ray?”

He was still not ready to face it but he couldn't help but let his eyes flutter open. They were in Geoff's room and it had to be nearing noon. The sunlight fell warm through the window and he watched Geoff's tattoos get illuminated, looking like they were moving while he stroked through his hair. There was a small rose on his upper arm and he focused on it instead of Geoff's searching look.

“You need to wash your face,” Geoff said quietly and it was probably true, he had to look like a mess.

“Is Michael dead?” he asked instead of answering, trying to brace himself.

Geoff sighed and closed his eyes. He sat up and Ray did the same, scooting a bit away to give him some space.

“He is still fighting, Ray.”

“But that's good, isn't it?”

Geoff ignored that comment. “Jack has decided to take him to the base. I'll let Caleb prepare everything and then you can see him.”

Anxiousness settled in his stomach at the thought of seeing Michael but he wasn't quite sure why. His thoughts were interrupted when Geoff leaned ahead to kiss his forehead before getting up.

“I'll tell Ryan he should take you to the base. Please try to eat something. I gotta go and see Jack now.” He left in a hurry and Ray let himself fall back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. When Ryan picked him up later, he followed without really wanting to but it was probably better than to be all alone. At least Gavin looked like he barely got a wink of sleep as well, and when they sneaked in Michael's room, neither of them said a word. They just held each other's hands tightly as they picked Mogar up from the bed and left without touching anything else.

They remained silent while Ryan drove them to the base and then settled in the security office. They were watching the cams, Mogar sitting on a chair between them, and Ray found that kind of macabre but not enough to say something about it. He just stared at the screens with nothing to do. Gavin was doing the same next to him, even though there was a bag filled with documents on the table. He didn't even glance at it, pushing the knowledge for now aside, that whatever was inside was not worth the price they had paid.

"I don't know what to say," Gavin mumbled after a while and Ray looked up.

"What do you mean?"

"When they bring Michael in. What am I supposed to say to him?"

Ray shrugged.

"I don't know how to say goodbye properly," Gavin went on and rubbed his tired eyes. "He won't even hear it, I think. It's just very awkward."

"In movies they get all sappy as dicks," Ray offered. He hadn't thought about it himself but now that Gavin had brought it up, he couldn't help himself. "Telling those people how much they love them and all that crap."

"Yeah. I just don't feel like doing that, you know?"

Ray did know. It felt wrong, it wouldn't be what Michael wanted for sure. He would get embarrassed. "Maybe we'll just know?"

"Yeah, maybe." Turning around, Gavin watched Mogar sitting there on the chair and Ray could watch him grow upset. Unsure of what to do, he simply reached out and took the other's hand and Gavin looked up to him. "You wanna go and see him together?"

"Please."

 

Jack and Geoff returned next, they saw them drive up through the cams and soon enough Ryan knocked on their door. "You two coming?"

They threw each other a look but stood up, keeping behind Ryan as they waited for the other two and when they finally arrived, Ray didn't know what to do. A part of him wanted to run towards Geoff and throw his arms around him but a way bigger part was frozen in shock by how bad Jack looked like. Hair a mess and skin pale besides dark bags beneath his eyes. There was a soft tremor going through him and Geoff kept close as if he feared the other would just collapse.

It was Ryan who stepped up and actually took a hold of the other's shoulder but Jack just shook his head briefly. "I'm fine, it's okay."

That was a lie if Ray ever heard one.

Jack emitted such an exhaustion that he could barely take looking at him but then their eyes met and he couldn't speak. He couldn't speak because Jack looked from him to Gavin and actually smiled. A honest smile as he passed Ryan and wrapped both of them in a tight hug.

"I'm glad that you two are alright."

Ray was crushed against his chest and he felt Gavin's shoulder in his side. He was quick to return the embrace, clawing at the other's shirt.

"Jack," he heard Gavin whine on the other side and suddenly Ray felt like crying again. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and he knew that it could have been him. That he had stood right next to Michael but there wasn't enough money on his head, right? No, his fucking seizure had saved him from having his brain blasted over the wall right then and there. And Jack knew that as well, it was impossible to oversee.

"There is absolutely nothing to be sorry about, Ray," Jack told him. "I know that Michael is happy with the way it is right now. He'll be in peace when he knows that you two are alright."

And Ray could feel the tears sting in his eyes because this was too much. They didn't deserve that, they had never deserved Michael or Jack and now one had been taken from them.

He stared up at Jack as he pulled away and tried hard not to start crying again. Gavin next to him took his hand but he couldn't look to him because Jack cupped his face now. He leaned ahead, kissing his forehead before letting go and doing the same to Gavin, Gavin who was blushing furiously, not used to that and he immediately reached up with his free hand to touch the spot.

"Thank you both for letting him be your brother," Jack said and Ray couldn't help but sob. He tried to hold it in but couldn't. It was Gavin who held him close and he let him, kinda just clung to him and listened to his own falling apart.

"How is the infirmary doing?" Geoff asked and at least pulled the attention from him.

"Caleb said everything is ready," Ryan replied. "When will the ambulance arrive?"

"In a few minutes. They were not far behind us," Jack told him. "We should probably help." He ruffled both of their hair. "You two can come when you're ready."

"Okay," Gavin mumbled.

Ray listened to them leaving and for a long while he didn't find the strength to move. At least he had stopped crying, he just sniffed occasionally but Gavin still held him tightly. It was kinda nice.

Wiping his nose and his eyes, Ray squirmed a little until Gavin let him go. "Sorry," he mumbled, feeling embarrassed when he saw that the other hadn't cried but Gavin just shook his head. He watched him walk into the security office and returning with Mogar pressed against his chest. Even from here Ray could smell Michael on the teddy and his heart grew heavy.

"You wanna go?" Gavin asked and with a soft sigh, Ray nodded.

They walked through an empty base and Ray knew that it had been thanks to Geoff. Geoff who had sent anyone home that wasn't absolutely needed to give them some peace. It was good, like this he didn't have to hide his flushed face as he followed Gavin down into the infirmary.

Caleb was there, talking to a couple of paramedics. When he noticed them, he threw them such a pitiful look that Ray couldn't help but glare at him. Anger seemed easier right now than anything else.

It was Gavin who opened the glass door and Ray felt like the other was dragging him along, like he couldn't risk losing sight of him too but they both slowed down as they stepped inside.

Ryan was the only one noticing them. Geoff was biting on his finger, watching the bed in front of him and Jack sat next to it, eyes dark and far away as he held Michael's hand.

Gavin stopped a few feet away from them all like he had been struck by lightning, pressing Mogar close to his chest. Ray simply passed him, slowly walking closer but it was hard. Like he was dizzy or too tired or on the edge of a seizure, his legs not really listening. His hand reached out, searching for the bed frame until his fingers curled around the metal and he could pull himself closer.

Geoff had said that Michael looked like he was sleeping, that he was looking peaceful. It wasn't quite a lie, Ray figured.

Michael's eyes were closed, the lids blueish, that was the first thing he noticed. The second was, that someone had cut his hair. It looked kinda shitty and under other circumstances, he would laugh his ass off. They had probably done it to get to his wound, he couldn't really see because of the thick bandage wrapped around his head. Crisp white, no speck of blood.

All in all, Michael looked really like he was sleeping, like he was comfortable. Head rolled slightly to the side and the blanket pulled up to his chest. It would fool any bystander but Ray knew better.

Michael slept on his belly, spread out. Sometimes he would snore and he would kick him to get him to shut the fuck up.

He also didn't look peaceful. Geoff had lied about that.

There were strange cables seemingly connected to everything. His head, his arms, some disappearing underneath his gown. There was a tube in his mouth and Ray couldn't help but stare at it.

That one was wrong. It didn't belong there.

A part of him of course knew that this was what kept Michael alive right now but Michael wouldn't be able to sleep with that. How could Geoff say that he looked like he was sleeping when he obviously wasn't?

Ray could feel his gaze, Geoff checking on him. Like he was expecting him to say something but there were no words in his head. His head was empty, too occupied with trying to understand the picture in front of him. Eyes following all the cables and the tube before settling on the machines next to the bed. Some of them were beeping, he had seen them on TV do the same but he wasn't sure what all of them did. Heartbeat, he saw that one, watched it for a while before his eyes darted back to Michael.

Michael who wasn't sleeping at all and whose hand was held by Jack but he didn't grasp it. Michael's fingers were just... just curled slightly. He wasn't holding on.

Ray swallowed and it seemed loud in the silence. Geoff was still watching him as if he expected something from him. Maybe a question, a judgment or anything, really. A reaction, he guessed.

But Ray didn't know how to react to that. Nobody had ever taught him that.

In the corner of his eye he saw Ryan watch Gavin somewhere behind him. He could hear him breathing heavily.

Jack had only eyes for Michael.

Somehow everyone was waiting for something to happen.

“You don't have to be this quiet,” Jack finally said. “You can talk to him if you want to.”

“Can he understand us?” Gavin asked and his voice sounded all strange. Ray couldn't really put his finger on what it was but now Jack looked up, his face somber.

“Does it matter?”

That seemed like a strange answer and Ray frowned a little. He tried to wrap his head around it but gave up. At least Gavin seemed to understand because now he was stepping ahead.

Ray watched him as he moved next to Jack, the teddy so tightly pressed against his chest that Ray was a bit scared he would somehow manage to tear it apart.

Licking his lips, Gavin opened his mouth to say something, eyes on Michael and somehow Ray could exactly pinpoint the moment when Gavin grasped the situation. The horrified expression creeping up his face, his mouth snapping shut. He tried to take a step back but bumped against one of those strange machines, freezing him in place.

Now all eyes were on him, waiting for a reaction from him and Ray noticed how tense Ryan had gotten. As if he was ready to leap forward and... and pull Gavin back? Maybe. He really wasn't sure what would happen next.

“Michael?” Gavin asked and Ray blinked, had to double check if it really had been Gavin who had said it. His voice was weightless, friendly and he watched the other trying to fight his emotions down. Tried to be strong and Ray wondered if he would succeed or break down any second now. He didn't expect Gavin to reach out, slowly, carefully. With his hand lingering over Michael's chest, he threw Jack a quick look, who just nodded.

And then Gavin was actually touching him, hand against his shoulder and Ray felt his breath stuck in his throat. He was touching Michael as if he was real. Really there. As if that wasn't a dream and there was something really confused in Gavin's face. Like he also couldn't understand what he was doing before he moved again.

His fingers brushing against Michael's cheek, against his skin and Ray could do nothing but stare. Because... because now Gavin was smiling. Soft and small and nearly peaceful and with that the spell was broken.

“Me and Ray brought you Mogar,” Gavin told Michael, like he would normally do. Like he would tell him he got him some food as well. “You probably can sleep better with him.”

Jack helped him lay Mogar in Michael's arm, careful position the teddy so that Michael's finger could feel the soft fur.

That looked more natural now and Ray smiled slightly. It wasn't as easy for the others, he knew that. Jack had fallen silent again, stroking Michael's hair out of his face and next to him Geoff turned away, cursing beneath his breath as he tried to control himself.

But Ray was only watching Gavin turning towards him. The soft smile gone, replaced by a thoughtful one and Ray waited, knew it would change once more. And sure enough his face clouded and a second later Gavin was angry. Full out rage and it was like a lifewire between them. He could feel the emotion spill into him as well and Gavin didn't have to say a single thing. He knew exactly what the other was thinking about and sure, none of their guardians would approve of that but he knew that Michael would. Sitting around here, waiting for him to pass on wasn't the right thing. Talking to him made it better but Ray's skin crawled as he imagined spilling his heart right here and now. Not in front of all of them but he was sure if he asked they would leave him alone with Michael.

It still wouldn't be right.

Gavin thought the same, he could see it in the furious green eyes and he gave a curt nod.

With one last glance towards Michael, they both turned around and walked out. Geoff was calling out to them but Ray ignored it in favor of walking down another flight of stairs.

“The minigun?” Gavin asked and pulled his sunglasses from the collar of his shirt.

“Michael would love the sentiment but no,” Ray responded, zipping his hoodie up. “Too heavy for us to carry – sorry.”

“It's fine. I trust your judgment on that, you're the expert.”

Ray turned towards him and found the same grin on his face, barely dimmed by the glasses.

“We gotta hurry. Geoff will rip us a new one.”

“Then come on, I don't get to use that thing enough anyway!” They ran towards the armory, a spring in their steps and with childish joy, Ray got his rocket launcher out while Gavin grabbed some other stuff.

Gavin was the one choosing the bike and they were out before anyone could stop them.

Ray leaned his head between the other's shoulders and closed his eyes. The rocket launcher was heavy on his back and bright pink. They hadn't bothered with masks or helmets and Gavin was driving recklessly, the wind cold in their bones but Ray just scooted closer.

The tattooed letters on his knuckles felt like they were burning from inside.

“Hey Gavin,” he said as they flew through the streets. It was too quiet, no way to hear over the wind around them but he knew that Gavin could understand him. “What was going on in your head when you touched Michael? I couldn't tell.”

“I thought he felt like Michael,” Gavin responded, leaning to the side to take a turn a bit too fast, nearly sending them sprawling on the sidewalk. “His skin was still warm and... and squishy, I guess?”

“Squishy?”

“Yeah. Because Michael has this baby face, you know? It's squishy.”

“Squishy...” Ray repeated slowly before he began to laugh into the other's spine. “Don't let Michael hear that!”

“That's why I didn't say anything!” Gavin assured him and when Ray sat up, he saw that the other was smirking.

“Hey Gavin!” he said again and the excitement was crawling deep in his belly, waiting to get out. “I want the whole world to watch us again! I want them all to hold their fucking breath!”

“I am usually the one watching the world but sure, I can do both,” Gavin laughed and Ray let go of him. Spreading his arms, he let the harsh air tug at his fingers.

“Let's light this rotten city up!”

 

They arrived at the skyscraper once again a few minutes later. It was a bit like playing with fire and getting burned over and over again. This time they would hurt back.

Gavin drove to where Ray was pointing and he soon enough found a fitting roof to climb up on. For now they just sat there, the rocket launcher lying between them as Ray waited for Gavin to work his magic.

“We should have waited a bit longer,” Gavin mumbled as he played on his tablet. “Would make the whole dramatic effect better, you know?”

“I think we'll manage,” Ray chuckled and watched the low sun reflect in the windows of the tall building. It was a bit of a shame – from here he couldn't even see the broken ones.

“I guess you're right.” Looking up, Gavin let his gaze travel over the city and Ray did so as well. His phone rang quietly but neither of them reacted.

“We should get going. Don't really want to face a pissed off Geoff before we have to.”

“Okay.” Gavin turned back to his tablet and with another stroke he threw this part of the city into darkness.

It was a kinda amusing sight to see this big chunk of light simply disappear and Ray wondered if they would be able to see it from Geoff's office or their penthouse. Maybe he should write a message to Geoff and ask him to look at it from afar.

“Wish we had a bomb from Michael,” Gavin mumbled as he packed his tablet away.

“We would have probably blown ourselves up.”

“Yeah, probably.”

They both stood up, stretching and with a strong huff, Ray lifted the rocket launcher onto his shoulder.

“Wait, let me get a good angle!” Gavin protested instantly and he couldn't help but roll his eyes as he waited for the other to get his phone out.

“I know, I know. Just hurry up!” He stroked the pink metal lovingly. “I can't wait to use this baby.”

“Gross!”

They both snickered at that and when Gavin pointed the camera at him, Ray couldn't help but grin widely. When the other nodded, he turned around, took aim and fired.

The kick of the rocket launcher was strong, forcing him to take a step back and the vibration worked through his whole body. They waited a breathless second until it hit the building and exploded into a big fireball.

Ray hollered loudly and Gavin next to him jumped up and down, squealing excited. They watched fiery debris rain down onto the street, hitting some cars and their alarms sounded anticlimactic after the big explosion before.

“Me too, me too!” Gavin called and reached for the rocket launcher. Ray handed it over to him, too strung up to realize this was probably a stupid idea but who the fuck cared.

This wasn't for them.

Taking the phone carefully, he laughed, "You will land on your ass, I tell you!"

"Will not!"

"Well, like this you will at least dislocate your shoulder." He corrected Gavin's hold on the weapon before stepping back and lifting the camera at him again. "Please don't miss. I think I would literally shit my pants if you manage to miss a fucking skyscraper."

"I won't miss, Ray," Gavin promised. "I'll nail this bloody thing! It will collapse!"

"It absolutely will not collapse. It's a rocket launcher and no-" Gavin fired and the knock back threw him to the ground instantly. They were both laughing about that and Ray had a hard time keeping the camera focused as the second impact hit the building. Maybe not dead center but better than he had expected and Ray couldn't help himself but to whistle impressed.

"Told you!" Gavin squealed. The bright flames threw dancing shadows on his face and were reflected in his glasses. He was grinning, the rocket launcher laying by his side and Ray giggled immaturely. He stepped closer and let himself fall into the other's lap, wrapping his arms around him.

Gavin laughed but also held him tightly with shaking hands and they both know that it would be different with Michael here. With Michael here it would be whole but for now this was the best they could do.

Michael would have made the building collapse.

It was a tight line between breaking down and mourning or going on and it was Gavin who decided it. "You know what else I took from the armory?"

Raising his brows, Ray stared at him and was actually close enough to see the outline of his eyes through the glasses. He was pretty sure there was something hysteric in them. "What?"

It couldn't be something big because he would have noticed that. Slipping from the other when he shifted, he began to giggle again because Gavin pulled out two guns, alright.

"Fucking flare guns, dude!"

He took his and fired a bright pink flare into the sky, watching it curve high above them before falling down into the street. Gavin let one follow, golden as his glasses and they were both chuckling. Ray made sure to snap a few photos before they both perked up at the distant sirens.

"Come on, let's hurry."

They got up and Gavin threw him a spray paint bottle. They worked quickly but the logo was well reminded, tattooed in their skin and while Gavin drew the star with childish concentration, Ray wrote LADS with big letters next to it.

Stepping back, they both took in their work with a solemn expression before packing up.

They got back on the bike and Gavin drove right towards the sirens. Ray didn't think about stopping him, just held on tightly and when the first police car came into sight, he drew his gun. The shot blew the tires out and the car swerved off the road right into a shop. Gavin started to laugh, he could feel it against his chest and smiled himself.

They played a bit longer with the police, ignoring the bullets aiming for their heads because right now they were too young to die. With one last flare into the air, they headed towards the desert to lose the heat. By now it had grown darker and they settled somewhere away from the road from which they could watch for miles over those waste lands.

Laying on their backs, they bet on who could shoot flares the highest or the furthest until they ran out. Ray let the gun fall into the sand beside him and crossed his arms beneath his head, watching the stars above. It reminded him of the day at the planetarium, so, so long ago. Michael had also held his hand back then, had brought him to bed.

It seemed forever ago but not distant. If that even made sense.

Rummaging through his pockets, he found a joint and pulled it on.

“Where did you get that?” Gavin asked and he shrugged.

“Lee. I told you guys he’s a cool guy.” Lighting the joint, he took a deep drag before blowing the smoke into the night. Noticing Gavin’s look, he offered it to him but he just shook his head.

“It’s bad for you. I heard it could cause cancer.”

“Yeah?” Ray asked and turned towards him. “I assure you, it won’t be weed that kills me.”

Snorting, Gavin’s eyes darted back to the joint and Ray couldn't help but chuckle. Taking another drag, he leaned over him and Gavin didn’t even react with surprise as he pressed his lips against his and breathed the smoke into the other’s lungs. When Ray sat back up, Gavin had his eyes closed, keeping the smoke inside for as long as possible before exhaling. It ended in him coughing and Ray laid back to the ground, laughing.

They fell into silence again as he smoked his joint and watched the stars. He wished it would have made a difference. He wished the drug would have some kind of effect, to calm him down or to numb the pain.

But it was just weed, not novocaine and it didn’t help at all.

"I want to bring Project NEON down," Gavin said next to him with such a bitterness that Ray couldn't help but smirk.

"How?"

The other fell silent but he knew that he was thinking about it and let him. He tried to remember any constellations but only found the Polaris, showing them the way. Bright and high above him and flickering beautifully.

"I am going to hack them," Gavin finally mumbled. "Check out what they know and what we can use against them. See what could hurt them, who pays them, who is in control."

Turning his head, Ray watched him with a slight frown. "They will hunt you down."

"Not if I am careful. I can be careful."

"They are not playing fair, Gavin. You know this as good as I do."

Gavin nodded before also looking at him. His glasses were back in his collar. "I have to ask you to lie, Ray. You have to cover me."

"I can't lie."

"Just don't tell the truth," Gavin said and then he sat up. His face seemed young in the starlight. "They hurt Michael."

And God, that was true. They had hurt Michael, they had hurt his big brother and if he couldn't play along they would also hurt Gavin.

Sitting up as well, he held out his pinky. "I'll protect you, I promise!"

"We'll protect each other," Gavin corrected before entwining his pinky. "And no more dying, alright? Dying is forbidden!"

"Deal!"

 

They drove to the base soon after and managed to sneak in without Geoff or Ryan noticing, which was probably for the best. They went straight for the infirmary and this time there was no hesitation, no doubt. Swarming around Michael, they smelled like fire and smoke and gunpowder and Jack left them alone, knowing he wasn't needed right now.

They showed Michael the videos and the pictures and told him with bright voices what they had done. He couldn't answer, maybe didn't even hear them, but Gavin was right.

He was still warm and yeah, also a bit squishy.

He was still Michael.

  


* * *

 

 

 

This cute little fanart (and more!!!) was done by [Jane!](http://trans-raspberry.tumblr.com)

You can find all of it [here.](http://trans-raspberry.tumblr.com/tagged/kahnah)

 

Thank you so much!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A song that goes really good with this chapter is "We are the hearts" by EXGF. It inspired this a lot!
> 
> So guys, I have finished Novocaine and oh man, do we still have a journey ahead of us!  
> 300+ pages and 165k words in total! I hope you guys are ready!
> 
>  
> 
> See you guys next week!


	16. Threshold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How are you doing?” he finally asked and Jack huffed unamused.  
> “How do you think I am doing, Geoff? Take a guess.”

Chapter 15

_ Threshold _

 

Ray walked into the security office to find Gavin throwing pages upon pages in the air. Not glee, but in anger, and Ray watched him do it for a while until the other noticed him. He seemed slightly sheepish about getting caught as they stared at each other while the pages fell between them.

“ You alright?” Ray asked carefully and the other just huffed.

“ I'm frustrated!”

“ What's wrong?”

“Those are the files me and Ryan collected in the cellar,” Gavin spat. “And they are absolutely useless! Those guys took everything valuable with them and we were too late!” He took the folder and flung it against the wall next to Ray where it burst into even more pages. “This all was for nothing! We went back there and Michael got shot and all of that doesn't bring us a single step forward!”

He groaned, letting himself fall back in his chair and just stared at the ceiling. Carefully stepping over the pages, Ray sat down next to him but didn't know what to say. It was frustrating, hell, it was actually devastating! To think that they went there achieving nothing and Michael did have a choice! Geoff and Jack had asked him if he felt ready to come along and he had agreed!

Of course he had, Ray wasn't stupid enough to doubt that Michael had done it for him and Gavin. When he was around, they felt safe, and especially in that place that seemed so haunted in his memories.

He also knew that if Michael hadn't come along, the bullet would have hit him. And if he hadn't come, it would have been Gavin.

He watched the screens quietly, one newly installed camera showed him Michael who was still fighting. According to Caleb, he was not out of danger yet, but in a good way. The swelling of his brain was going down and only then he could say more. Could say what damage the bullet had caused because for all they knew it could have wiped Michael out, had maybe allowed his body to survive but not his mind, his soul, what really was important.

He didn't want to think about that possibility.

“ What am I gonna tell Jack?” Gavin next to him mumbled. He was still staring at the ceiling, his brows furrowed. “How am I supposed to tell him all of this was worthless?”

“ I don't know,” Ray admitted and Gavin sighed. He turned his head and Ray felt his eyes on him.

“ Did Geoff talk to you about the Crew lately?”

“ I guess? The usual stuff. Why do you ask?”

Sitting straight up, Gavin rubbed his face. “I am not even sure if I am supposed to say this or not but... we are losing. We are losing badly, Ray.”

Frowning, Ray stared at him. “I don't think I understand.”

“ Since all of this shit with the website started we are losing a lot of money,” Gavin went on. “All of the expenses to manage the Crew are piling up and normally we could easily deal with that because of the robberies we usually do. But since then we haven't done one. Not a single heist. The last one was the attack on the armored truck to mess with the Corpirate and that didn't even bring that much money.”

“ But we have so much money! Geoff isn't stupid, he has a shitton of savings!”

“ I know and part of that is what's keeping us running for now. That and our drug dealers and the protection money,” Gavin reassured him. “But with fewer heists we are losing our image. Back when you and Ryan killed those three guys and made a big show out of it? We had to do that, we had to show people that we are still there! We are losing territory left and right – not too much yet but that will come. We also have a bunch of hired guns who are not showing up anymore, mainly because we barely have any jobs to give them right now. They are turning towards other crews because they have better offers.”

Grimacing, Ray leaned back in his chair. “I didn't know... why didn't he tell me?”

“ Probably because you have enough on your plate already,” Gavin offered before shrugging. “He didn't tell me either but well, I check up on that shite. Hard to miss when you do what I do.”

He turned towards Ray, a serious expression on his face. “People are saying that a single website was able to bring the great Fake AH Crew down and you know what? They are right. Geoff makes so sure that none of us gets hurt that he paralyzed the whole crew.”

Falling silent, Ray pondered over that and figured he was angry. Angry because he also helped build this crew up, made it what it was today and now he was the reason they were losing it. But most importantly it was Geoff's dream, had always been and he had abandoned it for him.

“ What can we do?” he asked and when Gavin just shrugged, he took a huge breath. “About what you said, back in the desert. That you are willing to hack the project.”

Gavin stiffened, his eyes quickly darting to him. “I was angry and I felt useless and just wanted to do something. You were right, they will hunt me down.”

“I promised I wouldn't tell, Gavin. I won't,” he said. “Can you make it so that they wouldn't even know?”

“No way, but I could make it so that they wouldn't know who did it.” He hesitated before shaking his head. “Ray... It's not that I don't trust you...”

“I know it's not about that,” he said quickly. “It's if I can lie or not.”

“If Missus Reese stands before you and asks you about me hacking them... I need to be sure that you can look her in the eyes and lie.”

He wasn't sure if he could. Gavin had been able to, maybe Michael as well. They hadn't been as long in the project as him and of course he had gotten better, had nearly considered himself free but the fact was he wasn't. Not really.

He still thought in their rules, still had the reflexes they had trained him in and still had lingering thoughts that Geoff would hate to know about.

If he should lie for Geoff he would probably be able to do it. But this was Gavin and Gavin was nobody to him, at least according to the project. If things had gone after their will, they would have never shared a word outside of work.

On the other hand for  _ him _ _,_ for Ray, Gavin was his brother. They had grown up together, had laughed and fought and learned together. Now they were mourning together.

Plotting together.

If he was completely honest, he still wasn't sure which part of him was stronger.

Gavin noticed his hesitation and smiled sadly.

“ It's fine,” he mumbled. “I can understand it. I am not even sure if I would be able to do it when Reese would come for me.” He turned around, staring at the screens. “I just don't really know what else to do.”

Ray hummed indecisively. “I wish it would be easier. All of this.”

“Yeah,” Gavin agreed. “If we could just find a mistake in the system, a loophole or something like that. Maybe we should just... just all run away. Settle down somewhere else far, far away.”

“No way, we worked too hard to get where we are,” Ray protested quickly. “And there is still money on our head, people would search for us and that won't change until only one Gunslinger is left, so-” He trailed off because Gavin wasn't listening to him. He was transfixed at the screens, his body tight and Ray followed his gaze, fearing to see something horrible on the screens.

Maybe Michael dying in his bed.

But Gavin was staring at one screen in the corner, displaying the website and Ray couldn't help but feel his heart sink. Thinking another Gunslinger was dead, the crowd thinning even more and what had Gavin said? The next one was probably himself and Ray was only one rank higher. Maybe they would try to get two birds with one stone?

“ Michael is dead,” Gavin whispered beneath his breath.

Ray shivered at his words before glancing to the camera observing Michael's bed. He could clearly see the machine displaying the other's heartbeat and he certainly wasn't. “Don't say stuff lik-”

“The website displays him as dead,” Gavin interrupted him harshly. “Even though he is not!”

Ray fell silent and stared at the grayed out picture of Michael and tried to wrap his head around it. Gavin next to him seemed to vibrate in excitement as he clicked on Michael's profile and found the words _ “killed in combat” _ on there.

“ The chip isn't working right,” Ray mumbled. “It has to be the chip. Did you check on his vital signs lately?”

Shaking his head, Gavin moved quickly to do just that and they both fell silent, watching the flatline appear in front of them.

“ Michael is dead...” Gavin repeated, a childish wonder on his face. “Michael is dead to the project. He is dead to the whole world!”

Ray felt his head spinning, realizing more and more what that meant.

“ Michael is free.”

Gavin laughed, leaning back in his seat in disbelif. There was his mistake, the flaw in the system and now they just had to figure out what to do with it.

“ We have to find out what caused this,” he said quickly. “Maybe we can recreate it. Maybe we can let our own chips malfunction!”

“ We should report it to the project,” Ray mumbled and Gavin threw him a heated glare.

“ No! They will fix that! They will know that Michael isn't dead!”

“ Bu-”

“ No, Ray!” he was talking harshly with him, hands gripping his shoulder to shake him roughly. “Ray, we can't! That will kill Michael, they will come after him! They will come after us!”

He knew that. He knew that so well, he understood that but he still felt the need to report it. Because he should, it was his responsibility as a Gunslinger.

He didn't want it though.

He wanted to protect Michael and he wanted to protect Gavin. And he wanted this little hope, wanted this tiny chance to be free.

It was the same predicament as before and he felt frozen between his two sides again while Gavin was watching him. Green eyes, big and angry.

Then he moved, taking a hold of his hand and Ray let him, watching absentmindedly as he entwined their pinkies again.

“ You promised!” Gavin hissed. “We promised to protect each other and that includes Michael! This time we have to look out for him! They would just... just come in here and shoot him. Like he isn't worth anything. Like it isn't Michael!”

That much was true and Ray didn't dare to deny it.

He nodded slowly and then a bit more determined, squeezing Gavin's finger. “You're right. I won't say a thing. I promise.”

 

* * *

 

 

Looking into the infirmary, Geoff mentally prepared himself before pushing his hand against the scanner. He had install it to protect Michael inside, not happy about the thought that anyone could just walk in, even though the boy was barely alone in here, Jack always close by just like right now.

“ Can we talk?” Geoff asked before Jack could really look up. It always seemed hard for the other to rip his gaze away from Michael.

“ Sure, what do you need?”

He stepped up to the bed and now his eyes were also drawn to Michael, to the beeping and the artificial breathing. God, he hated seeing him like this. Pale and silent and unmoving.

Sure, it hit Jack the worst, there was no doubt about that but it also cut him deep. He had seen the boy grow up alongside the other two, had brought him into this life and this was the result.

Caleb had said they could just hope he would wake up now and if not then they would have to switch the machines off at some point. Even if Michael would wake up, there was no guarantee in what condition he would be.

“ Geoff,” Jack called and it made him flinch, realizing he was staring down at the boy. Smiling sadly, he cupped Michael's hand that was laying on Mogar and rubbed it. “Hey, buddy. I'm gonna take Jack for a few minutes. He'll be right back.”

No answer, not that he expected one, Jack just looked at him a bit surprised.

It was nice to see another emotion on his face than this heavy exhaustion, this eternal sadness that they couldn't get rid off.

He followed them outside of the infirmary but not further, just so that he could still see Michael through the glass door. It was probably stupid to begin with but Geoff wanted to make sure Michael couldn't hear them.

“ How are you doing?” he finally asked and Jack huffed unamused.

“ How do you think I am doing, Geoff? Take a guess.”

“I know but I want to hear it from you.”

Jack fell silent, watching the boy before shaking his head. “By now it's mostly tired. I can't sleep, I fear that I miss how he will wake up. Or how he will die. I watched him die twice before, I don't think I'll be able to see it a third time. I’ll go insane.” He sighed, leaning against the glass door. “When I manage to fall asleep, I dream. I dream about the time he was still small enough that I could carry him on my shoulders. I dream about him getting angry about the most ridiculous things. But all in all it's the most trivial things I see. Him trying new food, him dancing on my feet. How he made Ray play monopoly for hours, how he chased Gavin around the house with wet bread. The embarrassed look on his face when he asked to sleep in my bed. And then I wake up to this.” Jack hesitated for a moment before adding thoughtfully, “It's killing me.”

Geoff didn't know what to answer to that. He expected something similar to that as his answer but it weighed too heavy on his own heart. A part of him wanted to get Jack to go home, to sleep in his own bed for a while but knew this would be stupid.

“ How are Ray and Gavin holding up?” Jack asked and Geoff shrugged.

“ They try to be strong. Ray doesn't sleep all too well and he forgets to eat. Often staring off into the distance. He's trying, spends a lot of time together with Gavin. I think that's good.”

Jack nodded. “Yeah. They have to figure out their new dynamic. That will take some time.” His eyes were still on Michael but now he closed them. “Michael told me that if one of us dies, he hoped it would be him.”

Geoff felt a shiver work through his body, a distant horror creeping up and what was he suppose to answer to that now?

“ He's depressed, I think. And I don't know how to help him,” Jack went on, nearly casually. “He could act so bright and enthusiastic around the other two, like it was his purpose to make them happy. But he is so much more. When he... when it happened and we were in that hospital... I grew so  _angry_ at him. He forgot our promise, you know? He said he wouldn't, he said he would stay.” He opened his eyes again. “Maybe that will force him to wake up. He can be stubborn like that.”

“ Take him and run away,” Geoff said and Jack looked up in confusion. “There are hospitals for cases like him, there are special facilities, with experts and better equipment. Take him there, don't worry about the money.”

“I can't-”

“You can,” Geoff interrupted him. “Ray and Gavin were with me a few minutes before. Michael's chip is malfunctioning. They can't locate him anymore, they can't see how his vital signs are. For the project Michael is dead. He is free, Jack.”

Jack stared at him in disbelieve but while Geoff watched he saw it get replaced by a soft hope, his posture softening, his hand lifting. Maybe to hold onto something.

“ Take him,” he repeated. “And leave it all behind. Give him a new home and watch him grow up in peace.”

“ Michael would hate me,” he protested but it was halfheartedly.

“ Yeah, probably,” Geoff agreed. “But it's your choice to make.”

He saw that Jack considered it, saw it in the ways his eyes darted back to Michael and a part of him was selfish enough to hope Jack would deny his offer. After all that man had been with him for nearly most of his life by this point, was his right hand and the heart of this crew but he also knew that there were a lot of things that were more important.

Michael's well-being was surely one of that.

Squeezing Jack's arm, he left him alone to make his decision.

 

* * *

 

 

Gavin pressed the folder against his chest and took a deep breath. Ray next to him threw him an excited smile that he quickly returned. The younger had stayed with him through all of that, had pushed him on and that had felt good, had felt right.

They walked into the meeting room together and the other three looked up, having waited just for them.

“ So what is this super secret meeting about?” Geoff asked but Gavin didn't respond. He walked past him to stand right in front of Jack, holding the folder out for him to take.

Jack did with mild confusion. It was a nice change to his usual exhaustion. He opened the folder and went through the pages with a frown.

“ The bounty from Michael's head has been paid out. I retraced the transaction,” Gavin explained quietly, knowing that everyone was listening to every word he said. “The sniper was hired by the same crew as the ones who kidnapped Michael and Ray before, the ones who have Renee and Justin.” He nodded towards the folder but Jack wasn't looking through it anymore, their eyes were locked. “Those are their current whereabouts of the key part of the crew, along with basic information about the most important members. Their safe houses, their dealers, their accounts – everything to break them down. To completely destroy them.”

It grew quiet in the room until Jack carefully placed the folder onto the desk and stood. Gavin had to look up to him and in the next second he was pulled into a tight hug.

Smiling, he nuzzled into Jack's chest. “Ray helped as well,” he said quickly and a second later he felt Ray getting squeezed against his side. They were both chuckling, watching the other with the same giddy excitement as before but now they knew it had been worth it. That they had done the right thing and it felt so good.

Jack was holding them so tight and that was nice. Behind them Geoff also got up, joining in on the hug and it was crowded and awkward but Gavin couldn't stop giggling, hearing Ray do the same thing next to him.

“ We will take them down, Jack,” Geoff said. “We will hunt them down and destroy them and make them pay. Fuck it, we will do the same as the lads and film the whole thing. Michael will love to watch it!”

“ Thank you,” Jack mumbled softly and Gavin smiled. “Thank you so much. That means a lot.”

They crowded around the file and Gavin gave them some space, feeling like he was floating. Finally something good, finally a step in the right direction and with the knowledge that Michael's chip was malfunctioning, there was actually hope.

It was ecstatic in a strange way.

Turning his head, he grinned brightly at Ryan who still sat on his chair, having said no word yet. And he was scowling, arms crossed over his chest, obviously not happy and Gavin dreaded the question that would come next. He wanted to be happy for a bit longer, wanted to feel like he had done good.

“ How?” Ryan asked and Gavin braced himself.

“ I hacked Project NEON.”

Once again it grew quiet and Geoff cleared his throat, “Wait, you did-”

“ You did what?” Ryan shouted and stood up harsh enough to throw his chair over. Gavin flinched but forced himself to look his guardian right in the eye.

“ You heard me.”

Ryan was with him in two large steps and Gavin managed not to retreat but he hadn't expected him to grab his collar. He gasped in surprise, tried to get away but only managed to hit the table behind him. Tearing on Ryan's hands, he already knew that he was no match but the back of his collar was cutting into his skin and Ryan had such a scary look on his face-

Then Geoff was there, ripping Ryan away and Gavin felt the first button of his shirt fly off because the other wouldn't let go.

“ Are you fucking stupid?” Ryan yelled and Geoff actually had to hold him back.

“ Rya-” Gavin began but his guardian was having none of that.

“ You can't be that stupid! What about laying low didn't you understand?”

“ Calm the fuck down,” Geoff snapped at him and Gavin couldn't help but feel really small beneath Ryan's glare. He reached up, rubbing his neck and the good feeling was blown away just like that. That wasn't fair!

“ I had to do it!” he insisted but that was apparently the wrong move.

“ You did not! They will go after you now! They will hunt you down!”

“ I didn't leave any trace behind,” Gavin promised but Ryan tried to reach him again. Fighting against Geoff’s grip as he reached for the boy.

This time Ray moved and placed himself in front of him, a barrier between them.

“ I helped as well,” he said. “So you can be just as pissed at me as you are with him.”

“Oh, I surely am!”

“Ryan!” Gavin tried again. “I was careful, of course I was! They won't know it was me!”

“ You put yourself in great danger, don't you understand that!”

“ I got so much data! It was well worth it an-”

“It was not worth it!” he yelled. “You stupid brat, don't you understand what you've done!”

Gavin jumped at the harsh tone and words and lowered his gaze.

“ They hurt Michael,” he mumbled beneath his breath. “I had to do something.”

“And now they will hurt you! And fuck it, you nearly deserved it for being so unbelievably stupid!”

“ Ryan!” Jack called now and Gavin could feel his hand lay on his shoulder. It felt wrong, he wanted Ryan to comfort him, to tell him he did good. He wanted to be praised.

He certainly didn't want this right here.

Pressing his lips together, he shook Jack off and ran past Ray. Out of the room, away from Ryan's piercing look and he was so upset.

He had just wanted to be good, to help!

It was for Michael after all!

He dashed through the base and someone was calling for him. Sounded like Jeremy but right now he couldn't be bothered, was too livid, too upset.

His feet carried him into the infirmary without his doing and he pushed his hand against the scanner before stepping inside. He stopped in front of Michael's bed and wrapped his arm around himself.

For a while all he could hear was the beeping of the machine and his own breathing and finally he figured if Michael could hear him, it would be well creepy.

“ It's me,” he mumbled and reached down to touch his knee. “Just me. Everything is alright, Michael.”

He hesitated for a second before stepping around the bed and sat down on the edge. Taking Michael's hand in his, he held it tightly and felt the same sinking feeling as before when he had watched him. This stillness was unnerving, looked wrong on Michael.

Even when he was asleep, he was sprawled out and not tucked in as neatly as right here. He would either throw Mogar out of bed during the night or use him as a pillow but not hold him in his arm the whole time.

Sighing, Gavin played with his fingers but with Michael here he felt a bit better. It showed him why he had done this, why he had broken the rules.

And that it was well worth it.

They had to get revenge, they had to show that crew that they shouldn't have messed with them, that it was a mistake to even dare to touch them. They were the Fake AH Crew!

It bugged him that they were losing, that people began to think they were weak because it was wrong! They would show them!

Why didn't Ryan understand that? He should be all over it! Go out there and be his creepy self and scare that other crew into submission!

Instead he yelled at him, tried to stop him from making any progress. That wouldn't help anyone!

They couldn't just continue to sit around!

He was tired of thinking about it. Right now Michael was breathing and he was breathing and it was good like that.

They spent a few minutes in silence until the infirmary door opened and he looked up, fearing it would be Ryan. It was Jack, coming closer slowly.

His hand was back on Gavin's shoulder but his eyes were on Michael.

“ Hey pumpkin,” he began to say. “Ray and Gavin did something really great. They found out a way to find those people who did this to you. They have maybe even found a way to free all three of you. All for you.”

Gavin smiled a bit at that and Jack squeezed his shoulder. He nodded towards the next bed. “Let's talk for a moment.”

“ Okay.”

They both sat down on the bed, facing Michael and Gavin pulled his knees against his chest. “I thought I did something right. I thought I helped.”

“Gavin, you did something very courageous. But Ryan is also right, you brought yourself in danger if the project ever finds out.” Jack turned towards him. “I want you to be honest with me, will they be able to find out who hacked them?”

“ If they check closely they will see that someone has hacked them,” Gavin said. “But I didn't leave behind any trail, nothing that points towards me. There is no proof that it was me. And why would they assume it should be me? I am not allowed to!”

“ Then why did you do it?”

“They hurt Michael,” he reasoned.

“ Yeah. They did.” Jack fell silent before throwing an arm around the kid's shoulder, pulling him closer. “Do you understand why Ryan did what he did?”

“ There was a time when I thought I had him figured out,” Gavin said. “But he's been all weird since we were in the theater. He's all hot and cold again.”

“He's concerned. I know that he has a strange way of showing it.”

“He stops me from helping. He won't allow me to do anything!”

“ Like torture this Matthew?”

“ Yeah. If Michael and Ray wouldn't have been able to get out on their own, we would have gotten the location out of those guys! And I could do it! I  _ did _ do it! He just kept telling me that I wasn't like him but later he told me I did good!” he spat those last words, agitated. “Well, it was bloody too late by then! He should just make up his mind!”

“ Torturing someone is something very severe.”

“I know that!”

“ He tried to protect you. He didn't want you to change through that.”

“I wouldn't have! I am stronger than he thinks!” He frowned. “He acts like I am a little child! Should have done that when I actually was a kid; when I needed him to! But no, then he had to play the big and scary Vagabond!”

Jack rubbed his arm and Gavin huffed, feeling an unknown anger against his guardian. But no, it wasn't anger, not quite.

“ I'm frustrated,” he admitted. “He can be so cold and cruel just like right now and then... then he goes and hums that lullaby, he opens up to me and I think that's it! I finally managed to... I don't even know? To get closer? Bloody hell, we made cookies the other day and it was so much fun!” He couldn't help but laugh at the memory. “Those cookies were rubbish, they tasted awful.”

“ They did,” Jack agreed and Gavin looked up to him.

“ You ate them though.”

“Didn't you too?”

“ Because Ryan was so damn proud of them. Told me it were the first ones he made since his childhood. I couldn't just not eat them.”

“ Oh, he told us you made them.”

“ No way. I was only allowed to cut the dough after the flour incident.” He grimaced. “I told him to use sugar but he said that wasn't true. I never made cookies before and I still knew more but no, old Haywood recipe, my ass.”

Jack couldn't help but laugh at that and after a while Gavin also chuckled.

“ I like him very much when he is like that. It's a lot of fun. I just wish it would be more often, you know?” Sighing, he reached up to rub his eyes. “But I promised that it would be enough. He asked me if I prefered another guardian and I said no. I said I could be all the lovey dovey shit, so I will be. I know that it's hard for him but I wish he would also understand that it's not necessarily easy for me to just stand there and smile all the time.”

“ It’s alright to be frustrated, Gavin. You don't have to make him happy. You have to think about yourself from time to time and if you need him to do something, just demand it,” Jack assured him. “I don't think you realize what kind of power you hold over him.”

The boy snorted in disbelief and Jack squeezed him.

“ I am serious. He would do anything for you and he's acting so weird because he can't handle seeing you in danger.”

“ He can't protect me from being in danger. He can't just lock me up somewhere.”

“That's true. He also can't stop you from growing up. That's what you did today. Acting against the project was a huge step forward. You're your own person, Gavin.”

He smiled softly at those words, feeling them warm in his veins and leaned his head against Jack's shoulder.

“ Thanks, Jack. You are good with that.”

“People say that, yeah.” It sounded sad and Gavin followed his gaze towards Michael and his heart sank.

“ When you kill those guys I will watch everything over the cams,” he said. “And I'll record it in finest 1080p, I swear. Michael will love to watch it.”

“ Yeah, he will.” Jack hugged him and Gavin held him close, knowing they both needed the contact right now.

“ We will head out tomorrow and fuck them up.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter this time but the next two will be huge, so be ready for that!  
> 


	17. Spawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You made up with Gavin?” Jack asked and Ryan grimaced. That was probably the other's revenge.  
> “There is nothing to make up for. He did something stupid and I told him.”

Chapter 16

Spawn

  


“I know what Geoff offered you,” Ryan said nearly too quietly to catch over the sound of the car. Jack looked up from the road. He was probably surprised; Ryan usually wasn’t the one to start serious conversations, but they were driving for two hours now and he was getting antsy.

“Did you give it any thought yet?”

After some hesitation, Jack shook his head and turned back around. “Not yet, but I want to concentrate on this first.”

“Of course.” They fell back into the slightly awkward silence that had started since they both got into this car. Well, maybe already since his small outbreak yesterday. He was still angry at Gavin, at the others for siding with him, but of course it wasn’t their Gunslingers who were in danger now, was it?

But the hideout was way out here and he always felt nervous when he was on bad terms with Jack and there was nobody in here who could break the silence.

Both Ray and Geoff had driven ahead with a bike so that the boy could find a good spot to snipe and they drove way quicker through traffic than them.

“You made up with Gavin?” Jack asked and Ryan grimaced. That was probably the other's revenge.

“There is nothing to make up for. He did something stupid and I told him.”

“You were too harsh, even you should be able to see that,” Jack said. “If you would have sit him down and explained why it bothered you so much, you would have made a way bigger impact.”

He huffed. As if it was that easy!

“I asked Gavin yesterday if everything was alright and he said it was. He knows what I meant.”

He could see Jack roll his eyes but his phone rang and interrupted them. Checking on the display, he picked up and put Gavin on speaker. "What's wrong?"

"How far away are you from their base?"

"Around half an hour," Jack told him. "Why?"

"I've been keeping an eye on the cameras and a car just pulled up," Gavin explained. "Brought in three more guys but not Renee or Justin."

"Three more guys won't matter much," Ryan said.

"I know but it's the car. It's blocking the view of the entrance, Ray might need another place to snipe from."

"Shit," Jack mumbled but Ryan just shook his head.

"We can do it. Maybe we'll blow the car up but I am sure we can fi-"

Gavin gave a surprised squawk and they both paused, throwing each other a quick look.

"Bloody hell, stupid shit!"

"What happened?"

"Bloody black out again! If that was Jeremy leaving all his shit on agai-"

"Has to be a blackout in the whole city," Jack said. "No way the system was overloaded in the middle of the night."

"I don't know. I can't look outside."

Jack's hands around the wheel tightened and he asked, "What about Michael?"

Ryan threw him a sharp look, noticing how the other tensed up because Michael needed electricity to survive. He could also hear it in Gavin's voice, the nervousness. "Emergency supply should get us back up in two minutes. The infirmary has the highest priority, Jack."

"Okay." It certainly was not okay and they fell into an awkward silence, only disturbed by a tune coming from Gavin's phone. Ryan recognized it instantly, signaling an update of the website and for a terrifying moment, he was sure that Michael had died. That the failure of his machines had taken the last of his strength, but that couldn't be. Michael was already displayed as dead on the website.

Had Ray and Geoff crashed?

"What was that?" Jack asked, noticing the tension in the car rising.

"I don't know. I can't check it out," Gavin mumbled and Ryan put his phone into the cradle to reach out to Jack.

"Give me your phone. I'll take a look."

Jack fished it out of his pocket, unlocked it with his finger print and threw it to Ryan. He was just opening the browser when a distant boom echoed over the speaker. It sounded like thunder and Gavin gasped surprised.

"What was that?"

"I don't know. It came from outside."

"There is no storm going on, is there?"

"I can't look outside," Gavin repeated and they could hear him moving around. "But it didn't sound like one..." He fell silent for a moment before adding, "The computer is rebooting, I can check on Michael in a minute but the machines should already be working again."

"Okay," Jack said but it sounded tense again. He threw Ryan quick glances as he tried to access the website. It took a moment to load out there in the wasteland, but when it did it was as if he lost the ground beneath his feet. Taking a huge breath, he snapped, "Gavin!"

"What? What did I do?" the boy asked in alarm. "What was the update? Who died?"

"Nobody died."

"Bu-"

"They rearranged the order," Ryan responded with a sharp voice. "They rearranged the fucking order and you are rank one now!"

"I- what?"

Jack threw him a look but all he could do was stare at the phone. Gavin's photo at the top, even before Lindsay and he didn't even dare to check on the amount of money on his head now. "You just had to hack them! You just had to go out there and break the fucking rules, you idiot! Look at what you've done!"

"That can't be right," Gavin mumbled, sounding mildly surprised. They could hear him typing so the computer had to be back up. "No way they found out! I was so careful-"

"You are the last damn hacker on the list," Ryan shouted. "Doesn't take a genius to figure out who it was! You think Project NEON needs evidence?" He glanced to Jack. "Turn around. We have to head back."

Jack didn't react and angered, he leaned ahead. "Didn't you hear?"

"I did hear you," he responded slowly and Ryan understood. This right here, this vengeance was important to Jack. Those people had hurt Michael so badly, had brought him to the brink of death and now he finally had the chance to make them pay, to kill them. They had prepared for this mission, had driven all the way out and going back would take nearly two hours. They were so close that thinking about stopping had to be physically painful.

Still, Gavin was alone right now-

"Ryan." That was Gavin and he sounded breathless. "Ryan, there are people?"

"People? What people?"

"Yeah. I count... ten or eleven? Eleven, I see eleven in the foyer."

He grew cold, staring at the phone. "What do you mean in the foyer?"

"They are standing there. I think they are organizing themselves, I can only see them and not hear them though."

"How did they get inside? The do-"

"The entrance was blown up," Gavin told him quietly, controlled. "That was the bang before, I think. They just... just walked in. I guess they also caused the bla- Oh God!" They heard Gavin jump up, hitting his chair and his calmness was gone just like that. "They are coming up the stairs! Ryan, they are coming for me! What should I do?"

He didn't know. He stared at the phone and realized with a dawning horror that he was miles away. That they all were miles away and Gavin was there alone. Alone with his pistol and his knife and eleven guys in their base.

"Gavin," Jack said gently. "The doors are still locked, right? You can only get through them with the right handprint. They won't open for them."

The boy was quiet but his breathing calmed down a little. "Yeah," he finally mumbled. "Yeah, the doors won't open. They will need the handprint or the emergency keys. You're right."

"Good." Jack made a sharp u-turn and Ryan threw him a thankful look. "Where are the emergency keys? Could they get them somehow?"

"Geoff has one set, probably in his apartment and the second set, wait..." They heard him rattling around, before he sighed. "I got them here. If they didn't break into Geoff's apartment, they don't have them."

"That's good, right?"

"It is." Gavin breathed out, long and shaky. "What should I do?"

"Who else is in the base, Gavin?" Ryan asked.

"Just me and Michael." A short pause, before he added, "Michael is alright for all I can tell. His machines are working."

Jack relaxed in his seat before nodding towards Ryan. "Call Ray. We are coming back right now, Gav."

"Thank you," the boy mumbled. "Sorry about that."

"It's alright. Tell me what they are doing?"

"Let's see." They listened to him sitting back down while Ryan contacted the others, asking them to turn around and head back. "One of them is working on the door. It should take them a while and there is still another one towards this floor but if they don't know what they are doing, it will take hours." He laughed nervously. "The other's are looking around. Looks like they are searching for something."

"Maybe they are not there for you."

"With that timing?" Ryan huffed. "I bet they were sent by the project."

"How long will it take you guys to come back?"

Ryan and Jack threw each other a quick look before Jack admitted. "Nearly two hours, buddy. I'll drive as fast as I can though."

"Okay..." Gavin mumbled nervously. "Can you sent back up? Maybe we can take them out quickly and you guys can go on."

"That might actually wo-"

"No way," Ryan interrupted Jack. "I've seen the bounty on your head, Gavin and I trust nobody to be close to you with that temptation. People do stupid things for money."

"So I just... sit here and wait?"

"You are safe where you are for now."

The boy fell silent, probably not liking the idea but Ryan didn't care. His ass would stay right where it was.

"What if they are after Michael?" Gavin asked quietly and Jack exhaled slowly.

"They don't know about Michael," Ryan quickly responded. "Also the infirmary is safe, right?"

"I guess." Back in the base, Gavin was biting on his lip. The screens in front of him showed him those unknown guys wandering around like rats, snooping through their stuff. He didn't like it. It was his damn job to make sure the base was safe. At least they couldn't get to the higher floors but still.

Frowning at the pictures in front of him, he pulled his knees against his chest and felt his heart beat wildly. If they got those doors open he was fucked, there wasn't even anywhere to flee besides maybe jumping out of a window.

Eyes traveling, he found the camera showing Michael and the other seemed impossibly far away. All the way down and alone.

Two hours, eh?

Bloody long time.

He watched two people walk all the way down the stairs and he tensed up, fearing they would really go after Michael. It was a small guy and a woman, bleached hair pulled into a ponytail. He didn't like the look of her, it made his skin crawl. And then he understood what they were going for.

"Fuck!" he shouted and jumped to his feet.

"What? What is going on, Gavin?"

"They are going for the generator!" he growled and stared at his keyboard but there was nothing he could do but watch and when they would reach the generator, he wouldn't even be able to do that! Seconds later he was dropped into darkness again.

Breathing heavily, he looked around but couldn't make anything out. They had blinded him again and now he didn't know anything. Couldn't tell what they were doing or if they broke the doors.

Now he was completely helpless.

"Gavin?"

"Cameras are down," he said into his earpiece. "I have no control over anything anymore."

"Stay where you are. They still won't be able to get to you."

Stupid Ryan, making it sound like it was the easiest thing in the world. How could he just sit here and wait in complete darkness? For two hours nonetheless? He'd go insane!

Using his phone, he light up his office at least but he couldn't risk draining the battery. This was his lifeline right now.

"Gavin?" Jack asked and by the tone of his voice, he already knew it was something bad. "Gavin, what about Michael?"

He froze in place, his eyes staring into the darkness. There was no electricity and without electricity the machines wouldn't work. Without the machines Michael would die.

All alone down there in complete darkness.

"Oh God..." he whispered. "Oh God, oh no - what should I do?"

"You stay where you are!" Ryan repeated, this time sharper than before and Gavin actually flinched at that.

"But Michael-"

"Ryan is right, Gavin," Jack agreed quietly and that broke Gavin's heart. "It's too risky. Stay where you are and we'll come and get you."

"It's not fair."

"We are way past fair."

They all fell silent again and Gavin stood there in the darkness, knowing that Michael was dying beneath him. Was suffocating all alone and that was so wrong. Was it possible that Michael would start breathing on his own again? He was pretty sure he had heard stories about that!

God, he wished he would be able to check on him somehow.

Finding his chair in the darkness, he sat down and waited. Feeling the seconds pass by too slowly as he tried to control his breathing. There were people in the base and they were searching for him. There was a high bounty on his head and Michael...

Everything had gone to shit so quickly.

"Geoff and Ray just passed us," Ryan said. "They'll be back faster with their bike. Just hold out."

"Okay."

But he couldn't stop thinking about Michael. Laying in the darkness and... would he choke on that tube? Gag around it? Or would he just fall asleep?

Closing his eyes, Gavin tried to push those pictures aside but wasn't able to. Considering Jack's silence, the other had the same problem.

It wasn't fair, Michael deserved so much more. He was too precious, too warm for this.

"I'm going to put the generator back on," he could hear himself saying and that felt good.

"You will not!" Ryan snarled but he ignored him for now. Standing back up, he reached for the gun in his top drawer and put it in the waistband of his shorts next to his knife. The knife would be more effective right here because it was quieter but it would be foolish going without a gun.

"Gavin," Ryan said sharply. "You will stay where you are. That's an order!"

He froze in place, hand hovering over the keys.

"He's right, Gav," Jack agreed. "Please be safe. Nothing of this is worth having both of you dead."

"Don't do it, kiddo. We'll be there as soon as we can."

"It will be too late," Gavin mumbled, eyes locked on the keys. "Michael will die. I can't just sit around and wait for that to happen."

"You will fucking sit dow-"

"Sorry," he interrupted Ryan and felt a warm tingle as he did so. He felt powerful. Grabbing the keys, he reached towards his earpiece. "I'll contact you when I am with Michael."

"Ga-" And he cut the call.

Silence laid over him and he just listened to his own breathing. He was completely alone right now and it felt alright. Not perfect but he could deal with it. Michael needed his help.

Unlocking his door, his phone was already vibrating but he stuffed it deep into his pocket before going on. Reaching up, he touched his sunglasses hanging from his collar before pushing them into his hair. It was too dark to wear them but feeling them was enough for a false sense of security. His own little mask.

The vibrating stopped as he moved downwards, locking every door behind him again before he reached the one leading towards the foyer. He stopped there, knowing it was unlikely but he could swear he heard the stranger work on the lock. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and tried to calm his nerves down, stop his hands from trembling.

Touching his glasses once more, he pulled out his knife.

Ramsey's Puppeteer.

Vagabond's Spawn.

If they thought he would go down easily, that he was helpless without the protection of the others, he would show them.

Michael was waiting for him.

He unlocked the door and the click sounded loud. On the other side, he heard a soft 'finally'. Idiot, thought he had done that.

Taking a deep breath, Gavin pushed his full weight against the door and let it swing open. There was a satisfying thump as it collided with a head and Gavin darted out.

The stranger was dazed from the impact and Gavin grabbed his hair roughly, yanking it back to drive his knife into his throat. The guy gasped and he quickly moved his hand, covering his mouth as he pulled him back inside, letting the door fall shut behind them.

That asshole was struggling, trying to grab him and with a grunt, Gavin slit through his artery. He let him fall to the ground, stepping a bit back to avoid the spray of blood pooling on the floor.

Fuck, fuck, fuck- okay. Okay, that had worked.

Flicking blood from his knife, he took a second to dry his hands before stepping over the body and opening the door again.

Nobody storming up the stairs, nobody calling. The foyer was quiet and through the blown up entrance soft moonlight fell in, allowing him to see better. There was a faint smell of gunpowder but the metallic scent of blood was more dominant, clinging to him.

Stepping out, he closed the door and locked it.

In the silence his steps sounded loud, even the shuffle of his clothes and of course the jingle of the keys. He quickly stuffed them into a pocket as well, feeling their cold weight against him. Someone had gone through their kitchen of all things, opening the cabinets as if he would hide in there. But they all seemed to have moved on, down into the guts of their base and Gavin followed. Taking the next flight of stairs, it grew darker again and he crouched at the bottom, waited for his eyes to get used to it.

There was someone, he could hear them move around but it was still a bit away. When he went on, he found an open door to his right. It was just used for storage, nothing important and whoever was going through it, good luck to them. For a moment Gavin considered killing them as well, but now he could see that it was the woman with the ponytail and he shivered. Something about her was making him anxious and he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to take her down as easy as the other guy.

Sneaking past her, he reached the next stairs and this was working better than expected. True, those guys didn't know he was among them, probably waiting for dead guy to open the door so that they could storm the upper levels. Well, they would notice it soon enough. The moment he put the generator back on he would be in trouble because they would know exactly where he would be.

But he would cross that bridge when he reached it.

Turning the corner, he was momentarily blinded by a flashlight and quickly stumbled back behind cover. Fuck, he and his loud mind! Maybe they hadn't-

"Cin? Is that you?" a woman asked and he cursed inwardly. Blinking against the blue spots in front of his eyes, he watched the cone of light come closer and got his knife out. Taking another breath, he charged around the corner.

Instantly he was blinded again but the woman just gasped surprised and didn't move. He didn't finish her quickly, his knife hitting her shoulder instead of her chest because he had seen her too late. He tried to stab her again when something heavy crashed against the side of his head and he stumbled away. It had to be the flashlight because it grew dark again as he turned around. The woman was taking a breath, probably to scream and he lunged at her, trying to wrestle her to the ground. She was stronger than she appeared and she threw him into the wall like he weighed nothing.

Gasping, he could make out a silver reflection in the dark and was barely quick enough to duck beneath the swift slash of her knife. He tried to use her opening for another stab but she managed to dodge, both of their knifes locking at the hilt. And fuck, she was strong, overpowering him easily. He threw his weight against it, trying to push her back to get away from the wall himself but she was making it hard.

At least he could see that she had her teeth clenched and nothing more than little grunts came from her but fuck, he was losing too much time! Just one more floor and-- She pushed him back with a powerful shove and he hit the wall again. Grunting, he saw her smile breathlessly and it had something beautiful in it. He could see pride and a loyalty he couldn't place but it reminded him of Michael. It made his heart ache as he gripped the tip of his knife loosely and threw it.

It didn't embed into her throat like he had planned to or how Ryan had showed him over and over again but at least the handle struck her hard enough to make her flinch.

Charging once more, he managed to wrestle her down and straddle her. She made a surprised shriek and he quickly clamped his hand over her mouth, felt her trying to bite his palm as he searched for his knife. He found hers first but it was sharp enough to do the job as he stabbed her in the throat. She roared up beneath him and he had a hard time keeping her down, her fingers scratching over his arms before going for his face. He managed to avoid them, pushing the knife in further until she was coughing blood into his hand.

It took surprisingly long until her struggle died down and by then his eyes had gotten used to the darkness enough to watch the life leave her slowly. His own chest was heaving and his head hurt where she had struck him and then she kicked in one last desperate attempt. She didn't even hit him but the metal door leading towards another briefing room they barely used. The bang was loud and sudden, making Gavin jump and in the next second he heard someone call, "What is going on there?"

It came from above, the woman with the ponytail and Gavin was on his feet instantly.

"Bitch," he whispered without any real ill will as he clambered to get his knife and fuck stealth. It was too late for that and he ran down the stairs. There was more noise now, people yelling and heavy steps coming from both above and beneath him. He reached the last floor and turned left, pushing himself into a dark corner when someone came for him. It was a man, breath going heavy as he ran towards the stairs.

Gavin crouched deeper into the darkness and tried not to make a sound. It was hard, his heart was slamming in his chest and he was gasping but he should be safe here. Nobody knew this building as good as him and those guys were idiots if they thought they would be able to catch him in his fucking throne room.

The man trampled upstairs and Gavin closed his eyes, letting his head hang for a second.

"Oh God," he whispered and he felt sick with adrenaline, his body drenched in cold sweat but he was too close now.

Pushing on, he found the room with the generator easy enough and hesitated next to it. If he would push this button they would all know where he was. He couldn't screw this up or he was dead.

Or kidnapped, he wasn't yet sure what they wanted from him.

Exchanging his knife for his gun, he switched the generator back on. The machine gave a distinctive roar and he was gone, running back through the hallway he had just come through but the Infirmary was above him and he could hear a lot of voices coming from the stairs. But that was fine, Michael didn't need him there and even if it would calm himself down to be close to his brother, it would be suicide to run up there.

So instead he turned right and sure enough he could hear steps coming down, a voice yelling for him to stop. He did no such thing, he saw the armory in front of him right as the emergency light went back on and when the panel next to the door lit up, Gavin actually laughed. Reaching the door, he pushed his hand against it and threw a look over his shoulder.

Two men were charging at him but none of them shot, so they really wanted him alive. With a beep the door unlocked and raising his middle finger, he slipped inside.

"Goodbye, assholes!" he yelled before the heavy door fell shut after him and sure enough he could hear someone pound against it, yelling from the other side.

Giggling maybe a bit hysterically, he stepped back until he hit the table. With a heavy breath, he laid down on it and the cool metal felt good against his damp back. He was still shaking and felt sick to his stomach but here he was safe right now. It was one of the heaviest door in the base and they wouldn't be able to break through it, no way, not in time.

The light above him turned on and with a groan he laid an arm over his eyes to block it out. For a while he laid just like that, panting to catch his breath and in hope that his shivering would ease. When he felt ready, he sat back up and crossed his legs.

Okay. So far, so good. What next?

Nothing was really stopping those guys from simply switching the generator back off and they would the moment they realized they couldn't get inside of here. He couldn't let that happen.

Fishing his phone out of his pocket, he saw that Ryan had tried to call him. Only once, he hadn't risked that he got caught because his phone was ringing. Gavin hadn't really thought about that possibility but now it made him shiver.

Fuck, Ryan would be pissed.

He wrote a short message, saying, “I'm fine. Generator is running. Don't call yet.” And because he was a brat, he ended it with a tirade of different colored hearts and other cutesy emojis, simply because he knew it would piss Ryan off even more and fuck that at this point. But it would also show that it was him sending the message, not someone with his phone.

Looking around, he couldn't help but smile with a grim satisfaction. All the guns of the crew in a neat order around him so that he could chose as he pleased.

Ray would probably pop a boner if he would be in his situation. Well, but Ray also knew how to use them.

Sure, Ryan had made sure he knew how to shoot the more common weapons but that had been a while ago and he still preferred his pistol over the heavier guns.

Slipping from the table, he ran a hand through his hair and bumped against his glasses. Pulling them onto his nose, the light didn't feel as harsh anymore as he looked at the guns.

Shit, he didn't even know some of them and maybe he should just stay with his pistol. Or a shotgun maybe, he was pretty good with that thing.

Another heavy slam against the door made him turn around and he couldn't help himself but smirk at the frustrating yelling coming from outside. But good to know, they were still there.

Gavin stopped and his smirk turned into a full out grin as his eyes fell on Michael's minigun. Those guys were still out there, alright. Standing neatly behind that door and fuck, would they regret this soon enough.

“Michael,” he mumbled gleefully as he reached for the gun. “If you can watch me somehow - not like a ghost because I really don't want you to haunt me but like astral projection or something like that – you will enjoy that!”

Pulling the minigun from its place, he let it instantly crash on the floor, nearly flattening his feet in the process.

“Bloody hell,” he mumbled. He had known that it was heavy but not that heavy!

He managed to lift it with a grunt and slowly dragged it over to the door before putting it down again. His arms were already protesting and he let them rest while he looked the gun over. Switching the safety off, he checked if the thing was even loaded and damn right it was. A few thousand shots but he remembered Michael and Ryan talking about this gun, knowing that it needed that many.

Taking one last breath, he stepped ahead and pushed his hand against the panel. The door unlocked with a beep and he could hear the triumphant laughs from the other side while he lifted the minigun.

One of the guys pulled the door open, an ugly sneer on his face and Gavin began shooting.

The knockback was immense, pushing him back against the table but he threw his weight against it and managed to stay on his feet. It was deafening in the small room and he couldn't hear or see anything of the hallway beneath the door, his whole body concentrating on keeping the gun steady.

It seemed to take forever until the minigun ran empty but it could only have been seconds. Gavin stumbled ahead as the force pushing him back vanished and he let the gun fall to the ground in order to stay on his feet.

Gasping, he leaned against the door frame and looked at the mess he had created. And oh God, what a mess it was. The bullets had torn through the bodies like guillotines and left the walls and floor sprayed in blood and gore.

He took one glance before turning away, retching and gagging.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck...” Gavin sank to the floor, coughing until tears ran down his cheeks, his stomach rebelling against the sight and the knowledge that he had been the one doing that.

He didn't really think about dialing Ryan's number but the voice of his guardian came from his earpiece a few seconds later, “Gavin!”

“I killed them,” he whimpered, still not able to look at it. “Oh God, I killed them all. They are all dead – it's horrible!”

“What happened? Are you hurt? Are you okay, Gav?”

“I'm fine. I'm fine but... but...” He wiped his face before slowly turning around. He had to make sure that nobody was coming down that hallway. “Ryan, I killed so many...”

“That's good. That's very good, kiddo.”

He wondered briefly if Ryan would be proud of him after seeing this and that helped a little. Sniffing a bit, he got back to his feet but had to steady himself at the door frame.

“Gavin, where are you? What is going on over there?” Ryan asked and there was a hectic concern in his voice.

“I'm in the armory. Used Michael's minigun, figured he'd like the sentiment and it's... it's certainly effective.”

“Damn right it is,” Ryan sounded amused and it made Gavin also smile. He was pretty sure that he could hear Jack in the background. Apparently he wasn't on speaker anymore.

“What about the electricity?”

“Still running.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, tried not to think about what had just happened. He concentrated on Ryan's voice, could nearly pretend he was next to him.

“And Michael?”

“I don't know yet. Gonna check on him now.”

“Okay.” They both fell quiet for a moment and Gavin opened his eyes again, trying to prepare himself to walk through... through that.

“I'm fucking pissed at you, you know?” Ryan told him without any ill will and Gavin chuckled.

“Oh, I know.”

“Are you sure you got everyone?”

“I think so?”

“You think so or you know?”

Well, he wasn't quite sure if he was honest. His eyes swept over the bodies and he felt himself get sick again but it was replaced by horror quick enough.

“The woman...” he whispered. “There was a woman with blond hair. She isn't here. She isn't here, Ryan!”

“Okay. Okay, is there someone else missing? You said it were ten or eleven people.”

“Please don't make me count them. I will throw up.”

“Gavi-”

“No!” he called a bit too loud. It echoed through the hallway. “I don't want to do this anymore, okay? That was enough! Don't make me do this!” He took a shaky breath and Ryan had fallen silent in his ear before he said sharply, “You have to.”

“No! I want to go home, Ryan! I want to get to bed and... and hide and switch the lamp on, okay? I just want to watch the stars for a while! I want to go home _right now!”_

“Count the bodies, Gavin.” His voice was sharp, leaving no room for objection and Gavin whimpered.

“Rye...”

“Do it.”

Sobbing quietly, he let his eyes wander again and tried to... to count the limbs but some were... were not on the right place anymore and he gagged loudly.

“Gavi-”

“I can't... I can't, please don't make m-”

“It's an order! Do it right now, boy!”

For a second he considered cutting the call again but he didn't dare this time. Heads. If he counted the heads he should... he should- there was just one head, right? Just counting the heads and he would know.

Sniffing, he clung to the door frame and tried not to retch as he did just that. He had watched shit like that over the cameras more than once but that was not the same. It was not the same because this time he could smell it, because this time he had done it. It had been his hands that had killed those people and sure he had killed before but not like this!

“Seven,” he whispered.

“So there are at least three out there, most likely four.”

“I killed two on the way here. So maybe only the woma-”

“Worst case scenario, Gavin. Two people left, okay?”

“Okay.” He took a shaking breath, trying to pull himself together. “Two people, alright. The woman and someone else, got it.”

“You need to hunt them down and kill them now.”

He quickly shook his head. “No, I wanna check on Michael next!”

“Gavin, you are still in danger as long as those two are around!”

“Maybe they run away! Maybe they are scared of m-”

“Gavin.” The word was cold, cutting even and he jumped a bit at the sound of it.

“Ryan... I don't wan-”

“I don't care what you want!” Ryan snapped at him. “You have to take them out, don't you understand that?”

Ryan was angry with him. He was angry and probably disappointed as well and Gavin felt even worse than before. In the background he could hear Jack saying something, sounding furious and Jack would help him, Jack would agree to check on Michael first.

“I want to talk to Jack.”

“No.”

“Please put me on speaker, Ryan.”

“You will not go running to Jack now because you don't get what you want,” Ryan said. “Just do as I say and things will be alright.”

“I am not running to anyone,” Gavin protested weakly. “I jus-”

“You got yourself into this mess and I will fucking help you get out of it, if you just listen!”

“But I don't want to listen to you right now! And if I am honest I don't really want to talk to you anymo-”

“Too bad. You can't get everything you wa-”

“I don't like you all too much right now,” Gavin whimpered and he felt crushed, felt miserable because Ryan just _wouldn't listen._ “You are being really mean.”

His guardian fell silent and Gavin tried hard not to sniff all too loudly. Right now it would be bad to show any weakness in front of Ryan, not when he was in this mindset.

“Gavin,” Ryan said slowly and very calm. It made Gavin flinch. “I will get you out of there but you have to do as I say. So stop throwing a tantrum an-”

“But I am scared,” he blurted out and felt very small saying it. “I am really scared, Rya-”

“Grow up.”

He froze and fell silent. Ryan was being cruel and it was like someone was grabbing his heart and crushing it.

It hurt.

It hurt a lot.

“Fuck you,” he whispered.

“Gavi-”

He cut the call.

Standing in the armory, he took deep breaths because his vision was blurry and his body shaking. He wanted Michael.

His phone started to vibrate in his pocket but he ignored it. Fuck Ryan!

He had gotten until here without him, right? He had killed most of those guys and that was enough. It had to be enough.

Rubbing his eyes, he got a hold on his pistol before stepping out. He tried very hard not to think about what he was walking through, just focused on his goal. In the infirmary he would be safe. He would be safe and with Michael and then he could just wait for Ray and Geoff.

Yeah, that would be good. Everything would work out. After that they could deal with his bounty or those intruder or anything at all.

His sneakers squelched on the floor and he was being too loud but he just wanted it to be over. And nobody was close to begin with. He looked around and found himself completely alone.

He didn't know where that woman went to but he also didn't care. Maybe she had fled, maybe she had realized that they couldn't catch him. All in all he didn't give a fuck.

Climbing up the stairs, he reached the infirmary without any problems and pushing his hand against the scanner, he got inside. He stood there for a moment, knowing he was safe now and threw a look back through the glass door, expecting that woman to appear but she didn't.

Turning around, he pulled the curtain down so that they couldn't look inside before following the beeping to Michael's bed.

The machines were working again, he could hear the artificial breathing coming from the tube and he checked on the monitor, saw Michael's pulse.

It was a heavy weight falling from his heart and he leaped ahead, burying his face in the other's chest.

It was warm, rising and falling and it smelled like Michael.

“Michael...” he whimpered. “I was so scared... I was very scared...”

Under normal circumstances, Michael would pull him close now, telling him that he'd done good. Maybe try to shush him down and say that he didn't have to be scared anymore and for a while Gavin allowed himself to imagine that.

It felt good, made him feel secure and he calmed down a bit.

Standing back up, he wanted to crawl into the bed and hide beneath the blanket but he was afraid he would mess with any cables or sensors on Michael's body. So he climbed onto the next bed and pulled the blanket tightly around himself, watching the other.

His phone vibrated again and he buried his face against his knees.

He should call Jack, tell him that Michael was alright but Jack was driving. Ryan would most likely answer the phone and he really, really didn't want to talk with Ryan right now.

He couldn't deny that a part of him understood why Ryan had reacted like that. He got cold in a stressful situation, he got distant when others were around and fuck, Gavin had learned to live with that!

He had damn well overlooked that all, had dealt with it but not now. Now he needed his Ryan and not the Vagabond. He needed a Ryan who would calm him down and explain to him their next step and not... not order him around like a soldier.

Fuck him.

Still... Jack would be worried sick over Michael.

Taking another deep breath, he watched his bloody shoes as he ignored the two missed calls from Ryan and dialed Jack's number. Pulling the pillow close, he hugged it for comfort and tried to brace himself and sure enough-

“Gavin?”

“I called Jack not you,” he said.

“I know bu-”

“Please put Jack on the phone.”

“Let me explain firs-”

“I don't wanna hear it.”

“Gavin, I'm really-”

“I don't wanna hear it!” he snapped at him and was surprised how venomous he sounded. “I need to talk to Jack!”

Ryan had fallen silent and in the background he could hear Jack's agitated voice. There was some shuffling and finally he heard Jack clearer.

“You're on speaker, buddy. I can hear you,” he said and the nickname alone made Gavin feel a bit better. “Sorry that I can't take the phone but we're driving as fast as we can to get to you and I don't want to crash the car. So the asshole can also hear you, okay?”

“Okay. Yeah, that's... that's okay, Jack.”

“Good. Tell me where you are, buddy. Are you safe?”

“I'm in the infirmary.”

“You are with Michael?”

“Yeah. He's fine, Jack. I think at least. His machines are working and he's breathing and everything. I think he's alright.”

He could hear Jack exhale loudly. “Oh thank God...”

Gavin smiled shyly and threw another look to Michael, relieve washing over him.

“Thank you, Gavin,” Jack said. “Gavin, you saved his life, I hope you know that.”

He blushed happily, feeling warmth spread through him and he wasn't quite sure what he should say. In the end he settled on, “I will put you on speaker as well so that he can hear your voice.”

“Good idea.”

He did just that and pressed his pillow closer to his chest. “I am really scared, Jack.”

“That's understandable but you are doing great, buddy. You've done something good and I am very proud of you.”

“Really?” he asked eagerly.

“Absolutely and the worst is over now. Ray and Geoff are on their way and I bet they are pretty close to you already. Just hold on until they are there.”

“Can I stay here with Michael?”

“Of cour-”

“He can not,” Ryan threw in and Gavin instantly tensed at his voice. “We need to take those last two o-”

“You are not part of this conversation, Ryan,” Jack reminded him. “Feel free to join in when you support that kid instead of pressuring him.”

“Okay, fuck that,” Ryan snapped. “Gavin, I need you to listen to me. I am sorry, okay? I am sorry that I was so harsh but you need to take those two out. They could call in reinforcements and by the amount of money on your head it might be big. Righ-”

“I don't want to...”

“Right now they are all over the place,” Ryan went on without even listening. “You have to get them before they organize themselves. It's more dangerous to wai-”

“Ryan, calm the fuck down,” Jack hissed at him and now those two were fighting and Gavin buried his face in the pillow.

“I'm scared,” he whimpered again. “I don't want to go out there. I wanna stay here...”

“Gavin, I am trying to keep you alive here. You don't have time to be childish right now!”

There was anger in his guts but it wasn't really strong enough to do anything. The truth was, he had been fine before. He had gone down here, had put the electricity back on and had nearly wiped everybody out. It had all worked out better than he had expected and then he had called Ryan.

Just to have some comfort, to hear a voice and show him he wasn't alone but Ryan had been the Vagabond, had thought like him and that had unsettled him. Had made him feel small and helpless and now he couldn't get his limbs to move.

Maybe Ryan was right. Maybe he should go out there and kill those last two, make absolutely sure he and Michael were safe but now he couldn't. The courage from before just gone and he wished he had Ryan's jacket or his mask to make him feel invincible again.

All he had were his glasses and they felt like cheap plastic right now. Useless.

Jack was talking quietly and the up and down of his voice was calming, made him feel not so insignificant.

When Ryan sighed, he braced himself, clinging to the pillow.

“Gavin,” his guardian said, trying hard to control his voice. “I am sorry that I’m pushing you. I really am, but I want to protect you and right now that is the only way I can.”

That sounded a bit better but Gavin quickly shook his head. “I can't.”

“Why not? You've done so go-”

Something slammed against the door of the infirmary and Gavin shrieked loudly. His feet slipped from the bed and he jumped up a bit too fast, nearly eating shit on the floor.

Jack's and Ryan's voice mixed with each other, both asking what was going on, what was happening, Gavin, say something, but he just stared at the door, the curtain not allowing him to look outside.

And then a second bang, the woman shouting, “We know you're in there!”

He scrambled to his phone, ending the call to get the other two to shut up, to not make a noise as if they hadn't heard him already.

But maybe they hadn't. Maybe they were just doing this on every door, waiting for a reaction from him.

Even as he was trying to make himself believe that, he could see the trail he had left. Red smears on the linoleum where he had dragged his feet and a sudden panic took hold of him. His brain was shutting down, couldn't decide on a solution or even an idea.

“Open the door, brat, and maybe it won't be as bad!”

His breath hitched and he instinctively stepped closer to Michael, searching for his hand and squeezing it tightly. He wanted to ask him to help, to do something but knew it would be futile.

They shot the glass door next and it was so loud and sudden that Gavin jumped. It was bulletproof, he knew that but right now he wasn't sure. Bulletproof glass only did so much, right? If they stood there and continued to sho-

“Looks like their infirmary,” the woman said quietly, talking to someone else. “Maybe he got hurt, has to take care of himself.”

“Or there is someone inside with him.” This time it was a man, so Ryan had been right and it had been two left.

“Can't be. The other four are out on the road.”

“Ramsey's crew is big and he was talking to somebody.”

Fuck.

“Wait here.” There were steps walking away and he was pretty sure it was the man, leaving him alone with the blond woman. He should have taken them out, oh God, he should hav-

“Free!” she called and he pressed his lips together, trying hard not to make a noise. “Get your ass out because if I drag you out of there it won't be nice.”

Licking his lips, he held tight to Michael's hand. “Like it would be nice if I get out.” It didn't come out as sure as he wished but it made the woman laugh.

“Well, that's also true but see it like that; Justin won't take you apart. You are mine.”

He frowned, “Why?”

“Let's say I have some business with your guardian. Good news for you though, I won't slit you open until he is watching.”

Shivering, Gavin closed his eyes but tried not to think about it too much. “With Ryan? Wha-”

The light went out and drowned him in darkness. In darkness and silence because the familiar beeping, the artificial breath vanished with it. He stood next to Michael's bed, his hand in his and all he could hear was his own heartbeat.

“No!” he cried out, hand wandering to find his brother on the bed. “Put the electricity back on! You have to put it back on!”

“Are you afraid of the dark?”

It was the question of a demon and a deep fear came over him, making him shiver as he looked around, waiting for his eyes to get used to the darkness. What now, what now, what no-

“No, I'm not,” he said but it would fool no one. “But I need it.”

“Who's in there with you, Free?”

He wasn't sure what to say. Michael was dead to the world and that was the best position he could be in right now. But Michael was also going to die if he didn't do something.

“Someone I love dearly,” he finally settled on. “Please. They will die otherwise.”

The woman fell quiet and he held Michael's hand, intertwining their fingers. What if this wouldn't work? What if they would just sit this out? Could he just pull the tube out and do it himself? What if he would hurt Michael?

“Show yourself.”

He looked towards the door before letting go and slowly moving towards the curtain. It was a bit easier to see now but the room wasn't familiar enough to simply stroll through it. When his fingers hit the curtain, he pulled it to the side just enough to slip through.

The woman was tall, muscular, he could see that even in the soft twilight. She was stronger than him, a gun in her hand that was aimed to the ground.

“Who is in there?”

“I told you.”

She nodded slowly. “Fine. Come out and we'll put the generator back on.”

“It's an electronic door. I can't come out until the electricity is going again,” he lied and she frowned a little at that. He held her gaze, hoping he was putting on a good poker face but it was dark and they were both tired of playing cat and mouse.

She turned away from him, shouting down the hallway, “Get the thing running again, Webster.”

“Thank you,” Gavin mumbled before ducking back behind the curtain. He could hear the generator starting up again and knew he didn't have a lot of time.

The monitors lightened back up and he could see Michael clearer now. For a moment he didn't know what to do before leaning ahead and kissing his forehead. Jack had done that to him, Ray as well and it had felt foreign but certainly not unpleasant. More than once he had seen Jack and Geoff do it nearly absentmindedly, a domestic easiness and sometimes he had become so jealous of Michael and Ray that he feared it would eat him alive.

He at least hoped he had done it right.

The breathing started again and he wanted to cry. Instead he searched for his phone and found it just in time to see that lovely Ryan was calling.

“Can't talk,” he immediately whispered into his earpiece, hoping the woman wouldn't be able to hear him.

“What is going on, Gavin?”

“Should have killed them. Sorry, Rye. I should have just listened.”

“Gav-”

“Just stay with me?” he asked and now the light above him flickered on. He moved quickly, searching through the drawer for some kind of weapon because they would surely take his.

“What does that mean?” Ryan responded, concern heavy in his voice.

“I screwed up, sorry. I'm so sorry. Just please... please don't let me do this alone?” He found a scalpel and took it, carefully strapping it into the wristband of his watch.

“Get your ass out of there, Free. We had a deal!”

“I'm coming!” he called back and with one last look towards Michael he knew that this was it.

This was it.

Swallowing, he moved back towards the door and listened to Ryan's breathing in his ear. His guardian had fallen silent after hearing the woman, probably trying to understand what was going on but it was too late for that.

Slipping through the curtain again, there was already a gun trained at him. “Weapons down.”

As expected.

“Don't do it,” Ryan whispered in his ear but he was already pulling his pistol and his knife out. Holding it up for her to see, he laid them to the ground.

“Kick them away. You think I am stupid?”

He kicked them into the infirmary and a sudden wild hope came over him. Michael standing up, Michael taking his gun and shooting her.

Michael saving him.

“Was that all?”

“Yes,” he lied and held his empty hands up.

“Then come outside.”

“Step back into the hallway,” he demanded and she rolled her eyes but did as he said. The weapon was still aiming for his chest but that was to be expected. After she was far enough away to not storm inside when he opened the door, he took one last breath before pushing his hand against the scanner.

Ryan had to recognize the beeping as the door unlocked because he hissed, “What are you doing?”

Right now he couldn't answer, just slipped quickly outside and pushed the door shut again. It locked behind him and he relaxed slightly. They couldn't get to Michael now.

The woman came closer slowly, both of them watching the other warily.

“Step forward.”

He did and she patted him down. She wasn't very good with that, just checked on his waistband, but that meant she didn't notice the phone or the scalpel. Both his last defenses.

She was close, he could feel her body heat and hoped Ryan wouldn't talk right now. But his guardian was quiet in his ear, only soft breaths and the distant engine noise of the car.

“Okay.” She took a step back and he let his arms sink.

“What now?” he began to ask when she punched him with the back of her hand. His head snapped back and hit against the door behind him. He could feel his lip split against his teeth and warm blood flooded his mouth.

Gasping, Gavin spat out. “I'm coming with you! I won't resist-”

The butt of her gun crashed against his head hard enough to throw him to the ground. He grunted in pain but managed to catch himself with his hands, looking up to her. “No need to! I'll do as you sa-”

“I know you will.” She stomped on his chest, forcing him onto his back and kept him down. Gritting his teeth, Gavin tried not to make a noise. Ryan had gone dead quiet in his ear and he didn't want to provoke any of them. At least the woman seemed satisfied for now, looking down the hallway to wait for that other guy.

And then the light turned off again and Gavin stared into the darkness above him for what felt like hen upteenth time this day and listen to her chuckle.

No.

No, no, no, _no!_

“We had a deal!” he roared, trying to get up. “We had a deal, you stupid bitch! “

“Gavin, calm dow-” That was Ryan but he didn't listen. He was searching for his scalpel and he would cut her open! He would cut her open and hunt that other guy down and kill him as well! Those-

He noticed how she moved but wasn't quick enough and in the next second something heavy connected with his head. Pain exploded in his skull and he grunted, feeling everything go numb. Numb and kinda far away.

He wasn't quite sure if he still had his eyes open because everything was dark but he could still hear Ryan. The words were indistinguishably, slurred together and like he was calling to him from underground. Far, far, _far_ away.

The woman spoke next, probably not to him and then he was picked up. It stayed dark and he felt like he was carried upside down, he was actually pretty sure he was.

He tried to fight through his dizziness and blinking his eyes open, he found himself mindlessly thrown over the shoulder of the stranger. Looking around, he still recognized the base around him so he couldn't been gone for too long.

Ryan was babbling in a hysterical tone but not with him, he was pretty sure he heard something along the line of, “Oh God, I think they hurt him. I think they killed him, Jack.”

Not quite true but Gavin couldn't tell him that right now. He was occupied with fishing the scalpel out of his sleeve without the guy noticing anything and then he waited.

They reached the foyer and he could smell gunpowder just like before, the moonlight illuminating everything in an eerie blue. With one fluent motion Gavin pushed himself up and stabbed the scalpel in the other's neck.

The man screamed in shock and the grip around him relaxed. Gavin fell to the ground and didn't check on his surroundings, he just got to his feet and ran. Up the stairs, back into his office if possible. He still had the keys, he just needed to unlock the door and slip inside-

“Oh no, you don't!” A hand grabbed his shirt but he didn't stop. He stumbled, kicked for the woman and then he was free again. Running up the stairs, his fingers blindly searched for the right key because he only had seconds, when he reached that door, he-

Something heavy pushed him ahead and he collided with the door. Dazed, he tried to pull himself back up when he was grabbed by the collar and tossed backwards, back down the stairs. The steps were hard beneath his back as he tumbled them down. Winded, he hit the foyer and for a second he couldn't move.

Ryan was calling into his ear but he couldn't- couldn't-

“What a brat! I am going to fuck him up so badly!” the woman spat and Gavin forced his eyes open. The first thing he saw was blood. The man was hunched over in front of him, hand pressed against his neck and he looked truly pissed. Too fucking bad.

Next to him he could look out of the entrance into the night and fuck it. Fuck it, he couldn't help Michael but maybe he could run towards Geoff and Ray. They couldn't be that far gone anymore, right?

Getting on his feet, he began to sprint.

“Stop running away!” the woman screamed but fuck her. Fuck her, he wouldn't let her-

The shot was loud in the big room and he hit the floor before he could even understand what had really happened. The pain came just a heartbeat later and he screamed. He was pretty sure he had never screamed like this before but God, it hurt. _It hurt!_

He was forced to take a breath and there were tears in his eyes, the entrance so close. He could still do it! Just a few more feet! But the moment he tried to pull himself closer, he was screaming again, his leg on fire.

“Oh God, oh God...” he whimpered breathless and felt his pants grow wet with blood.

“Gavin!” Ryan shouted in his head.

“Ryan, Ryan, Ryan,” he sobbed in disbelief. “I've been shot. Ryan, they shot me!”

Ryan's breath hitched. It was a bit funny, Gavin was pretty sure he had never heard that before.

He dared to look down his body and found his shorts soaking red, a gaping wound somewhere above his knees. They really had shot him! He had never been shot before!

There were tears running down his face as he let his head sink to the floor. Closing his eyes tightly, he whispered, “I am going to die. Oh God, I am going to die!”

“Don't talk like this! Of course you won't die!”

“I don't want to die, Ryan!” he talked over him, feeling panic rise in his throat like bile. “I still want to watch the stars and bake more cookies and play games with Michael and Ray! We still have to bring Project NEON down! I can't die!”

“You won't die! Gavin, I need you to calm down!”

Calm down? How could he calm down, he'd been shot!

“It hurts! It hurts really badly!”

“I know that it does. Where did they hit you?”

It was Ryan's voice that made him hesitated. It sounded too thick, too much like breaking and that was wrong. Gulping down breath after breath, he tried to calm down his heart.

“My leg. It bleeds pretty badly, Ryan.” He controlled his voice as good as he could and noticed how Ryan also relaxed a bit.

“Okay, you might have to stop the bleeding but first you have to tell me where those people are. Do you see them?”

Opening his eyes, he had to blink tears away. “Yeah. The woman is taking care of the man. I stabbed him.”

“Good boy. You are doing so good, Gavin.”

He smiled a bit at that before sobering. “I'm sorry, Ryan.”

“What are you sorry about?”

“I said I didn't like you very much and that I didn't want to talk to you and I am sorry for that. I didn't mean it.”

“Gav-”

“I actually like you a lot. You always make me feel save and you keep monsters away and you think I am smart. I'm sorry that we had a rough time lately.”

“What are you doing?” Ryan asked and they both knew fully well what he was doing. He couldn't say it, just looked up when he heard something crack. It were his sunglasses, laying by the stairs. He had probably lost them when he fell down and now they were crushed beneath the boot of the man as he got on his feet.

“They broke my glasses,” Gavin mumbled.

“We'll buy you new ones. We'll buy you better ones, Gav, jus-”

“They are coming for me now.”

“Gavin, we'll be there in thirty minutes! Just try to buy som-”

“Hab dich lieb, Ryan,” he said and then had to chuckle when it instantly shut the other up. “This is so stupid. Why are we both such cowards? Why can't we say it properly? I know the other two do.” It was funny, he actually wasn't that scared anymore.

“I love you, Ryan.” Even now he was blushing and that was also kinda funny. He felt a bit dizzy from blood loss but apparently there was still enough in his body for that.

Ryan's breath hitched for the second time and Gavin wished he would answer. He knew he wouldn't, not even now but it would still be nice.

He wished Ryan would hum his lullaby again.

“Who are you talking to?” the woman asked.

“Your lord and savior, Jesus Christ,” Gavin spat at her.

“Making your amends? Good for you.”

“Maybe I don't want to go straight to hell like you, bi-” He started to scream when the man stomped on his leg. It burned like fire, like his leg would fall right off and God, he wanted it to. It hurt, it hurt, _it hurt!_

“Oh, poor baby. Next time think before you stab someone.”

He hadn't realized he had said that out loud but he guessed he had. He didn't even care, just gave a weak sob and tried to slap the hand of the woman away but it was to no use. She pulled the earpiece out and hummed amused.

“Seems like we have an audience.” This time she found his phone and he wanted to tell her to do her job better next time but for now he could just lay there and try to get air back into his lungs.

“Lovely Ryan?” the woman laughed as she checked on the screen. “Oh, that's just adorable! That's really precious! Wait a second...”

Ryan's voice echoed through the room as she put him on speaker and he was calling for him. Breathing heavily, Gavin reached for his phone but was slapped away.

“Vagabond, is that you?” the woman asked and it made Ryan shut up, made him take a deep breath.

“And who are you?” Ryan responded coldly.

“Cindy Jackson. Does that ring a bell?”

“No, should it?”

“Well, lovely Ryan, you killed my baby sister a few years ago.” She sat down right in front of Gavin. “And it seems that I now have your Gunslinger right at my mercy.”

“Leave the boy out of this.”

“What if I don't?”

“Then I'll hunt you down and skin you alive.”

She actually smirked at that. “And if I just stand up and leave right now, what then?”

“Then I'll at least make it quick.”

“What? No mercy?”

“You touched what is mine. Simply shooting you is an act of mercy in that case.”

“It seems that you are fond of that boy here, is that right, lovely Ryan?”

He fell silent and her grin just widened. Her eyes found Gavin's and he wished he still had his gun.

“You want me and not him, right?” Ryan finally settled on.

“Would you trade places with the boy? Would you let me kill you if I let him run away?”

“Why don't we find out? I'll be there soon enough and we can settle this. Just you and me. You let him go an-”

“You got attached, lovely Ryan,” she chuckled. “What a stupid mistake to make from you.”

Gavin watched her play around with his phone and suddenly Ryan's face filled the screen. And it was Ryan's face, no mask, no face paint.

It even made the woman hesitate and Gavin tried again to reach for the phone, to get it back. He had to kill those two here, he had to protect his guardian.

The man put pressure against his leg and he winced, his hand falling back down.

“What do you want?” Ryan asked and Gavin couldn't really see him from this angle. He wanted to.

“How about you beg me to spare your cute little boy here?”

“No,” Gavin gasped but was ignored by everyone.

“Please don't kill him,” Ryan said. “Please let him go. You and me, we can both settle this.”

She tilted the phone and suddenly Gavin was face to face with his guardian. He could see how the other's eyes widened and yeah, he had to look like a mess. There were tears and snot running down his face, mostly dried off and he could feel a mix out of blood and saliva trickle down the corner of his mouth. Like this he could probably see the puddle of blood growing larger around him.

“Sorry for crying,” Gavin mumbled because that was the first thing on his mind.

“Well, lovely Ry-”

“Don't hurt him anymore,” Ryan blurted out and there was something very frantic in his face. “Leave him alone, let him go! I beg you! I'll do as you say, just... just stop hurting him. Please!”

“That was better,” the woman mumbled. She nodded towards the man and he moved away from his leg. For a second Gavin actually believe they would leave him alone, that they would wait until Ryan got here but then the man took a hold of his hair and pulled him up. He gasped and when the movement tucked at his leg, he was close to pass out from the pain.

In the end he didn't but he was pretty sure he had pissed his pants.

The man sat down behind him, propping him up like he was displayed for Ryan and then he held something in front of him.

“Bet you wished you hadn't killed my sister back then.”

He couldn't see what it was, he was sobbing and wanted this whole thing to be over. He wanted Ryan to save him _right now._

“I don't want to die,” he cried. “I don't want to die! Ryan!”

“Don't touch him! You can have me! He didn't kill your sister – I did!”

“I bet he helped you find her though. Isn't that right, Free?”

“I don't know. I really don't know,” he sobbed and oh God, it was the scalpel. It was the scalpel right in front of him and they would make Ryan watch. “Please don't kill me! I want to live a little longer!”

“Well but I think it would be fair to trade one life for another, wouldn't you sa-”

“Then take me!” Ryan cried out.

“Would you let me kill you in his place?”

“Yes! That's what you want, right? I won't resist, you can do whatever you want!” “Ryan, no!”

“Leave my boy alone! Just stop hurting him! Please!”

The woman exhaled slowly and Gavin tried to blink his tears away, wanted to see Ryan's face again because he sounded so... sounded so scared and desperate.

“I always wished I would get the chance to kill you slowly,” the woman said calmly.

“Well here it is. Let him go and y-”

“But I think this will hurt you way more.”

“No!”

Gavin's head got tilted back until he bared his throat and he stared at the ceiling.

“Don't do this! Don't do this! Let Gavin go!”

He would die. Oh God, he would actually die. He swallowed and felt his adam's apple bob against the scalpel. What should he do?

“Kill me instead! You can kill me however you want! Stop hurting him! _Stop hurting him!”_ Ryan was screeching now and Gavin wanted to say something but didn’t know what.

The blade was unbelievably sharp that it didn't even hurt at first. His eyes searched for something, anything but he could just stare at the ceiling. There, all the way to his right he could look out of the blown out entrance. Just a slim piece of the heaven outside and he concentrated on that as the blood ran into his collar, drenching the birds on his chest.

There were no stars, they were too close to the city for that. That had always been a shame.

The scalpel felt cold as it moved over his throat but it left heat behind. He grew lightheaded instantly but a part of him still realized that they hadn't done it right. Hadn't gotten deep enough or something but in the end it didn’t really matter.

He should tell that Ryan because Ryan was screaming for him but the moment his mouth fell open, he didn't know what he wanted to say anymore. He watched his slice of heaven before it twisted and turned and got darker and then really bright.

Bottomless fear gripped him as he realized that it wasn't light but snow. Snow as far as he could see and there was a loud bang somewhere.

He hit his head hard but that didn't really matter anymore. A second bang and then the snow was falling upwards. Upwards into the white clouds and he couldn't look through them, couldn't see the stars.

Then it got dark.

 

* * *

  


Geoff began running after the first shot sounded. Ray had told him to wait until he was sure everything was clear but he had heard Gavin scream so how could he just wait here until the boy was in position?

But now the second shot rang above him and in the next moment he was in the foyer.

It was a horrifying sight, the room cloaked in darkness with only the little slice of light the outside allowed in. Three bodies were scattered over the floor, the blood around them nearly black.

Neither of them moved.

Geoff could hear his own breath hitch and then something else. A soft murmur coming from somewhere he couldn't place but his first thought was- “Gavin!”

He finally stormed ahead, falling down next to the boy and hoped that it would be him who was trying to say something but his lips were just slightly parted, no noise escaping them. They were bloody though, red smearing over his chin, down to his cut throat.

His eyes were open. That was what made Geoff freeze right then and there. Gavin was staring through him, gaze empty and dark.

Then his chest heaved, sucking a breath in and Geoff searched for something, looked for a way to stop the bleeding. In the end he pressed both of his hands against his throat.

He didn't know how much pressure to put on it, didn't want to choke the boy as well but he had to stop the bleeding! God, his leg was also fucked up bu-

Someone groaned.

It wasn't quiet and distant like the murmur had been before, it was right behind him. The woman, he realized.

Turning around, he could see her reach for the gunshot wound in her shoulder. Had Ray missed? Why hadn't he finished the job?

Well, he was ready to do it!

But before he could do anything, a shadow fell on them as Ray stood in the entrance, the moon somewhere high above him. Geoff watched him as he took the scene in before he walked ahead. There was a new expression on his face, one he hadn't seen yet.

Angry, venomous, deadly.

Ray looked like a reaper or a demon right now, coming for his next victim and that was exactly what he was doing.

Exchanging his rifle for his pink shotgun, he clubbed the woman over the head with it the moment she tried to sit up. She sank back to the floor and he was on top of her instantly, pressing her arms down with his legs.

“You know what, bitch?” His hand wrapped around her throat, squeezing. The muzzle of his gun pressing into her temple. “You're fucking dead. You will start wishing you were dead because you know what?” He didn't let her answer, she had no air for that anyway as he pushed his knee into her wound, listening to her choking screams.

“The Vagabond will fucking rip you apart! He will turn you inside out and if he doesn't, than be sure that I will! You touched my brothers and you hurt my brothers and I will make sure that you will do neither of that again!”

“Ra-”

“You scum! You insignificant, worthless being! You-”

“Ray!” Geoff shouted and the boy looked up, scowling.

“What?”

“Leave her! Gavin needs you!”

He saw how those words hit home. Ray stopped completely, eyes going straight through him, his grip on her throat relaxing as he worked through those words. Then he nodded.

Hitting the woman again, he knocked her out before getting up.

His steps were loud in the foyer and he kicked something across the floor. It was Gavin's phone and there was a call still going. That was probably from where the murmurs were coming from.

The boy stopped in front of Gavin, staring down at him and Geoff could watch as a terrible exhaustion overcame him.

“I can't do this anymore,” Ray whispered. “I can't watch them get hurt anymore. I'm not strong enough.”

The words made Geoff's heart break and he wanted nothing more than to embrace his boy and make sure he was okay but there was still blood on his hands. They didn't have time for that.

“Take your belt,” he said and Ray's eyes darted to him. “We have to stop the bleeding on his leg. Bind it around it as tight as possible.”

“Okay.” He sat down next to him and Geoff turned back around.

“Gavin?” he asked because the boy was still staring lifeless ahead, even though he could feel a pulse beneath his fingers, could see his chest heave. “Gavvy? Buddy? Can you hear me?”

“I think he is having a seizure,” Ray mumbled next to him. “He looked like that when he had one before.”

“What?” He turned towards Ray, wanted to know how he knew that and why he himself didn't. But Ray looked so tired, hands getting bloody as he looped his belt around Gavin's leg and for now he let him be. He watched as he looped the ending through the buckle and pulled.

Gavin gasped loudly and Geoff was just in time to watch as his hands flew up. The boy blinked sluggishly and he tore weakly at Geoff's arms and it had to be terrifying to wake up in his own blood while someone was nearly choking him.

The green eyes were hooded but what Geoff could see if them in the dark was wide and scared.

“It's me,” he said. “It's me and Ray, Gavin. Caleb should be here every minute now.”

The hands fell back down but probably because of weakness. Geoff was pretty sure he hadn't understood a single word. But he tried to speak, his bloody lips moving without sound and it took him a while to read them.

“Electricity?” he asked but this time it was Ray who gasped.

“The generator!” He was on his feet, racing towards the door before Geoff even understood.

“We'll get Michael,” he said quickly. “You did good. It's over now. You're safe, buddy. You’re safe.”

  
  
  
  


 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

This fanart was made by the amazing [notgeofframsey](http://notgeofframsey.tumblr.com/)!

He's bleeding stars, I am in love with it! Thank you so much!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to researching how you cut throats and with what weapon and all that nice stuff and got sick by it. You guys better suffer with me.  
> I wrote this whole thing on my weekend, one of my hardest scenes to write. Suspense is a hard thing to do and I hope I somehow managed to keep you on the edge of your seat!


	18. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That's his blood. That's my Gavin's... he was crying, Jack. I couldn't even hold him. I should have held him.”

Chapter 17

Recovery

 

Jack stopped the car right in front of the entrance and was out in the second he could pull the keys. He had walked around the car before he noticed that Ryan didn't follow him. He still sat in his seat, head in his hands just like he had been for the remainder of the drive after Gavin...

He couldn't even think bad of him. Jack hadn't heard all of the call and he was glad about it. It was enough to hear Ryan beg to take him instead, to hear Gavin screaming in pain and fear.

The phone had switched to speaker as the video call had connected and he had clearly heard Gavin beg for his life.

_ “ Please don't kill me! I want to live a little longer!” _

Jack shook himself and knocked on the window. Inside Ryan flinched and stared up at him, eyes clearly red-rimmed and slowly Jack let his hand sink.

_ “ Leave my boy alone! Just stop hurting him! Please!” _

Ryan looked around as if he was surprised that they weren't driving anymore and Jack opened the door for him.

“ Come on. We're here.”

“ They cut his throat,” Ryan said in disbelief.

“ Caleb will fix him back up. You heard what Geoff said on the phone, it wasn't deep enough to be fatal.”

He wasn't sure if Ryan was even listening. “He's so small,” he mumbled to himself. “He's a child. Why did they do it?”

“ Ryan.”

“That woman...” He shook his head and Jack reached into the car. Taking a hold on his arm, he pulled him out and steadied him as he finally stood.

“ I don't even know who her sister is. I don't even know if I really did kill her.”

Unsure of what to say to that, Jack didn't let him go as they began to walk. The other was swaying dangerously and he knew it was the shock.

“ I told him that nothing would happen to him,” Ryan went on. “I promised monsters wouldn't get him. I said he deserved them coming after him for being stupid. How could I say that, Jack?”

“I don't know.” They stepped inside and he noticed that Ryan didn't give a wave towards the cameras, he simply froze at his side.

The lights were back on and illuminated the gruesome scene in front of them. There was the body of a man laying on the floor but also a lot more blood. So much blood.

“ I think I am getting sick,” Ryan mumbled and Jack threw him a sharp look. “That's his blood. That's my Gavin's... he was crying, Jack. I couldn't even hold him. I should have held him.”

“You can hold him in a minute but you don't get to play weak right now. He needs you. He's probably waiting for you.” And Michael as well. His boy was also waiting for him.

Ryan nodded, still looking a bit dizzy but Jack managed to drag him on.

They passed another dead body on the stairs, a woman, but they stepped over her.

It seemed like death reigned over the base tonight. Death and darkness and silence. When they reached the infirmary, it seemed to buzz with life and beneath his touch he could feel Ryan shake. Pushing his hand against the scanner, he ignored the streaks of blood on the door and tried not to think about what had happened here tonight.

His eyes fell on Michael in the back and oh God, he was breathing. He was breathing, he could hear it and for a second he was sure he would faint from how heavy the relief slammed into him.

Geoff looked up from sitting besides his bed and smiled.

On the other side a bed was hidden behind curtains but they could hear shuffling behind it. He guessed that was where they took care of Gavin and Ryan instantly stopped before it.

That was wrong, he needed to get to Michael. To check on Michael to absolutely make sure that he was alright, that he wa-

“ I'll take him,” Geoff said and took a hold of Ryan instead. It was funny, he wasn't even sure why they did it. Ryan didn't seem ready to lash out but he did seem ready to collapse any second.

Right now Jack didn't care, he let them do his thing and stepped to Michael's bed.

And there he was.

Pale and unconscious but breathing. By God, he was breathing just fine.

Jack sat down by his bed and took his hand, held it tight. There were smears of blood on Michael's palm but when he rubbed at them, they came right off.

Most likely from Gavin's hands. He bet he had held onto Michael in here.

It took him a while to notice Ray because the boy was even quieter than usually. He sat on a free bed, knees pulled against his chest and he was shaking as well. Someone, probably Geoff, had wrapped a blanket around him but it didn't seem to help. Jack smiled at him but got none in return, Ray simply turned his head away to watch the curtain.

Ryan was still standing in front of it, one hand a bit raised as if he wanted to pull the curtain away but didn't quite dare. Geoff was quietly talking to him, still holding tightly onto him and after that everything seemed to both speed up and slow down.

They waited without really knowing for what.

There could be another attack for all they knew. Their security was mostly down, there were dead bodies all over the base and someone should probably check on the electricity. The emergency supply wouldn't work forever.

But none of them moved.

The shock, the terror was slowly settling in and it made them all quiet. This had been too close.

For all there was, Gavin should be dead. He wasn't sure how he wasn't but he was glad for that.

Soon after the curtain got drawn back and Caleb stepped out. He instantly froze, staring at Ryan right in front of him and for a moment, Jack was sure he was just surprised before it slowly dawned to him. Ryan wasn't wearing his mask or his facepaint and even after all those years it was the first time Caleb actually saw his face.

Whatever he had wanted to say died on his tongue as he simply continued to stare, mouth slightly open and Ryan didn't even seem to care. He pushed him aside and disappeared behind the curtain himself.

Caleb didn't seem quite able to look away until Geoff chuckled quietly. It was a bit macabre considering the situation but Jack was nearly ready to join in.

“ Um... yeah, well,” Caleb mumbled and shook his head. He snapped back to professionalism in seconds. “You said it was a scalpel?”

“ That's what I found,” Geoff said and instantly sobered back up at the memory.

“ That fits the cut quite well and is probably why Gavin is still alive,” Caleb responded. “A scalpel is designed for precision work not for... for cutting throats. It's really sharp but the blade is simply too small to cut deep enough. You'd need multiple cuts through muscles and sinews to reach the aorta. Like this they just cut through the skin. Bleeds a lot but not deadly.”

“Thank God.”

“ Yeah.”

“ What about Michael?” Jack asked and Caleb shrugged a bit helpless.

“ He is fine as far as I can tell. I will run some more tests of course but if his machines went off for a certain amount of time, he also was without oxygen during that. I can't yet say what kind of damage that has caused.” He sighed. “His body is trying to heal itself for as much as it can, reduce the swelling in his brain. It certainly didn't help.”

Jack nodded slowly and turned his gaze back towards Michael. He was still holding his hand, squeezing it tightly.

“ Alright. Thank you very much, Caleb.”

“ You're welcome.” He threw a look over his shoulders, towards Gavin and Ryan and quickly turned back around. “I'll... um, I don't think you need me anymore right now?”

He hurried out and Geoff turned towards Ray, holding his hand out. “Come on, buddy. Let's check on the cameras. Make sure we're really alone here.”

Jumping from the bed, Ray took his hand and they also walked out. Jack was pretty sure it was to leave them alone and he was glad for that. They weren't quite mourning but close to it. It was something personal.

“ I'll be right back, pumpkin. Don't worry.” He kissed the back of Michael's hand before gently laying it on his chest again and moving towards the curtain. He wasn't quite sure what he expected to see but he couldn't say he was surprised to find Ryan simply standing by Gavin's bed, staring down at him. With the mask on, it could have been a scene out of a horror movie but like this Ryan simply looked broken.

Jack figured today had broke him.

“ You can touch him, you know?” Jack said and it was meant to be a bit teasing but it fell flat.

Ryan turned halfway towards him before his eyes went back to Gavin. He was fighting with his words, tried to figure his own thoughts out. “I will break him,” he finally mumbled.

And Gavin did look breakable right now. Skin pale like a porcelain doll from the loss of blood and it didn't fit him. His bleached hair was usually a nice contrast to his tan skin but now it just looked artificial, fake.

There were specks and streaks of blood here and there. Caleb hadn't properly cleaned him, no chance for that in the short time and it showed. The split lip was swollen and dark with crusted blood, grotesque against his skin. There was a bandage around his throat and there was the most blood, streaking down to his collarbone. The birds on his chests has lost their colors and were now all red, barely recognizable.

The rest of him was hidden beneath a blanket and right then Jack could understand Ryan.

He closed the curtain behind himself. “I'll give you both some privacy.”

 

* * *

 

 

Gavin woke up and it was dark. He blinked, hoping it would get better but everything around him was still bleary but after awhile he could make out some distant lights behind some form of fabric.

The lamps weren't on because the electricity was off, right?

Michael.

Gavin took a sharp breath. He had to move! Who knew how long he had just laid here? He had to switch the generator back on!

He tried to sit up but his arms wouldn't move, were too heavy and as he tried to lift his legs, a stinging pain wandered through his body. He cried out softly but now something was stirring in the darkness beside him.

Oh God, it was them. It was the woman and she wasn't done with him. She was far from done and she would stab him and punch him and kick him. She would hurt him more and then she would kill him.

No! He didn't want to anymore! He wanted it all to stop, he wanted it to be over already!

“ Ryan,” he whimpered and pain shot through his throat. Hot and sudden and now there were tears burning in his eyes.

“ Ryan,” he still called out again because his guardian would save him. He had to! He was too weak, he wasn't able to do it and they would hurt him. They would hurt him more and more and he couldn't take it anymore.

Sobbing quietly, he tried to turn onto his side, to get away from the woman. He was laying in a bed, he realized and oh no, they had taken him somewhere. Somewhere where Ryan wouldn't be able to find him.

He grasped the edge and fueled by horror, he pulled himself closer to it. It hurt, his leg was on fire and he simply dragged it behind himself. He would drop down to the floor, pull the blanket with him and then he would hide. Beneath the bed, underneath the blanket.

Nobody would be able to find him and he could wait unti-

An arm wrapped around him and pulled him back and he cried out in terror.

They got him. They got him again and they would hurt him again an-

“ Hey! Hey Gavin, it's me,” the woman said, but didn't sound like the woman. “It's over, kiddo.”

“ Ryan,” he begged and there were tears streaming down his face. He still wasn't quite sure who the person was, he just wanted to be away, to be hidden and save.

“ Gav-”

He sobbed and it hurt. It hurt his throat and it hurt in his leg and it hurt through his whole body and he cried even harder. It was a vicious cycle that he couldn't escape and there were hands on him, holding him down, carding through his hair. Whispering voices out of mouths he couldn't see and a strange pressure against his cheek that tickled.

It didn't help, he was too scared, too exhausted to grasp a thought and he just wanted it all to be over.

It was the lullaby that broke through it. Hummed somewhere close by him and he calmed a bit, controlled his breath so that he could listen better. The pain faded a bit and it made him drowsy.

The same hand from before wiped over his face and he blinked tears away to make out Ryan above him.

“ I'm here,” he said, leaning down. “It's all going to be alright now. You are save here, baby. I got you. Nothing will hurt you anymore.”

The same pressure as before, just this time against his forehead and with some bewilderment, he realized that Ryan was giving him a kiss. Soft and tickling because of his facial hair.

Gavin stared up to him, unsure of how to react and then he reached out. At least he tried to, wanted to comfort the other because they were close enough that he could see that Ryan was crying as well. Ryan never cried. He had to be in a lot of pain.

But his arms wouldn't lift, the same heaviness as before pushing them down.

“ Ryan,” he breathed out and the fear was right around the corner. Had they gotten Ryan as well? Had they hurt him? Were they both going to die together?

“ Try not to talk. It has to hurt,” he was told and in the next second the tears were gone, wiped away nearly carelessly and he was gently moved.

It hurt a bit but not too much and soon enough he rested against Ryan's chest.

It was warm, his guardian radiating heat like a furnace and it felt good against his skin. He wasn't yet quite sure if he felt hot or cold, a strange mix inside but he was too tired to figure it out.

Ryan finally settled, laying down with him and that took the fear away for now. He had said he was safe here, right?

Sniffing, he tried to remember what had happened but it was all a blur, a fever dream. He remembered pain and fear. A horrible, horrible fear that hindered him from thinking straight and Ryan's voice, screaming and begging.

Gavin couldn't help but shiver at the memory and instantly a hand rubbed down his bruised and battered back. It was soft enough not to hurt but it reminded him of falling down the stairs and then getting shot and then-

His hands flew up, wrapping around his own throat and he could feel the bandage there.

“ I'm alive?” he whispered because that didn't hurt as much.

“ Of course you are,” Ryan said.

“ I thought I would die. I really...” he trailed off, overwhelmed by the whole situation. Because he had been sure. Oh God, he had been so sure.

“ Ray and Geoff got there in time,” Ryan explained.

“ What about Michael?”

“He's also fine. Caleb took care of both of you.”

He fell silent, trying to work through that but his head wasn't really catching up. It wasn't sinking in, his body and mind refusing anything more after those past hours and for now he let it go.

As far as he knew, he was safe. He was safe, it was over and Ryan was with him.

He was alive.

“ I dreamed of snow,” he heard himself mumble and realized he was quietly crying. “Of snow and a lake. I was so afraid. I don't think I've ever been so scared.”

Ryan pulled him closer and he let him. Snuggling against the other, he tried to stop thinking about it. Tried to push it all away, at least for now.

It worked after a while and his head grew heavy, his eyes drooping shut.

He went back to sleep a few seconds later.

 

When he woke back up, it seemed like neither of them had moved but it was brighter now. Light falling in from somewhere and he realized that there was a curtain around their bed.

There were voices in the same room but further away. They were all familiar but they still resumed in an unreasonable fear in his heart. Curling closer into Ryan, he wanted to hide behind him but now that he was awake, his leg started to hurt again.

Whining quietly, he tried to tilt his head to make sure it was really Ryan next to him. That also hurt, a sharp sting where his skin had been cut but at least he found his guardian, peacefully dozing. He still had his arms loosely wrapped around him and that was nice.

The curtain was carefully moved and Gavin looked back down to find Ray. He just stood there, watching them sadly and Gavin wasn't quite sure how long he'd been here but he could certainly say that Ray hadn't slept a bit in the time.

Still, he had to ask, “Did you betray me?”

Ray shook his head, like he had expected, and stepped closer. Reaching out, he held his pinky out and Gavin smiled.

He wanted to return it but his hand felt heavy and shook too much and in the end Ray laughed a bit and simply took his hand in his own.

“ I thought I had lost you as well,” he said.

“ Sorry.”

 

Caleb gave him another painkiller and then changed his bandages. Ryan stayed with him through it all and Gavin wasn't quite sure if he wanted that but he realized that the bounty was still set on his head and by the way Ryan glared at Caleb, he didn't trust him a bit.

So Ryan watched him as he gagged while seeing his leg and had to look away. Caleb told him about which muscle was hurt and whatnot but that only made it worse as he imagined it and he closed his eyes until it was done.

The bandage around his throat went off easier and was barely dirty but by the way that Ryan stepped up, Gavin figured that one looked way worse.

“ You got a mirror or something?” he asked and his voice was still rough from yesterday.

“ Sure. Here you go.”

The cut was bright red against his tan skin and pretty long. The stitches were neatly done but prominent. It nearly looked a bit impressive all in all.

He reached up, wanted to touch it but Caleb shook his head and he let his hand sink again.

“ Will it scar?” Ryan asked.

“ Probably, yeah. We'll make sure that it won't be as visible though.”

“ It looks kinda badass,” Gavin said but when he wanted to grin up to Ryan, he found the other frowning.

“ When can I take him home?”

“ He lost a lot of blood. He'll be weak for a couple of days.”

“ Alright.”

 

Jack and Geoff came along separately to visit him and bring him food but Ryan never left and instantly asked when he tried to stand up, “What do you think you're doing?”

“ Checking on our security system,” Gavin grunted as he carefully, carefully let his leg hang over the ledge. “I have to see if they hacked our system and were able to spy on us somehow. Maybe they erased the data I collected from the project.”

“ Gav-”

“We need to know what they know, Ryan. I can't lie down for a week like this,” he interrupted him promptly. “So you gonna help me or not?”

Caleb had brought him a crutch so that he could walk to the bathroom and Ryan helped him stand up with it.

The painkillers were doing their job quite well but he went light headed before he could reach the first flight of stairs. Without another word, Ryan picked him up and carried him for the rest of the way. Gavin didn't even protest, just clung tightly and listened to his head spinning. When they reached his office, he was drenched in cold sweat and shivering violently. He wasn't wearing a shirt because his other had been ripped and dirty and while Ryan went to get him some clothes, he looked down on himself.

He really looked like shit. The bruises were blossoming brightly all over his chest and sides and he knew that would hurt like hell later. His back probably looked even worse from falling down the stairs.

There was a noise behind him and he expected Ryan to come back but when he turned around there was nobody. Taking a tight hold on his crutch, he peeled himself off of his chair and hobbled towards the door. Fuck, those two steps were already enough to make him lose his breath and he gasped, watching the panel and tried to find the balance to push his hand against it. But then he couldn't help but hesitate because what if that noise had been her. That woman. Waiting on the other side, trying to hack the panel. What if she wasn't through with him yet?

Gavin shivered and then yelped as the door opened suddenly. Ryan caught him before he could lose his balance. “What are you doing?”

“ I thought I heard something,” he explained but was happy when he was back in his chair. Ryan dropped a hoodie into his lap before reaching down to boot up the computer.

“ Don't walk around too much. Caleb is right, you lost a lot of blood. Take it easy for now.”

“You don't trust him.”

“I don't trust the bounty on your head,” Ryan said sharply. “And I don't want you to stay on here longer than you have to. I'll get you home as soon as possible.”

“I can transfer the data onto my laptop after I checked on the security so I can work from home.”

“ Do that.”

 

* * *

 

 

Geoff found Ray in his private office, sitting in his chair and watching the city below. He didn't seem to notice him as he stepped in and so Geoff took a few seconds to watch him.

His boy was worn out and tired. He hadn't slept yet again last night and his dreams had been bad enough that he had crawled into his bed in the early morning hours. According to him, he didn't even have nightmares, Ray just dreamed of better times. Apparently yesterday the three of them had broken into the city pool in the middle of the night.

Geoff remembered those times. When they had been thirteen nothing had been able to keep them inside as they had conquered the city. Back then they hadn't been forced to supervise them, to keep them locked away for their safety.

They had been invincible.

Ray slowly turned his head and caught his eye, not in the slightest surprised by his presence.

“ With the new bounty on Gavin's head, they will hunt him down now,” he said. “I've become a target that nobody really cares about. Too much work to do, not enough payment.”

“ That's good.”

“Of course you'd say that,” Ray mumbled. “I hate it.”

“ Things will work out alright, Ray.” 

“Of course you’d say that,” he repeated. Turning back around, he watched the city and had something strangely solemn to him that Geoff didn’t dare to interrupt him. He knew that Ray was thinking about something heavy, his brows furrowed and his eyes narrowed.

He finally said, “I saw Ryan’s expression when he stepped into the infirmary yesterday. It hurt just seeing him like this. It was close to how Jack always looks these days. First I thought it was exhaustion, that they were sad. But that’s not all, that’s not what I am seeing when I look at them.” He tilted his head, mimicking Michael and for a second it hurt more than anything. “They were… dead. Something in them had died,” he continued. “A part of them had been missing, ripped away forcefully and it was like… like they couldn’t deal with that. Like their whole being refused to accept it.”

He turned back towards Geoff. “I can’t help but imagine how you will look like in that situation.”

And oh God, what was he suppose to say to that? Ray’s gaze froze him where he stood and his boy seemed old in that moment. Face drawn and pale and his eyes dark. There was a spark missing and Geoff wondered if Ray realized that it was the same for him as well.

There was also a part missing for him, the Lads not complete, and he wasn’t able to deal with it.

Stepping closer, he held his hand out. “I have to show you something.”

Ray eyed the hand for a while before standing up. He didn't take it but he followed quietly, down into the infirmary. There were still evidence all over the place of the previous night and they both tried to ignore it. He had checked on the cams before, had seen Gavin's struggle and had nearly been happy when the cams had cut out before the worst of it.

But he had took care of most of the things and by the end of the week, everything should be like it was suppose to be. For the most part at least.

Opening the door to the infirmary, he waved Ray through and sure enough Jack sat next to Michael's bed, smiling as they walked in. And maybe this would be enough to let a spark appear back in Ray's eyes.

The boy stopped in front of the bed, frowning as he watched Michael before turning towards Jack. “He's breathing.”

“ Yeah, he is.” Jack sounded amused but his voice was shaking a little, barely contained.

“ Caleb tested it,” Geoff explained. “That's how he managed to survive yesterday.”

Ray took another look at Michael, the missing tube, the artificial breathing gone and he broke into a grin. “He's breathing on his own!”

Jack nodded, his face scrunching up a little as if he was barely able to control his emotions and instantly Ray stepped up and took his hands. “He's breathing, Jack! Michael is breathing without any machines!”

“ I know, buddy. Isn't it great?”

“ It is! It's amazing!”

 

* * *

 

 

Ryan brought Gavin home after he finished transferring the data to his laptop and Gavin was glad for it. He had always felt safe inside of the base, at least in the upper floor, but today he had been a bit paranoid by every single noise. It would hopefully pass but it was unnerving him.

Now at home he felt a bit better as he sat down on the couch with a sigh. His leg was starting to ache again but it was bearable and he tried to throw himself into work to forget the pain. Ryan sat down next to him, opening his book while Gavin booted his laptop up. He didn't even get to enter his password before he felt his eyes droop and with a yawn he leaned against Ryan.

Maybe he should take a short nap. Just for a few minutes because his head was kinda buzzing a little and Ryan lifted his arm, allowing him to slip into his lap. That was nice and if he concentrated, he could read the words in the other's book.

They didn’t make sense to him but that was alright because Ryan was breathing above him, turning the pages without any hurry and in a heartbeat Gavin was asleep.

When he woke up again, everything was dark and he was alone. Blinking, he tried to look around but in the next second he couldn't help but groan because his leg was pounding now. Clenching his teeth, he felt around and found pillows. He was pretty sure he was in his own bed and with a familiar movement he reached for his lamp. It stayed dark when he pushed the button and for a moment he was too shocked to react. He pushed it again before pushing the other two, even though he knew they weren't even working anymore.

“ No,” he whispered, pushing harder as if that would help. “No! No, you can't be broken! Come on!”

But his room didn't light up and he sat in the darkness, unsure of what to do.

There was a noise in the apartment and he froze. Could be Ryan. It probably was Ryan, going to the bathroom or getting a snack. It could be a lot of things. Could be the woman.

Gavin's breath hitched as he stretched his arms out, searching for his clutch but couldn't find it.

Oh God, he was helpless. He was helpless in his own room and he didn't even have a weapon and his leg hurt. His movements had agitated it and now he whined as he went back to the lamp, furiously pushing the buttons with the same outcome as before.

“ Ryan?” he whispered beneath his breath and wasn't even sure what he expected to happen.

Swallowing nervously, he scooted towards the edge of the bed and carefully lifted his bad leg over the edge. The pain shot searing hot through it and he winced. Gasping, he felt the cold sweat break out on his back as he forced himself to stand.

It was dizzying and hurt but he knew things would get better if he could just flip the light switch. Right now he was too afraid of the dark to catch a thought and he really had to check on Ryan. If the woman was in their apartment, she would go after him first.

Hobbling across the room, he couldn't help but wish that he was more tidy. He stumbled over the mess on his floor and stepped on something sharp before reaching the door.

Flipping the switch, he had to blink against the sudden brightness. At least his room was the same, his lamp sitting useless on his bedside table but he had to face that problem later. What was more important, was that he saw his crutch, halfway beneath his bed. Ryan had probably leaned it against the bed and it had fallen down. Maybe that had woken him in the first place.

Hobbling back was easier in the light and he picked it up. It was at least some form of weapon and maybe he could club that woman over the head.

Opening his door, he found the apartment dark in front of him and froze in a sudden fear. She would be able to see him. She could wait for him and strike from the darkness, pushing him down and finish the job.

By God, he wasn't a challenge in his current condition. After that she would go after Ryan and she had been so angry.

Reaching out, he searched for the switch and drenched the hallway into light. He couldn't find her but that didn't have to mean a lot. There were crooks and corners he couldn't see, rooms that he had to open to make sure and he better get started.

His crutch wasn't really stealthy on the floor but they both knew the other was here, so what difference did it make?

Steadying himself with his free hand against the wall, he followed the hallway down and threw the first door open. It was forceful enough that it hit the wall and he shifted his weight so that he could strike as he stared into the office. Nothing moved inside but he bet she could be sneak-

“ What the fuck are you doing?”

He spun around and would have probably clubbed Ryan over the head if he hadn't lost his balance. He tried to hold on to the door frame but the moment the movement reached his bad leg, his knees gave out. Crashing to the floor, he yelped in pain and hot tears shot into his eyes.

Fuck, fuck, fu-

“ Gavin? Are you alright?”

He blinked until he could see Ryan above him clearly and he fought hard to unclench his teeth, to warn him- “She's here,” he gasped out and tried to sit up. He had to help his guardian, protect him from that woman but he sank back with a groan as his leg protested.

“ Stay down, don't move. That was a pretty hard fall, you might have hit your head.” Ryan kneeled down next to him, his hand hot against his face and he could see him frowning. “Jesus Christ, what have you been doing? You're drenched in sweat!”

“Not now,” Gavin snapped at him and tried once more to get up but was pushed down. “She's here, Ryan!”

“ Who? That woman?”

“ She wants to finish the job! Ryan, I don't have my pisto-”

“ She's at the base,” he told him and Gavin hesitated. “Ray and Geoff captured her. I'll deal with her soon enough but she is certainly not here.”

“ But... But I heard someone! Ryan, what if she escaped?”

“ She is in no condition to do so but I'll take a look around if you want me to.”

Gavin nodded widely and this time Ryan helped him to at least lean against the wall. “I think it came from the living room. Let's start there but she might hide somewhere else now.”

“You’ll do nothing but sit right here,” Ryan told him and took his face in his hand, tilting it so that he could check on the back of his head.

“ But Rya-”

“Gavin, there is no one. You probably had a nightmare an-”

“No, I heard someone!” he protested and tried to push himself up. “I'll show you! She is after you, we have to be really car-”

“I will check it out but you stay here.”

“No! Up, Ryan! Up!”

But Ryan just pushed him back down and he was so much stronger than him. His head was back to spinning again and with a soft gasp he gave in, leaning heavy against the wall. He wasn't even sure if he could stand like this.

“ Good boy,” Ryan mumbled and his hand was now brushing his hair out of his face. It was sticking to his forehead and Ryan was right, he was drenched in cold sweat. It made him shiver, sitting here on the cold floor but in the next second he could feel Ryan's body heat as he leaned forward.

He was kissing his forehead and Gavin blushed widely. Suddenly he felt like overflowing, a warmth creeping across his skin as he took a tight hold on the other's sleeve. He wanted to keep him right there, to curl into his body and then he was safe. He would be safe from any monsters or bounties and he was oh so tired from running away from both of those things.

But Ryan pulled back in a heartbeat, also a bit flushed. “I'll be right back.”

He escaped his grip easily and Gavin watched him move into the living room. Reaching up, he touched his forehead and felt the sudden need to hide away. He needed to think about this, that it had happened again and this time while neither of them were in some haze of painkillers.

Sure, Jack and Geoff also did it but those were... well, Jack and Geoff.

He wondered what had changed between them, what had shifted.

_ “ Leave my boy alone! Just stop hurting him! Please!” _

Ryan had offered to trade his life for him and it had filled him with such a fear. Right now it seemed like he had dreamed it but it did happen. He had heard him say it and beneath the immense fear of dying and the drowning panic in his head, he had been a bit happy. Just a tiny bit because he had never really doubted that Ryan did care about him but he hadn't dared to wish that it would be on this level.

_ “ I don't think you realize what kind of power you hold over him.” _

Ryan returned, shaking his head. “There's no one, Gavin.”

“ Oh.” He wasn't quite sure what to say to that and so he just stared up to Ryan wondering what would happen next and it seemed to be the same with Ryan himself. So in the end, Gavin just raised both of his arms, asking unsure, “Up?”

This time Ryan didn't even hesitate and crouched down to wrap his arm around his shoulders. They stood carefully and still Gavin grew lightheaded, clinging to stay on his feet and not go back down. Without hesitation Ryan picked him up and when he became clear again, Gavin found himself back in his own bed, a wet rag on his forehead.

“ Are you in pain?” Ryan asked and he nodded.

“ I'll get you something. Just stay put.”

He was left alone and turned his head, watching his lamp. It had stopped turning years ago and Neptune was pretty close to breaking off its little handle from the one time the whole thing had fallen and Ray had barely been able to catch it. Trying to push the button, still nothing happened and he grew upset. It was kinda stupid, after all it was just a lamp and he could go out and buy a new one any day.

It wouldn't be the same though.

“ Is it not working?” Ryan asked as he stepped back in.

“ I think it's broken,” Gavin mumbled.

Putting a glass of water down on the bedside table, Ryan sat down on the edge of his bed and handed him a pill. “You take this and I check on it, alright?”

“Be careful please.”

“I know. I won't touch Neptune.”

“ Okay.” He swallowed the painkiller and watched as Ryan took the lamp and turned it carefully. Sinking back into his pillow, he said, “I woke up and it was so dark and I couldn't find my cane.”

“Why didn't you just call me?”

“ You were asleep. I didn't want to bother you.” He grimaced a little. “Guess walking around, throwing doors open didn't help that matter. I really thought I heard someone. Sorry.”

Ryan turned towards him and watched him with a thoughtful expression. “You know, it's alright to be scared.”

“ It's over. The woman got caught.”

“ Yeah but it takes some time until your head catches up to that,” Ryan told him. “That's why you hear those things. Do you also see her?”

He shook his head, blushing, a bit embarrassed. “But she's waiting in the shadows until I'm alone.”

“ Okay.” He put the the lamp back down and stood up. “I think just the batteries are empty. I'll grab some new ones.”

Nodding, Gavin watched him go and felt really small and stupid. A little child afraid of the dark needing a nightlight. Pathetic.

But when Ryan returned and put the new batteries in and the stars came back out and wandered over his ceiling, he couldn't help but smile.

“ I'm glad,” he whispered.

“ You know what? You have like a dozen lights in here, don't you?” Walking around his room, Ryan started to switch on all the chain of lights Gavin had draped over nearly everything some years ago. That was when he had first moved in here with Ryan and it had been strange and foreign but he had soon outgrown them, too much work to get up and switch them off in the night.

“ They are called fairy lights in Britain,” he said.

“ Yeah?”

“ Ryan, would you really have traded your life for mine?”

Ryan froze in his motion and Gavin figured it had been kinda... blunt but he had just babbled and sure enough Ryan didn't even answer, just turned to the door and switched the ceiling lamp off.

His room got thrown into a blue twilight and it felt a bit magical. Ryan sat back on the edge of his bed before saying, “I watched you die, Gavin.” He reached out, his finger traveling over the bandage around his throat and Gavin couldn't help but swallow. “That guy slit your throat and all I could do was watch. After that I couldn't really think straight. Jack was talking to me but all I could see... I thought you were dead, Gavin, and all I could think about was that lamp.”

“The lamp?”

“ The Christmas when I gave it to you. You were so happy with it and it felt like it had been the first thing I had done right. Sometimes I am pretty sure it was the only thing I ever did right.” He fell silent, his eyes fixed on the bandage.

“ It was certainly better than the fire truck you got me the year after,” Gavin mumbled, hoping to lighten the mood a bit.

“ I didn't really believe that you would be so terrified of it,” Ryan chuckled but his face turned somber again. There were stars traveling over his skin and his eyes finally lifted to meet with his. “I would have gladly died if there would have been a chance to see you that happy one more time.”

Gavin's breath caught a bit in his throat and he couldn't avert his eyes. Ryan was being honest, he could read it in his face and he didn't know what to do about it, so he simply reached up, taking the hand that was on his throat in his. “I wouldn't have been happy. I want you to stay with me.”

Ryan nodded thoughtfully. “I always figured it would be enough to keep you alive and healthy. But it's not. I want you to be happy as well.” He shrugged. “I am pretty shitty for realizing this so late. Sorry, for being a horrible guardian.”

“ You were pretty alright,” Gavin said but couldn't help but smile. He squeezed Ryan's hand. “I am happy, Ryan. The situation is shitty and everything is falling apart but through it all... I just want you to stay with me.”

“Okay.” They shared a shy grin before Ryan huffed amused, shaking his head a little. “Hey Gav, can I sleep here? It's kinda nice with all those lights on.”

“I think I just might allow that,” he laughed and couldn't help but feel relieved. He had been afraid that those noises would come back or maybe even nightmares. But now Ryan laid down behind him, careful to not hurt him through his movements as he wrapped his arms around him. They both laid a bit tense there, the whole situation kinda awkward until Gavin began to chuckle. He couldn't help himself, he was too happy because right now this was everything he had hoped for.

Ryan was warm along his back and he nuzzled into his shoulder, whispering, “I want to sleep, Gav. Be quiet.”

“ I think it's nearly too bright in here to sleep.”

“ Well, go and stand up to turn your little fairy lights off.”

“I got shot in the leg!”

“ Too bad then.”

Gavin snorted, turning a bit so that he could butt their heads together. Ryan answered with a brief kiss against the top of his hair and the boy hummed contently. He tried to fight falling asleep, wanted to stay in this moment longer but he knew it was futile. Ryan was here, shifting a bit now so that both of them could use one of his arms as a pillow and as they settled, Gavin could hear him breathe into his ear.

Nothing would come for him right now, nothing would be able to hurt him anymore.

He was safe.

 

When Ryan woke up, Gavin sat propped up by pillows and was working on his laptop. The boy only gave a soft grunt as a greeting and Ryan figured he was too focused on his work.

It had to be at least around noon because the room was filled with sunlight and it had been a long time since he slept that long. Yawning, he rolled onto his side to watch Gavin work his magic but all he could make out were some random lines of coding.

“ What are you doing?” he finally asked.

“ Going through the data I collected,” Gavin said. “I checked on the chips. Their blueprints, you know? Figuring they had maybe some kind of weakness.”

“But?”

“ But I am no expert on mechanics. I couldn't see anything and if the schematic are right, they are also inserted pretty deep in our shoulders. Probably so that if we ever decide to take them out, there is a high risk that we'd hurt our muscles.”

“ I see.” Laying his head onto his arm to see better, Ryan asked, “Did you find out why Michael's chip isn't working again?”

Gavin shook his head. “Not yet completely, I need the computer in the base for that. Gonna check when exactly it stopped working. I fear it happened when he flatlined and then we have a problem.”

“We can't really do that with you or Ray.”

“Exactly. So now I am trying to at least find out how the bloody hell they knew I was alone at the base.”

“ Did they hack the system?”

“ I found no trace of that.”

“You are also on painkillers,” Ryan told him and Gavin chuckled.

“ True but still, I think I am onto something. You know how the twins guarded a shipment by the project? Apparently some kind of compensation for adding them so high on the list. I bet they weren't the only ones who got some kind of wildcard.” His smile grew into a grin as he typed on. “And I think I just found what I am searching for.”

Sitting up, Ryan watched him open a file branching off further. “What am I looking at?”

“ The deals and compensations Project NEON made with different crews,” Gavin mumbled. “Look here, Cathy's crew got a shipment of weapons. The Corpirate even got two new Gunslingers!”

“ Well, they don't want to be on his bad side. What about those assholes?”

Gavin searched a bit further before he opened a document, huffing agitated. “Well no wonder they are always a step ahead of us! They bought the coordinates of our chips from the project!”

“So they always knew exactly where you guys are,” Ryan mumbled darkly. “They watched you get separated from us and decided to strike. They knew when we stepped back into that skyscraper and positioned a sniper to pick us off! Fuck...”

“Ryan,” Gavin said and he had already clicked back out of the document, pointing at the screen. “What deal did we do with the project?”

“ We? None.” But sure enough there was a document labeled Ramsey and Gavin hesitated to click on it. “Geoff would never work together with them.”

“ Maybe it's another Ramsey?”

“Only one way to find out.”

Gavin opened the document and they both stared at it, trying to work through what they were seeing. Gavin next to him had gone tense before he slowly read:

“ Upon a meeting with Missus J. Reese, Mister Ramsey has agreed that his Gunslinger's chip will be deactivated should he be able to eliminate Number 11 Jones and Number 19 Free.”  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DundundunDUN!
> 
> Guys, check out chapter 14 and 16 again for great fanart!
> 
> Also we are SO CLOSE to the final!  
> Thank you so much for all your support, guys!


	19. Child's Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who are you?”  
> “Number 11.”

Chapter 18

Child’s Shadow

 

The last thing Michael remembered was Jack's voice, right in his ear. Calling for him frantically, and maybe there was also Ray and Gavin but they sounded way quieter. Their voices didn't cut through his skin like the sharpest blades because Jack was begging. Jack never begged.

Michael tried to tell him he was fine but his mouth tasted all strange. Like copper or something. Still, he took a breath only that the breath got stuck somewhere, choking him because it wouldn't get out of his throat.

Jack's voice faded along with everything else and he was left alone for the longest time. It wasn't even that scary, it was like falling asleep or slipping underneath water. Unreachable for the world. Save from the world. From all those bad things and he took the chance and slept.

When he woke back up he was still tired even though he had the feeling he had slept for a long, long time. The voices came back, some calling for him but most were just talking. They were distant but certainly familiar.

Someone was holding his hand.

Michael opened his eyes and found no one.

He was lying alone in a bed and stared at a white ceiling. Turning his head, he found the room to be just as white besides a poster with big black letters, telling him that children were the future.

Licking his dry lips, he looked down to his hand, laying on white sheets. Nobody was holding it but he could have sworn he had felt it. The voices were also gone.

Had he dreamed?

“ Hello?” he asked into the room but his voice was thin and quiet. Nobody answered.

The room wasn't very big so he could easily say he was alone. There was just a small desk in the corner and next to it a shelf with five books. The pages were worn out, the spine damaged by how often they had been read.

Besides that there was only this bed and a tiny wardrobe. He knew it was filled with white shirts and dark pants. Three parts of each. One jacket in case it grew cold. It usually didn't though.

This bed here was his but not anymore. It should be too small but it wasn't. There was a window but it just showed whiteness as well as if everything was covered in snow. Maybe it was, even though it didn't really snow here.

The clock was missing, telling him when to wake up but it had been drilled into his mind so he wasn't really nervous of being too late for breakfast.

Sitting up, his bones felt like they were floating. It was a soft tickle beneath his skin and he frowned before getting used to it. Walking towards the wardrobe, he got dressed before looking outside and sure enough it actually was snowing. The snow was falling upwards and somewhere, someone was shaking him awake, sounding timid and excited at the same time.

_ “ Michael! Michael, it's falling!” _

Turning back around, he took the jacket out as well because if it was snowing, it was also cold. The jacket was made out of dark brown leather and there was a big wolf on the back of it.

Closing the wardrobe, he sat back down on the bed and starting to wait. Gazing at his feet, he knew it could just be a few minutes until there would be a knock on the door before it unlocked.

He would go outside, slip into the shoes in front of his door and wait on the little rectangle on the floor. A white 11 was written inside. He was number 11.

They would bring him to his desk where he would eat alone and then into the bathroom where he would shower alone. It was a carefully crafted schedule, everyone of them having an exact time when to be where. They had to obey those things.

There had been a time when he had helped the smaller ones. Showed them how to hold the toothbrush right or how to eat without making a mess. That had been long ago.

He had liked that because they had been smaller than him and had crowded around him, asking for help. He wasn't allowed to do that anymore.

_ “ Michael...”  _ He looked up, searching for the source of the voice.  _ “I was so scared... I was very scared...” _

There was no one and that was strange enough. If his inner clock was right, someone should have picked him up already. Something wasn't right.

“ Who are you?”

“ Number 11,” he answered truthfully.

“ And who have you been?”

He wasn't quite sure anymore. His hand reached up to touch the jacket before wandering further, searching for the place above his left eye.

“ Who are you?”

“Number 11.”

His fingers came back bloody.

“ Who is your guardian?”

“Mister Pattillo,” he answered again, rubbing his fingers together and the blood was gone. Someone had held his hand. “Jack,” he corrected himself. “He wants me to call him Jack.”

“You had two little brothers.”

He frowned. “I don't have any siblings.”

A small pause.

“ Who are you?”

“ Number 11.” Lifting his head, he looked around the room but found no one there. “Who are you?” he asked back.

“ I am not yours and you are not mine,” the voice answered and he tilted his head to the side in confusion.

“ I don't understand that.”

“ Who are you?”

He hesitated before shaking his head slowly. “I don't know anymore.”

“Did you forget?”

“ I think so.”

“Did you want to forget?”

“ I am not sure.”

“ Who are you?”

He stood up and walked through the small room until he stood in front of the bookshelf, letting his finger travel over the worn out books that he could recite them by heart.

It were the only five books he was allowed to read, written especially for the project, and there wasn't a lot to do besides that when he got locked inside of here each evening. He took four out of the five and threw them to the ground. The last one, the thickest of them, he took in his hand. There was something pressed inside the pages and he carefully pulled it out.

It was a leaf.

He had found it when he had been allowed to go outside. Outside where they had to run and climb and jump. It had laid on the hot ground and he had stared at it while waiting for his turn. It was wrong there, out of place but also very pretty.

The leaf was green and not even damaged.

He had stepped out of line and had picked it up. That wasn't allowed but for once nobody had seen it.

He had hid it on his body because there were no pockets and that evening he had put it between the pages of the book. Somehow he had known how to do that but he couldn't remember from where.

It was his single, most valuable treasure.

It was something unique, one of a kind and the project didn't like things like that. They wanted them all to be the same, they were all one. All a weapon.

But this one was his.

“ I am Michael,” he answered. That felt a bit better and he smiled to himself.

Putting the leaf carefully back into the book, he stepped towards the window. He was pretty sure that whoever he was talking to was out there.

“ Who are you?” he asked again and his breath didn't fog the glass.

“ Don't watch the snow,” they told him and he realized he was doing just that. “It will drag you deeper down.”

Averting his eyes, Michael wasn't quite sure if that was true or whoever it was just didn't want to be seen.

“ I'm not yours and you're not mine but I want to help you get back.”

“ Why?” he asked. “Why me?”

“I owe you,” the voice explained. “I owe every single one of you.”

Frowning, Michael snorted. “What? Are you some kind of guardian angel for my poor ass?”

“ I guess you could say that I am something along those lines.”

“ There are other people who need you more than me.” In the corner of his eye, he saw a teddy sitting on the bed, and it certainly hadn't been there before. Moving over, he took it into his hands and stared at it.

“ I owe  _ you _ _,”_ the voice just repeated.

“ Why?”

They fell into silence but now Michael was too intrigued by the teddy, knowing it was something similar to the leaf or his jacket, but he couldn't quite place it.

It had a name, he couldn't recall.

“ You said something about getting back. Back to where? This here is my home. I can't leave.”

“ You are free, Michael.”

He threw his head back and laughed. Free? He wasn't even free to go to the toilet! He had a plan for every second of his day! Free was just a word to mock him!

“ You can go back if you want to.”

He wanted to ask where back was but instead he just watched the door. “It's locked.”

“ Did you ever try or did you just believe them?”

He froze because he wasn't sure. Right now he wasn't sure even though he could have sworn it had been locked tight just a second ago.

“ What is on the other side?”

“ Those who are yours.”

“What if I am scared?”

“ Then feel free to stay here. You can go and lie back down in your bed and sleep.”

“I am very tired.”

“I know that you are,” they told him. “This is your choice to make.”

Turning back around, he watched the teddy in his arms and buried his face in the soft fur. “I'm scared,” he whispered into its ears. “I think I was hurt badly.”

As if to calm him down, someone began to hum. He didn't recognize the song but it worked and he sighed quietly.

“ Who are you?” the voice asked and he knew this was his choice to make.

There were two answers to that question and with that two ways that would open for him. Lifting his head, he looked into the black eyes of the teddy and couldn't quite make out his own reflection.

“ I am Michael.”

There was a loud click as the door unlocked and he smiled unsure. Turning towards the window, he could have sworn he had seen a shadow just vanish out of sight.

“ I think I know who you are. I think I've known you for a long time.”

The voice didn't answer, just continued to hum their song and he held Mogar tight to his chest. He pressed a kiss into the soft fur before putting the teddy back onto the bed. “I don't think I can take you with me, Mogar. So you go to sleep.”

He turned around and walked towards the door. His hand laid on the handle when he let his eyes travel over the room that had trapped him for so long.

“ Thanks for looking after me,” he said, even though he wasn't quite sure who he was talking to as he stepped outside.

 

When he woke up this time, he was still staring at a white ceiling but his bones didn't feel like floating. They were heavy, pressing him into the mattress. Something was beeping, the noise boring into his head and as he turned towards it, he found someone sitting by his bed.

They were not looking at him but on a little device in their hands. One of their hands was bandaged.

Licking his dry lips, he said, “Hey.”

It was pathetic, nearly going under in the beeping but the other guy reacted. He looked up but his eyes went to the door like he was expecting someone to have called him and only a second later he looked down to him.

“ Who are you?” Michael asked and his head hurt. He blinked a bit to see clearer and that guy was just staring at him, mouth a bit comically open. It took him a moment to close it again and then his eyes grew sad.

“ Gavin. My name is Gavin.”

It rang a bell. A distant one and he let his gaze travel over him but couldn't quite place him.

“ Nice to meet you, Gavin,” Michael mumbled and he grew sleepy again. But that voice had been familiar. So, so familiar.

“ Have you been singing to me?”

“ No, Michael.” The other knew his name. He wasn't even surprised.

His eyes were so heavy.

“ Are you mine?”

“ Yes,” Gavin breathed and then he took his hand, holding it tight. Michael was pretty sure the other was close to tears.

“ Then I am back?”

“ You are,” Gavin assured him. “You are home, Michael.”

“ Okay... that's good,” he sighed and let his eyes drop shut. His body was so... so..? He wasn't even sure, he just knew that he was tired even though he had slept for a long time. Was it bad then to go back to sleep? He didn't know anymore. He felt like he didn't know a lot. Maybe he had just forgotten it.

Was there a difference?

“ Don't fall asleep! Please, stay awake! Michael, please don't go already!” Gavin was shaking him. “Jack is coming right back. He just wanted to get something to eat, you can't fall back asleep until he is here!”

Jack? He knew that name.

“ He was waiting so long for you, Michael! Just... just a bit longer!”

He opened his eyes again and Gavin was above him, tears in his eyes. He looked different. His lip was swollen and there were scratches over his face. A bandage was wrapped around his throat and Michael wanted to reach up to touch it and make it better. Wanted to punish whoever hurt him.

“ Thank you,” Gavin whispered and he nodded. The beeping was driving him insane and then Gavin looked up, a big smile on his face. He was bright like the sun in that moment. “Jack! Jack, hurry up!”

And Michael turned his head in the same direction and everything fell into place, clicked together as if a part had been missing. He remembered in the moment his eyes met Jack's and it nearly split his head.

“ Jack!” he called as loud as he could. It was Jack! It was his Jack and he looked so tired!

“ Jack!” he called again and something fell from Jack's grip, crashing onto the floor as he stared at him. Michael fought to sit up but Gavin pushed him down and so he at least raised both of his arms, reaching out to his guardian. “Dad!”

“ Michael.”

Then Jack was there, wrapping him in a warm hug and Jack was crying, loud sobs falling from his mouth and Michael could feel hot tears against his own skin, dripping from the other and he held as tight as possible, wanted to make it better, to take the pain away.

“ Michael,” Jack whimpered again and he was kneeling in front of his bed as he cried and cried. Michael also started to cry without really knowing why, but he just knew that it was alright.

It was alright now.

 

“ Is it true?” someone called and Gavin looked up. He was sitting in front of the infirmary, had decided not to stand in the way as Caleb and his assistants swarmed Michael like flies.

It was Ray, running the last steps towards him and Gavin could feel himself stiffen. He was pretty sure that Ray didn't know about Geoff's deal with the project. Hell, he wasn't even sure if Geoff would do it!

Ryan had told him to act normal for now and try not to be alone somewhere with Geoff. The thought alone was horribly fucked up and it shook him a bit.

“ Gavin?”

“Sorry,” he said quickly because Ray looked at him all concerned and he would never betray him. They had promised. “Just still a bit... overwhelmed I think.”

“ Michael did wake up?”

He nodded quickly and Ray began to smile. “That's great! That's amazing!”

“ It is!” Gavin agreed and figured he could leave those dark thoughts behind, at least for now.

“ How was he? What happened?” Ray asked eagerly.

“ I didn't even notice. He called me and I looked down and he was awake!”

“That's so great! I knew he would wake up!”

“ Yeah!” But Gavin could feel his smile fall again and of course Ray noticed. “He didn't recognize me.”

“ What do you mean?”

“He asked for my name and some other strange things. I don't think he knew who I was.”

“ Oh.”

They watched each other a bit helplessly, and he could see the horror creep into Ray's gaze at the prospect of that. That Michael wasn't their Michael anymore.

“ That can happen,” Geoff said as he stepped into the room and Gavin couldn't help but tense again. If Geoff noticed, he didn't show it. “This whole thing put a strain on his body and mind. He was probably confused.”

He reached them, laying an arm across Ray's shoulder. “But it is a possibility that he won't remember.”

“He did recognize Jack though.”

“That's good. Listen guys.” He sat Ray down next to Gavin before crouching in front both of them, taking one hand each. Gavin wasn't quite sure if he wanted that. “This might be hard for you but you have to give him time. Yes, Michael might remember you guys or maybe just a bit but yes, he might also not recognize anyone but Jack. That's just as much as a possibility as everything else. The fact that he remembers Jack is very, very important.”

“ It's still Michael then,” Ray mumbled, squeezing the hand. “Because Jack is a big part of him.”

“ Exactly. And I want you two to be very patient with him and even if he doesn't remember the first thing about you, what matters most is that he is alive. You three will become friends again in no time at all. Okay?”

They both nodded and he ruffled their hair. Gavin held still, not quite sure if he wanted to escape the touch or lean into it, and like this it seemed stupid to think that Geoff wanted to... what? Harm him? Kill him even?

When had everything become so confusing and complicated?

He heard steps coming closer and recognized them as Ryan's. As fast as he could, he hobbled over and was just in time to throw his arms around him as he stepped in.

“ Hey there kiddo,” Ryan greeted him a bit surprised as he laid a heavy hand on his head. “You alright?”

He couldn't quite describe how he felt. Because Michael didn't recognize him and he wasn't sure if he could trust Ray and Geoff and somehow it felt like they were all drifting apart. He didn't want that.

“ Michael was a bit overwhelmed and didn't recognize him,” Geoff explained.

“ I see.”

“ Did you get what you wanted to?”

Confused, Gavin looked up and found Ryan nodding.

“ Then maybe you should take him upstairs,” Geoff offered and Gavin shook his head.

“ No, I want to stay here! I want to see Michael again!”

“ That will probably take hours until they’re through with him,” Ryan told him before tugging at his arm. “I'm going to show you something before that.”

Throwing a confused look towards Ray, Gavin followed him and he had seriously started to hate those stairs in the base. He was slow with his crutches and people had to always wait for him, just like Ryan right now. And each time Ryan would offer to carry him, to help somehow but he could do it on his own!

So he hobbled up step after step, determined and with clenched teeth. He allowed himself to take a breath when they reached the upper floor and once again he was drenched in sweat. Fuck his leg.

He looked up at Ryan, expecting him to show him the way further but the other just stared ahead and with a horrifying certainty he knew the woman was standing there. It wasn't possible anymore. She was dead. He had watched as Ryan had shot her but-

Gavin froze as he instead saw a cat standing in front of Geoff's office, staring at them. A grown up cat with thick reddish fur and darker stripes running through it, ending in white socks.

“ There are a few rules,” Ryan told him. “You take care of her, otherwise I'll bring her back. And she will only stay in the base. I don't want the fur to be all over our apartment. Understood?”

“That's a kitty,” Gavin whispered.

“ It is indeed a cat.”

“ Ryan, there's a kitty, Ryan!”

His guardian rolled his eyes. “I know, Gavin. I brought her here.”

“Why is there a kitty here, Ryan?”

“Did you not just liste-” He stopped because the cat carefully sat down and Gavin all but jumped at the movement, hiding behind his guardian.

“ Why are yo-”

“I don't want to scare her! Look how tall we are and she's so small!”

“ Well, of cou-”

Gavin shushed him down quickly. “Not so loud! She's afraid, Ryan!” He was whispering now, peering past his arm. “What's her name?”

“ She doesn't have one. You get to name her.”

“How about Kitty?”

“ That's not-”

“Egg?”

“Gav-”

“Smee!”

“ Oh my God. Just... just go and pet her or something like that.”

 

* * *

 

 

Ray woke up with that damn cat in his lap. Again, he might add. It seemed like every time he dozed at the base, he would wake up with that damn cat all over him. No matter where he was. That thing could open the doors apparently.

And now he sat in the meeting room and had the slight problem that the cat was curled in his lap and maybe, just maybe, he wasn't very good with animals.

“ Go away,” he told her but it was a whisper, like he didn't want to wake her up even though he wanted to. Right?

“ Come on. Move your ass. Gavin is in his office, I'll open the door for you if you want to.”

The cat's ears flicked but that was about it. Shit.

Last time he had called Gavin to get that thing off of him but the other had just cooed over the stupid cat. It had been annoying.

“ Who are you talking to?”

Looking up, he found Michael standing in the doorway. It had been a week since Caleb had allowed him to go home with Jack and even though Michael had to be here daily for check ups, Ray hadn't seen him all too much.

True, he had been busy himself but they mostly didn't want to overwhelm Michael. According to Jack he had bad days, but Ray wasn't quite sure what that meant. They had explained to him that sometimes Michael forgot things. Important things.

Just like that.

Most things came back to him soon enough but not all.

The first time he and Gavin had stepped into the infirmary after he had woken up, Ray could have easily thrown up, he was so nervous but Michael had smiled and had called both of them.

He didn't know Mogar. The teddy had laid carelessly on the floor and when he had picked him up and wanted to give him back to Michael, the boy had stared at him.

“ Am I not too old for toys?”

Geoff had explained to him that Michael had to make new connections in his brain and that it would most likely get better with each day but some things would forever get lost.

“ The cat,” he finally answered and Michael stepped closer. He reached out and pet the cat and it immediately started to purr.

He looked different now. Had of course lost weight and he got tired easily. They had cut most of his hair because it had been uneven after the operation and now Michael was wearing a beanie to hide it. Geoff had gone out and had ordered one with the crew logo on it. Michael hadn't recognized it but he was wearing it now. Ray could see the bandage beneath it.

“ Did we... have a cat before?” Michael asked unsure. He did that a lot.

“ No, she's new,” Ray assured him and then Michael sat down beside him.

“ Good. Jack likes cats. I think...” He fell silent, a concentrated look on his face, and Ray let him think. For now it was more than he had hoped for to just have him close enough to feel his body heat, and sometimes he couldn't believe that it was Michael. That it was really Michael, his big brother, being back.

“ Gavin does, too.” It was a question and Ray quickly nodded.

“ Exactly! It's Gavin's cat.”

Michael smiled like he always did when he remembered something right. “What's her name?”

“ He changes it like twice a day.” The cat moved now, stretching on him like he was simply her bed before walking over to sit on Michael's lap. He continued to pat her, smiling at the purrs he received.

Now Ray was technically free but he didn't want to leave. He wondered where Jack was; he usually didn't leave Michael's side for long, but it felt good to spend time with him again. Maybe he should call Gavin over, get some lads time together, but before he could get that far, the door already opened.

Michael didn't notice, too occupied with the cat on his lap, but Ray found Gavin standing there and watching them. He was smiling and Ray was as well and for a long moment they just watched Michael and tried to grasp that he was with them again.

“ Seems like she likes you,” Gavin said finally and Michael looked up.

“ She's a cool cat,” he agreed. She jumped from his lap the moment Gavin stepped closer as if she knew he would pull out a bag of treats in the next second. He threw her one before handing it to Michael who let her eat from his palm.

“ You should come up with a name for her,” Gavin said and Michael looked up to him.

“ Me? It's your cat.”

“Yeah, but I can't decide.”

“And he only has shitty ideas to begin with,” Ray threw in.

“ Lloyd is not a shitty idea!”

“I thought she's a girl!”

Gavin stuck his tongue out but Michael had grown quiet. His hands carding through the thick reddish fur before he mumbled, “Triella.”

“Triella?”

“Yeah, I think she looks like a Triella.”

“ That's a pretty name!” Gavin quickly agreed and sat down on the ground to pull the cat into his lap. “Do you like that, kitty? Isn't Triella a nice name?” He buried his face in her fur, ignore her attempts to get free and back to Michael who still held the treats.

“ Triella it is then!”

 

Jack found them twenty minutes later. He had gone out to grab some of Michael's favorite fast food and had gotten stuck in traffic. Now the food was cold but Michael was asleep anyway and he couldn't even be mad about it.

Michael was sprawled on the sofa, head resting in Ray's lap and his feet in Gavin's. The cat was purring on his chest but jumped off and came for him when he stepped in. Well, he did smell like food.

Bending down, he picked her up and ran his fingers through her thick fur. “Hey there, kitty. You taking good care of the boys?”

“Triella,” Gavin told him, looking up from his phone. “Michael named her!”

“That's a pretty name,” Jack agreed. He stopped in front of the couch and watched the three. Ray had an arm draped over Michael's chest as if to search for his heartbeat and Gavin couldn't help himself but catch glances of the boy. It saddened his heart, made it heavy and dark because he knew it was just a small break, a short lived peace.

_ “ Take him and leave it all behind. Give him a new home and watch him grow up in peace.” _ Geoff had said that and now those words wouldn’t leave him.

The cat was warm, purring against him, and for the first time in so, so long those three seemed to be whole. Their lads again. He hated to be the one who would destroy it all, but fact was that Michael wasn't safe here. No, as long as there was still a bounty on the other two no place close to them was safe. They had seen it with Gavin. Their foes had walked in here and nearly caused another catastrophe.

Even from here he could see his red scar slashing through the tan skin of his throat.

And there were already too many people who knew about Michael. That he wasn't dead.

Caleb of course. His assistants. Jeremy and Matt. Anyone who managed to see them as they walked into the base. And that wasn't even counting the cameras in the base. Or the city.

He couldn't lock Michael up at home. He was free for once and Jack would allow him to experience that.

Looking up from his sleeping face, he turned to the other two. “Call me when he doesn't feel alright?”

“Of course!”

 

* * *

 

 

“ Maybe it's not how we think it is,” Gavin said and he had said that a lot for the past weeks. He was laying on the hood of Ryan's car, arms crossed behind his head as he looked up into the stars.

The day had been too hot, the night came upon them too cold and so the stars were flickering. He saw the twins Pollux and Castor above him. One mortal and one divine, joined in the sky above.

“ Geoff would never sell us out,” he went on. “The crew is family.”

“Ray is his family,” Ryan next to him said and Gavin fell silent. “Geoff is desperate to keep him safe.”

“And desperate people do desperate things?”

“ Exactly.” He turned towards him but Gavin didn't want to look at him right now. “They gave him a way out and Geoff would do anything to protect Ray, you know that.”

He did. He knew that Geoff would do anything but to... to sacrifice him?

“ So, what do we do?” he asked, feeling a bit breathless because every time he had asked this question before, he had gotten the same answer.

“ I'll take care of it,” Ryan told him again. “You just play your part and look out. If Geoff can, he will make it look like an accident.”

Gavin liked that answer less and less. Of course because it was about him getting murdered by a man that had raised him since he had been a small child, but also by the way Ryan said it. The first few times it had sounded unsure, it had just been words to calm him down but they had changed with each and every time. He knew that his guardian was planning something and Gavin didn't like it.

He knew how this would end and a sour feeling of dread settled in his stomach.

“ What about Michael?” he whispered.

“ Michael will be safe. He's free.”

Reaching out, he took Ryan's hand in his. “Let's just run away,” he begged. “I can make us disappear and you know how to lay low. We could just... go somewhere else. To your mom, maybe. I want to meet her and then we move on. If we just keep on... on running, they won't get us, Ryan. We'll take Triella and just disappear. Let's see Europe or Asia! Let's see the whole world together, Ryan!”

“You would never be safe. Not as long as they know that you are alive.”

Gavin squeezed his hand, holding tight but Ryan wasn't looking at him. He was watching the stars above them.

Pollux and Castor. Gemini.

“ I'll take care of it,” he whispered. “You don't have to worry about a thing.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week is the big final!  
> 


	20. Collapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was all too much and he felt torn apart, knew that it was a goodbye as well as a new beginning and he wanted neither.

Chapter 19

Collapse

 

They were sitting on their table, eating breakfast and Michael was pretty sure something was up. The radio was playing like he had gotten used to but Jack wasn't humming along, wasn't making plans. He was too deep in thought for that, and that was unusual.

At least Michael thought it was unusual. In the past weeks he had learned not to trust his own thoughts all too much. They were often confusing, throwing names and numbers all over the place and when he tried too hard, a splitting pain would strike through his head, forcing him to lay down for the rest of the day, twisting in pain.

Throwing a look towards the hallway, he saw their luggage sitting there. For the mission, as Jack put it. Michael was also confused about that. He was pretty sure he wasn't ready to go on any missions yet but Jack was all for it. Damn, he hadn't even held a gun yet again, how could he protect his guardian in this condition?

But he trusted Jack.

Turning back around, he watched his guardian absentmindedly stir his coffee.

“ Are we going to the base before we head off?” he asked because he didn't like silence. He had enough silence in his life in the past weeks.

Blinking, Jack looked up before he nodded. “Yeah. We'll be gone for quite a while and we should say goodbye beforehand.”

“ How long will we be gone?”

“ I don't know yet, Michael.” They fell quiet again, and Michael didn't like that. He squirmed a bit, wondering what he should say as he cut his pancakes, but something was wrong. Something was wrong about this whole thing, and he just wasn't able to tell what it was!

Frowning at his own stupidity, he nearly missed Jack asking, “You like them, right?”

“ Who?”

“Ray and Gavin.”

He needed a moment to find the fitting faces to the names and sometimes he got those two mixed up but he knew that he did like them. That had never been a question, he had never once doubted that he wanted to protect them. He wanted to protect them with his whole being, just like he did with Jack, but it was a bit different with them. He wasn't quite sure why but he liked being around them. Gavin would tell him stories about the past that were all a bit different in his head if he even found them in the mess and Ray was funny, throwing in comments that made Michael giggle, even more when he didn't quite understand them.

“ They're my little brothers,” he said. “Is that wrong?”

Jack hesitated before mumbling, “Sometimes I thought it was. Sometimes I wished I would have never told you to look out for them.”

Tilting his head to his side, Michael watched him in confusion, couldn't quite understand why he would say that. “Are you... afraid I like them more than you?” he asked carefully, the only explanation he could come up with, but Jack just huffed, amused.

“ God no, Michael. That's not it,” he told him quickly but his eyes were sad and dark. “I just figured if you wouldn't love them so much, there would be more space for yourself in your heart.”

Opening his mouth, Michael didn't know what to say to that. He didn't even understand it fully, but maybe this time it wasn't because of his confused head.

“ You won't leave me, right? We have a promise, don't we?” Jack asked and he knew the answer to that. It had always been there since waking up, just like Jack's name and how important he was to him. It was too deeply rooted inside of him, that not even the bullet going through his head had been able to wipe it out.

“ Forever and ever,” he agreed without doubt even though a part of him knew it was wrong. That they had changed places here, that it usually wasn't him who said that.

“ Forever and ever...” Jack mumbled before reaching up to wipe his eyes.

“ Jack..?”

“Sorry, just feels good to hear that again,” his guardian assured him but Michael didn't buy it. He looked up to Jack a bit helplessly and the other noticed.

“ Sorry, I am just in a mood today. Everything is alright, pumpkin.”

 

When they reached the base, Jack headed straight into Geoff's office and asked him to wait outside, so he went to look around for the other two. He found Ray in the meeting room, laying on the couch. His head was dangling off the edge so that he could watch the city upside down.

Michael wasn't quite sure if he was bothering him because just like Jack he looked deep in thought, but when he came closer and Ray noticed him, he began to smile.

“ Michael!”

“Hey.” He stopped in front of the couch. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” Ray sighed. “I can't go out on missions anymore so I just... I don't know, kinda am here, I guess.”

“ I see.”

“Are you ready for your guys’ big mission?”

“I think so. We've packed and everything. I think we will head out right after Geoff and Jack are done.”

“Where are you guys even going?”

“ I don't know,” Michael admitted and sat down when Ray sat up. “Jack just said it would take a while.”

Ray grimaced at that. “I don't want you to go! I just got you back!”

Michael noticed that the other was blushing and he couldn't help but smile. Bumping their shoulders together, he promised, “We'll see each other soon enough. It won't take forever.”

“Yeah... I just find it weird that you are already getting sent out there again. I mean, you are safe from the project for now but...” Shaking his head, Ray sighed. “Not my choice to make, I guess.”

“ Jack says that everything is alright.”

“ Yeah, Geoff says the same.” It didn't sound like he believed it. “It's just... I'm going to miss you, okay?”

Now Michael was also blushing, even more so when Ray leaned against him, and that was familiar. That was something he also remembered.

“ You’ve still got Gavin to keep you company.”

“Gavin is acting weird,” Ray said slowly. “He's been getting distant the past few days... weeks even! And he just won't tell me why.” He frowned, searching Michael's warmth. “There were never... never secrets between us three and suddenly I feel like there are so many things I don't know. And sometimes I think I don't even want to know. I just want things to go back to the start.”

Michael fell silent, leaning against the dark hair and that was also something. It smelled like Ray. As it turned out, scent was a thing he did remember clearly.

“ Is it because of me?” he asked carefully, unsure if he even wanted an answer. “Did I ruin us three?”

“What? No!” Ray said quickly and sat up. The younger was looking into his eyes, grasping his hands. “No, Michael! You made everything so much better! We are all so happy that you are back, please don't think like that!”

He smiled shyly but Ray wasn't done, squeezing his hands so tight that it nearly hurt. “It's just that things are changing! Things are changing and that's probably normal. We're growing up or some shit like that and who knows, maybe that's a good thing. But when you come back we'll do another Lads Night, alright? With all the junk food we can eat until we burst! I'll kick all your asses in videogames and we get scared by horror movies! We won't sleep the whole night and I am sure then everything will be the same again!” He was begging for it to be true, desperate for him to agree, and so he nodded even though he didn't know.

He didn't know a lot of things but at least Ray relaxed, his grip loosening. Maybe that was enough, maybe that was why he was here, to calm him down, and Ray looked like he was scared.

Michael pulled him closer and Ray nestled against his chest. “Let's do a Lads Night,” he said and felt Ray nod, bumping his head right beneath his chin.

He held him for a while longer and he didn't know how long Jack had watched them, but his guardian had his arms crossed and when he noticed that he had been caught, he moved slowly, unsure.

“ Michael, we should go now.”

“ Alright.” He untangled himself from Ray and Jack took his hand. That was a bit strange but he liked the contact. It was soothing as they went through the base to say goodbye but with each step, with the way that Gavin's eyes lingered on him like he knew more than he let on, he got the feeling again that something here was absolutely not alright. And if Ray had the same thought it couldn't just be in his messed up head, right?

But he didn't know what to do against it, so he just followed Jack outside, and his guardian was still holding tight as if he was afraid to lose him. Michael wanted to ask what was going on but he couldn't think of any questions he hadn't already asked. At least Jack noticed that he was watching him and tried himself on a smile. “You ever been in the mountains?”

“We have mountains here,” he answered.

“ But I mean like real mountains. With snow and everything. I think that sounds like fun, don't you?”

“ I guess,” he mumbled. “Are we going there?”

“ I was thinking about it,” he admitted. “But we can go wherever you want to, pumpkin.”

“ We aren't going on a mission, are we?” Michael asked and Jack's smile turned sad.

“ I'm just keeping my promise, Michael.”

 

* * *

 

 

Gavin stood in front of the window in their apartment, looking outside. It was dark, the only light the bristling city and he started to hate the sight of it. He wanted to watch it burn to dust and debris.

Michael had left them this morning and by now Gavin hadn't tried to contact either him or Jack, but he knew already that no one would answer.

They were safe, that was good.

Michael was free and that was even better.

But it wasn't enough. Everything was collapsing on their heads.

Something swept through his legs and with a smile he picked Triella up. For all the big talk, it had only taken him a week to get her into their apartment. Gavin scratched the cat behind her ears and listened to her purring. It was soothing and her fur was so soft...

For all he knew he should be happy, he had told Ryan that he was happy, but not anymore. Now everything was just in pieces, and he couldn't even begin to put it back together. They were all destroying each other.

“ Are you done eating?” Ryan called out of the kitchen and when Gavin confirmed, he listened to him clearing the table. He wasn't asking him to do it, wanted to get on his good side.

Gavin wasn't sure if he was mad at Ryan.

Triella meowed and he nuzzled into the fur, whispering, “I miss him too.”

He did, by God, he did.

An arm laid around his shoulders and he was pulled close. He didn't need to look up to know it was Ryan and he just nestled into his warm body, trying to forget but it was impossible.

“ Michael is gone,” he mumbled. “Jack as well, and I won't see any of them again. I couldn't even properly say goodbye.”

“ There might be a chance that we will see them again. This is not the end.”

“Are you sure?” Tilting his head back, Gavin looked up to him. “What are you going to do?”

“ I told you not to worry about it,” Ryan said but he couldn't look him in the eyes.

“ You went to the project,” Gavin responded. “You made the same deal as Geoff, didn't you? You're not better than him in the slightest.”

For a moment he wondered if Ryan would get mad at him but the other just reached down to pet the cat as well. He wasn't even trying to deny it.

“ You're going to kill Geoff and Ray,” Gavin mumbled. “You don't have to.”

“ Gavin... only one of you can be safe.”

“ Let's run away,” he offered again. “Let's see the world! All of it! They will never catch us! We could go right now! 

“We'll leave tomorrow and I can show you the world. We'll go wherever you want to.” Now Ryan looked down at him, his hand leaving Triella to flick him underneath the chin. “But not until you're safe. Not until I made sure of it.”

The cat struggled in their silence and Gavin let her go, turning towards his guardian.

“ Don't.”

Ryan gently cupped his face and he closed his eyes. He didn't want this to happen but he couldn't stop it.

A kiss was dropped on top of his hair where usually his glasses would sit and then Ryan leaned his forehead against his. “I want you to listen to me and do just as I say, kiddo.”

They were close enough that Gavin could feel the other's breath on his face and he slowly nodded.

“ I want you to go to bed and try to sleep, okay? If you want to, you can switch your lamp on or do whatever you think will help. Don't come out, no matter what you hear. Don't search for me, don't come upstairs. I will come back and get you and tomorrow we can be on the road.”

“ Ryan...” he whimpered, holding tight to the other.

“ If I don't come ba-” 

“No...”

“Listen, Gavin,” Ryan interrupted him. “If I don't come back, if something happens to me, I want you to take whatever you need and run. Run as far away as possible. Out of the city, somewhere where Geoff doesn't have any control. You know those places, they are all in your head. You told me you could make us disappear and I want you to do just that. Get a new name, find a new city, do what is necessary to survive. You are smart, I know that you can do it.”

“I don't want to be alone. You said you wouldn't leave me alone,” he protested weakly.

“ It's just a safety measure,” Ryan assured him and then kissed him on the forehead. Letting his eyes flutter open, Gavin looked up to him but before he could really make out his expression, he was pulled into a tight hug.

“ You are...” Ryan began but seemed to choke on the words and Gavin just clung to him. Hoping,  _wanting_ for him to finish that sentence. He needed to hear it, needed any assurance he could get.

“ You are the single most important person in my life.” He said it fast as if he had to force it out and Gavin blushed, feeling stubborn tears burn in his eyes.

“ I am sorry for so many things, Gavin, but I will make that all up to you. I swear. I will be whatever you need me to be. God, I-” He stopped just to take his face in his hands again. Gavin let him, the blue eyes searching over him as if to check that he was still in one piece. One finger carefully touched the scar on his throat.

“ I love you,” Ryan whispered and Gavin couldn't do much more than stare at him before his eyes overflowed. He sobbed and Ryan allowed him to hide in his chest. It smelled like leather, it always did and he should be so happy.

He was happy, he was! That was more than he had ever hoped for and he couldn't even really grasp it. Maybe he should answer but he couldn't. It was all too much and he felt torn apart, knew that it was a goodbye as well as a new beginning and he wanted neither.

Ryan picked him up and he laced his arms around the other's shoulders, allowing him to carry him into his room. He was gently placed on his bed and when he opened his bleary eyes, he could already see the stars wander across the ceiling.

“ Stay here,” Ryan told him.

“ Come back,” he answered, and wondered if that had sealed his choice.

“ I will. Try to sleep, kiddo.”

He got another kiss, this time against his cheek and then Ryan was gone and he was alone.

Gavin sniffed a little, reaching up to wipe the tears away as he pressed his lips together. He tried to be really quiet, to not make a noise like he wanted to hear what Ryan was doing. But he knew that his guardian was still out there, was preparing himself. He could act like he didn't care all he wanted but Gavin knew him better than that.

Ryan had asked him to stay in his room so that he couldn't see him like that. So that Ryan could brace himself.

For a while he watched the stars travel over the walls, while he hiccuped and wondered what the fuck he was even doing here. Should he really lay down and try to sleep? He wouldn't be able to, he knew that much but what alternative did he have?

Reaching out to his lamp, he took Neptune in his hand and ripped the planet right off. He didn't even know why, it just felt right in that moment. It would also feel right to take the whole thing and hurl it against the next wall. That sounded like an excellent idea.

Rolling the small planet in his hands, he tried to get the courage to do it. To just destroy everything around him, to burn the city to the ground as if the memories would fade along with that.

It wasn't that easy.

Instead he let himself fall onto his back, staring at the ceiling.

What could he do?

The same question he had asked himself over and over again. He could just close his eyes and when he'd open them again everything would be over. Ryan would come into the room, smelling like gunpowder and leather and they would pack their bags.

Run away, see the world, be free.

Ray and Geoff would be dead then.

Or it would be Geoff who would storm in here and he would die to the knowledge that his guardian was dead. That he had failed as a Gunslinger.

He could let it just play out, accept whatever the future had prepared for him.

_ “ You taught me the courage of stars before you left,” _ he sang beneath his breath, just loud enough for himself to hear.  _ “How light carries on endlessly, even after death.” _

He fell silent, wondering if it was true or not and couldn't find an answer.

_ “ I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again.” _ He held the planet so tight, that he could hear the plastic crack beneath his grip. The material thin and worn from age.  _ “I tried to write it down but I could never find a pen.” _

He breathed out and closed his eyes. Sharp edges of the planet bit into his palm but he didn't let go. Couldn't let go.

_ “ You are the single most important person in my life.” _

He hummed the rest of the melody and thought about Triella. Thought about the chance to seeing Michael again, thought about traveling the world, thought about being safe.

_ “ I love you.” _

He tried not to think about Ray as he sat up. Neptune fell from his hand and left red dents in his skin as he reached for the gun in his bedside table. Checking on the clip, he found it loaded and shoved it back inside.

The knife laid next to his lamp, cleaned and sharpened after the break in at the base. He tried not to think about it but he also wouldn't need it, right?

Still, he took it and put it in his waistband because Ryan had taught him well. Always expect a fight, always be armed. He had been a good listener, had learned a lot, and it had brought him right here.

Standing up, he rubbed his face clean of any traces of tears, any traces of weakness.

Ramsey's puppeteer.

Vagabond's spawn.

Ray's brother.

He took a huge breath and let his hands sink until stars could travel over his palms before switching the lamp off, throwing him in darkness. Still he reached for his glasses, even though he knew they were broken in some garbage bag. His own mask.

He would have to work without it for now.

He quietly stepped out of his room and followed the hallway towards the kitchen. Light fell out from there and when he looked through the gap in the door, he could see Ryan. He had his back turned to him but he was clearly sitting on the table, cleaning his gun. Even like this Gavin could tell that his movements were slower, not as fluid and practiced as usually.

Triella sat at his feet, cleaning herself but she looked up, had probably heard him. For a second Gavin froze, wondering if the cat would meow or run to him. Would pull the attention to him and then everything would turn out differently.

But with a yawn, the cat continued and Gavin stepped away from the door. He unlocked the front door quietly, slipping out and closed it again. Again he waited for a noise, that Ryan had heard him but nothing happened.

He wasn't wearing any shoes so his steps were barely audible on the stairs as he hurried upwards, past Michael and Jack's apartment. He barely glanced at that door before stopping in front of the next.

Throwing a look down, he still expected a fuming Ryan to follow him but he didn't. Pressing his ear against the door, he listened and could hear faint voices. Not in the short hallway but they had to be in the huge room beyond.

Probably watching over the city and wishing it was theirs.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his keys and searched for the right one. Geoff had given him every key. A sign of trust.

Gavin hesitated. Could he really do this? Was he able to?

Had he another choice?

Calming down his breathing, he unlocked the door.

Moving through the short hallway, he pushed himself against the wall to not be seen as he followed the voices. Glancing around the corner, he could see Ray and Geoff standing in front of the windows. They were talking quietly but he tried not to eavesdrop.

Gavin pulled out his gun and then stared at them, wondering what he should do next. Just shoot them... in the back? Just like that?

They didn't wear any armor, he could see that but Ray still had a gun in his waistband. Geoff just held a glass with liquor.

He'd have to take out Ray first. He wasn't sure if he could.

But he had to hurry because Ryan would follow soon enough.

He stepped out from his cover to get a better shot and now stood just a few feet behind them, gun raised. He should fire right now before they would notice him. They would notice him, it seemed impossible. They would either hear how his heart thumped in his chest or would see his reflection in the window.

He wondered which one it was as Geoff's words slowly trailed off and then it grew silent. Just for a few seconds, the time it took those two to turn around and he should shoot  _ now! _ It could be over in a minute!

Ray looked at him confused but also kinda amused. As if he wanted to ask what the fuck he was doing there, which was honestly an excellent question.

Geoff looked concerned but Gavin could see the flash of guilt in his eyes and cold horror filled him. By God, it all was true. He had really sold him out.

“ Gavi-” he began, probably trying to reason with him but Gavin shot.

He caught Geoff in the chest, throwing him back against the windows. Red flowers bloomed on his crispy white shirt as he slid to the ground, the glass rolling from his hand.

The following silence was deafening and neither of them moved. Gavin knew he should take aim and shoot again. Ryan would have heard that but his hands were starting to shake now.

And Ray... Ray still just stood there. The amused wonder still on his face but his eyes were wide, trying hard not to wander to Geoff on the ground next to him.

“ Gavin?” he asked and he sounded concerned. Of all the things, he sounded  _concerned_ for him!

Gavin could hear himself sob and there were tears streaming down his face. He had killed Geoff. He had killed Geoff!

“ I'm sorry...” he whispered and he could barely hold on to the gun as he carefully took aim at Ray. “I didn't want this to happen, Ray...”

“ What are you doing?” Ray asked him and took a step forward. It was a stupid move, they both knew it but Gavin couldn't shoot, he just watched as Ray slowly stood in front of Geoff as if he could still protect him.

Gavin's breath hitched as he shook his head, having no answer for the other. Taking one hand from his gun, he wiped over his face in hope to see clearly again but it was to no use. He was a mess and they both knew it.

“ I love you,” he gasped out as he took a tighter hold on his gun again.

A flush crawled high on Ray's cheek as he pulled his own gun out. “I love you too,” he mumbled embarrassed but they both smiled shyly at each other as they took aim.

 

When Ryan heard the first shot, he already knew in his heart what happened. The cat by his feet darted out of the kitchen at the loud noise and he was clicking the gun together as fast as he could.

Standing up, he also hurried out of the kitchen.

“ Gavin?”

The boy’s room was open and dark. He had certainly closed the door and the lamp had been on. Why he still went there and looked inside, he didn't know. He didn't expected the boy to be there in the first place.

Still he switched the light on and stepped over discarded clothes and old fast food boxes. He got to his knees, peering beneath the bed in the desperate hope that he was hiding. That someone else had shot above him and the boy had been scared.

He wasn't there. Of course he wasn't.

Ryan had already noticed that his knife was gone. It had found its place next to the lamp since the break into the base.

A second shot and Ryan was back on his feet. Running through his apartment because no. No, the boy should be asleep. He would wake him after he was done and the project would deactivate his chip. They would pack and drive away.

If the boy wanted to see the world, he would show him. If the boy wanted to meet his parents, he would take him there!

If only-

The door to Geoff's apartment wasn't locked and he held his gun close as he stormed inside. Instantly he smelled blood, thick and overwhelming.

It was dead quiet besides himself as he stayed in cover, peeking around the corner.

Leaned against the window sat Geoff, blood staining his shirt for as far as Ryan could see. Ray was blocking some of it. He was curled into his guardian's side, head nested right beneath his chin.

Neither of them moved and Ryan stepped inside.

Gavin laid curled in the middle of the room and he could nearly pretend he was just hiding. Had laid down to wait for him here. He wasn't breathing.

“ Gavin,” Ryan called and crouched down next to him. The boy didn't react and he took a hold of his shoulder, shaking him roughly. “Come on! Gavin!”

He rolled him onto his back and the front of his button-down shirt was red. There was a hole right above his heart, a clean shot.

He hadn't expected anything else from Ray.

Lifting his gaze, he found Ray staring at him now. He still hadn't moved, a hand pressed against Geoff's chest as if he wanted to keep all the blood in that was already spilling onto the floor.

Their eyes met, and the short thought that he should raise his gun and shoot him faded. The brown eyes were dark, nearly black and the pink pistol laid on the floor, like he had thrown it away, disgusted with himself.

It were the eyes of someone broken and Ryan knew that he didn't need to be afraid that the other would shoot him.

That hateful tune was loud in the room, announcing an update on the website and Ryan wanted to throw up. Turning back around, he took another look at Gavin.

His boy had his eyes closed and he reached down to wipe traces of tears from his cheeks. Carefully, he lifted him up to hold him tight. His head lolled against his shoulder with each movement and Ryan buried his face in the unruly hair, closing his eyes.

That's how they sat in the room, the silence louder than thunder between them and all he could think was that Gavin should have shot Ray first. That Gavin had known that. That Gavin had decided against it.

That Gavin had went up here so that he himself didn't need to.

Holding the body impossible tighter, he exhaled carefully.

His little boy.

Back in the old base, he would count to ten when he walked in because that was how long he needed to run from the security office to greet him.

His little boy who could fall asleep over his tea and would grunt loudly when he got shaken awake.

Ryan rubbed his own face clean before looking up. Ray still hadn't moved but his eyes were closed again.

Reaching for his phone, Ryan sat down more comfortably but made sure that he didn't jostle Gavin too much. As if that would still hurt him but it felt good to have him this close.

He called the number Reese had given him and waited until it connected. Nobody greeted him but he hadn't expected that.

“ Only one of the three Gunslingers is alive,” he said and tried to control his voice without any luck. “You said the last one would be free.”

Ray was back to watching him and he caught his eyes this time.

“ Your Gunslinger is dead, Vagabond,” said the voice on the phone. It was a man.

“ I don't remember that it was a requirement that it would be my Gunslinger,” he said, leaning his head against Gavin's. “I want Narvaez. I want that none of you guys can ever find him again. And I want it to be done quickly.”

For the longest time there was no answer before the man responded, “I don't see the problem with that. I will send you an address. Come there and we will deactivate the chip of number 3.”

Ray was listening, he could tell but his expression was blank. Ryan couldn't tell what he was thinking but he nodded.

“ We'll be there as soon as possible.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what... I probably shouldn't say anything right now, so I will just go quietly into the night and hide.  
> Last chapter comes this Sunday evening.


	21. Mirage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Your guardian was killed on your watch,” the man continued and Ray nodded.  
> “How does that make you feel?”

Chapter 20

Mirage

 

The address lead them to an industrial area a bit outside of Los Santos. It was mostly abandoned at this time of the day, and Ryan wasn't quite sure if they weren't driving into a trap.

“ Does anything here look familiar to you?” he asked into the heavy silence.

Ray sat next to him, hands tightly grasped in his lap but his eyes were focused on a huge chimney of one of the factories around them. He nodded once.

So they had really sent them the address to their main facility, or at least to the place where the children were kept.

A few minutes later he stopped the car in front of a huge building. It was ugly, a gray block with barely any windows. The few he could see were all behind bars. Throwing a look towards Ray, he saw that the boy was tense and licked his lips. When he noticed that he was being watched, he gave another nod and Ryan killed the engine.

They still sat there for a moment, trying to brace themselves, and in the end Ryan said, “Don't rebel. Just do as they say and things should turn out alright.”

They got out and he immediately clamped his hand on the other's shoulder, feeling the tense muscles. He steared him towards the entrance and before he could wonder how to get inside, the door was opened for him.

“ Good evening,” a woman greeted them. “Please follow me.”

Inside it was brighter, the walls glaring white. It felt a bit like being in a hospital besides the men in dark suits waiting for them.

“ Past here weapons are forbidden,” the woman said. “Please hand them over.”

“The boy has no weapons, I already took them,” Ryan said before giving Ray a push towards them. “But you can make sure if you want to.”

Two men went to pat him down while the woman still smiled. “You as well, Mister Haywood.”

“ I'll keep my gun.”

“I don't think I ca-”

“I'll keep my gun,” he repeated. “I have no reason to trust you. Let's get this over with.”

They talked about it over a small earpiece and he waited. Ray was let go and the boy returned to his side dutifully. Again Ryan reached out to take a hold on his neck, his thumb pressing against the rose tattoo on the back of it. There was a soft tremor moving through him, even though he was wearing his purple hoodie.

Ray didn't like this place.

“ Alright, you may come in,” the woman told him. “But we will react with more security than usual.”

“That's fine.”

They went on, down those white corridors and up a flight of stairs. He tried to remember the way, just in case.

This time there was no voice in his ear telling him the directions.

They were brought into a huge office, screens on the far wall displaying different news stations, but Ryan was pretty sure they usually showed security footage. Probably of the children.

Ray shivered beneath his touch and Ryan figured he knew those people who waited for them. There were three, an old man sitting at the head of the table, a younger one to his right and a woman in a lab coat on his other side.

All of them screamed authority.

“ I'm not here for a chitchat,” Ryan said right away. “I want to be gone as soon as possible.”

“It won't take longer then half an hour, Sir,” the old man assured him. “Our technician is already on his way to deactivate the chip. We didn't expect you to... act so soon.”

“I'm efficient.”

The woman chuckled at that before saying, “We’d better bring number 3 into the lab already so that we can begin soon.”

Ray looked up at her voice before throwing a helpless glance up to Ryan who just nodded. “Whatever hurries the process up.”

Ray was pushed again and two men took his elbows, leading him out, as if he was cattle.

He didn't look back, just followed through those endless corridors. Somewhere beneath the building was a long, long hallway, dark besides some fluorescent lights and it would lead to the barracks for the kids. He could probably still find his room.

Shivering, he was pulled on until they reached a small room.

A man waited for him there and he knew him from his past but couldn't quite place him.

“ Sit down, Narvaez. Missus Reese should be here soon but we better get going.”

He did as he was told, sitting down on the small table. It looked more like an interrogation cell than a lab and he figured that was the point of it all.

“ Your guardian was killed on your watch,” the man continued and Ray nodded.

“ How does that make you feel?”

Oh, what a funny question! What a damn amusing question!

He wanted to spit his answer in his face.

Instead Ray shrugged, not feeling ready to talk.

“ I'm sure you are sad. After all, you spent half of your life with Mister Ramsey.” The man stepped behind Ray and the boy tensed. He didn't like him being so close. “But maybe you are also angry.”

He laid a pistol in front of Ray and the boy looked up.

“ I will send you out there after Missus Reese had a word with you,” the man explained. “And I want you to shoot the Vagabond the moment you are back in the car. Come back here then.”

The man sounded amused and Ray turned around, staring at the pistol. It wasn't pink.

“ I am sure you will find that this decision is to your liking as well.”

  
  


_ 7 weeks before the collapse _

 

"There are bugs."

It was the first thing Gavin said after they began to drive towards the base. Ryan figured it was due to the fact that he had gotten his throat cut in the foyer and it would be the first time he'd be back since then, but now that was strange.

"It's warm," he said. "Of course there are bugs."

"I mean in the base, Ryan."

"There are also bugs in the base, true. Same reasoning as-"

"Oh my God," Gavin mumbled in disbelief. "There are bugs in the base Ryan. From the project. Should I draw you a picture?"

"Wait," he looked up from the street, slowing down a little. "You mean they are listening to us..." He trailed off because Gavin had his knife in his hand, watching it with a strange fascination.

"That's exactly what I mean," the boy said and curled his hand around the blade hard enough to draw blood.

"Hey-" 

"One in Geoff's office, one in the foyer. A few others in not so important places."

"Gavin, give me the knif-" 

"I put them there," the boy interrupted him before shrugging. "Ray as well."

Ryan hesitated, tried to make sense of it but now the blood was running down Gavin's arm. "You should look at the street."

"Fuck." He turned back around and steered the car towards a parking lot of some kind. Gavin next to him never stopped talking, "We put the bugs in rooms we hoped wouldn't reveal too much. It's kinda funny, they think it's our meeting room while instead it's a supply closet." He giggled, his voice a bit too high. "But we couldn't fake Geoff's office an-"

Ryan stopped the car and turned towards him. "Give me the knife."

"I can't." He was still grasping it tight and now blood was dripping down into his lap. "If I stop, I can't continue talking."

He was punishing himself, Ryan realized. He was punishing himself for revealing information he wasn't suppose to reveal. Reaching out, he took his wrist and wished he could just pull the knife out but he'd only cut him further.

"Gavin, give me the knife now."

"Our apartments and the cars are safe," the boy just went on, his gaze was distant as if he tried not to think of anything else. "Because if you'd find a bug there, you'd know it had to be one of us. Nobody else is allowed in there."

Ryan shivered but tried to gently pry the other's hand open, his own fingers already slippery from blood. "Come on, let loose, kiddo. You're hurting yourself."

"I think the reports are worse. They want me and Ray to write them exactly what we did on that day. What the crew did. Like a diary."

Ryan finally forced his hand open and quickly threw the knife into the footroom. There was a deep gash in Gavin's palm and cursing, Ryan reached for the gloves department. "Hold still. There has to be a first aid kit somewh-" He could feel Gavin ball his hurt hand into a fist and for the first time the boy winced in pain.

"Ryan, they know so much now," Gavin whispered. "I don't want to tell them anything anymore." His head hit the window loud and Ryan grabbed him, trying to stop him from doing it again but the boy wouldn't stop. He tried kicking himself, punching himself and in the end Ryan shoved him into the backseat before following.

Here there were less things to hurt himself with but the kid tried and Ryan took a tight hold on his wrist. "Stop that!"

"I can't..." Gavin whimpered before trying to hit his head somewhere else. It was a desperate attempt and Ryan pulled him close, trying to stop him but he just wouldn't.

"No, Ryan, let me. You just need to listen," Gavin grunted, kicking hard against the door and Ryan laced their legs together, restricted him like that. It was a bit like when they wrestled but this time Gavin was really fighting against him and tickling certainly wouldn't get him to stop.

So he slipped him into his lap, pressing his hands into the seats on both of his sides and he was holding too tight, he knew that but the boy was out of it. Gavin threw his head back but it only hit Ryan's shoulder, and then he jerked his limbs, trying to get them free without success and then he screamed. Arching his back, he screamed to the ceiling of the car but Ryan didn't let loose and after a while, the younger relaxed. He slumped back into Ryan, gasping wildly but his eyes were closed, his head rolling listless against his chest.

Ryan shushed him down, cradling him a bit without letting go because now the boy might be exhausted but maybe he would still start again the moment he had the chance. And his own heart was slamming in his chest, not even because of what Gavin had said but rather how much power the project still had over him. It was terrifying.

"It's okay," he whispered, trying to calm himself down as well. He noticed that the boy balled his hands into tight fists and quickly laced their fingers together to stop him. "You don't need to hurt yourself."

"I shouldn't say those things," Gavin mumbled, there was sweat on his forehead. "I'm a traitor but I am a traitor either way."

"You're doing the right thing," Ryan assured him. "Now you can talk."

The boy shook his head but it was weak. He still had his eyes closed, breathing heavily.

"When did you install the bugs?" He observed Gavin, watched as he licked his lips and held tight as he felt another jerk move through the body. "Gavin, please tell me."

"Not too long ago," he finally said. It was very quiet, barely more than a breath. "A few days before I hacked them. They sent us new orders and I... I had to do it. Ray as well. We tried not to but... but then we also had to send in the reports." He whined. "I didn't want to tell them that Michael was still alive..."

"Did you lie?"

"I didn't tell the truth."

"Good boy." He leaned his head against his, taking calming breaths. "You're doing good, Gav. We'll get rid of the bugs when we get to the ba-"

"No!" Gavin said quickly, his eyes fluttering open. "Than they will know that I told you! They will come for me!" He was begging, his eyes huge in fear. "The bugs have to stay."

 

"Tell us exactly where the bugs are," Geoff said.

They were sitting in the meeting room that Gavin assured was safe, a blueprint of the base on the table between them. Ray and Gavin threw each other a haunted look, both tense and scared. Ryan and Jack were sitting close, ready to interfere if they tried to hurt themselves.

It was Ray who stepped up and took the marker. His hand was shaking, the little crosses messy as he drew them. After he was done he looked at Gavin as if he was asking if everything was right and the other boy nodded.

The guardians looked closer, studying it for a while before Jack said, "We can avoid most of them."

"We can't avoid all or the project will notice that something is up. Would be strange if everything suddenly went quiet."

"The worst is the one in Geoff's office," Jack pointed towards it. "Most of the others will pick things up. Conversations in the hallway or the foyer. We just have to make sure they don't hear the important things." He looked from one to the other. "Mainly that Michael is still alive and that we know about the bugs."

They all nodded besides Geoff, who eyed the blueprint thoughtfully.

"I wonder if we can use that against them," he mumbled.

"You want to play with them?"

He nodded before sighing. "The project has been in contact with me lately. They offered me a deal." His eyes darted to Gavin, then to Ray. "The last one alive will be free. They will deactivate the chip and take them off the website."

Ryan shook his head. "It's a trap. It has to be."

"I think so as well." He was quiet for a while, they were all pondering over it and in the end he said, "What if I take them up on it? If they think I am on their side, that we are all fighting each other... maybe we can find a weak spot."

"You want to hurt them from the inside," Gavin said quietly. There was a messy bandage covering his cut hand now. "Just like they are trying with us."

"Exactly. Maybe I can ask for a meeting, maybe when we find their headquarters..."

"Then we could destroy them," Jack finished his thought before huffing. "That won't be easy. We have to really make them believe it."

"I think we can do just that."

  
  


_ 3 weeks before the collapse _

 

Jack sat Michael down on the bed. He was allowed to leave the infirmary today, but before that...

"Michael, I need you to do just as I say," Jack told him. "It's very, very important. As stupid as it sounds, it's a matter of life and death."

The boy looked up to him, eyes big in wonder as he tilted his head to the side. "What is going on?"

"I'm going to explain it to you - everything. But first you have to promise me to not talk or even go into some of the rooms here. I'll write them down so that you don't forget them. Promise."

"I- okay, yeah. I can promise that, Jack." He frowned, smiling a bit unsure. "You’re scaring me a bit here."

Sighing, Jack carded through his locks. "Everything is... kinda alright, pumpkin. Let's just say we are playing a very, very important game."

  
  


_ 1 week before the collapse _

 

"I told him that Jack will leave the crew soon and that I will take action then," Geoff explained. They were in his penthouse, sitting together with drawn blinds. "That means the real game begins now. We have to pretend, we have to lie, we have to act as good as possible. All the time from now on. We can't be sure if they’re not spying on us. Do whatever you need to do to make them believe it. Act how you need to act, think the thoughts you need to think - they have to believe us."

They nodded solemnly, all a bit stressed, a bit tired from playing that game.

But it wasn't that much longer.

"Jack, did you get everything we needed?"

"Yeah." He nodded towards Ray, who stood up so that they could all watch. "That's what they use in movies and it looks pretty realistic. The blood bags are nearly invisible beneath the clothes and react to impacts." He took one of the two guns from the table, the pink one. "They are filled with blanks. Ray and Gavin will both get ones. In the end it will look like this then." He aimed at Ray and shot. It nearly sounded like a real gun and the boy stumbled a bit back but mostly out of shock than anything else. Instantly red leaked through his shirt and he threw his arms up.

"Oh no, I've been hit! My life... it flashes before my eyes!" He swooned, making Gavin and Michael giggle uncontrollably as he landed on the floor. "All of the video games I have yet to play! Oh, those achievements I shall never get!"

"Don't get fake blood on the floor before we need to," Geoff called him but he sounded amused.

"Hey, if I press on the bags it really spurts." He demonstrated it and Gavin gagged at the sight.

"Ray, not on the couch!"

"Oh my God, I can hit the ceiling!"

"Ray, stop it!"

They waited until Ray changed his shirt and sat back down, obviously proud of his antics. It had certainly helped to lift their spirits.

"I hope you are aware that you will clean this whole thing."

"Geoff, is that how you talk to someone mortally wounded?"

Rolling his eyes, Geoff pointed to him and then to Ryan. "I want you two inside their headquarters. I need good shots."

"Are you sure? Because I can play dead so good."

"After this performance I am absolutely sure." He sobered up, taking his glass from the table to raise it. "Let's bring those fuckers down!"

  
  


_ 1 hour after the collapse _

 

Ray reached for the gun before hesitating. He stared at the blood on his hands before clearing his throat. "Excuse me, Sir?"

"What do you want?"

"Is there a bathroom around?" He showed his palms, trying hard to keep his eyes wet as if he was close to tears.

The man sighed but took a look at his watch. "Well, we still have to wait for Julie. A guard will take you there."

"Thank you very much." He followed a huge man, keeping his hands by his side so that he didn't appear like a threat. His posture was slumped, his head lowered. He nodded when the man opened a door for him and he slipped inside.

Moving towards the sink, he put his hands into the cold water and began to scrub them clean until the door fell shut. Throwing a look over his shoulders, he found himself alone and moved fast. Shaking his hands dry, he hurried to one of the cabinets and dug inside. Reaching for his hood, he found the compact bomb inside that Michael had built him. The bomb that Ryan had slipped into his hood right after he had been patted down. It was a small thing but he trusted Michael.

Kneeling down, he placed it behind the toilet before hurrying back to the sink. Throwing a look into the mirror, he looked totally wrecked.

Good.

He was nervous, no doubt but his adrenaline was pumping through his veins, making him excited.

They were so close. No mistakes; they were literally in the belly of the beast.

He cleaned his hands as well as possible before moving outside again. He was brought back into the room and sat down, the pistol on the desk in front of him. The man was barely looking up, taking another glance at his watch.

Seemed like they were both waiting.

 

Ryan was watching the screens on the wall, showing the news all but one. The last one showed the website and he was pretty sure that they had done that just for him. Gavin's picture was grayed out on the top of the list, displaying 'killed in combat' next to his name.

The boy had hacked the project, disabling his chip with a single click. It had seemed easy in retroperspective but only because the project actually believed that he was dead. They had showed that they had the ability to hunt them down.

"Why number 3?" It was the woman who asked that, following his gaze. "Why not number 19? You made a good team, you actually seemed very fond of the boy."

"He was talented, could be fun to be around, I'll admit that," Ryan responded carefully. "But he had an attitude. Didn't listen sometimes, wouldn't stop talking. Irritating little brat most of the time. Ray is quieter and a good shot."

She nodded, seemed happy with his answer. There was a nametag on her lab coat and it read Narvaez. He wondered if Ray had noticed that.

He would make sure to kill her first.

"Surely taking their time."

"Missus Reese will talk for a moment with number 3. Just to make sure he isn't out for vengeance against you," the man in suit assured him. He recognized him as the nameless voice from the phone.

"I see." Sure they would. If everything went right they would send Ray out to kill him. They would give him a weapon.

There was a soft ringing, a signal tune and they all turned towards the screens. He was pretty sure it was there to signal an update on the website and he was happy that he was wearing his mask, as he started to grin.

And sure enough, Ray's picture turned gray as he watched and while the three hadn't even grasped that, Lindsay's picture followed. In less than ten seconds all the Gunslinger on the website were marked as dead and the old man shook his head slowly.

"What is goi-"

Ryan got up and got his gun out in one fluid motion and shot the woman in the head.

 

The shot echoed through the building, soon followed by another one and the man finally looked up from his watch. Before he could say a thing, Ray had the gun in his hand and had shot him square in the head. Jumping over the table, he threw it over and crouched behind it right as the door got opened. Sure enough the guards were starting to shoot at him and he waited for a pause in their fire before taking them down.

Gasping, he waited behind his cover for reinforcements but when none came, he headed out. Retracing his steps, he gunned down two more men before finding his way back. It was easy after reaching the stairs, after that he just had to follow the dead bodies to the masked man.

Ryan noticed him and pulled him to his side, hands wandering over his arms. "You alright? Did they hurt you?"

"I'm fine. What about you?"

"Not a single scratch. You placed your bomb?"

"I did. What about you?"

"Still searching for a nice place."

Ray grinned up to him and he saw the other's eyes crinkle as well. They sobered up quickly, knowing that they weren't out of danger yet. Reaching into his pocket, Ryan fished an earpiece out and Ray quickly put it in.

He was just in time to hear Gavin say, "Okay, everything is ready."

"Where do I talk to?"

"Here."

"Hey bitches!" That was Geoff and it was loud, echoing through the hallways as it also came from the speakers here. Both Ray and Ryan threw each other a look but neither of them was surprised. Gavin sighed quietly. "Geoff, you're on national TV."

"Oh, I am aware."

Shaking his head, Ryan waved him to go on and Ray followed him through the hallways.

"Listen Kuebiko," Geoff went on. He could hear him first in his ear before it echoed through the speakers. "You are filthy fucks and I am pretty sure you know it. Well, this is Geoff Ramsey of the Fake AH Crew - not that I need an introduction. The little one here though, that's Gav."

"Heyho!" the boy chimed in and Ray couldn't help but laugh, he could hear Michael snicker in his ear.

"So ladies and gents in front of your TV or your computers... are we on the internet as well?" 

"Yeah." 

"Sweet. So listen guys, I'm going to tell you a story and I want you all to talk about that. It won't stop those guys but whatever hurts them is good in my books. So, as you probably heard me say, Kuebiko are filthy fucks. They started a project a few years ago, Project NEON. Sounds fun but is not."

Ryan threw a door open and they found something that looked quite similar to Gavin's security office there. The screens all displayed Geoff's face.

"Looks important enough, don't you think?" Ryan asked and Ray gave him a thumbs up. He turned back to the hallway to make sure no one was sneaking up on them while Ryan planted the bomb.

"Project NEON experiments on children," Geoff went on and now his voice was more serious. "They take them when they are young. Children that no one will miss, children that need help, a home, a family. They take everything from them and train them to become mindless puppets, little soldiers. Those kids are taught that they are disposable, not worth the air they are breathing. They were taught to be used as human shields. And that's how most of these children will end. It is disgusting, it is inhuman and I can't watch this a moment longer."

Ryan touched his shoulder and nodded. "Let's get out of here."

"I am sure, my dear ladies and gents, you will agree with me. But fear not." Geoff chuckled. He didn't sound very amused, he sounded cold, determined. Ray smiled at the sound.

"We are going to put an end to it."

 

Missus Reese hurried out of her house, fingers around her keys to unlock the car. Jack stepped out of the shadows to make her stop and it was amusing to see her without her everlasting smile.

"Mister Pattillo," she gasped. "Bu-"

He didn't say a thing. For him, she didn't deserve words and he wanted to get this over as soon as possible.

Her eyes widened, maybe realizing that she wouldn't leave alive and she reached for her handbag, surely carrying a weapon.

"Freeze, bitch." Michael appeared by his side, gun already trained on her head. "Good evening, Ma'am."

"What-" Reese looked from one to the other, horror slowly creeping into her eyes. "You are dead!"

Michael laughed and Jack couldn't take his eyes from him. He looked beautiful in the cold light, head thrown back and the beanie hiding his scars. But his hand shook slightly, Jack knew it wasn't easy for him to stand in front of her like that.

"Hello from the other side," Michael sang, all dimpled smile and sparkling eyes. "Didn't you say yourself that I had a chance of winning? Well, seems for once in your life you didn't lie."

The woman stared at him before looking back to Jack and he could see a glimpse of wit in her gaze before she begged, "Please... please not here. My children are inside. I'll come wi-"

"You can't ask for mercy," Jack interrupted her. "If you were never ready to give it in the first place."

Her facade crumpled, he could see it for a heartbeat before Michael shot. It was loud in the nightly silence and they both watched as she fell to the ground.

Reaching up, Jack flipped his earpiece on. "She's dead. We can start."

"Alright. I'm going to hack them now and give Ryan and Ray the signal," Gavin said and he could already hear him pound on his keyboard.

"Do that." Turning around, he found Michael still staring down at her and followed his gaze.

It was... a bit anticlimactic after everything and he threw an arm around the boy's shoulder. "After everything... I guess she was also just human."

"Yeah."

"Let's go. We have to pick up Ray and Ryan."

They got in their car and switch the radio off so that they could listen to Geoff talking. It seemed to settle something in Michael because the boy leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes. Jack also got sentimental, but how could he not? Reaching out, he took Michael's hand in his and saw how the boy started to smile.

His eyes fluttered open. "Love you, Jack. Forever and ever." He was grinning, lacing their fingers together. "They can't take us away anymore."

"You are free," Jack agreed and his voice was so close to breaking.

Michael nodded.

"We are free."

 

They were nearly by the facility when Gavin took over in their ears, his voice a bit high, showing that he was nervous.

"To all the Gunslingers out there who are listening, I am number 19, wave 4 of Project Neon." And then with a certain smugness that made Michael snort, he added, "Rank 1 on the website if you want to check it out. Most people don't earn enough money in their life to pay out my bounty."

"Oh my God, Gavin," they heard Ryan sigh.

"While you take a look at my immense bounty, make sure you notice that every Gunslinger on this page will appear dead." His voice grew calmer, more sober. "To the ones out there hunting us, you won't find us anymore and even if you do, there will be no one left to pay you out, so give it up." He took a huge breath. "My fellow Gunslingers, I deactivated the chips in your bodies. I erased the data about you and any hardcopy will soon enough go up in flames. Nobody can find you and that means right now you have a choice. Run away, if you need to. Leave your guardian behind, if you need to. They have no right to use you like they do and you owe them nothing. Go out there. Live. Your chains have been broken."

He paused and Jack parked his car in front of the facility. Ray and Ryan were already waiting for them, and none of them said a word as they got in; they were all listening.

"To the authorities, the LSPD or the FBI or whoever will check out the building - in the cellar you will find a long hallway. Follow it and it will lead you into barracks. There will be white, tiny rooms with no color anywhere. There will be children." Gavin swallowed loud enough for them all to hear. "They will need your help. They will need help and someone who takes care of them. They need warmth and love and patience. Please... give them that. Give them a home, something stable, something safe. Some of them won't talk, some of them won't stop talking. You might think... that they are weird or dangerous or... or inhuman." His voice broke a little but he cleared his throat, pushing on. "They are not. They are broken, they are scared, but they are human. Please... too many people around them have forgotten that. So I beg you to keep that in mind."

He stopped and for a moment all they heard was his breathing.

"They have yet to learn what a hug is, what a kiss means, that there are people out there who are willing to protect them and not the other way around. I beg you, show them what the word home means. What the word family means. Teach them right from wrong and you will see..." He trailed off and for a few heartbeats it grew dead quiet as they drove. It was interrupted by Geoff soon enough.

"Listen assholes, if I hear about one kid that gets abused I come back to rip your ass open personally!"

They reached the parking garage and made their way to the roof.

"To Kuebiko - feel free to try and hunt us. You won't be able to find us because thanks to you we got three amazingly talented young boys who will help to hide us and if you dare to even touch them, we  _will_ run you over, we  _will_ annihilate you. We win this round, you can bitch all you want. And lastly to the fucking Corpirate..." He snarled and now they could actually see him. Sitting together with Gavin in an old van, stuffed full with technical equipment.

"You, fucker, can feel lucky. You would have been next but who cares. Keep that city. Keep this rotten piece of land and do what feels right for you. Get happy for all I care. Fuck, maybe you'll get off on it - who knows?"

He looked up, his eyes meeting Ray waiting for him outside the van.

"This was a message from the Fake AH Crew. Goodnight and have a nice life, Los Santos. You stink."

He stopped the call and waited quietly until Gavin next to him nodded. "Okay, we're offline."

They stared at each other for a moment before he hugged the boy close. "Good work, buddy."

"You, too," Gavin said quietly and when Geoff opened the door, he instantly darted out straight into Ryan's arms. Geoff crawled outside not quite as fast but was greeted by Ray. They embraced each other quietly and he didn't let go, not even when Michael pulled out a remote. They all looked into the direction he was pointing and in the next second saw the explosion raise into the night sky.

For a long, long time they stood there and watched the fire burn, standing close enough to touch and in the end it was Ray who whispered, "We probably didn't get everyone. I am sure there are some people from the project still alive."

"Yeah," Geoff agreed. "But we did an awful lot of damage, Rayray. This was a great start and now there is a chance for everyone." He carded a hand through his dark hair. "There's a chance for us now as well. A new beginning."

"This place was your dream though," the boy mumbled, nuzzling into his side. "You wanted this city to lay at your feet."

"Right now it does." He shrugged. "But there are more cities we can take over. We are getting pretty good at that, I'd say." He pulled Ray close and let his eyes travel.

Michael held Jack's hand tightly and the fire reflected in his glasses. Next to them stood Ryan, the mask gone and one hand on Gavin's head.

"I think we all learned that there are more important things, don't you think?"

Ray looked up to him before smiling softly. "I guess."

"Not to forget that Achievement City is not as hot and much prettier than this hell hole! Come on, let's get on the road, guys! I already bought the biggest skyscraper down there!"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, I got you there~  
> Hope you guys like this ending because I really worked hard on it! The epilogue will follow very soon, tying a few lose ends and with that we are through with Project NEON.  
> Wow... what a ride...  
> Gonna be honest with you guys, I really fell in love with those characters and shit, they've come a long, long way. Who knows? I am sure this won't be the last we'll see of them. If that means some drabbles or even a part 3, who knows? I certainly don't.  
> But hey, I'll let you know if I decide on it!
> 
> Besides that I can't thank you all enough. Those amazing fanarts, the stories you guys came up with and those great comments! Believe me, you guys will never know how much you helped me along with that.  
> The last year was... rough, to say the least. Working in a job I used to love only to be reduced to a position I absolutely despise, getting monitored and yelled at by my boss because he wants me gone...  
> But hey, I pulled through because I saved each and every comment on my phone and kept reading them over and over again to keep me going. I swear, I know some of them by heart.  
> I loved every kudos or comment or fanwork!
> 
> So in the end I hope I could give a bit back with this story.
> 
> If you are interested in what my next project will be, check this out right here:  
> http://kahnah23.tumblr.com/post/143951935235/gemini-dream-that-wonderful-cover-was-made-by
> 
> See you guys tomorrow with the epilogue


	22. Epilogue

Epilogue

 

It were eight years since they received the Lads from the project, five months since their great new beginning here in Achievement City, but still Jack shouldn't have expected that a lot of things would change.

He was still the one unloading the car after running errands and neither of the others even thought about coming down to help him. Well, besides Michael, but the boy had driven with him so he didn't really have that much of a choice.

He was just taking a hold on all the different cereals the others had ordered him to buy when he heard Michael next to him gasp quietly. "Jack?"

Turning around, he felt the fear creep up on him. As always, he thought they had found them. Kuebiko was here to take their revenge, to make them pay.

But behind them only stood a girl, hair like fire in the sun.

"I found you." Lindsay smiled exhausted, something frantic in the way she talked. "You didn't lie... you really freed us. You told us... you told _me_ to run, so I did."

Her eyes darted to Michael and she looked lost. Her clothes were dirty, used up and she seemed ready to break down.

"I just didn't know where I should run to."

They fell into silence and Michael stared at her, mouth slightly open. Jack wondered if he'd even recognize her but then he was already stepping ahead, holding out his hand for her to take.

"Good to see you, Lindsay."

Her eyes filled with tears and she clung to him, a shaky smile on her lips. "Good to see you as well."

Closing the trunk, Jack figured he could get their food upstairs later. Instead he fully turned towards the girl who now looked up to him, seeming so endlessly small and scared.

"Why don't you come in first?" he offered. "We'll make some coffee or tea or whatever you prefer and sit down to talk. Sounds good?"

She nodded frantically as Michael pulled her close, taking both of her hands.

"Thank you."

 

  


 

 

> _“This world values children, not childhood._
> 
> _There’s a profit to be made and men who make it.”_
> 
> -Elizabeth Comstock; Bioshock Infinite

 

 

 

 

> _“The family that slays together stays together.”_
> 
> -Stephen King; Under The Dome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with this everyone finds their ending in some way or another.
> 
> Guys, I am absolutely speechless by the wonderful comments I got during the day. I am so relieved you like my risky ending - thank you so much!
> 
> Right now you can sent me questions or headcanons or whatever you want to know over at my tumblr:  
> http://kahnah23.tumblr.com/  
> I mean, you can do that anytime, I love that! But yeah, feel free to come by!
> 
> Besides that, here are the info about my next bigger story, in case you missed it:  
> http://kahnah23.tumblr.com/post/143951935235/gemini-dream-that-wonderful-cover-was-made-by
> 
> Last but not least;  
> THANK YOU GUYS A THOUSAND TIMES!  
> I had so much fun writing this story thanks to you!


	23. Playlist - Son of a Gun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Son of a Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you mean, I forgot to upload the playlist I promise!  
> It's all part of a cunning plan, ohoho!

You can listen to the songs [HERE](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWQbs1V1HCsiUh79NUNTAghYoK-EsglT3)

 

Sorry that it's not 8tracks but copyright is a bitch in Germany.

 

 

**Son of a Gun _  
_**

 

**The Introduction** _**–** Thousand Foot Krutch _

 

_ You must find the truth. _

_ Remember, not everything is what it seems. _

_ If you don't stand for something, You might fall for anything. _

_ The End Is Where We Begin _

  
  


**The Phoenix** _ – Fall Out Boy _

 

_ Bring home the boys and scrap, scrap metal the tanks _

_ Get hitched and make a career out of robbing banks _

_ Because the world is just a teller and we are wearing black masks _

_ "You broke our spirit," says the note we pass _

  
  


**I'm So Sorry** _**–** Imagine Dragons _

 

_ So you gotta fire up, you gotta let go _

_ You'll never be loved till you've made your own _

_ You gotta face up, you gotta get yours _

_ You never know the top till you get too low _

_ A son of a stepfather _

_ A son of a “I'm so sorry!“ _

  
  


**How We Roll** _**–** Hollywood Undead _

 

_ This is how we roll out here _

_ We’re packin' heat cause it’s cold out here _

_ Hold your own, don’t show no fear _

_ Or you’re gonna lose your soul out here _

  
  


**They** _**–** Jem _

 

_ Who made up all the rules? _

_ We follow them like fools, _

_ Believe them to be true, _

_ Don't care to think them through _

_ And I'm sorry, so sorry _

_ I'm sorry it's like this _

_ I'm sorry, so sorry _

_ I'm sorry we do this _

  
  


**Save Yourselves, I Hold Them Back** _**–** My Chemical Romance _

 

_ We can leave this world, leave it all behind _

_ We can steal this car if your folks don't mind _

_ We can live forever if you've got the time _

_ You're the broken glass in the morning light _

_ Be a burning star if it takes all night _

_ So just save yourself and I'll hold them back tonight _

  
  


**Twin Skeletons** _**–** Fall Out Boy _

 

_ I don't want to remember it all _

_ The promises I made if you just hold on _

_ Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on _

_ And I just need enough of you to dull the pain _

_ Just to get me through the night 'til we're twins again _

_ 'Till we're stripped down to our skeletons again _

_ 'Till we're saints just swimming in our sins again _

  
  


**Right here** _**–** Ashes Remain _

_ (Ray/Geoff) _

 

_ I’ll show you how to live again _

_ and heal the brokenness within _

_ Let me love you when you come undone _

_ I’ll be right here now _

_ to hold you when the sky falls down _

_ I will always _

_ be the one who took your place _

  
  


**Don't Let Me Go** _**–** Raign _

_ (Michael/Jack) _

 

_ All I can give you is memories _

_ Carry them with you and I'll never leave _

_ I'll lay my head down _

_ But when I lay my head down _

_ Don't let me go _

_ Hold me in your beating heart _

_ I won't let go _

_ Forever is not enough _

  
  


**Run** _**–** Snow Patrol _

_ (Ryan/Gavin) _

 

_ I'll sing it one last time for you _

_ Then we really have to go _

_ You've been the only thing that's right _

_ In all I've done _

_ And I can barely look at you _

_ But every single time I do _

_ I know we'll make it anywhere _

_ Away from here _

  
  


**City** _**–** Hollywood Undead _

 

_ I will not die in the night but in the light of the sun _

_ With the ashes of this world in my lungs _

_ But who am I to say: let's all just run away _

_ Grab your saints and pray, we're gonna burn this world today. _

_ As in heaven as on earth _

_ We've been dead since our birth _

 

_ The city looks so pretty, _

_ Do you wanna burn it with me? _

  
  


**Novocaine** _**–** Fall Out Boy _

 

_ Because they took our love and they filled it up _

_ Filled it up with Novocaine and now I’m just numb _

_ Now I’m just numb _

_ And don't mind me, I’m just a son of a gun _

_ So don’t stop, don’t stop until your heart goes numb _

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like the songs, especially the ones for the teams!
> 
> If you want to read more about our little (dys)functional family, I uploaded the third part Nowhere Kids a few minutes ago!  
> Be sure to check it out right here:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7031611/chapters/15999928

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Twins.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6068280) by [CathInTheBox](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CathInTheBox/pseuds/CathInTheBox)




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